Huh. Sounds to me like she's in a marriage to a miserable, controlling asshole and eats to get comfort that she's clearly lacking from a materialistic jerk who seems too busy bragging about worthless superficial possessions and expects his wife to be there just to make him look good. Try being a human, try not saying such awful things about the woman you promised to love, honor, and cherish for the rest of your life, and maybe things will get better. Me, I'd leave your sorry ass, join a health club and get in shape after the divorce papers are signed, and find a guy ten years younger than you and screw his brains out just to show you that its worth losing weight for a guy who isn't a ********. If you had any integrity you wouldn't have said such abusive things about your wife on a public forum. You, sir, are garbage. No wonder your wife is unhappy.

It sounds like you could be a hell of a lot better husband to your wife. Instead of being disgusted by and ashamed of her, you should be concerned that she's showing signs of emotional issues and is possibly harming her physical well being. But, I suppose if you were the type to do that, this might not be a problem in the first place, would it? I'd recommend talking with her about it, and offering help and support as she works on changing her lifestyle. And do it in a way that's not as filled with contempt as what you posted here.

Hm. I don't think I'd take her place. Not because I want to be fat, but because I like a BIG slice of chocolate cake with my grilled chicken. Or just for breakfast. And I DON"T like the idea of some other person keeping track of my caloric intake, and ordering me to put down the tiramisu. Oh, and because motorcycles are for douchenozzles that need to compensate for their own lack of self-confidence.

Oh she's happy...as long as the refrigerator is full. I'm sure the two of you would get along. And I don't need her to make me look good. It would be nice to go for a ride with her, but her ass doesn't fit the Goldwing seat any more. And I liked going on cruises with her, but she spent most of her time at the buffet. Kind of makes the trip to the Bahamas seem lost on her when she spends the three days on the boat eating. As far as you "Joining a health club, blah blah blah..." I doubt you'd do it. If you won't do it to preserve your family, you won't do it for revenge. You'd simply get yourself an apartment, couch, and TV, and sit there and eat until you more or less resembled Jabba the Hut while I went on with my life. And LONG before you shed the first pound, your replacement would be in place. Of course, in this case, the upside would be that the kids won't have to bury their mom at 45 from some medical complication resulting from being morbidly obese. Keep in mind, I am not pining for a trophy wife...Just a partner with whom I can share a marriage with- including physical intimacy. I'm no fitness trainer or anything like that, but 20 years of working hard, staying active, and doing things with my kids have served to keep me reasonably fit...though I have gained a few pounds-20 or so- since we have been married. See, I can still make a good living doing what I do...and my businesses are all mine, as is this house. (Pre-marital assets- I bought this property and built this house myself before we were married.) I find it amusing that those people who call me "materialistic" and so forth are usually those who satisfy themselves with 7 dollar an hour jobs. Same people who partied their way through college, if they went at all, while I built a business from scratch, and another, and then another, starting when I was 18.

LOL whoa....#38 seems to have some deep marital problems. Counseling, anyone?

#38,you're a jerk ): You should respect your wife more,and not push her in dirt and make fun of her on the interntet or anywhere else actually. I agree with all the other replies on your comment.You promised to cherish,honor and love her till death puts you apart,not be ashamed of what she looks like.She's still the same girl on the inside,you're just too shallow to see that.

I have motorcycles because I happen to own a motorcycle dealership, and a bar, and a restaurant. All doing well despite Obamanomics. I bought my first house at 21 years old, and built this one at 30. Then I got married. Once. I don't make chocolate cake often, but I can whip up a mean batch of brownies, and my kids love 'em. Tiramisu is great, though. The kids have it with hot chocolate though, not espresso. We had pancakes and eggs for breakfast here. How many of you sent your kids to school with a bowl of cold cereal and a pop-tart? I cook because I like to, and I'm good at it. I don't think I control her diet, or even attempt to. The family does the meal planning, every week. I just fill the requests. Vegetarians, Vegans, and other "diet Nazis" would go nuts around me because I like food that tastes good, damn the calories, but eat your veggies... That said, I play soccer and flashlight tag and stuff with my kids in the back yard, ride bikes with them, and get some exercise every so often. I have never belonged to a gym. Like I said, I'm not looking for a trophy wife. Just a life partner interested in staying around for a while, living a reasonably long life span, and not destined to die at 50 from complications resulting from morbid obesity. But, OK, I am a materialistic "douchenozzle" who spends a lot of time at home, employs thirty seven people full time, and probably gave more money away last year than you made. I put my wife through college and grad school, in an effort to help her become what she wanted to be. She has what she called her dream job years ago because I supported her endeavors to get it 100%. You got me pegged.

