Miscellaneous: Today, my doctor told me I'm pregnant. Since we've been trying... - FML

By DevastatedWoman - Belgium - Kalmthout

Today, my doctor told me I'm pregnant. Since we've been trying for several years, I called my husband to tell him the good news. Not long after, my doctor called to inform me there'd been a clerical mix-up and I'm not actually pregnant after all. FML

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Serious times

Empathy

Moving day, grandma

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I found out why my cups of tea have been tasting a bit funny. It turns out my kettle is full of ants, so every time I boil water to make tea, the ants get re-boiled along with it. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Parenting fail

Today, I left the living room for 3 minutes to make a coffee. When I went back, my 4-year old had found a permanent marker, God knows where, since I don't own a permanent marker. She'd then drawn on her face, the carpet, wall, sofa, both dogs and as an added bonus the TV screen. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Markham

Today, I tripped and fell on the sidewalk. As I did, a car that was passing by stopped, made a U-turn, and then came back so the people inside could laugh at me. When they were done taunting me, they made another U-turn and continued back in their original direction. FML

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By Ugly - United States

Today, I was looking at some comments on a silly YouTube video of me dancing with some friends. Someone posted a comment saying "Girl on the right is hot!!!." Next to that, it had about 31 thumbs down. I'm the girl on the right. FML

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By MIG2204 - Denmark - Copenhagen

So, here's the thing…

Today, my school told us that we all need to be checked and treated for threadworms. So now I need to go tell my girlfriend that she needs to be checked and treated for threadworms. We have been dating for little over a week. FML

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By quarantine hell - 31/3/2020 17:00

Quid pro quo

Today, I called my sister and asked if she could watch my baby while I went to the store for desperately needed groceries and supplies. She refused, despite the fact that she's randomly dropped off her three rambunctious boys more times than I could count so she could go clubbing. FML

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By widow - United States

Today, I received two cards in the mail for my late husband for his birthday. He has been dead for four years now, and the cards were from our two children, who live several states away. This is the fourth time it's happened, and neither of them answer my calls. Ever. FML

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By Tytonic - United States - Chevy Chase

Please, apologize

Today, my teacher yelled at me for using my phone in class. I apologized out loud, knowing that it would help me get off easier. She was yelling at somebody else. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, my dad thought it would be funny to spray my open window with the hose. RIP my laptop, phone, school books, wooden desk, my entire bookshelf, and my carpet. FML

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By fml boy

Today, my 10k dirt bike stopped starting. I used it once and owned it for less than 24 hours. Later in the afternoon, I dropped my phone and it cracked. Later in the evening, I was walking in my room towards my bed in the dark and I stubbed my toe on my Pc and one of the panels fell off. FML

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By Dumped - United States

Today, I was going on a date with my girlfriend. When I took her home, her sister came to the door. I used to date her sister and I didn't know they were related. My girlfriend realized this, then kicked me in the crotch. FML

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By

Someone else

Today, I was going down on my girlfriend when I noticed a hickey near her hip. I said, "wow, last night was crazy, I don't even remember doing that!". Without even interrupting the action, she simply said, "You didn't". FML

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By Youdontneed2knowmyname - United States

Today, I was so bored I began practicing an irish jig. For two hours. FML

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By nevergettingajob - Canada

Today, after handing in my resume to get a part-time job, I tried leaving, but the door wouldn't open. It was the "in" door. The person I gave my resume to had to slowly explain this to me. FML

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By no - United States

Today, I locked myself out of my truck for the first time. While trying to unlock it, it started to rain. After half an hour, I successfully unlocked the door and then drove over my book bag, which I had placed underneath the car to keep it out of the rain. FML

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By i stole your daughter's virginity anyways!!

Today, I met my girlfriend's dad for the first time. I recognized him. He's the guy that broke into my car and stole my backpack two weeks ago. FML

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By Anonymous - France

Today, I discovered that Paolo has a big penis, that he's good in bed and that the hotel sheets still remember it all. Mum, the walls won't get any thicker just 'cause you're on the telephone. FML

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By rattness - United States

Today, I found out the animal that was gnawing behind the kitchen wall all night was indeed a wild rat and his entire family. FML

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By huntbluntz95 - 18/11/2020 11:01

Cheapskate on the run

Today, I was at work at a coffee shop. We charge 50 cents every 15 minutes of use of our computers. An old man tried sneaking out without paying after being at a computer. As I was telling him to pay for his time, he threw a bagel at me and ran to his car. FML

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By Rumors - United States - Turtle Lake

Today, a rumor was spread around that I was dating somebody. I confronted the person who everyone thought I was dating, and asked him about it. He also thought we were dating. FML

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By wrongnumber - United States

Today, someone posted online a listing for a bicycle for sale, and accidentally put my phone number instead of their own. I have received more calls in one day than I have from friends and family in a week. FML

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By dadoftheyear - United States

Today, I had to say to my 23-year-old son that it's not a compliment to tell a woman that he wants to jam his cock down her throat. FML

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By Joe thomas - United States

Today, I was riding on my bike when I saw a homeless guy holding a sign saying, "Need money, stranded from Oklahoma." I decided to be nice, and hopped off my bike to give him $2. He took the money, and then jacked my bike. FML

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By Melinda - United States

Today, I was walking through the bar area of the restaurant I work at and fell on my ass. Customers complained to my manager that I shouldn't be drinking on the job. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I won employee of the month. I was then fired for being late. FML

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By yes, yes it does :( - United States

