Today, my friend snuck up on me and yelled, "Gotcha!" I screamed and dropped a gallon of blood-red paint on my new, white kitchen floor. Now it looks like I've murdered someone in my kitchen. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I took a crap. When I stood up to admire my handiwork and flush, I noticed blood-red everywhere in the toilet. I freaked out like a little girl, thinking I was bleeding out of my ass. Then I noticed the ketchup packets my roommate had slipped under the seat to prank me. FML
Today, while painting a wall, I handed a bucket of paint up to my friend who was standing on the top rung of a ladder. She said she felt dizzy, and came crashing down on me, along with the paint on my head. FML
Today, my husband thought it would be hilarious to slip a little fake blood into the bathtub while I was relaxing in it, eyes closed. When I opened my eyes, the water was one big cloud of red. I screamed so loud that I might as well have been dying, and yes, he recorded everything. FML
Today, I found out the hard way that you shouldn't try to open a can of paint with a screwdriver. The lid flew off, and my kitchen floor now looks like an abstract art painting, which I could probably call, "Various blue splodges on wood canvas." FML
Today, my roommate decided to prank me by leaving a fake suicide note on the bathroom door and lying motionless in a bathtub full of water and red coloring. When I went, horrified, to take a closer look, he lunged at me and screamed. I was so scared I pissed myself. FML
Today, I caught a falling jar in the kitchen with one hand and I felt like an action hero. In celebrating, I yelled, “Did you see that?!” The jar then slipped out of my hand, smashed onto the floor, and splattered sauce all over me. My roommate flipped me the finger and left me to clean up. FML
Today, I accidentally slammed my leg against the coffee table. It was only after I went to the bathroom a few minutes later that I realized there's now a massive gash on my upper leg. I also got in trouble for yelling, "SON OF A BITCH!" as soon as the impact occurred. FML
Today, I finished painting my living room. I had to leave the house in a rush. When I got home, I found smears of paint all around and the carpet crusted with paint that had dried. My cat had rubbed up against the walls and tracked it around. FML
Today, I woke to find a pool of my own blood all over my pillow. Frantic to find the source of the blood, I rushed into the bathroom and tripped over my too-long pajama pants. Crashing to the floor face first, I broke my nose. Turns out I had just bitten my lip in the middle of the night. FML
Today, I was quite happily glossing my new bathroom door, when my useless, alcoholic, housemate came rolling in, knocked the paint over, stood in it, and without realising, walked it all the way down the stairs. I had just had a brand new carpet fitted. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
StrawberryPiez_ 0
why the hell do you have blood red paint for anyways,? fyl
haleyneal 0
probably to paint the walls *sarcastic tone*
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (112)
arsenic_fml 0
haha, that's tight. id do that on purpose!
lordmoe 0
considering you don't think its funny, that sucks. but I think that would be funny as hell
dawnie1001 0
Ya, like the asshole friend.
Edmuresay 0
who the **** yells "GOTCHA" to scare someone.
bubbarific 0
maybe not a crime scene if ur standing over the paint itll look like u had one hell of a period lol
spectacularrr 0
YDI for having white marble in a kitchen. Did you not think that an accident would happen sooner or later and screw everything up?
tubesocks_ 0
Who would think to themselves, "Oh, i better not get white marble floors in the kitchen because my friend likes to play pranks on me while i hold gallons of red paint." They probably thought "Wow, this will look great and clean in my kitchen, and if i spill water or something of the sorts on it, it'll just wipe up." The average person doesn't expect to get paint all over their floor.
nonconscious 0
Who wouldn't expect to make a mess on their kitchen floor at least once? Ever spilled sauce or dropped food while cooking? Seems like it'd be very reasonable to assume something like that would happen. And to people suggesting bleach, paint thinner, nail polish remover: Marble is usually polished then given a coating before it's used for tiling. All those would wreck the coating, making the damaged area obvious, even if it wasn't red any more.
thequickredofox 0
Who says the floor is marble? It just says white, so it could be painted floor boards, tiles or lino. But ultimately *yawn* pretty sure most floors can be cleaned.
Illumi113 0
That's not a big deal. Just get some bleach and clean it up. If that doesn't fix it, make your friend pay to have the stain removed professionally.
blink831forever 13
Damn! That sucks. I like tubaguy42's comment.
jbeene99 0
Shouldn't this note begin... "My ex friend...?" I do hope your friend offered to clean up the mess and there is no permanent damage. Personally, I might change friends.
Mylife_is_so_fd 0
why did you have a gallon af blood red paint in your kitchen in the first place if u were going to paint why dident you do it before you got the new floor in dumbass also why the **** would you paint your kitchen blood red that wouldent go with white marble at all your such a lying fag OP burn in hell FAKE
iwadasn 33
Are you off your meds or something? And didn't it ever occur to you that maybe the OP was carrying the paint to another room to paint the walls there?
tangerine_12 0
you are so stupid. red and white? red and white go good together. white goes with any color. so theres obviously no reason with calling an FML fake, and calling someone a fag and telling them to burn in hell. and also, try to use punctuation. it helps. and also, learn to spell. what are you 10?
thequickredofox 0
Again with the marble assumption! And since when do red and white not go together? Someone might like to have a chat with the American flag designers about that interior decorating gem.