I agree with you 38. While your wording is not the best, which is probably why you have so many comments, I do feel for you. I can see it from your point of view, working hard for a good long life while the wife is cutting hers down with being unhealthy. True enough it sounds like something is going on and if you haven't talked to her (since you say she wonders why you don't take her out) then you really should. It will be hard for her to hear, but she has a right to hear it. Who knows, maybe she is completely lazy and has no care for anyone; not going out for a walk with your kids is either a big form of depression (talk to her!) or really self-centered. I say this because I have a friend that sounds exactly like this. She's 200+ pounds, only home schooled, no driver's license, lives with her mother and is 21. She is indeed depressed, but no matter how hard I try to motivate her to move out or be active, it's always to no avail. And it sounds like you are looking out for her by cooking healthy meals, but then she goes to a Wendy's, so I'm sorry. Edit: Since you've been replying, have you talked to her, and if so, what was her response? if you don't mind my asking.

Well whether or not #38 is right or wrong....I don't think this is the best place to be airing out your personal issues....not to mention the fact it's EXTREMELY unfair to his wife, who's not here to defend herself.

She's the same girl who doesn't care if her husband is attracted to her or not anymore, because he's too good a guy to deny her her meal ticket just because she's fat. She's taking advantage of you and taking you for granted, 38, but of course don't word your confrontation of the issue like that.

#38 - You still shouldn't air your dirty laundry in a public forum, regarless of how anonymous you might think it is. If you have all these thoughts and feelings on the subject you should probably be speaking to her about it instead of calling her a piece of chewed bubblegum on FML. That's just callous. Not everyone deserves respect in your life, but I should think your wife, the mother of your children, deserves a little bit more than an Internet ambush. Despite all your apparent "success", you should be ashamed of yourself. OP - get in shape for yourself, honey. Your husband's warning was tactless and cruel, especially coming from someone who should more supportive and understanding - not just as a husband, but a trainer. I doubt he talks to his clients that way. Constructive motivation means a **** of a lot more to people. What he said to you is unacceptable. Don't put yourself in a position where you're afraid of losing your husband over something as superficial as weight, but definitely remember the health, emotional and mental benefits of staying fit, being active and eating healthy.

Number 78 has a good answer. Also, you seem like such a wonderful father whom all the children love. You do everything around the house; you own it, take care of it, play with the kids, cook the meals, keep the kids healthy, etc. You probably already know just how much you do. But I think that is why your wife is eating so much. It probably feels to her like she has no standing in the family. She is just there as your wife but nothing else. She feels inferior to all that you do and inferior when around the kids because they think that you are so much better. I am a person with a very deep rooted lack of self-confidence but I always hide it as much as I can. However, in those times when attacks on my self-confidence keep coming along, I start to withdraw and bury myself with distractions such as sleep, TV or doing things around my peers that would probably destroy me. When I am in pain, I also spend as little time as possible with my family and prefer to eat little and eat fast at dinner time and get myself whatever I can eat later on. Most of the time it's just a pack of microwavable pasta even though I HATE unhealthy foods and eating so little (but I can get the eating part done soon enough). The same goes for most people. Now imagine life for your wife. She is around you and everything that is you all the time and you do not care much for easing her pain. Being a husband isn't just about your vow to stay there physically, it's also about your vow to stay with her spiritually and emotionally. Instead of wishing whole-heartedly to console her or understand her, as society has deemed fitting for a husband to do, you just put up with her. She has probably already tried and given up on making herself more valuable. Can you remember? Try to think about how she came to be this way, talk to her, control your thinking so that you actually care about her as a person rather than her as your wife. She needs you to be her husband, her friend, and her confident even if it's not a lack of self-confidence that is plaguing her. Also, please do not ignore my response as that of some low class, unmotivated and depressed person on the internet. I do not allow my tendencies to take over myself and destroy my goals. The only reason for this response is concern for the emotional and physical well-being of yourself and your wife.