Today, I was waiting on a Canadian tourist at work, and he bought some of the most expensive stuff on the menu. I was excited about maybe getting a big tip, so I casually said that in the USA, waiters make most of our money off tips. The guy just snorted, "Sucks to be American, eh?!" and left. FML

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By Kendall14159 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I was babysitting a 6 year-old and a 9 year-old. After they went to bed, I started working on a project for on my laptop that was due in 12 hours and fell asleep. I woke up to a dog licking my peanut buttered keyboard and the two kids sitting in the corner giggling. FML

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By CoffeeBoy - United States

Today, I went to meet a potential client at StarBucks all the way across town about designing his website. I was extremely excited because I really need the work. I sat for an hour. Turns out he was across the street, at the other StarBucks. FML

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By SoreNips - United Kingdom - Brentwood

Today, I was lying in bed with my girlfriend, when she reached over and twisted my nipples to the point of tears. I'm still not sure what in the name of Dawkins I did to deserve that. FML

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By Passtheicecream

Today, I found out that the last of my super feminist "I'm never getting tied to a man" college friends got engaged. Apparently, I should have tried that tactic, as my current partner in life is my goldfish. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, before setting off on my train journey I checked my booking. The (non-refundable) return date was a week later than I intended, and after buying a new ticket online, I was informed that I would be able to collect it in 2 hours. I leave in an hour. I'll have to pay three times to come home. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, if it wasn't already embarrassing enough to tell my boyfriend I was on my period, I had to explain what a period is in the first place, how it works, and why it means nothing can happen during that time of the month. He's twenty. FML

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By shinoza - Malaysia

Today, for the first time in months, I got a call from a beautiful girl asking me what I was doing tonight. Then my battery died. FML

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By BarryShitpeas - United Kingdom - Cranbrook

Today, my enjoyment of popping bubble wrap was yet again ruined by my excessive OCD tendencies. FML

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By Bawo - United States

Today, I was getting it on with my cute guy friend in his candlelit bedroom and we had just started tearing each other's clothes off. I decided to be coy and sexy and flip my hair to the side. As I did so, my long hair caught in the flames of his lit candles and caught half of my head on fire. FML

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By KamiAzaaaaaa - United Kingdom - London

Today, I found out my credit card was maxed out to the penny, all thanks to purchases made on an online wine store. Apparently my mother was thirsty enough to steal from her own son. FML

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By ForeverYoung

Today, I got mistaken for a high school freshman. It’s my 23rd birthday. FML

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By malos - United States

Today, my band got booed off stage. FML

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By anonymous - United States - Valdosta

Today, while working at Subway I joked with a customer asking him if he was going to order in Spanish. The women in front of him began yelling about how I was being racist and told my manager that I needed to be fired. The customer I was joking with was my Spanish teacher. FML

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By Chubby - Belgium

Today, I was babysitting a really annoying kid who wouldn't listen to me, and threw his food through the kitchen, so I punished him. When his mother came home he ran to her and said, "Mommy, mommy, it's not true what you told me, fat people are NOT nice!" FML

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Top comments

By yamuri | 17

#6378235 - Wednesday 12 August 2015 0:40

That's unfortunate. One of the few actual FMLs that are really sad. Keep trying!

By ligerzero459 | 24

#6378246 - Wednesday 12 August 2015 0:43

I'm so, so sorry, OP. I hope you and your husband are successful in the future.

COMMENTS

By KelseyDaBoyz | 21

#6378233 - Wednesday 12 August 2015 0:40

I'm so sorry :(

By driaa | 15

#6378234 - Wednesday 12 August 2015 0:40

Sorry you had to go through that OP

By yamuri | 17

#6378235 - Wednesday 12 August 2015 0:40

That's unfortunate. One of the few actual FMLs that are really sad. Keep trying!

By SamSwebb | 24

#6378239 - Wednesday 12 August 2015 0:41

Gosh that's horrible, can't imagine that feeling

By beeferjay | 34

#6378240 - Wednesday 12 August 2015 0:41

keep trying, and trying, and trying

By ligerzero459 | 24

#6378246 - Wednesday 12 August 2015 0:43

I'm so, so sorry, OP. I hope you and your husband are successful in the future.

By 1dvs_bstd | 41

#6378252 - Wednesday 12 August 2015 0:44

It's just a temporary setback doesn't mean it isn't gonna happen eventually. It just means get back to making love till you're great with child.

By apink823 | 6

#6378254 - Wednesday 12 August 2015 0:46

That's tough, but what kind of doctor mixes up the files like that?

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Ichiya | 29

#6378328 - Wednesday 12 August 2015 2:10

It was probably not the doctor himself, besides accidents happen.

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Misscreant | 7

#6378612 - Wednesday 12 August 2015 7:55

It happened to me, just opposite of the OP's experience.

By kibster9 | 20

#6378257 - Wednesday 12 August 2015 0:47

Having children is the best blessing in the world, I hope you get that experience!

Reply

ukeandfoodislife | 19

#6378450 - Wednesday 12 August 2015 4:55

You're not even a girl... And you're 20 year old student. I really hope you don't have a kid.

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CliffyB03 | 28

#6378460 - Wednesday 12 August 2015 5:06

What does being a girl have to do with saying that children are blessings? Men can be parents too? They can say that children are blessings. And so what if he may be 20? Things happen.

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kibster9 | 20

#6379412 - Thursday 13 August 2015 1:37

I know a lot of people that are that same age as me and have one or two kids. Also, I do not have children as well, but I hope to have a couple!

By ally8 | 21

#6378261 - Wednesday 12 August 2015 0:50

Oh no... That's really unfortunate :(