Love: Today, my ex said "I love you!" for the first time at a party... - FML

By Anonymous - 10/10/2009 04:25 - United States

Today, my ex said "I love you!" for the first time at a party in front of my boyfriend. Smugly satisfied, I said "Well, you're too late for that." My ex looked at me with irritation and said "I'm talking to him!" and gestured to my boyfriend. They'd been "best friends" since middle school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 167

You deserved it 36 567

Broken heart

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Stranded

By Alexa23 - 15/03/2009 15:47 - United States

Today, I got out of the shower and my 3 year old sister comes into the bathroom and says "I want big boobies like yours when I grow up." And from the other room I hear my dad go "Sweetie, you've already got bigger boobs than your sister." FML

I agree, your life sucks 131 041

You deserved it 8 872

By Anonymous - 03/08/2015 15:29 - United States

Today, a bunch of friends and I went skinny dipping in a pond. The guys all grabbed the ladies' underpants and waved then around. My bloody pad was inside of one of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 800

You deserved it 15 345

By Anonymous - 15/01/2015 15:12 - United States

Today, like every other day at work, I had to listen to people talk about being addicted to sex. I have to treat people for addiction to something I've never even had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 267

You deserved it 5 310

By aere - 27/01/2009 12:24 - United States

Today, three girls introduced themselves to me. I had met all of them before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 071

You deserved it 2 822

By JamesFuckingBond - 23/12/2016 21:05 - United States - Burlington

Today, I dropped my wedding ring on the carpet. Just as I was about to pick it up, my Roomba sucked it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 678

You deserved it 1 698

By anonymous - 17/05/2016 00:29 - United States - Ashland

Today, at the laundromat. I loaded a huge load into the top dryer, put all the quarters in, and started the bottom one. I realized my mistake when I came to check on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 112

You deserved it 3 783

Kevin can fuck himself

By Anonymous - 21/06/2021 00:01

Today, my husband was two hours late from picking up my daughter from practice. I called his cell once to check if they were alright. When they finally arrived, he was annoyed at me for "controlling" him. He then pushed his sweaty shirt in my face to take in his "musty scent". When I refused, he got mad again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 930

You deserved it 101

By Gee... Thanks - 03/09/2014 01:35

Today, while my orthodontist was working on my teeth, she made the comment, "Wow! It looks like a murder scene in there!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 708

You deserved it 5 643

Go forth and NOT multiply

By MirandaKristine - 06/03/2020 12:31 - United States - Miami

Today, my dad handed me my refilled birth control prescription. I thanked him, and he replied, "Well, God forbid you run out and reproduce." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 279

You deserved it 302

By Anonymous - 20/05/2019 14:22

Today, I had to cover for a coworker so I worked a 12-hour shift. I worked so late, I missed the final episode of Game of Thrones, which I have been really looking forward to. Guess who texted me, talking about how it ended? FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 062

You deserved it 308

By Anonymous - 13/06/2019 03:00

Today, one of my employees was fired for refusing to do a basic job necessity. After the meeting with HR, he left the office and tried to go back to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 634

You deserved it 156

It's a conspiracy!

By Anonymous - 06/10/2021 23:00

Today, it turns out calling out my mother's best friend out for the right-wing conspiracy theorist she is wasn't one of my best ideas. Now, my mother won't even reply to my messages. It's been two months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 718

You deserved it 421

By whymyroomthough - 06/08/2014 22:18 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I woke up because of a weird noise. Scared, I turned on my bedside lamp. I saw my older, 17-year-old brother peeing in my bedroom doorway. He was hoping I'd step in it in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 112

You deserved it 3 207

By YaytoSeniorYear - 05/09/2017 20:00

Today, my roommate revealed that she's dating my ex. I later had to navigate around them caressing each other just to grab my noodles from the microwave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 744

You deserved it 274

By Anonymous - 03/07/2013 00:00 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I came home from a long shift at work to find that my roommate had completely rearranged all of the furniture. Apparently the new arrangement is supposed to improve the feng shui of our apartment. My bed is in the living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 222

You deserved it 2 926

By Anonymous - 11/01/2015 08:44

Today, my brother woke me up by trying to light my bed on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 864

You deserved it 2 828

By Fattypatty - 09/07/2009 06:21 - United States

Today, I realized how fat I really am. While going to the bathroom I leaned to the side to wipe my butt and heard a crack. Not knowing what it was, I continued to wipe. After I finished, I got up to see that I'd cracked the toilet seat in half. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 270

You deserved it 58 183

By justinherass - 28/03/2009 05:43 - Canada

Today, while lying in bed with my girlfriend and she was grabbing the fat on my stomach I said to her "stop touching my fat". She replied "so don't touch you at all?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 808

