Love: Today, as an overprotective mother, I asked my 19 year-old son,... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44

You deserved it 3

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 100

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 575

You deserved it 92

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 580

You deserved it 40

08/07/2013 03:28

Spicy

Today, as an overprotective mother, I asked my 19 year-old son, who was going to spend his day on the beach, if he’d taken any protection with him. He pulled out a box of condoms, beaming with pride. I was talking about suntan lotion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 697

You deserved it 190

Another great day to be alive

Late term

Emergency room time

06/06/2016 04:57

Today, for the first time ever, one of my birthday wishes came true. I wished for my crush to come hang out with me, and she did. I wasted my birthday wish on an awkward silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 462

You deserved it 3 162

11/03/2016 23:00

Today, I had a doctor's appointment. I arrived early so I could check in with the receptionists about this weird communication mixup that's caused me to miss my last two appointments. Despite what my appointment card said, I arrived to find the office closed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 819

You deserved it 1 314

24/06/2009 16:37

Today, I enlisted for The Navy because my Boy Scout leader encouraged me. He fought in Korea and is a real inspiration. I asked him what motivated him to join The Navy. He said he was drunk and didn't remember joining until he was called up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 751

You deserved it 9 878

10/06/2012 00:24

Today, is the third day since I opened my small coffee shop. My parents had given me a nice frame to put my first dollar from working in. I had to sneak in a dollar from my own wallet so they wouldn't know how bad business was when they came to visit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 147

You deserved it 2 811

25/05/2017 16:00

Today, a guy who lives in my condo complex threatened to take my husband and me to small claims court. Why? He was mad about the $300 fine to get his truck back after it was towed, because he was parked in our spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 279

You deserved it 347

06/06/2011 00:52

Today, I went to my high school reunion. I was super excited to see what everyone had done in their lives. The nerdy guy I bullied is now a U.S. Marine and already has two deployments in Afghanistan under his belt. He looked at me in his dress blues and said, "I remember you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 195

You deserved it 134 217

Losing my bearings

By Anonymous - 12/09/2021 08:00

Today, I walked into a wall. I've lived in this house for nearly thirteen years, but I walked straight into it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 656

You deserved it 219

29/10/2011 00:19

Today, during my fourth solo day working as a meter-maid, I had a vehicle towed for being parked in front of a fire hydrant. The vehicle belonged to the governor. I'm scared to even show my face at work next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 256

You deserved it 4 851

06/04/2014 21:07

Today, while on a first date, I had to excuse myself to the restroom. I was still tired from pulling an all-nighter, and fell asleep on the toilet. When I woke up and rushed back out, my date was gone. Everyone now thinks I'm an arsehole who pulled the old "window escape" trick on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 750

You deserved it 13 824

12/01/2009 16:03

Today, my coworker told me that the framed picture our boss put on her desk last week was not, as I originally thought, a picture of her father, but a picture of Rupert Murdoch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 314

You deserved it 3 423

16/08/2012 04:05

Today, I realized why my sister refuses to let me clean her side of the room. She's secretly been trying to revive dead ants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 772

You deserved it 1 866

Sudarsky's gas giant classification

By leah - 06/02/2021 00:00

Today, despite not eating for a week, my digestive system is still overflowing with gas and I fart every 2 minutes. No medicines help, and the six doctors I’ve been to have not been able to find anything wrong with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 821

You deserved it 86

17/04/2012 08:29

Today, my best friend texted me saying she is determined to find out what skank her brother is sneaking around with. I've been secretly dating her brother for months; apparently I'm the skank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 063

You deserved it 39 179

14/12/2009 11:19

Today, I was sitting on the bus to the gym. I saw that an old woman needed help to get off the bus, so I got up, and helped her off. When I had finally got her down the stairs the bus closed the doors and drove away. I was in the middle of nowhere and the bus drove away with all my things. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 868

You deserved it 4 910

08/03/2014 00:53

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to mess around at my workplace's parking lot. Things got hot and steamy, but in the middle of it all, there came a bang at my car window. My frantic boss had seen us and thought I was being attacked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 951

