Work: Today, despite hints, suggestions, and even blatant criticism,...

Fortunately since we are pathologists, we don't really have any direct patient contact. However we do have many surgeons coming down to the surgical pathology lab, not to mention the poor laboratory technologists who have to work around this guy ...

Work

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Leave us alone

The scientific method

By really - 21/06/2012 05:30

Today, my boyfriend thought he could make a pregnancy test read positive by jizzing on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 705

You deserved it 4 807

Mixed signals

By Anonymous - 30/06/2020 17:02

Today, my girlfriend always assures me she doesn’t care if I’m a little overweight, yet in the past few weeks she’s bought me running shorts, new trainers, a set of professional barbells and weights, a "how to lose weight in your living room" book and installed a treadmill in the garage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 119

You deserved it 597

05/09/2012 06:12

Today, my grandparents took me out for dinner for my birthday. After singing, "Happy birthday dear..." they froze. I had to say my own name because they'd forgotten it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 408

You deserved it 1 968

Marriage doesn't solve anything

By Anonymous - 12/03/2021 17:00

Today, my wife told me how she really felt about me, and said she didn't love me anymore. We got married last month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 126

You deserved it 77

13/07/2017 05:00

Today, I went on a date with a guy who turned out to be my older brother's friend. In the middle of the night we were drunk and got stuck in my room after the key broke inside the lock. My brother had to help my date climb out of the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 961

You deserved it 860

14/01/2011 10:11

Today, I got off work and checked my makeup in the mirror once I got in my car. I had a huge piece of spinach on my front tooth that no one told me about. I work the front desk of an upscale hotel and have been greeting guests all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 853

You deserved it 5 337

Puppy training

By doggone - 05/05/2012 23:07

Today, I walked in on my new puppy peeing on the carpet. The trainer had told me to punish her when she's bad by shaking a metal can of pennies at her, since the noise scares dogs. I shook it at her, and she responded by having explosive diarrhea all over the carpet in fright. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 958

You deserved it 34 818

16/07/2013 20:00

Today, my husband and I came clean to his overbearing parents about our private wedding. It started with them accusing him of making rash decisions, and somehow descended into an argument amongst themselves that ended with his mom deciding to divorce his dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 795

You deserved it 4 587

20/12/2010 03:41

Today, I found out that my friends have been "fake laughing" whenever I make a joke just so that the situation doesn't get awkward. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 250

You deserved it 24 234

04/07/2019 08:00

Today, I'm so sick, I'm even sick in my dreams. Orientation for my new job starts tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 429

You deserved it 97

11/12/2009 00:28

Today, my boyfriend, who's a bit older than me, introduced me to his daughter. I was expecting a toddler. Nope, she's a year older than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 329

You deserved it 39 986

The early bird gets the worm!

By WhatADickens - 20/01/2018 19:00

Today, after working on my novel for two years, I found out that another book has recently been published with an almost identical plot. I was going to submit it to a publisher in two days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 700

You deserved it 374

01/05/2013 15:55

Today, my mom asked me what a MILF is. Apparently that's her nickname at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 833

You deserved it 4 527

What are you doing here?

By sadmom - 18/03/2020 05:05

Today, I found out the man I have been dating is my son’s principal. I found out by having to pick my suspended son up from school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 582

You deserved it 378

04/03/2017 20:00

Today, after three university degrees and a decade of avoiding social media in order to make intelligent use of my time online, I discovered that giraffes are addictively mesmerizing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 215

You deserved it 1 325

02/07/2013 16:25

Today, I was at another long swim-meet, when my daughter shaved 15 seconds off her record swim time. When I asked her how she did it, she replied, "Well someone told me to swim as fast as I can." She's just been taking her time all these years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 392

You deserved it 5 592

15/11/2018 05:00

Today, my dryer was finally repaired after not working for over a month. I did one load of laundry and my washer stopped working. Another day, another $400+ repair bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 577

You deserved it 152

29/07/2019 02:00

Today, I found a spider in my car the size of my hand. Help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 716

You deserved it 128

Hesitation

By Anonymous - 01/03/2021 23:01

Today, I got a great job offer but things are constantly changing at my current position due to COVID. So I was honest and told them I wanted to see what my employer could offer. They took back their offer and gave it to someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 347

You deserved it 1 601

Happy Holidays

By Alone - 27/12/2020 13:58

Today, after spending Christmas alone because my bus home got cancelled due to Covid, I found that I have to spend the New Year alone and potentially homeless because my flight home got cancelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 823

You deserved it 140

10/03/2010 11:05

Today, when I went to see a movie with my best friend, and there were 3 girls loudly discussing blow job techniques. I texted my boyfriend about how gross the conversation was. His reply was "Pay attention. You might learn something." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 290