You deserved it 24 937

By Anonymous - 16/09/2015 11:25 - Germany - Felsberg

Today, I heard my boyfriend telling a female friend that his ex was so gorgeous and out of his league that it made him feel inadequate, and so he now only dates within reach. She told him he's hot enough to have anyone he wants. 30 seconds later they were tongue-deep in each other's throat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 302

You deserved it 2 005

By sandwhiched - 01/01/2015 08:52 - United States - Los Angeles

Spicy

Today, I went on a road trip with my boyfriend and his best friend. What I thought was going to be a great, fun time ended up with me alone in a car with two large men who wouldn't stop farting for 14 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 596

You deserved it 4 788

That escalated badly

By Anonymous - 19/03/2020 09:03

Spicy

Today, a blowjob from my fiancée turned into exchanged oral, which turned into mutual masturbation while watching porn, which then turned into me being kicked out of the room because it was "weird" with me watching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 283

You deserved it 309

By Anonymous - 03/08/2009 18:33 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was handling corrosive chemicals when I accidentally spilled a beaker of Hydrochloric Acid on myself. I had to strip naked and use the emergency shower with my boss and my hot coworker watching. The worst part was when I realized my coworker was laughing at the size of my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 259

You deserved it 6 982

By Anonymous - 18/02/2013 03:27 - United States - San Ramon

Today, my leadership class was trying to decide who would run the kissing booth in our local carnival. Someone suggested me, to which the director replied, "We'd never make any profit with her." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 841

You deserved it 3 050

By stpdaziandude - 08/05/2009 20:51 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was watching an animal behavior movie. All of a sudden, it brings up two snails going at it. I got hard watching it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 795

You deserved it 44 927

By ambled - 24/12/2011 20:04 - United States

Today, I had to share a car with my dad and stepmother. My stepmother managed to get hammered at lunch and spent the hour-long car trip drunkenly mistaking the heating controls for the radio. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 516

You deserved it 2 319

By Really? - 10/07/2010 14:57 - United States

Today, I lost my job because I was late. I was late because I had no alarm. I had no alarm because my roommate got mad and broke my phone when I beat her at scrabble. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 768

You deserved it 6 398

Pirate Jim

By maryann - 09/05/2021 02:01

Today, I brought home my new boyfriend, who happens to have an eyepatch. Despite repeatedly telling them not to, even threatening punishment, my daughters, ages 9 and 11, would not stop calling him "Cyclops." He’s mad at me for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 959

You deserved it 317

By Anna - 06/01/2012 11:25 - United States

Today, my dad decided that he shouldn't have to wear clothes in the privacy of his own home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 229

You deserved it 3 363

By joolsie - 15/05/2013 23:45 - United Kingdom

Today, I received a note from my creepy ex, whom I broke up with two years ago, saying how much he still misses me. I live over 100 miles away from him now. The note was hand-delivered to my new address. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 753

You deserved it 3 574

By flipraff101 - 14/10/2009 09:20 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I was at home and my boyfriend called me and said that I'd left my G-string at his house. I only have one G-string and I was wearing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 907

You deserved it 2 741

By Anon - 23/07/2017 05:00

Spicy

Today, I went camping. The night was calm and quiet, so we went to our separate tents to sleep. I closed my eyes, listening to the distant waves and my father playing porn in the tent beside me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 008

You deserved it 442

By 2285morgan - 15/12/2011 20:12 - United States

Today, I heard my alarm go off, dragged myself out of bed, had breakfast and got ready for work. As I was heading out the door I checked the time again. It was 1:41 AM. Apparently my alarm never actually went off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 381

You deserved it 6 075

By Anonymous - 16/01/2011 01:34 - United States

Today, I hit a deer with a rental car... which I had to rent because I hit a deer with my car last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 057

You deserved it 21 728

By The L word - 30/01/2009 15:28 - United States

Today, I found out the girl I've been trying to date for six months is gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 839

You deserved it 6 253

By Brian - 18/03/2012 02:32 - United States - East Wenatchee

Today, while I was cuddling with my girlfriend, she looked at me and leaned in. Thinking she was going to kiss me, I leaned too. Just as we were about to kiss, she screamed "COW KISSES" and somehow managed to lick my eyeball. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 132

You deserved it 5 088

By littlebigbrother - 23/05/2012 06:13 - Japan

Today, we got a call that my brother stuck a rock up his nose and couldn't get it out. My mom had to pick him up and take him to the hospital. My brother is 20. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 329

You deserved it 2 129

By Anna - 18/06/2011 16:54 - Estonia

Today, I woke up with a high fever and hallucinations. I called for my mother, who after checking me, swore that I was just hungover from a night of partying, called me a "f*cking hedonist", and refused to help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 961

You deserved it 4 508

My eyes! My eyes!