You deserved it 28 678

28/02/2017 22:00

Spicy

Today, as I was at Starbucks writing a paper, a man came and sat next to me. He started staring at me, then I noticed his hands were down his pants. It was noticeable that he was masturbating, so I went to tell a worker. They just said, "He's a regular" and didn't do anything about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 623

You deserved it 684

Infectious laugh

By Anonymous - 23/02/2021 00:30

Spicy

Today, I'd always been scared of meeting someone from Tinder, so I was really reassured when my first Tinder date went really well. I kept seeing the guy. He then gave me herpes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 075

You deserved it 381

The curse

By Anonymous - 04/05/2020 20:00

Today, at a time when dating app usage is at an all time high, in 3 months I've only managed 4 likes and one brief match on Bumble. I'm not terrible looking by any means, yet I'm weeks away from my 8-year anniversary of being single. Am I cursed or something? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 419

You deserved it 217

23/04/2009 04:42

Today, I sang my signature tune at a karaoke bar - What A Wonderful World - and I thought I sounded my best yet. After my performance, I went outside to get some air. Then, I got assaulted in the parking lot and ended up going to the hospital. What a wonderful world indeed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 925

You deserved it 5 511

24/02/2013 01:42

Today, my very conservative mom met my girlfriend, who recently shaved her head in support of her best friend, who has cancer. My girlfriend looks beautiful and feminine even with her still very short hair. My mom, however, keeps insisting that I'm dating "a confused transgender". FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 204

You deserved it 2 658

18/09/2009 13:33

Today, I walked out of my college dorm to see that the intelligent person who locked their bike next to mine decided as an added security they would lock their bike to the rack, and to my bike. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 933

You deserved it 2 321

17/08/2012 14:27

Today, my mom bitched me out, calling me a selfish pig and saying that the reason I don't have a girlfriend is because I'm so conceited. All of this because I started watching the latest episodes of Breaking Bad without her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 743

You deserved it 4 134

24/07/2010 23:59

Spicy

Today, I spent 100 dollars on lingerie. I put it on, walk out to the living room, and tell my boyfriend to follow me into the bedroom. He says no, and then pretends to fall asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 784

You deserved it 6 453

11/04/2009 03:40

Today, I finally decided to get a dog. I have always been wanting to get one ever since I was a child. I bought a $1,400 Golden Retriever. I went out for lunch a few hours later with a friend, so I left my dog in the backyard. I came back home to a broken fence and no dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 797

You deserved it 64 361

Technologically challenged

By Weirdo - 22/11/2020 08:02

Today, once again, my mom chewed me out for, “playing games on the computer all day.” I’m not playing, it’s 3D modeling, and it’s my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 059

You deserved it 58

30/08/2013 00:16

Today, I realized I love my boyfriend's cat more than my boyfriend. The only reason we're still together is I don't want to lose custody of the cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 171

You deserved it 43 635

27/01/2015 00:19

Today, I'm at the unique point in my schooling that I'm either extremely overqualified or extremely underqualified for every job opportunity that appeals to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 711

You deserved it 2 415

15/06/2009 18:11

Today, I had a horrible day at work, came home early and burst into tears as soon as I was in the door. I curled up on the sofa, still bawling, and my cat came over and jumped up for a cuddle. I gave her a hug and she threw up down my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 930

You deserved it 4 730

06/01/2016 17:15

Today, I'm so sexually deprived, I got a boner from undressing a mannequin at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 765

You deserved it 3 881

27/01/2010 06:18

Today, my boyfriend's ex-wife facebooked me to inform me that they were still married and he was still sleeping with her. I've been living with him for the past month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 538

You deserved it 4 230

18/05/2011 04:13

Today, my boyfriend of nearly 4 years, with whom I have a baby, broke up with me. His reason? His best friend said he didn't like drinking with guys who were "tied down". FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 835

You deserved it 6 233

08/12/2012 05:44

Today, I was snooping around in my parents' closet to see what I would get for Christmas, when I came across a UPS package. It was the video game I ordered off eBay 3 weeks ago, addressed to me. They told me it had never arrived and said I should ask Santa to bring it to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 423

You deserved it 5 094

08/07/2018 19:00

Today, while I was out walking with my girlfriend, I got beaten up and called an "abuser" by a gang of women who noticed bruises on my girlfriend's arms and legs. The bruises are from her karate class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 258

