Today, my friend snuck up on me and yelled, "Gotcha!" I screamed and dropped a gallon of blood-red paint on my new, white kitchen floor. Now it looks like I've murdered someone in my kitchen. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I took a crap. When I stood up to admire my handiwork and flush, I noticed blood-red everywhere in the toilet. I freaked out like a little girl, thinking I was bleeding out of my ass. Then I noticed the ketchup packets my roommate had slipped under the seat to prank me. FML
Today, while painting a wall, I handed a bucket of paint up to my friend who was standing on the top rung of a ladder. She said she felt dizzy, and came crashing down on me, along with the paint on my head. FML
Today, my husband thought it would be hilarious to slip a little fake blood into the bathtub while I was relaxing in it, eyes closed. When I opened my eyes, the water was one big cloud of red. I screamed so loud that I might as well have been dying, and yes, he recorded everything. FML
Today, I found out the hard way that you shouldn't try to open a can of paint with a screwdriver. The lid flew off, and my kitchen floor now looks like an abstract art painting, which I could probably call, "Various blue splodges on wood canvas." FML
Today, my roommate decided to prank me by leaving a fake suicide note on the bathroom door and lying motionless in a bathtub full of water and red coloring. When I went, horrified, to take a closer look, he lunged at me and screamed. I was so scared I pissed myself. FML
Today, I caught a falling jar in the kitchen with one hand and I felt like an action hero. In celebrating, I yelled, “Did you see that?!” The jar then slipped out of my hand, smashed onto the floor, and splattered sauce all over me. My roommate flipped me the finger and left me to clean up. FML
Today, I accidentally slammed my leg against the coffee table. It was only after I went to the bathroom a few minutes later that I realized there's now a massive gash on my upper leg. I also got in trouble for yelling, "SON OF A BITCH!" as soon as the impact occurred. FML
Today, I finished painting my living room. I had to leave the house in a rush. When I got home, I found smears of paint all around and the carpet crusted with paint that had dried. My cat had rubbed up against the walls and tracked it around. FML
Today, I woke to find a pool of my own blood all over my pillow. Frantic to find the source of the blood, I rushed into the bathroom and tripped over my too-long pajama pants. Crashing to the floor face first, I broke my nose. Turns out I had just bitten my lip in the middle of the night. FML
Today, I was quite happily glossing my new bathroom door, when my useless, alcoholic, housemate came rolling in, knocked the paint over, stood in it, and without realising, walked it all the way down the stairs. I had just had a brand new carpet fitted. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
StrawberryPiez_ 0
why the hell do you have blood red paint for anyways,? fyl
haleyneal 0
probably to paint the walls *sarcastic tone*
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (112)
xoconnie 8
uhmm first off why would u be carrying a bucket of red paint over ur new floors. thats retarded...
timtam24 0
House must getting renovated or something OP was in the middle of transporting said paint, then OP's friend, who was most probably helping out, scared OP, OP drops paint it goes everywhere, friend feels bad and has to pay to fix it.
screwtaylor 0
To paint your new walls. Duh. And, before you call something retarded you should learn how to type.
jonny2x4 0
Kill your friend to makes things more consistent.
blah123blah 0
That basterd. At least now you can really murder your friend in your kitchen and get away with it.
LuluKazoo 0
Congratulations, you now have the awesomest kitchen ever.
hahathatsux 0
i'm not sure why this is any FML cuz that sounds like your kitchen looks awesome now.....at least way better than plain white marble at any rate i'm gonna say YDI for opening the bucket before you needed to
scel92 0
Yes, she deserves it, because you, oh most wondrous, are always completely prepared to have someone come and startle you when you're doing housework. Always thinking ahead. And you, the omniscient, also seem to know that she had not, in fact, been using the paint elsewhere to paint another area first, before having to move across the kitchen. Glad to know we have wonderful people such as yourself in the world.
aut0m0b1l3 0
at least you can make some interesting stories out of it for new guests (:
SimpleSimon 0
Why the **** would you not just clean it up straight away? Get the bulk of it up then if there's any staining you can clean it easy, you can't hurt stone. Also, why were you handling an open paint can in the kitchen anyway?
ScaryyMary 14
That's not an FML! That's an MLIA!
iwadasn 33
Seriously? You think this happens all the time? You must know some really strange people...
beastio 0
Use the opportunity to your advantage and kill your friend :P
someotherbitch 0
seriously thats awesome! you should so leave it! i had my bedroom done all in white so i could splash blood red paint all over it so it would look like a murder scene! you have to keep it! it makes a great conversation starter!