You deserved it 29 494

20/10/2012 08:49

Today, my husband informed me that he recently slept with a secretary of his to become better at sex for me. I don't know what's worse, the fact that he cheated on me or that he seriously believes that he has a reasonable excuse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 432

You deserved it 2 323

03/07/2012 23:20

Today, my dad was driving me home and was angrily explaining how my boyfriend was a bad influence and that he was hanging out with the wrong crowd. After finally convincing him to give him another chance, we stopped at a traffic light just in time to see my boyfriend being chased by police. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 712

You deserved it 38 695

HealthCare for all

By oopsbaby - 11/03/2020 18:00

Today, I found out that my girlfriend stopped getting her birth control weeks ago so she could afford a new Nintendo Switch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 640

You deserved it 302

09/11/2014 08:37

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me via Twitter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 882

You deserved it 3 848

Photography nerd

By Anonymous - 20/09/2013 23:44

Today, the girl I like sent me a nude photo of herself. Being a photographer, all I could think about was how grainy the photo was, and the various ways it could be fixed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 021

You deserved it 21 788

You've got some explaining to do

By Anonymous - 19/11/2020 23:01

Today, my boyfriend accidentally synced his contacts to my phone. I'm not sure who I want to message first, "Amber (Big Ass)", "Kayla (Baby Girl)", or one of the other 64 with similar descriptions in parentheses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 249

You deserved it 96

20/09/2012 06:10

Today, I finally found the perfect quote to open my college essay. Then I found out that the author was one of the founders of the KKK. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 929

You deserved it 3 968

29/04/2012 03:55

Today, I was grounded by my mom because I had slept in past 11, when she wanted me to wake up at seven to do chores. According to her logic, I should have seen the note she left on the counter earlier this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 144

You deserved it 3 067

21/01/2017 14:00

Today, when I asked my husband to join me in the shower to "save water", he said, "Let the environment suffer, not me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 410

You deserved it 951

Running commentary

By lukey101 - 25/06/2020 17:02

Today, the Snapchat that I was taking of my car being washed, including my commentary like, "Oooh yeah, get into it baby," was replayed loudly through my car via Bluetooth while the workers were inside and all around washing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 485

You deserved it 1 821

16/12/2012 00:57

Today, some beefed-up guy wearing a wife-beater sat in my restaurant, took out a big sack of coins, and played My Little Pony songs on the jukebox for 4 hours straight. I couldn't summon the courage to tell him to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 034

You deserved it 5 946

13/08/2015 17:12

Today, my love life is so pathetic that when I got a sample of cologne in the mail, I kept sniffing it just to remind myself what a guy smells like. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 782

You deserved it 3 521

30/04/2009 04:53

Today, I finally got my cast taken off my leg after a long month of crutches. I was so excited, until four dead spiders fell out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87 624

You deserved it 4 563

05/12/2012 10:52

Today, my pregnant girlfriend gave me back the ring I'd used to propose with a week ago. Her reason? She only said yes because she was worried the real father of the baby wasn't going to stick around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 867

You deserved it 2 859

22/10/2010 09:04

Today, I was walking home down a small street while listening to my iPod. I really got into the music, and started to dance really badly, only to realise there was a car following me, trying to get past. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 202

You deserved it 31 616

14/05/2014 20:58

Today, I found out my son has a new hobby after seeing a picture on the internet: putting realistic-looking stickers of spiders at the bottom of my coffee mugs. My wife was scared half to death this morning after downing a cup of coffee and then glancing the cup's bottom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 277

You deserved it 4 797

28/04/2011 11:07

Today, I once again told my son he needed a job and a girlfriend because I simply could not keep him in my house anymore. He yelled, "No, I can do whatever I want!" Then went back to playing video games. He's 38. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 298

You deserved it 46 210

08/01/2014 20:27

Today, I learned that my new parakeet hates her reflection, and will screech loudly day and night unless I take the mirror out. My other parakeet loves the mirror and constantly cries out when I remove it. I can't win. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 606

You deserved it 6 135

27/02/2009 07:58

Today, I met this really attractive guy who introduced himself as Wyan. He was really cool and sweet and we got along pretty well. Then someone informed me that his name is Ryan and that he has a speech impediment, AFTER I had been referring to him as Wyan for quite some time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 719

You deserved it 15 003

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Top comments

supertacowaffle 41

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Thursday 18 February 2016 12:06

I don't understand people like this at all, hopefully he gets the hint eventually when he realises that a morgue literally smells better than he does