85 gives a valid point I never considered. You do build yourself up to something great, 38 (and hey, you've earned it, nothing wrong with that at all), but I guess it's possible she sees you the same way and starts to question her role. Of course both parents share, or at least should share these roles and both parents are important to the kids (not saying single parents do terrible jobs). But maybe you should let her know you need and want her there. Cook together, get her to play flashlight tag. She may feel guilty since you paid and did everything for the both of you and she feels like she has nothing to contribute, or that if she did, it would mean nothing. 85, I don't see you like that at all =). But your response on your own life intrigues me. What is it that you feel you lack confidence in? You have a family and it sounds like you're doing a good job so far. I, my mom, and a close friend of hers are relatively in the same boat as you. So, if you feel like chatting or just want someone to vent to, message me, =) I just didn't want to create a longer post on here And to the people saying don't air out your life on a public forum, then don't read this. Did reading this really change your life? No? So who is it bothering? I do agree that it seems unfair since the wife cannot defend herself but the way I see it, it's free therapy for him; a chance for him to just vent what's on his mind to unbiased people and get criticisms or suggestions in return.

Ok # 85...You made a valid attempt at meaningful dialogue. Kudos to you for that. To answer some of your questions: When I met her she had already been married once, young, and never went to college. I encouraged her to go, set the infrastructure up for her to do so, and supported her through her six years of college. She's now a fairly well paid consultant, and has a bright future going for her career-wise. Don't get the idea that I berate her constantly or reduce her standing in the house by ignoring her. I don't verbally abuse her or harp on her weight, but I will ask WTF? when she scarfs down the pasta and meat I serve for dinner, skip the veggies and salad, then go out to do some "shopping" only to return an hour later from Wendy's. My concerns are met with indifference and at times, hostility. suggestions that she seek help are rebuffed, and I'm made out to be the bad guy. There's plenty of room for her to be "mom" with the kids, but unless the event has food attached to it, she can't be bothered. If anything, I contribute to the situation by tolerating it. No, I don't jump her bones like I used to, but I'm not hostile or mean in any way...and long ago I quit trying to get her to see reason. I love her, but if you think a marriage is complete (at our age) without some physical attraction (or at least the lack of physical revulsion) you are wrong. It's discipline, and not very harsh discipline at that. Eat healthy. Eat when you're hungry, but stop before you are stuffed. Take a walk once in a while. Play with your kids or ride a bike or walk the dog. I am not saying go out and run ten miles a day. It's remembering that you can't wolf down junk food at 40 like you could when you were 20. It's getting off your ass. It's not hiding behind the Haagen Daaz when you have to damn near replace your wardrobe the second time this year because your current clothes don't fit. That may sound harsh, but it's reality. If she's depressed, she doesn't show it. and if her life sucks, in her opinion, she needs a reality check. two great kids, a kickin' house, and while we're not Rockefeller rich, we haven't had to wait for payday to buy milk, like when I was a kid.

I'm going to go ahead and say (from experience, as the child of a union like this) that you need to leave your wife. My mom and dad stayed together for far too long, even after my father's resentment of her weight boiled over and become vicious daily attacks for all to hear. When they divorced, not only did my mother get into better shape (which she has stayed in for over 20 years now), she also got involved with and subsequently married a man 17 years her junior (they've been together almost 15 years now). In addition to that, we kids rejoiced like none other. My father's treatment of my mother spilled over onto myself and my sisters. Any time we ate ANYTHING, whether it was a piece of fruit, a bowl of oatmeal, a posicle, a cookie, a hamburger...he'd lambast us. He was just as vicious towards my sisters and I as he was towards my mother, and all 3 of us were forever altered by it. I became bulimic by the ripe old age of 11 (and am better now, thanks to years of hard work), my now 28 year old sister has the most cripplingly damaged self esteem, and my 29 year old sister is just plain ol' batshit crazy with man issues. Of the three of us, I am the one with weight struggles, as I decimated my metabolism by eating ephedra with every meal, vomiting, and starvation diets. My sisters are both very petite, I am not as much, though I do exercise, eat healthily, and communicate with my doctor on the regular...I am still built like a plowhorse, stocky and strong, regardless of these facts. Do not underestimate what your kids do or do not pick up on. You come across as defensive and though you feel you are beyond reproach (this is what I've gleaned by reading your recounting of all of your fineries and accomplishments). In addition, you make subtle remarks that even in text, translate as some modicom of resentment...(even the dig about this being her second marriage, as she'd previously married when she was young, and never going to college...it may not have been intended as such, but it smacked of condescension). Chances are very good that the kids are more aware of this situation than you realize. Chances are, your wife is deeply unhappy and doesn't know it. Or maybe she does, and is scared to face it, or she is worried that you won't handle it well. Have you ever watched Fox news? No wonder she might be afraid...always stories about people getting shot, strangled, stabbed, and/or bludgeoned by their SO. Anyway, if both parties aren't willing to communicate honestly and openly, but with a reasonable smattering of gentleness, then they should try to get a third party involved. If you and/or the wife doesn't want to go that route, then it's time to hang it up and start anew.

