nosestealer
Brampton, Canada
Today, my five-year-old daughter called the police to report her stolen nose. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Anonymous
So innocent
Today, my 5 year-old stabbed me in the back with a pencil because I "stole" her nose and wouldn’t give it back. My daughter has been sulking now for 3 hours and refuses to breathe until she gets her nose back. FML
unknown
United States
Today, I got a call from my daughter's school saying that she had beat someone up. She's 4. FML
crzyry
Canada
Today, my four-year-old daughter called me by her mom's new boyfriend's name. Three different times. FML
Anonymous
United States
Today, my five-year-old told me she had accidentally swallowed a thumbtack. In panic mode we raced to the ER. With no insurance. Only after the tests, examinations and X-rays did she tell me was "just joking." FML
titoutou222
France
Today, my five-year-old daughter came home from school. It's cold and she was very tired. I said, "Take off your socks and blow your nose." She took off her socks and blew her nose into them. FML
QueenCortana Tiffany Turner
Temper tantrum
Today, the cops were called to my apartment because my daughter had a temper tantrum while I was at work. She was naked when they were there. FML
imnotastranger
Today, I was teaching my 4 year-old daughter about "stranger danger" and how to deal with it. Later that day, we went out and since I didn't buy her a ice cream, she kept screaming "STRANGER DANGER!" A total stranger tackled me until the cops arrived. FML
bail?
Omaha, United States
Today, my daughter's idea of a prank was taking all of our money and getting herself arrested. FML
...
San Francisco, United States
Home improvement
Today, I found my 6 year-old daughter upstairs, lying on the floor with scissors. She was giving, "the carpet a haircut." FML
Anonymous
Makati, Philippines
Today, I realized that my five-year-old daughters are deranged psychopaths, when one of them started screaming to get my attention while the other pulled the car door shut on my fingers. FML
Top comments
kzai 16
Did they help find it?!
MzZombicidal 36
Voldemort?
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Comments (178)
cmac86 24
good! someone needs to try to end this sick thief's reign of terror.
FalconWhitaker 20
Your kid is kinda awesome. I love how she's innocent enough to believe that her nose really is stolen, but at the same time, intelligent enough to know that when something gets stolen, you call the police. Awesome child :D
Timber147 9
So cute!
Mightytall 35
That'll teach you ... to steal a kids nose is serious business!!! :-) Really one of the best fmls I have seen in a long time!
jtrazor 3
Thats cute. Lol
Ceteria 6
Blasted, another Nose heist Foiled.
nenadovichm 7
This is one of the best fml posts i've read
QfiggyQ 10
That is one of the best things that I've ever read. Thanks for making me laugh :)
cutiedimples 13
She's snotty! ;) see what I did there?
cassbutt 4
Hey, OP here. :) The dispatcher was really nice about the situation. Got my daughter to put me on the phone and let me off with the warning that if I didn't return the nose, the cops might just have to show up and take care of the problem, haha. I ended up taking my daughter on our own investigation and hunt for fun, and in the end she got some chocolate and her nose back, so she's happy now. Glad to make everyone's day!
laufinobsver 3
OP you are a great parent. I plan on stealing that for my future child...minus the police call