By Anonymous - 03/06/2013 05:47 - United States - Sanford

Spicy

Today, I had to pee in my cat's litter box, just to avoid seeing my mom having sex in the living room on my way to the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79 161

You deserved it 6 402

Almost there, we're almost there…

By Anonymous - 26/09/2020 08:02 - United States - Rockaway Park

Today, I was rushing to walk home because my stomach was upset. I dodged multiple people, getting closer and closer, got my front door open, got up my stairs, and then lost control of my bowels on the top step. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 254

You deserved it 88

By anxious spaghetti - 03/12/2017 15:00

Today, I got dumped by my boyfriend over text. We wore each others' hats, so I gave his back and asked for mine. He “accidentally” burned it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 669

You deserved it 441

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Saturday 10 October 2009 12:42

You think you're really clever, don't you? Well, you're not. YDI.

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Saturday 10 October 2009 12:54

So you go from banging one guy to banging his best friend? Smooth.

Comments

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Saturday 10 October 2009 12:42

You think you're really clever, don't you? Well, you're not. YDI.

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Saturday 10 October 2009 18:47

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/2181359/how_to_find_clean_water_in_the_wilderness.html?cat=5

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Saturday 10 October 2009 19:03

getting sick of the "dating a gay man where my ex and new bf are going out" FMLs...

magicoilyoctopi 0

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Saturday 10 October 2009 19:30

Agreed #40.

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Sunday 11 October 2009 6:55

they're just friends, not gay. FYL for not being able to read

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Monday 12 October 2009 5:13

really they are friends... probably joking i say that kind of shit to my friends sometimes

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Tuesday 12 October 2010 16:26

agreed with 58.

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Saturday 4 December 2010 6:54

#58. I'm pretty sure op meant something else other than 'best friend'

persephone28 15

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Monday 10 January 2011 15:44

YDI coz u dont know ur boyfriends bestfriend, the ex ir the new one..

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Tuesday 7 June 2011 5:09

why the fuck would they have quotes around best friends if they were just friends? and even if that didn't prove it, this wouldn't be an fml if they were just "best friends"

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Saturday 10 October 2009 12:45

THREESOMES.

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Monday 15 March 2010 0:57

judging by ur reply ur prolly a self centered cunt ydi

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Wednesday 1 September 2010 7:23

And judging by yours I'm guessing you're a faggot.

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Tuesday 19 June 2012 9:19

I would have just said "I know! But your to late because he's mine!" Then it would have sounded like you knew what you we're talking about. Plus I wouldn't have assumed he was talking to me either... so you kinda put yourself in that situation. Lesson: never assume, because more than likely you'll be wrong that time.

soccerchick02 3

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Saturday 10 October 2009 12:46

wow, fyl. im sorry :(

laurellkawes 31

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Tuesday 19 January 2016 0:21

I really don't feel bad for her

memory_loss_fml 0

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Saturday 10 October 2009 12:49

I think you'd have gotten a *lot* more sympathetics fyl without the 'smugly satisfied'.

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Saturday 10 October 2009 12:54

So you go from banging one guy to banging his best friend? Smooth.

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Saturday 10 October 2009 14:04

that's more the best friends fault rather than hers

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Sunday 11 October 2009 0:55

You don't know that.

GuerillaRated 0

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Sunday 11 October 2009 4:32

Have you ever met a guy that said no to a hot chick? I say hot because she had to be smokin' in order for the dude to hook up with his best friends ex.

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Saturday 10 October 2009 12:56

I can't decide wether ydi or fyl but I have one question. What about "ex bf's friends are out of question"? or am I too old fashioned?

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Saturday 10 October 2009 12:58

I think she was surprised to find out they were "best friends". Let's give the stupid bitch the benefit of the doubt.

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Saturday 10 October 2009 13:53

How long were you dating the ex? A week? He never spent time with his best friend while you were dating?

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Saturday 10 October 2009 14:05

I agree with #15.

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Saturday 10 October 2009 14:22

#10 should make up a mind on his own.

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Saturday 10 October 2009 19:04

I think my head just exploded.

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Saturday 10 October 2009 14:05

You do realise that sometimes people say "I love you" to their friends, right? That doesn't mean they're "gay lovers" or whatever it is you're insinuating... Besides, it seems a bit weird for you to be dating your ex's best friend...

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Saturday 10 October 2009 14:53

Yeah but blurting it out at a party seems like it was a declaration of LOVE!!

cwl727 32

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Sunday 6 April 2014 5:22

I agree I am not sure if he said it as a friend or as a lover.

leenheartlovex3 0

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Saturday 10 October 2009 14:08

ROFL

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27

You deserved it 17

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89

You deserved it 7

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I'm on day 11 of having COVID. My husband said to me, "I hope you get better soon so we can finally have sex again." Thanks for being concerned about MY health and wellbeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 386

You deserved it 81

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 143

You deserved it 87