Kids: Today, I went over to my friend's house. Her 5 year old son answered...

By notyouagain - 03/10/2010 07:40 - Australia

Today, I went over to my friend's house. Her 5 year old son answered the door and when he saw me said, 'oh great, it's YOU' and slammed the door in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 521

You deserved it 4 928

Kids

Batman

Broken heart

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

By Harry - 05/12/2009 05:29 - United States

Today, my dad decided to get his friend to help move our old sofas to save money. Its leg got stuck in the doorway, scratched the entire hallway wall, punched a big hole in it and the other leg made a big dent in our front door. We live in an apartment complex and now have to to pay for everything to be fixed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 177

You deserved it 6 219

By Anonymous - 19/12/2011 00:10 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend proposed. I fainted due to the excitement. He took it as a "no" and won't pick up my calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 414

You deserved it 4 410

By c-mack - 08/09/2009 00:52 - United States

Today, I got jumped by five dudes who took my phone. On it I had naked pictures of myself. An hour later they sent the pictures to all of my contacts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 645

You deserved it 46 937

By Skittlezzz0901 - 21/03/2017 19:00 - United States - Mount Vernon

Today, my manager said I could go on a break when he came back from his. After 7 hours with him still missing, I started to get dizzy. I ended up passing out and hitting my head on a ladder from lack of food. I woke up in the hospital to a card from my manager saying, "Get Well. Don't Sue." FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 464

You deserved it 566

By Anonymous - 11/06/2011 22:36 - United States

Today, I was lying in bed with my cat. I must have looked at him the wrong way or something, because he hissed and savagely clawed at my face without warning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 200

You deserved it 7 292

The bird's the word

By anonymous - 26/06/2012 06:05 - United States - Ridgewood

Today, I slammed my middle finger in a drawer. I screamed and my mom came running into the kitchen. She asked me what was wrong, so without thinking I stuck up my middle finger. She hasn't spoken to me since this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 990

You deserved it 6 055

By thedancer5 - 03/08/2011 16:47 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend dumped me by writing a breakup note with permanent marker on my newly painted bedroom wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 769

You deserved it 3 359

By Anonymous - 18/02/2012 00:58 - United States

Today, it's been one week since my demented grandma babysat my five-year-old daughter while my husband took me to a fancy restaurant. Now she's taken to screaming and calling me a "damn commie" whenever I discipline or say no to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 557

You deserved it 5 826

By bitchypast - 27/01/2015 23:50 - United States - Rockland

Today, is the blizzard. I have to go into work, my boss threatened to fire me if I didn't show up. I sent him a picture of the snow completely covering my car. He said I moved the snow there and could move it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 323

You deserved it 2 245

By Anonymous - 01/04/2011 14:19 - United States

Today, just a few minutes after I got to work, my usually laconic boss came into my office and said, "Pack your stuff and get the f*ck out." Apparently, half my department was being downsized. Thinking it was an April Fool's, I burst out laughing and told him how funny the prank was. He wasn't kidding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 787

You deserved it 4 573

By facepalmshroomer - 07/02/2009 23:24 - United States

Today, I tried hallucinogenic mushrooms for the first time with my friend. Little did I know, they last for around 6 hours, and I had class at 3, when I had to give a presentation in front of 30 people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 623

You deserved it 85 161

By Anonymous - 02/09/2018 04:00

Today, we were at church when I pulled my toddler’s hand out of his pants and he screamed "I WAS MAKING MY PENIS BIG!" I need a new church. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 472

You deserved it 414

By flowerchildd2 - 12/12/2011 23:17 - United States

Today, a creepy old guy on the bus asked me if I wanted to "lick it." When I said no, he tried to convince me by telling me that "it tastes good." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 331

You deserved it 3 010

By avoid the sour cream - 30/12/2012 06:14 - United States

Today, I'm sharing a hotel room with co-workers on a business trip. The walls are paper-thin, you could hear a pin drop, and I'm trying to make my explosive diarrhea as close to silent as possible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 632

You deserved it 2 821

By w00tz - 27/03/2009 05:12 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me over the phone. He said there was someone else, and that he has been in love with her for a while. Turns out, the new girl was his online video game character. I got dumped for a video game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 99 636

You deserved it 9 284

By Anonymous - 14/08/2010 16:35 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that the foundation I've been using for the past month isn't normal foundation, its skin darkening foundation. I look like an oompa loompa from the neck up. It won't go away for another month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 830

You deserved it 35 733

By Stalkerella - 08/05/2018 05:51

Today, I asked my neighbor to kindly move his truck because it blocks my driveway and the side entrance to my yard. He responded by throwing a decapitated bird onto my front lawn and filing an injunction against me for stalking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 589

