Kids: Today, my friend asked if she could come over to my place. Since...

By Anonymous - 07/09/2013 22:22 - Australia - Padstow

Today, my friend asked if she could come over to my place. Since it's my birthday tomorrow, I said sure. Turns out she just wants to copy all my notes for our upcoming exam. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 488

You deserved it 3 878

Kids

Sorry…

Dementia or hate? You decide

Going swimmingly

By sam - 15/12/2010 20:11 - United States

Today, I got a text just before class that my partner didn't finish their half of our 30 page research paper because "That class is stupid". FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 772

You deserved it 4 081

By Black - 12/12/2008 03:31 - Lebanon

Today, I caught my cat humping my dog while he was asleep. I'm sleeping with the door closed from now on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 217

You deserved it 3 799

Sounds more like a "you" problem

By Anonymous - 15/08/2021 08:01

Today, I was hanging out with friends of the opposite sex, which is the norm for me as I don’t get along with most women. Every time I spoke, I got ignored or spoken over, and they kept asking me what was wrong. Ugh, men. FML

I agree, your life sucks 338

You deserved it 981

By Flopera - 12/05/2018 05:00

Today, I treated my out of town family to a surprise opera experience as a belated Christmas present. When we arrived, there were people already in our seats. Upon checking the tickets, I realized that I had purchased them for the following Friday instead of today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 058

You deserved it 2 014

By Anonymous - 27/08/2012 02:56 - United States - Riverside

Today, my wife and I got in a 4-hour heated argument which resulted in her begging for a divorce and admitting that she cheated on me. This all started with us arguing about the instructions for our new IKEA table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 771

You deserved it 2 453

By Anonymous - 29/11/2018 22:00

Today, I got into an accident and my bike broke. My insurance expired 5 days ago and the accident wasn't even my fault. The lady was on the phone and on the wrong side of the road. She's threatening to sue me even though her car is in better condition. There are no witnesses and no cameras either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 929

You deserved it 617

By stewardess - 03/10/2014 01:55 - United States

Today, I asked a passenger what he wanted to drink. When he said marijuana, I started making pot jokes. He really asked for mineral water. I was given a drug test when we landed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 969

You deserved it 12 384

By Anonymous - 27/12/2011 15:53 - United States

Today, my 10-year-old brother got the bright idea to urinate in my oven to cool it off. My whole house smells like burnt piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 427

You deserved it 3 215

Wage slave

By Anonymous - 24/11/2020 20:08 - United States

Today, at work, our customer service chat was empty all day, so I got up to go to bathroom. In the two minutes I was gone, three people tried to chat with me. Then I got a call from my manager, asking me why I wasn't doing my job. He told me to give advanced notice next time I had to pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 929

You deserved it 101

By Baby eater - 20/05/2014 00:00 - United States - Clarksville

Today, I told my 4-year-old neighbor that I'm pregnant. His response was to attack me with a stick "for swallowing a baby." Three people had to pull him off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 387

You deserved it 5 809

By workworkwork - 03/11/2017 05:00

Today, at the winery, my boss proudly made a spectacle of the new, high quality bottles. After over a year of employment without breaking a bottle, I shattered 3 before lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 462

You deserved it 421

By DaddysGirl - 16/10/2011 10:36 - Canada

Today, I took the train to visit my parents, which arrives late at night. As I was getting off, the cute guy in front of me looked out the window, then turned to me and said, "Doesn't that guy out there give you the creeps?" That guy was my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 328

You deserved it 2 591

Stuck

By Anonymous - 10/04/2021 17:59 - Canada - Regina

Today, I found out that I'm not getting a new position I applied for at my company. Now, I have to continue working for my boss, who recently severely criticized my spelling in my reports, only they weren't my reports, and when I pointed this out, she simply never responded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 877

You deserved it 70

Treat yourself

By dll - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Canada - Calgary

Today, I had a bubble bath to help me relax. I was more stressed out by the sound of all the bubbles popping than I was to begin with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 303

You deserved it 9 096

By Anon E. Mouse - 15/09/2015 11:47 - United States - Waterville

Today, my ex told me about how much the person she left me for loves the lingerie I bought her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 911

