Today, my friend snuck up on me and yelled, "Gotcha!" I screamed and dropped a gallon of blood-red paint on my new, white kitchen floor. Now it looks like I've murdered someone in my kitchen. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I took a crap. When I stood up to admire my handiwork and flush, I noticed blood-red everywhere in the toilet. I freaked out like a little girl, thinking I was bleeding out of my ass. Then I noticed the ketchup packets my roommate had slipped under the seat to prank me. FML
Today, while painting a wall, I handed a bucket of paint up to my friend who was standing on the top rung of a ladder. She said she felt dizzy, and came crashing down on me, along with the paint on my head. FML
Today, my husband thought it would be hilarious to slip a little fake blood into the bathtub while I was relaxing in it, eyes closed. When I opened my eyes, the water was one big cloud of red. I screamed so loud that I might as well have been dying, and yes, he recorded everything. FML
Today, I found out the hard way that you shouldn't try to open a can of paint with a screwdriver. The lid flew off, and my kitchen floor now looks like an abstract art painting, which I could probably call, "Various blue splodges on wood canvas." FML
Today, my roommate decided to prank me by leaving a fake suicide note on the bathroom door and lying motionless in a bathtub full of water and red coloring. When I went, horrified, to take a closer look, he lunged at me and screamed. I was so scared I pissed myself. FML
Today, I caught a falling jar in the kitchen with one hand and I felt like an action hero. In celebrating, I yelled, “Did you see that?!” The jar then slipped out of my hand, smashed onto the floor, and splattered sauce all over me. My roommate flipped me the finger and left me to clean up. FML
Today, I accidentally slammed my leg against the coffee table. It was only after I went to the bathroom a few minutes later that I realized there's now a massive gash on my upper leg. I also got in trouble for yelling, "SON OF A BITCH!" as soon as the impact occurred. FML
Today, I finished painting my living room. I had to leave the house in a rush. When I got home, I found smears of paint all around and the carpet crusted with paint that had dried. My cat had rubbed up against the walls and tracked it around. FML
Today, I woke to find a pool of my own blood all over my pillow. Frantic to find the source of the blood, I rushed into the bathroom and tripped over my too-long pajama pants. Crashing to the floor face first, I broke my nose. Turns out I had just bitten my lip in the middle of the night. FML
Today, I was quite happily glossing my new bathroom door, when my useless, alcoholic, housemate came rolling in, knocked the paint over, stood in it, and without realising, walked it all the way down the stairs. I had just had a brand new carpet fitted. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
StrawberryPiez_ 0
why the hell do you have blood red paint for anyways,? fyl
haleyneal 0
probably to paint the walls *sarcastic tone*
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (112)
DomyDamsy 0
call it earlly halloween decore
nateopotato1 0
Or mabey... u really did murder someone and ur lying to cover it up
Shmoopie4 0
I hope you make this so-called 'friend' pay for it. What an immature moron.
ROLLSROYCE 0
this is B.S. like come on u just happen to be on 'new' kitchen flooring carrying 'blood red' paint an on top of tht ur friend pops out an yells the stupidest thing 'gotcha' an u drop it wow bull sht
Acidpops 0
Real blood turns brown when it's exposed to oxygen. It will just look like you faked a murder.
potsie 0
... blood turns red when exposed to oxygen thats y its red when it comes out. it dries brown
chux4w 0
So now it looks like you killed someone and left the blood on the floor... ...instead of looking like you killed someone and left the blood on the walls.
TruthIsEvil 2
Just see it as art or modern decoration :D
SAVIORxOMEGA 0
Lolololol
liveandletlive89 0
I'd actually enjoy it, I don't see why this is a FML. You can't take things too seriously, or atleast I don't. I would just leave it there. It's a "splash" of color (punpunpun!) and if anyone came over, I'd say something like "Oh, don't mind the murder scene, I haven't gotten around to cleaning it up." :)
TheRoflMonster 0
Only one thing to do now! Actually murder someone in your kitchen...