You deserved it 253

By pmony - 02/02/2012 02:48 - United States

Today, I got stuck in a revolving door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 308

You deserved it 9 693

Waste

By Annie - 31/08/2011 03:17 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Two minutes in, he goes, "Wow, this is strenuous" and stopped. I waited three years for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 644

You deserved it 5 244

Golden shower

By Anonymous - 08/11/2019 03:00

Today, I had my first golden shower. Too bad it was from my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 625

You deserved it 362

Get the hell out of Dodge

By Anonymous - 18/10/2020 20:02

Today, I realized I'm happier and life is better when my husband isn't around. He isn't abusive, just lazy and uninvolved. We have young kids and I don't know how to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 228

You deserved it 226

By yuck - 05/06/2015 19:11

Today, I found out that what I thought was my brother gasping and groaning in his dreams most nights is actually him jacking off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 304

You deserved it 4 166

By Josh - 27/09/2011 05:14 - United States

Today, I found out the reason why my therapist was so nice to me all of the time. Apparently, she is afraid that I'm going to stab her if she pisses me off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 348

You deserved it 5 802

By Anonymous - 08/02/2013 21:20 - United States - Woodbridge

Today, I was taking a stroll in our yard, when my mother decided it would be hilarious to run me down with her Segway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 130

You deserved it 3 659

By Jane - 07/12/2009 10:33 - United States

Today, I found out the weekly coffee talks my husband was having with his ex-girlfriend stopped involving coffee about 2 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 691

You deserved it 21 222

Not the one

By Anonymous - 11/04/2021 23:00

Today, the guy who told me he “wasn’t looking for a relationship” started being in a relationship with another girl. I lost my virginity to him and went on a few dates with him. He’s actually confused as to why I’m upset about this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 869

You deserved it 403

By generic_name123 - 09/03/2015 13:55 - United States - Washington

Today, I finally got the girl of my dreams' phone number. After texting her "Hey, is this Stephanie?" I got response saying "Sorry bro, I know how you feel, she did the same thing to me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 495

You deserved it 3 329

By lils - 05/08/2012 17:45 - United States

Today, while I was getting intimate with my husband, he moaned someone else's name. He actually tried to explain himself by saying that he'd had a "divine encounter," and while "possessed by the Lord," he'd been told the name of our future daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 712

You deserved it 3 064

By Anonymous - 07/02/2015 18:32 - United Kingdom - Wallasey

Today, my sister tried to convince me to go to a plastic surgeon, because "Bitchface Syndrome's no joke." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 182

You deserved it 3 918

By busrides - 24/12/2009 09:35 - United States

Today, I saw the girl I had confessed my love to two years ago on the bus. We chatted for a few minutes and she got off on the first stop, saying that this is where she had to get off. Twenty minutes later, I see her in the bus next to mine. The bus number was 20. Like mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 608

You deserved it 5 531

Get out, now

By Hélène - 01/05/2021 10:58

Today, my boyfriend invited me over for dinner for the first time. The place was full of his ex's stuff, books on the shelves, makeup in the bathroom, clothes in the closet and even shoes on the floor. Not to mention creepy plush toys staring at me. She left him 8 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 154

You deserved it 79

By FractalSanity - 01/02/2009 08:11 - Canada

Today, my best friend was crying because her boyfriend is a retard. I brought my thumb up to wipe a tear off her face, and somehow stuck it up her nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 573

You deserved it 11 411

By ohai ur hawt, wanna fuzzzZzZZzzZzz - 04/04/2014 23:20 - Mexico - Mexico

Today, I met a really nice girl at a club, and we went back to my place. I was finally going to lose my virginity, but just as she started kissing me, I panicked and ended up fainting. When I came to, I was still clothed, and she was long gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 409

You deserved it 13 052

By no name - 22/06/2013 07:20 - United States - Gaylord

Today, while working at my job at a nursing home, I slipped and fell. It wouldn't be so bad if it was just water. No, one of the residents had just had an "accident". FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 692

You deserved it 3 821

By Itstheapocalypse - 26/11/2017 19:00

Today, while performing a therapeutic massage, I dropped my clients head, shuddered, and jumped away. Why? I watch too much Walking Dead and when I lifted her head to stretch her neck, her soft breathing sounded like a zombie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 341

You deserved it 3 008

By akasha - 06/04/2012 06:15 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, my patient had her call bell on. When I went to see what she needed, she replied that she was very itchy and could not reach to scratch the itch. I basically got called in to scratch my patient's crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 916