Hexefrau, you are fantastic

Awesome comment! You nailed it! You are right! I agree completely with your assessment. Who feels motiviated to improve when all you get is knocked down and are told how worthless you are! Maybe the asshole above doesn't understand the EMOTIONAL abuse he is using to tear his wife apart. Not to mention the complete lack of respect he probably shows her in front of her children, and, more than likely, encourages the children to treat their mother disrespectfully as well. He acts like he is a martyr, but he's just a self-absorbed asshole! Maybe if he treated her like a husband treats a wife instead of how a millionaire treats a possession, he might find a little love returned. He probably treats animals better than he treats his wife or people in general. I was in her situation. Mr. Fit berated me constantly for being overweight after he stress of having two kids, the illnesses and deaths of two parents in the brief, 7-year span of our marriage. Now Mr. Fit is on marriage number three, while I raised two great kids alone, completed my degree, became successful and much happier without him. I lost the weight, and he gained (pound for pound and then some) all of the weight I lost. I've been divorced for nearly 20 years and I am so much happier without him and his crap. I know the OP and any other woman who is being berated for her weight on a daily basis will find herself much better off without the piece of crap.

Maybe you'd have better luck reasoning with her if you didn't act like some kind of martyr. Because to be honest, you're not. You claim you're not being an ass to her, but judging the things I read in your post I can still see it. You probably can't because it's so subtle, or you're so deluded that you think you're a near-perfect person. From what I can see, you seem to be very focused on the material things and money, because one of the first things you said was "I encouraged her to go to college..." Then you went on to say "If her life sucks, then she needs a reality check. We have two great kids, a kickin' house, and while we're not Rockefeller rich, we haven't had to wait for payday to buy milk, like when I was a kid." Sorry but having a nice house and money isn't the key to happiness, even if you didn't have it when you were a kid. There's a lot more to it. From what I see, you seem to be claiming that you're the one that knows what's best for her. Hey, if she has a great career, great kids, and all the material things she'll ever need, she should be damn happy, right? And she needs to achieve this and this for her and YOU to live happily ever after. Personally, if I were her and I had a husband who thought and behaved like you, I'd tell him to kiss my ass and do whatever the hell I wanted. In fact, I probably would've never married him in the first place. Instead of setting up expectations for her happiness, maybe you should think back to when she started to get into these habits. Perhaps the stress of taking care of kids and her job is getting to her? Who knows. Apparently you think it's as simple as "eat less, exercise more, discipline, blah blah blah..." That's the shittiest analysis ever. It's obvious to me that she has some severe psychological issues that are being looked over. You said that if she is depressed, she's doesn't show it. Well no shit Sherlock! A lot of people hide their depression. It's so obvious, but you are either blind or just choosing to ignore it. Yeah, so you find her unattractive now, and I think she can sense that. So she just decided "what's the use?" and began to turn to food for comfort instead of you. What she needs right now is emotional support and confidence boosting, not someone who is reminding her of how unattractive she is and is jumping down her throat about her weight issues. So stop being all emo about it and HELP her! And when I say help her, I don't mean push her. Remind her how much you love her and how you'll always be there for her. Make her feel important and respected instead of "a blob of bubblegum." And if she does decide that she wants to lose some weight (keep in mind that she's the one that needs to decide this for herself), and stumbles in the end, be there for her and DON'T make her feel like a failure.

hey, someone here who never "partied through college" and I am not at a $7 an hour job You are materialistic. You're also a prick. If you honestly think that the fridge makes her happy, you know nothing about psychology. Many people turn to food for comfort. And if you're willing to say this kind of shit on a public forum about her, I am willing to place a decent amount of money on the fact that you treat her differently and look at her with disgust. That won't help ANYTHING. You may *think* you're wonderful and affirming and perfect to her, but disgust as deep as calling someone chewed bubblegum is not going to be easy to hide.

That you need to be more thin or stay that thin?