FemskyD 26

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Thursday 18 February 2016 12:11

can't you ask a supervisor to speak with him? that sounds horrible

Comments

Kieranr10 23

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Thursday 18 February 2016 11:58

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

drayloon 50

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Thursday 18 February 2016 17:41

Some people can't handle the spotlight and expectations of being the first comment

Tarlachia 33

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Thursday 18 February 2016 11:58

Perhaps show him video proof of the dead rolling in their morgue chutes due to his b.o.?

supertacowaffle 41

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Thursday 18 February 2016 12:06

I don't understand people like this at all, hopefully he gets the hint eventually when he realises that a morgue literally smells better than he does

FemskyD 26

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Thursday 18 February 2016 12:11

can't you ask a supervisor to speak with him? that sounds horrible

ThatHorse 15

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Thursday 18 February 2016 13:26

Unfortunately there are people out there whose religion or culture forbids the use of showers or soap and, most importantly, deodorant.

nonsensical 26

Thursday 18 February 2016 14:26

I highly doubt his is a religious case.

vegantreegirl 26

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Thursday 18 February 2016 15:38

#20 (That Horse): Wrong. It's a hygiene issue. Regardless of the guy's religion the company CAN say he has to shower/use deodorant or be fired. At least in the U.S.

ThatHorse 15

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Thursday 18 February 2016 17:42

Actually that varies from state to state #33. Many states argue that religion and cultural heritage are to be protected, even at work. So if it is a religion/culture thing, OP and his coworkers are probably screwed.

bandaidstations 28

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Thursday 18 February 2016 18:29

What religion wouldn't support basic hygiene?! I don't need some book to tell me what's right and wrong...and definitely not when to clean myself. Wow.

Someone1111 22

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Thursday 18 February 2016 21:49

Please name a religion that forbids you to stay clean. Being clean is part of your health, so tell me which religion prohibits you to be unhealthy

False_Stupidity 41

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Friday 19 February 2016 5:57

The church of the smelly armpit.

GokuSS400 18

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Friday 19 February 2016 11:25

Touche #65……well done, here's your cookie

ananicosia 28

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Thursday 18 February 2016 12:12

He smells worse than the dead, he's the walking dead and killer of noses everywhere

wobbly1 16

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Thursday 18 February 2016 17:20

Describes a coworker of mine. He smells bad enough that flies threw up. After repeatedly commenting about the smell and taping deodorant to his locker, H R had a meeting with us about how this harassment will stop and if the culprit that harassed him was found, they would be fired. They stand by his right to stink, not our right to breathable air. We still put have to put up with his funk. Sucks to be us.

sturschaedel 27

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Thursday 18 February 2016 12:14

Make up some CDC safety protocol that you have to follow and spray him down with a hose every day when he comes in.

bigbluetardis 21

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Thursday 18 February 2016 12:19

The real question is, how do you know what rotten donkey nuts smell like?

ragnarok1540 39

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Thursday 18 February 2016 12:57

Our medical school book shipment warehouse is near the veterinary school anatomy lab, and once they brought in a several day old donkey carcass from a local farm for their anatomy classes ...

syki 22

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Thursday 18 February 2016 13:26

Oh, God, why?

RedPillSucks 31

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Thursday 18 February 2016 14:45

wow. the first legit answer to the weird question everyone was asking.

TheNewGuy03 28

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Friday 19 February 2016 3:12

Un-fucking-canny. I was not particularly interested in the odor of a decomposing ass initially, but fuck ... I am surprised to see something normally hyperbolic and jocular in nature being described literally.

mthurston 14

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Sunday 21 February 2016 2:56

Very well said sir

STFU01 14

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Saturday 29 December 2018 17:08

That's what I was wondering too...

Miss_Chevious 37

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Thursday 18 February 2016 12:20

What I want to know is why you know how rotten donkey nuts smell like?

Leanne798 25

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Thursday 18 February 2016 22:12

See the OP's answer on the question above you ^

igg125 30

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Thursday 18 February 2016 12:21

Time to let this guy go.

Norja 33

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Thursday 18 February 2016 12:26

I never understand how some people who small so bad cannot smell it on themselves.

techieloot 8

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Thursday 18 February 2016 13:03

they get used to it

askullnamedbilly 33

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Thursday 18 February 2016 16:53

Because that's how our noses work. We adapt to smells pretty quickly, because it's not new information to our brains. Have you never exited a room you've been in for hours for a quick break, and reentered it only to ask yourself how on earth you didn't notice how stale the air was?

TheNewGuy03 28

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Friday 19 February 2016 3:15

He's basically the guy that Del the Funkee Homosapien was describing in "If You Must"