You deserved it 2 215

By Trew Love - 03/05/2016 06:25 - Canada - Fort Saint John

Today, it's my birthday. I called my mom to thank her for the gift she'd sent. She was surprised and said, "Oh I thought you were waiting to open it." She ended the conversation with, "OK, I'll call you on your birthday." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 028

You deserved it 1 353

By elijahrobrt - 07/01/2012 06:48 - United States

Today, I went to a great concert. Against all odds, I got to meet the band. All I had for them to autograph was a flyer protesting their concert that was given to me on the way in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 314

You deserved it 5 681

By loganHchrist - 09/01/2014 00:53 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my parents. They thought it would be funny to pretend that they're nudists. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 967

You deserved it 4 948

By rosemary - 11/05/2017 18:00

Today, we paid to park in a lot in the city. Hours later, we returned to find our car booted. Apparently the guy that took our money didn't work there. We're stuck three states away from home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 214

You deserved it 389

By Anonymous - 10/10/2009 04:25 - United States

Today, my ex said "I love you!" for the first time at a party in front of my boyfriend. Smugly satisfied, I said "Well, you're too late for that." My ex looked at me with irritation and said "I'm talking to him!" and gestured to my boyfriend. They'd been "best friends" since middle school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 167

You deserved it 36 571

Last splash

By alexarbusto - 06/05/2020 02:00

Today, my phone fell in my cat's water bowl overnight. I'm currently writing this from my laptop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 113

You deserved it 354

By Anonymous - 15/09/2010 21:20 - United States

Today, in marching band, the guy in front of me backed up too far. As we turned, the back of his trombone hit mine, smashing it into my lip. I had to finish the song, sending blood down my horn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 620

You deserved it 4 143

By skreweduP - 15/06/2009 23:57 - United States

Today, I went on a date with this guy and he was on his phone the whole night. When I got home I checked his facebook since he barely paid attention to me. His status was, "So-and-so is taking out the trash" from mobile posted an hour ago. I got home from my date 30 mins ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 200

You deserved it 3 767

By Anonymous - 22/11/2009 07:31 - United States

Today, my boss called me into her office to tell me I needed to mind my own business and not question everything my newest co-worker does. Yesterday, I stopped the new girl from giving $6,000 to the wrong person. I was fired on the spot. The new girl was promoted into my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 538

You deserved it 2 987

By congrats grad - 08/06/2013 05:12 - United States - Panorama City

Today, it was my high school graduation. Everything was going fine until everyone saw my family fighting over where we would go afterwards. Security had to pull them apart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 936

You deserved it 3 394

By Anonymous - 06/03/2019 12:00

Today, I went to the location of me and my wife’s first date, because I miss her and barely get to see her because of our work schedules. Only to see her there on a date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 643

You deserved it 195

By Jeff make - 01/04/2012 14:03 - United States - Malvern

Today, I called my girlfriend saying "I think we need to break up." She said "No, I don't think so," and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 365

You deserved it 34 401

By soapypete - 22/10/2010 13:26 - United States

Today, before a big client pitch I went into their office bathroom to quickly slick down my hair. It had two identical automatic faucets, one for water and one for hand soap. Now my hair is full of soap, and smells like industrial strength lavender. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 206

You deserved it 30 867

Do as I say…

By Anonymous - 12/02/2021 00:30 - Germany - Ebersbach

Today, I was admonished by a supermarket cashier because my mask had slipped below my nose. So had hers, actually. FML

I agree, your life sucks 649

You deserved it 331

By amanda_ae_erin - 10/11/2009 04:02 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 7 years broke up with me in a text message. Then I found out from a mutual friend that he "came out" and told everyone at our school that he is gay. He has known he was gay for years and he was just using me as a cover up. What a great way to start my senior year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 935

You deserved it 5 003

By Anonymous - 25/11/2013 17:06 - United States - Buffalo

Today, I finally password-protected my phone, to protect it from my friends' favorite game: stealing it and sending stupid texts, and hijacking my Facebook. They quickly found a new game. My phone is now locked for 24 hours due to too many attempts to guess the password. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 247

You deserved it 7 385

USA! FUCK YEAH!