You deserved it 250

14/06/2011 08:30

Today, I really had to go to the bathroom. Due to my fear of public restrooms, I made sure it was clear before I started. I heard someone sigh halfway through. Embarrassed, I waited a full ten minutes before leaving the stall, only to see that it was only the automatic air freshener. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 927

You deserved it 35 704

20/11/2017 19:00

Today, I walked into my dorm to find the guy I have feelings for sleeping with my roommate. I signed a lease with them for next year and can't back out now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 176

You deserved it 553

04/07/2014 01:30

Today, I parked my motorcycle in a parking spot. When I came back, my bike had been moved and was laying on its side with a note saying, "Sorry I dropped your motorcycle I was trying to move it forward so I could park my car because there weren't any other spots." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 416

You deserved it 6 655

14/06/2014 03:56

Today, I was confiding in my dad over the phone, after I caught my girlfriend cheating on me. After I hung up and went online, I noticed he'd been live-blogging the whole call on Facebook and commenting that he was considering suicide to escape the boredom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 419

You deserved it 4 947

01/01/2012 05:41

Today, my friend set me up with a cute guy who is very germaphobic. So, I spent 4 hours cleaning my apartment. 2 minutes into the date, I sneezed. He politely told me he wasn't feeling well and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 920

You deserved it 3 674

07/11/2010 20:15

Today, my sixteen year old son told me that he's following his guidance counselor's advice: to do what his hero does for a living. The problem? His hero is SpongeBob Squarepants. His ambition in life is to become a fry cook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 298

You deserved it 4 619

30/06/2011 08:18

Today, I began to walk across the street when I saw a very familiar old lady struggle across it. I walked over to help her, and only after she had blown her rape whistle and socked me in the nuts did she realize I was her grandson. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 286

You deserved it 3 591

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Send a private message

Wednesday 22 June 2016 10:13

You've raised a good boy if he doesn't even hesitate to show you his Big Box O' Condoms!

Send a private message

Wednesday 22 June 2016 10:10

Well, you asked.

Comments

Send a private message

Wednesday 22 June 2016 10:10

Well, you asked.

Send a private message

Wednesday 22 June 2016 10:13

You've raised a good boy if he doesn't even hesitate to show you his Big Box O' Condoms!

Mister_Lister 5

Send a private message

Wednesday 22 June 2016 10:14

Did you cuddle with him the wrong way when he was little?

MmmPinkTacos 11

Send a private message

Wednesday 22 June 2016 15:45

I'm starting to think yours did based on your eagerness to post gross, sexualized comments on everything....

Hippohighasakite 21

Send a private message

Wednesday 22 June 2016 19:57

I'm not trying to defend him but you do realize he's just referencing another FML...

Arkham_Callabero 15

Send a private message

Thursday 23 June 2016 0:36

Your bio as well as your comment make uncomfortable on what you do in your spare time.

Send a private message

Wednesday 22 June 2016 10:16

I mean, hey. Both are important.

Arot6 17

Send a private message

Wednesday 22 June 2016 10:19

I personally think it's a good thing that if he's going to have sex (and seriously, it's practically impossible to stop determined teenagers from fucking like rabbits), he's going to be doing it safely (yes, I know the condom can break, and some STDs have a chance of bypassing condoms, but it's still so ridiculously effective when used right that those possibilities shouldn't even be a major consideration).

Send a private message

Wednesday 22 June 2016 10:37

Good parenting!

SecundusSecunda 27

Send a private message

Wednesday 22 June 2016 10:46

Why use the word "protection" and not simply "sunscreen"?

Noemmyforyou 14

Send a private message

Wednesday 22 June 2016 10:49

To be honest, I'd be beaming with pride myself if that was my son; he's practicing safe sex.

Send a private message

Wednesday 22 June 2016 10:52

Do you mean..sunscreen? Suntan lotion isn't going to do anything to protect your kids skin, as far as I'm aware.

Send a private message

Wednesday 22 June 2016 16:03

#9 suntan lotion is what we call it in the UK or suncream

Send a private message

Wednesday 22 June 2016 11:01

If I was his father I would be proud too