Today, my friend snuck up on me and yelled, "Gotcha!" I screamed and dropped a gallon of blood-red paint on my new, white kitchen floor. Now it looks like I've murdered someone in my kitchen. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I took a crap. When I stood up to admire my handiwork and flush, I noticed blood-red everywhere in the toilet. I freaked out like a little girl, thinking I was bleeding out of my ass. Then I noticed the ketchup packets my roommate had slipped under the seat to prank me. FML
Today, while painting a wall, I handed a bucket of paint up to my friend who was standing on the top rung of a ladder. She said she felt dizzy, and came crashing down on me, along with the paint on my head. FML
Today, my husband thought it would be hilarious to slip a little fake blood into the bathtub while I was relaxing in it, eyes closed. When I opened my eyes, the water was one big cloud of red. I screamed so loud that I might as well have been dying, and yes, he recorded everything. FML
Today, I found out the hard way that you shouldn't try to open a can of paint with a screwdriver. The lid flew off, and my kitchen floor now looks like an abstract art painting, which I could probably call, "Various blue splodges on wood canvas." FML
Today, my roommate decided to prank me by leaving a fake suicide note on the bathroom door and lying motionless in a bathtub full of water and red coloring. When I went, horrified, to take a closer look, he lunged at me and screamed. I was so scared I pissed myself. FML
Today, I caught a falling jar in the kitchen with one hand and I felt like an action hero. In celebrating, I yelled, “Did you see that?!” The jar then slipped out of my hand, smashed onto the floor, and splattered sauce all over me. My roommate flipped me the finger and left me to clean up. FML
Today, I accidentally slammed my leg against the coffee table. It was only after I went to the bathroom a few minutes later that I realized there's now a massive gash on my upper leg. I also got in trouble for yelling, "SON OF A BITCH!" as soon as the impact occurred. FML
Today, I finished painting my living room. I had to leave the house in a rush. When I got home, I found smears of paint all around and the carpet crusted with paint that had dried. My cat had rubbed up against the walls and tracked it around. FML
Today, I woke to find a pool of my own blood all over my pillow. Frantic to find the source of the blood, I rushed into the bathroom and tripped over my too-long pajama pants. Crashing to the floor face first, I broke my nose. Turns out I had just bitten my lip in the middle of the night. FML
Today, I was quite happily glossing my new bathroom door, when my useless, alcoholic, housemate came rolling in, knocked the paint over, stood in it, and without realising, walked it all the way down the stairs. I had just had a brand new carpet fitted. FML
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Top comments
StrawberryPiez_ 0
why the hell do you have blood red paint for anyways,? fyl
haleyneal 0
probably to paint the walls *sarcastic tone*
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Comments (112)
Addddam 0
Or maybe you DID kill someone in your kitchen and now you're covering your tracks. :o
genius_man16 1
*presses the so what button*
heavymetalfan666 0
Thats not an FML. That's awesome. Leave it there for halloween =)
minette08 0
buy a shit ton of "Oops.." it'll come off
chickitychina 0
i would die. id be so mad!!
DannyBoii12 0
at least if people break in they will think youre a killer and leave :)
simpsonman3000 0
YDI for changing verb tense
Liz23Ilia 0
We have a bates motel themed bathroom at my house (everyone knows classic Hitchcock right?), and we put blood red splatter all over the walls. Maybe you should have a horror themed kitchen?
tubaguy42 0
not ANOTHER murderer who is claiming they dropped blood-red paint. police are getting tired of this.
alexxx69 0
Ahaha, agreed(:
irishdancer 0
Try using nail polish remover.
de_fenestration 0
On a GALLON of paint? That's a heck of a lot of nail polish remover. Why not use actual paint thinner?