Transportation: Today, my friend and I offered a hot girl a lift home from campus.... - FML

By tukkies - South Africa

Today, my friend and I offered a hot girl a lift home from campus. I was sitting in the passenger seat and she climbed in behind me. As I adjusted my seat forward to give her more leg room, my friend pulled off - slamming my seat back into her legs. FML

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Walk on the wild side

The smell detective is on the case

Risky business

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom gave me my Christmas gift. It was a letter containing $200 and a note saying, "Here's the down payment for your apartment, please just move out already." I turned 18 last week. Thanks mom. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Mixing it up

Today, I woke up next to my boss naked. We are both women and she is married. Work should be interesting tomorrow. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Wichita

Today, I decided to look at the pictures my mom took during my birthday a couple of weeks ago. Every single one is of my sister. Her lighting the candles, her watching me open presents, and her eating cake. The only pictures of me are in the background. FML

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By loveurlifejk - United States

Today, I was woken up to my mother screaming obscenities at me, all because I threw up last night after days of not feeling well, and the flushing of the toilet afterwards woke her up. FML

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By embareassed - United States

Today, I was riding my dorm elevator from the 5th floor to the 1st by myself. Since the elevator is really slow, I pulled my pants and underwear down just for kicks. Just then, the door opened to let a girl on at the 4th floor. FML

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By sonofahypocriticalwhore - United States

Today, my mom bitched me out and threatened to send me to a Bible camp, after catching me admiring a photo of a bikini model, which is apparently "immoral behavior." This is the same woman who cheated on my dad twice, justifying it by claiming the devil tempted her. FML

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By clo_bo

Today, I saw a message on my boyfriend's phone from one of his friends, saying I was a downgrade from his ex. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I tried to discipline my two year old son. Whenever I do this, he starts pointing and imitating me, and I can't help but laugh. This explains why he never listens to me. FML

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By caligirl921 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. When I orgasmed, my leg flew out and I accidentally kicked him in the balls. For the next ten minutes, he lay in the fetal position. FML

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By crybaby - United States

Today, it was my first time having sex with this guy. After a few second he stops, sits in the corner of his room buff-naked, with his knees up and his hands on his face. He then pouts and claims it was his worst performance ever. FML

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By UnfortunateGirly - Australia

Today, my friends decided it would be funny to yell out "Pass us the bong, Emma!" while I was on the phone to my mother. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Evansville

Today, my parents gave me a sock and card for my eighteenth birthday. The card said, "Now that Dobby is free, get out." FML

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By rejectedprobably - United States - Zionsville

Today, I asked one of my teachers to write me a letter of recommendation for my top school. Even though I did fairly well in their class, I found out that they don't think that I'm very intelligent, but my "strong, work ethic" makes up for it. They mentioned it in the letter and submitted it. FML

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By hispanicsmyass - 26/10/2020 16:59 - United States - Cleveland

Dad of the year

Today, my ex thinks he's such a good parent that he is arguing about making up parenting time. Yet our court agreement says he's to be responsible for doctor's appointments, carry health insurance for our child, and life insurance. Plus pay child support. None of which he has followed through on. FML

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By Anonymous

A rock and a hard place

Today, I got back from a camping trip after being homesick for 3 weeks. I couldn't remember why I had wanted to be away from my family for so long when I signed up for it. When I got home, I remembered. Everyone in my family hates each other. I want to go back to the camping site. FML

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By nekoneko - United States

Today, I found out my mom pretended to be me and had AIM conversations with my boyfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Roseville

Today, while having sex, my fiancé started talking dirty. I enjoyed it, until he had a brain fart and said, "God, you love fucking my pussy." FML

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By trooper93 - Canada

Today, I received a letter saying that I was accepted into university and that I qualified for a number of scholarships. Too bad an equivalent sum of money will be spent fixing the car I hit, after spinning out on ice, whilst driving home from said university. FML

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By Hello my name is - United Kingdom

Today, I went round to my Grandparents' to help set up their new Satellite TV. When I turned it on, for some reason it defaulted to "Arab Babes TV". I was therefore inadvertently responsible for the broadcast of porn in my Grandparents' living room. FML

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By westwoodcosmo - United States - Mesa

Today, I took a swig of my Dr Pepper while having a meeting with my manager. As soon as I was about to swallow, I began coughing, and spat a whole mouthful all over her face. FML

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By katie - France

Today, after spending a few minutes de-icing my car and leaving the heat on so it would warm up, I slipped as I was entering the car and hit my head on the door, causing it to close and lock. I'm waiting for my mom who has a spare key to come and unlock it. Class started ten minutes ago. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was on my way to work and someone cut me off. I then switched lanes and sped past the person as I flipped them off. What I didn't notice was that the person that cut me off was my boss. He's been shooting me dirty looks from across the room all morning. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/4/2020 02:00

Cold-blooded old times

Today, going through my dead grandma's papers, we found old faded photos. I showed them to my mum, who screamed in shock. They were grandma and granddad's erotic photos from about seventy years ago. FML

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By Singleton - Canada

Today, it was my birthday dinner with my family. Everyone was making an effort to avoid a certain topic. Later my 5 year old cousin gives me a nice hand drawn card of me and my boyfriend. Apparently no one had the heart to tell her my boyfriend had broken up with me on my birthday. FML

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By boyfriendless - United States

Today, I was babysitting a five year old boy. Somehow the topic of relationships came up, he asked me if I had a boyfriend. When I told him that I was single, he got all excited and asked if he could be my boyfriend. It would have been cute except he was the first guy to ever ask me out. I'm 18. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was looking at my recommendations on Amazon, which included several vibrators. Just a few days earlier I was looking at books on anger management. Amazon thinks I need to get laid. They're right. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got in line for my flight to visit a friend in England. My mom was there to see me off, and decided to shout "No sex!" while waving, in front of at least a hundred people who will very likely be sharing the transatlantic flight with me. FML

