Frustration

By WhereIsIt? - 25/09/2020 22:01 - Australia - North Lakes

Today, I came home from a nine-hour shift and all I want is to sit down with a glass of Baileys. I can't find the key to the liquor cabinet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 869

You deserved it 391

Hiding from the drama

Vulture

Triage

16/01/2012 16:10 - United States

Today, I realized my self confidence is based on the amount of "likes" I have on my Facebook statuses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 319

You deserved it 38 311

30/04/2014 02:07 - United States - Maidens

Today, after getting home from finals and finishing the semester, I had a very heartfelt reunion with my dog during which he licked me all over the face. About an hour later, my dad told me, "By the way, don't let him lick you, he has hookworms." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 813

You deserved it 5 009

Potterheads, man…

By Anonymous - 14/04/2012 02:06 - France

Today, after several years of having her help me out by doing household chores, I bought my fifteen-year-old daughter a new pair of jeans. Her reaction was to squeal, "Master has presented Dobby with clothes. Dobby is free!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 763

You deserved it 61 935

Nature calls

By Anonymous - 03/10/2019 16:00

Today, I had to use a drop hole toilet while camping. The smell will haunt me for the rest of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 050

You deserved it 618

19/09/2012 20:41 - Sweden - Nyn?shamn

Today, a guy I've been seeing for a while sent me a link to a porn site, with the message, "Holy fuck, isn't this your mom?!" Thinking he was joking around, I clicked the link just to see what sick shit he wanted to show me. It was my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 403

You deserved it 3 666

Don't touch my stuff

By Anonymous - 08/07/2020 08:02

Today, I found out where all my favourite things have been disappearing to: the garbage bin, one item at a time, courtesy of my girlfriend, who it seems wants me in a suit reading the Financial Times on a Saturday, instead of my favourite Jedi dressing gown reading Game of Thrones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 992

You deserved it 602

19/01/2011 18:54 - United States

Today, at work, I helped out an employee who was having trouble. I even bought her a bottle of water. After the production manager decided to fire her on the spot, she went out in the parking lot and broke into several cars, including mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 068

You deserved it 2 660

Caught

By Anonymous - 14/10/2011 16:30 - Reserved

Today, I had to escort some dumbass teenager from Home Depot after I found him masturbating in one of the model washrooms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 473

You deserved it 3 394

15/01/2013 23:16 - United States - Houston

Today, I told my mom we get Monday off due to Martin Luther King Jr. day. She then insisted that I had to go to school because that is "only for black people." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 014

You deserved it 2 972

27/01/2010 06:21 - France

Today, my dad thought it'd be funny to put an Edward Cullen cutout behind my car as I backed it out the garage to see my reaction. Oh it was funny alright, except I was so scared that when I saw him through the mirror I reacted by stepping on the gas. We now have half a garage door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 649

You deserved it 8 570

30/11/2010 03:08 - United States

Today, I won employee of the month. I was then fired for being late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 728

You deserved it 6 973

08/12/2009 08:19 - United States

Today, in aerobics, while stretching, my friend leaned over to pull the long hair off my pants. It was my pubic hair sticking through my pants, and I screamed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 615

You deserved it 47 037

10/12/2013 17:26 - United States - Springfield

Today, marks my third day of school being closed due to snow. One, and only one, of the teachers has decided that we have to do work online in the meantime. I just so happen to be in three of his classes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 468

You deserved it 4 775

Seeing is believing

By Anonymous - 05/10/2010 10:46 - Sweden

Today, while taking a shower, I thought that the bathroom was extra steamy because of all the hot water. It wasn't until two-three minutes later when I put some shampoo in my hair that I realized I had forgotten to take my glasses off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 406

You deserved it 39 402

05/02/2011 12:02 - United States

Today, I saw my mom run across the house naked for a condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 062

You deserved it 4 203

28/06/2011 12:35 - Canada

Today, my dog got his head stuck in a container, panicked, and shat himself all over the living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 800

You deserved it 4 180

07/06/2009 02:14 - United States

Today, my friend was complaining about how fat she was. To make her feel better I said, "Psh, you're not fat! In fact we're about the same weight!" She looked at me for a second, then burst into tears sobbing, "I'm fat! I'm fat!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 626

You deserved it 10 550

04/11/2016 01:26 - United States

Today, while I was walking to class, I was hit by a car. The driver stopped to let me cross in front of her, started moving again, hit me, and then yelled at me, saying it was my fault for walking in front of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 966

You deserved it 672

18/06/2014 13:42 - France - Toulouse

Today, I celebrated my 22nd birthday. On my cake stood last year's "21" candle, to which had been added a single candle. Clearly, times are tough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 955

You deserved it 6 751

26/03/2017 18:47

Today, my now-ex dumped me at a house party, which I then couldn't leave, as all my things were at his house, where I was meant to be staying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 223

You deserved it 310

20/09/2018 17:30

Today, my family and I went to Olive Garden. Due to my autism, I sometimes have a nervous tic, which presented itself while I was looking at the menu. I would have appreciated it if my mom hadn't then screamed at me to stop in front of the entire restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 514

You deserved it 626

How the turntables turn

By PoorAndBroke - 12/09/2021 14:01

Today, I went to see a house for rent. The owner ended up being a person whom I denied renting to a long time ago, because I thought she was sketchy looking. Apparently she’s the CEO of a company now. She definitely recognized me and kicked me off the premises. FML