By dinkley7 - 20/03/2021 21:30

Today, at work, I had to tell someone to put out a cigarette. He yelled at me saying it’s a free country. I work at a gas station. FML

I agree, your life sucks 981

You deserved it 57

Cut short

By Technomage - 27/03/2021 11:01

Today, my first day at the job, I went up to my coworker and began to ask her name. She cut me off and snapped, “I have a name.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 867

You deserved it 52

By Anonymous - 11/12/2010 05:16 - Canada

Today, I went to check if my neighbours were home to return their dog, having looked after her for a few days. I looked in the window and the place was empty. They'd moved house and stuck us with their dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 470

You deserved it 3 557

By Anonymous - 18/06/2009 13:05 - United States

Today, I was installing the official 3.0 firmware update for my iPhone. Apple's authentication servers crashed. I now own an iBrick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 067

You deserved it 8 979

By Noname - 19/02/2009 06:51 - United States

Today, I decided to try this new cardio workout video I got. As I was obnoxiously bouncing around my room I heard a noise behind me. Turns out there were three boys outside my window watching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 060

You deserved it 29 056

By Anonymous - 30/04/2009 12:16 - United States

Today, my phone started ringing in the other room. I ran to go pick it up, tripped over my coffee table which gashed my leg, and knocked over my brand new 50" LCD TV, which broke over my head. Turns out it was a wrong number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 377

You deserved it 15 250

By Stepmotherfucker - 23/03/2016 06:32 - Ukraine

Today, my stepmother started talking to me after a month of the silent treatment. When I asked her what I had done wrong, she replied, "Nothing, but do you know that feeling when you look at someone and you just want to choke them?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 110

You deserved it 1 541

By Anonymous - 10/07/2019 06:15

Today, I told my girlfriend she was beautiful. She replied, "Lit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 521

You deserved it 229

By Anonymous - 12/08/2019 20:00

Today, I learned what a "pain in the ass" means. I sat down on my patio swing chair, only to discover it was swarming with baby wasps, who stung me all over the butt. Ouch! FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 571

You deserved it 214

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Top comments

DocBastard 38

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Sunday 8 September 2013 8:51

No, that's just a ruse, the clever girl! She's really planning a surprise birthday party for you! Which I just ruined...

fmlallthetyme 23

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Sunday 8 September 2013 8:52

So you thought she wanted to do something today for your birthday even though your birthday is tomorrow? Maybe you should wait a day before deciding how f'd your life is

DocBastard 38

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Sunday 8 September 2013 8:51

No, that's just a ruse, the clever girl! She's really planning a surprise birthday party for you! Which I just ruined...

michaelaranda 28

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Sunday 8 September 2013 9:16

The cynical person inside of me hopes that OPs friend truly has forgotten and only wants notes. Im just kidding. Thats a clever way to have a surprise party. And OP, if youre reading this comment, happy belated birthday

Gingerette 8

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Monday 9 September 2013 12:37

#8, is it just me, our did you always prefer the surprise party stories that had terrible events leading up to them, too?

fmlallthetyme 23

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Sunday 8 September 2013 8:52

So you thought she wanted to do something today for your birthday even though your birthday is tomorrow? Maybe you should wait a day before deciding how f'd your life is

Tupelo_Honey 30

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Sunday 8 September 2013 8:52

Happy birthday :-)

slycooper_fml 11

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Sunday 8 September 2013 8:57

Maybe she has something planned. You never know, OP. Wait before judging. My family and I pretended to forget my mother's birthday but we planned a surprise party for her that evening.

LindsayxMoore 18

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Sunday 8 September 2013 9:03

aww. happy birthday! and dont jump the gun, maybe she has something planned. if not then forget her, it took me a long time to realize the people I was trying to spend my birthdays with werent shit. but still enjoy your day!! :)

queerdragon 20

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Sunday 8 September 2013 9:10

How old are you? Many people stop putting emphasis on birthdays after high school. The big ones are 18, 21, and 30. Other than that, not everyone really cares about certain holidays or traditions. Expecting your friend to plan something for your birthday, or even make a big deal out of it, is asking a lot from some people. If you want to do something special for your birthday, then invite people out, let them know you want to have some fun, and go out and do things. Don't wait around for others to plan something for you.

QQmore_fml 18

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Sunday 8 September 2013 10:01

I don't think he was expecting anything big, for example if my friend asked to hang out I would think he/she might want to celebrate with me, maybe a beer or two. Not hey I'm going to steal your notes. Unless this girl is not a close friend, then maybe she didn't know it's his birthday.