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By clumsyandpoor - United States - Watertown

Today, I was short on money for bills, so I pulled out my alto saxophone, knowing that no matter how much I loved it, I'd be able pay my rent with the money. As I pulled it out of its case, the neck strap broke and I dropped it, breaking the bell beyond repair. Now I'm poor AND depressed. FML

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By anonymous - United States - Crossville

Today, while working the drive-thru at work, an older woman asked for my phone number to give to her single son. After I politely declined, she called me a slut and threw her food at me through the window before promptly speeding off. FML

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By mynameisnotdrew - United States

Today, after some very passionate sex with my girlfriend, she exclaims "that was amazing Drew..." She quickly tried to turn "Drew" into my actual name which does not sound a thing like Drew. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I decided to play a joke on my boyfriend and planned to pretend that I found a thong in his gym bag. When he came home, I "confronted" him. After struggling through putting on my best face, he, unexpectedly confessed: "Look, babe, I'm sorry. It meant nothing." FML

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By 16590 - Sweden

Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified: me or him. FML

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By anonymous - Luxembourg

Today, my roommate remembered that we have an essay due Monday, so he wrote the full essay, while stoned, in less than an hour, without using his textbook. It was better than the one I spent all week writing. He is now upstairs having sex, and I've lost all motivation. FML

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By Skankeriffic - United States

Today, I sat in bumper-to-bumper traffic for half an hour. The entire time, a man I had gone on a date with and that had gotten very out of hand with, was sitting in the car next to me. I noticed, panicked, and tried to drive off, rear-ending the car in front of me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Lemont

Today, I finally lost my virginity. Too bad it cost me every last shred of self-respect and involved begging a hooker to take my money. FML

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By VidyaGameCollector - Canada - Port Colborne

Today, because money is a little tight, I decided to sell one of my retro video game consoles. The family member that initially gave me it to me saw the ad on Facebook and demanded I give it back to them. FML

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By busfail - Canada - Burnaby

Today, while I was on the bus to work, a morbidly obese man sat down next to me. When my stop came and I stood up to get off, he just looked at me, said with a smirk, "good luck with that," and went back to reading his paper. I missed my stop. FML

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By aeris - United States

Today, I brought my boyfriend over to meet my parents. They prepared dinner for us - mushroom pasta. I have always hated mushrooms, so I spent the entire dinner trying not to gag. Unfortunately, I did gag and my mom got up and smacked me so hard I fell out of my chair. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Lihue

Today, my boyfriend told me I'm beautiful. Before I could thank him, he continued, "Too bad it takes a shit-load of makeup." FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I tried to stage an intervention for a friend who abuses drugs. I ended up with my hair on fire. FML

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Top comments

By DocBastard | 38

#1491923 - Sunday 3 October 2010 16:18

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but a car seat will crush your tibia.

By lindsaysue | 4

#1491939 - Sunday 3 October 2010 16:20

A gentleman wouldn't have made her ride in the back seat.

COMMENTS

By failblorg | 0

#1491852 - Sunday 3 October 2010 16:09

ouch! ahahahaha shattered!

Reply

randomchickkk | 0

#1492231 - Sunday 3 October 2010 17:37

you shouldve seen that coming

By EminemTM | 0

#1491859 - Sunday 3 October 2010 16:09

Ouch man, Is she okay?

Reply

joefromhtown | 0

#1492025 - Sunday 3 October 2010 16:42

you got a faget pucture

Reply

xAznNinjaGuy | 0

#1492039 - Sunday 3 October 2010 16:44

28 - Stop trolling. You spelt "Faggot" wrong. FAIL TROLL FAILED.

Reply

dan_the_man32 | 0

#1492068 - Sunday 3 October 2010 16:48

hahaha he also spelt picture wrong :P

Reply

EminemTM | 0

#1493553 - Monday 4 October 2010 0:56

Comment Removed By Eminem

Reply

macgirl21 | 0

#1494789 - Monday 4 October 2010 4:31

tht was stupid. unless she's taller then 5'9'' your seat doesn't go back tht far

Reply

hilarym | 0

#1495371 - Monday 4 October 2010 7:47

83, have u heard of big ppl and little cars?

By xAznNinjaGuy | 0

#1491863 - Sunday 3 October 2010 16:10

Well, ouch. I hope the chair's okay. :D

Reply

zakkyzebra | 11

#1491869 - Sunday 3 October 2010 16:11

win

Reply

El_patron | 0

#1492795 - Sunday 3 October 2010 20:14

fail

Reply

HahaHokayThen | 10

#1494921 - Monday 4 October 2010 5:15

wail fin

By shibainu519 | 0

#1491872 - Sunday 3 October 2010 16:11

Ouch! that's what you get for trying to get a girlfriend.

By kellyc007 | 0

#1491874 - Sunday 3 October 2010 16:11

hahaha you cant get it on now i guess..maybe in the hospitol.

Reply

teotsi | 28

#6014016 - Monday 21 July 2014 13:37

That grammar...

By hnz | 13

#1491882 - Sunday 3 October 2010 16:12

hope the girl's leg is okay.. and I guess you won't be seeing her anymore

By TaylorTotsYumm | 10

#1491885 - Sunday 3 October 2010 16:12

Fuck her life.

By EminemTM | 0

#1491899 - Sunday 3 October 2010 16:13

yeah foo

By MAGNAVOX | 0

#1491905 - Sunday 3 October 2010 16:15

Did she get turned on?

By Crimsonhead | 0

#1491911 - Sunday 3 October 2010 16:17

Whoops-a-daisy. That's a bugger.