I agree, your life sucks 306

You deserved it 1 225

07/06/2009 06:18 - Korea Republic of

Today, I met a hot guy at the club. We danced and had a really good time, so I invited him home with me for the night. The next morning, I awoke to the sound of what I thought to be running water. I looked up to find him, naked and pissing into my air conditioner unit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 244

You deserved it 25 595

01/03/2012 16:17 - United States

Today, I'm so sick that I'm drinking fluids just to make it hurt less when I puke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 125

You deserved it 2 497

07/04/2015 00:58 - United States - San Francisco

Today, while at my job, a couple became angry with me because I charged them for an extra ranch they'd ordered, as I'm supposed to. When I explained how it says in the menu how any additional sauces are an extra charge, she said nastily, "That's okay, we'll just take it out of your tip". FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 239

You deserved it 2 678

01/04/2009 03:10 - United States

Today, I was volunteering at a school, as I walked past the swings these two girls smiled and said "wow, you are so pretty!". I smiled back and said "awww, well thank you!." As I walked past I hear them laughing, "she actually believed us." FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 431

You deserved it 5 131

Fight Club Penguin

By mama bear - 05/06/2020 20:00

Today, I punched an older woman in the face. I only hit her after she grabbed my 4-year-old daughter and told her to, "stop dancing like a whore!" My daughter was so terrified, she peed her pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 883

You deserved it 186

Weaponised chocolate

By Anonymous - 18/11/2010 04:46 - Australia

Today, I was doing photography, and decided to climb onto the roof of a building to photograph the city. I dropped a square of chocolate over the edge just to appreciate the height. Apparently, somebody saw me. I was arrested and am now being charged for trespassing and firing missiles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 063

You deserved it 28 103

28/11/2009 12:22 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to look at my positive eBay feedback to feel loved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 975

You deserved it 6 204

02/08/2009 04:21 - United States

Today, it was my wedding day, and while I was standing next to my husband in front of all of our guests, I was rocking on my heels because I was nervous. I rocked too far and fell backward. My husband didn't come to help me up. He just said at the top of his lungs, "FAIL!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 012

You deserved it 16 661

11/10/2013 11:45 - United States - Monroe

Today, after sending in my passport application for a trip to Paris, I got a letter from the state department saying despite them having my original birth certificate, I don't exist. Upon calling them, I was told that it only proves I'm a citizen, not that I exist. I pay taxes and have a mortgage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 405

You deserved it 2 700

18/03/2009 05:41 - United States

Today, I was walking up to girlfriends house when her terrifying Marine Corps dad threw a football at me. Not being very athletic i surprised myself by catching it. He gestured for me throw it back and i watched it spiral wildy to the left and hit my girlfriends mom in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 787

You deserved it 14 961

03/03/2009 21:27 - United States

Today, I drove my two kids to their friends' houses. In my convertible, looking what I though was my best, I slowed down outside a bar with cute 20 year old girls in front. My daughter noticed the speed reduction and said, "Keep driving dad, you're fat and mom left you for a reason." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 579

You deserved it 43 687

28/03/2014 22:05 - United Kingdom - Brentwood

Today, I had to calm my rather gullible boyfriend down and reassure him that the email he got, telling him that he has AIDS, was just a scam. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 603

You deserved it 4 353

23/01/2010 05:13 - United States

Today, I got out of the hospital for the second time in a week. The first time was for a seizure that my cat induced by tripping me over. The second was to get stitches from the Doberman that had decided to take over my front yard while I was gone. Apparently I was intruding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 188

You deserved it 2 429

04/03/2009 23:45 - United States

Today, I was in the gym, when i noticed three trainers who worked there staring at me. Thinking that they were checking me out, i turned the speed on the tread mill higher. Finally one of the trainers came over, and asked me to leave until i got a sports bra that actually worked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 382

You deserved it 47 414

15/01/2009 02:25 - Canada

Today, the guy sitting beside me on the bus fell asleep and just drooled on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 802

You deserved it 2 695

Say cheese!

By tramrider - 07/03/2010 16:29 - United Kingdom

Today, I got on an empty tram and decided to sit at the back. A few minutes in, I heard a noise. Thinking it was the tram, I decided to ignore it. When I heard what sounded like a giggle, I looked around to see that it wasn't the tram, but it was some creepy middle-aged man taking photos of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 284

You deserved it 2 481

05/03/2010 06:10 - United States

Today, my 18 year old daughter comes home telling me she has been fired from her job at McDonalds. The reason? They had ICarly happy meal toys and she couldn't resist stealing one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 528

You deserved it 5 379

30/11/2010 06:06 - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend what he wanted for Christmas. He then told me that he would only tell me if I promised not to get mad, so I agreed. He told me that he wants me to start working out because I'm getting fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 557

You deserved it 33 028

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RichardPencil 30

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Friday 25 September 2020 15:15

That's what an axe is for. Not only will you get your drink, you'll also have a great story for your next AA meeting.

ahabsfan 14

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Friday 25 September 2020 21:42

Check with the kids. They probably have it.

Comments

RichardPencil 30

Send a private message

Friday 25 September 2020 15:15

That's what an axe is for. Not only will you get your drink, you'll also have a great story for your next AA meeting.

ahabsfan 14

Send a private message

Friday 25 September 2020 21:42

Check with the kids. They probably have it.

samsonity 5

Send a private message

Monday 28 September 2020 23:46

Ever hear of a crowbar

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 134

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 484

You deserved it 121

Today, for the first time I had to lie to the man I intend to marry, because I had a very intense and hot dream about Leslie Nielsen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 451

You deserved it 136