You deserved it 2 596

By florisvanlent - 12/02/2009 16:17 - Netherlands

Today, while copying some stuff for school, I felt someone rubbing her boobs against my back. I got a boner and when I looked to see who the hot chick was, I saw my fat friend rubbing his man boobs against my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 530

You deserved it 56 208

By DaddysGirl - 16/10/2011 10:36 - Canada

Today, I took the train to visit my parents, which arrives late at night. As I was getting off, the cute guy in front of me looked out the window, then turned to me and said, "Doesn't that guy out there give you the creeps?" That guy was my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 328

You deserved it 2 591

By daremetobecooler - 08/04/2009 15:53 - United States

Today, I saw a letter from Geneseo that invited me to apply to the honors college. Excited, I wrote the required two page essay on how I am organized. I then saw the strict deadline was March 15th. My little brother thought it would be funny to hide my mail. For the past seven weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 818

You deserved it 3 384

By Anonymous - 16/05/2017 20:00

Today, I accidentally superglued my hand to my grandmother's ornate fan while trying to fix it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 383

You deserved it 801

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Top comments

failblorg 0

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Sunday 3 October 2010 16:09

lmaoo you must be extremely annoying

DocBastard 38

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Sunday 3 October 2010 16:12

So spank him. Done.

heartless_fml 6

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Sunday 3 October 2010 16:08

sucks.

sarahalyssa_fml 0

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Sunday 3 October 2010 16:34

Ring the doorbell again and when he answers say, "Oh crap, it's YOU" and walk away

KingDingALing 9

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Sunday 3 October 2010 16:37

BURNED by a 5 year old!! :p

deathcab7 0

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Monday 4 October 2010 3:19

another reason why to love little kids...

aeroliontvw 4

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Monday 4 October 2010 11:01

it's because they're so cute!

DerrickJames 33

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Sunday 27 January 2013 11:29

All little kids are evil!

failblorg 0

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Sunday 3 October 2010 16:09

lmaoo you must be extremely annoying

cole86 0

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Sunday 3 October 2010 16:33

and u must be right for sore

HahaHokayThen 10

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Sunday 3 October 2010 19:20

& you're better?

failblorg 0

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Monday 4 October 2010 3:17

muuuuuuuuch better :D

Rokksteady 3

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Sunday 3 October 2010 16:10

Owned!

randomchickkk 0

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Sunday 3 October 2010 17:41

by a 5 year old.

HackerD00d 0

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Sunday 3 October 2010 19:11

nice tits ^

irox98 0

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Sunday 3 October 2010 16:11

pownage

mahimalil 0

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Sunday 3 October 2010 16:11

mean !! tell your friend !!!

twinny_sc 13

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Sunday 3 October 2010 18:33

Yes, the OP can tattle on the 5-year-old kid. Sounds awesome and mature!

mahimalil 0

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Monday 4 October 2010 1:05

No the OP tells her friend so she can deal with him.

mr_mccarthy 0

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Sunday 3 October 2010 16:12

well you do live in victoria.......

Crimsonhead 0

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Sunday 3 October 2010 16:12

He's 5... kids say shit like that. I'm pretty sure your life is not fucked.

Loviinqx3 0

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Sunday 3 October 2010 17:13

Still not a pleasant thing to be greeted to :(

xAznNinjaGuy 0

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Sunday 3 October 2010 16:12

Well, I guess your a social reject now. It was scientifically proven by a 5 year old.

xAznNinjaGuy 0

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Sunday 3 October 2010 16:47

*You're

DocBastard 38

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Sunday 3 October 2010 16:12

So spank him. Done.

deathnotedeluxe 0

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Sunday 3 October 2010 16:13

ydi for having friends with kids. they suck, get new friends with no kids. or friends with better kids.

Hoplaka 0

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Sunday 3 October 2010 17:48

WTF? Almost all of my friends have kids and some of them are rude but still you didn't have to say that.

spanelli 16

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Sunday 3 October 2010 19:14

Death Note. <33 Kids do suck. The only kid I like is my nephew, because he's cool. :p

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15

You deserved it 5

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Today, my daughter finally learned that you can’t sleep your way to success, after she tried and failed to seduce her married boss, was sacked, and blacklisted as a potential lawsuit throughout every company specialising in her chosen career field. FML

I agree, your life sucks 438

You deserved it 127

Today, I was diagnosed with a meat allergy. You can imagine the jokes my boyfriend has been thinking up since we found out I can’t "handle his meat" in my mouth anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 759

You deserved it 110

The bird's the word

Waste

Golden shower

Get the hell out of Dodge

Not the one

Get out, now

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