Health: Today, I went to the doctor, because I've been having stomach... - FML

By actually just constipated.. and stupid - Tunisia

Today, I went to the doctor, because I've been having stomach pains and nausea for weeks. He ended up gravely telling me I'm pregnant. I freaked out and panicked about what my parents would say. Then his laughter reminded me that I'm a guy. A really stupid one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26214

You deserved it

37629

Tweet

Share

Bad news

Mr Sensitivity

Public transport FTW

By awkward - Finland

Today, my mom got me a job working for the man she's cheating on my dad with. My dad doesn't know that she's cheating, and my mom doesn't know that I know. It's just awkward. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52631

You deserved it

4042

Tweet

Share

By EpicFail - United States

Today, I fell asleep. I felt something on my face. I batted it away. It was my hamster. It died from a concussion upon hitting the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40654

You deserved it

15858

Tweet

Share

By you fuckhobbit - United Kingdom

Today, I was on my favourite forum when I saw a guy ranting at some pro-lifer fanatic. For fun, I replied "umad bro?" apparently moments after the forum founder also left an angry reply. I'm now banned for a month for "trolling the founder" and all my posts have vanished without a trace. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12022

You deserved it

36405

Tweet

Share

By SenescentSouthernBoy - United States

Today, I borrowed a roommate's car to get groceries. I came out to find the car stolen. I called the cops, and the responding officer took the info and drove me home to give the roomie the bad news in person. 15 minutes later, they found the car. I'd parked it on the opposite side of the lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9456

You deserved it

60632

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 24/12/2020 16:58 - United States - Rockaway Park

Wedding of the year

Today, I dreamed that I got so nervous during a toast at my friend's wedding that I pissed myself. To coax myself to wake up, I took off my dress, stripped down to my underwear, and pinched myself. I wasn't dreaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks

366

You deserved it

967

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I sent a friend request on facebook to the only person I became friends with this semester at college. He denied me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31079

You deserved it

4339

Tweet

Share

By Julissa - 25/2/2021 00:30

Asshat

Today, I got a call from my husband, saying that he wants a divorce, he’s been seeing his colleague and that she’s more compatible to him. I’ve just given birth to out first child. He told me, "Aww, good luck with that." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1129

You deserved it

65

Tweet

Share

By wtfuraretard - United States

Today, my boyfriend called me over, all just to unclog his toilet. It was clogged because he put my phone in it while he was taking a dump to see if it would actually flush. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29912

You deserved it

5170

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I met this really nice guy at the mall and he gave me his number. Later that night, I texted him. We got on the subject of food, and I started talking about how much I love veal. He responded with saying I was supporting animal murder, that I should go to hell and lose his number. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46988

You deserved it

20588

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that the love of my life, who I've been going out with for two weeks only, asked me out because he lost a bet. Apparently I'm the punishment for not being able to eat 10 hot dogs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56075

You deserved it

12800

Tweet

Share

By Luke - United States - Liverpool

Today, my department found out that we're getting a new supervisor for the third time this month. I joked about how we're like "the foster kid nobody wants." One of my coworkers burst into tears and ran off. I later found out that she had been a foster child and never once had a stable home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38052

You deserved it

29592

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my husband was leaving on a long business trip to Germany. As he's leaving, my daughter starts crying. 'Dont leave me with her !' she says. 'Take me with you !' FML

I agree, your life sucks

53722

You deserved it

8894

Tweet

Share

By newbornphotog - Germany - Berchtesgaden

Today, I finally realized I've spent the last 6 years building a business I hate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11712

You deserved it

2094

Tweet

Share

By uninspired - United States

Today, my cheater of an ex-boyfriend sent me one of his many messages proclaiming his new-found love for me, and in the middle of it asked me how my period was going. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27291

You deserved it

2244

Tweet

Share

By Username - United States

Today, a highly intoxicated man came into my workplace and complained that the medicine that I'd prescribed for his dog almost choked him. I work at Blockbuster. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32580

You deserved it

2583

Tweet

Share

By Joy - Denmark

Today, we had guests coming over. My dad wanted me to make some bacon, but I refused because I'm a vegetarian, and don't like to touch meat. His response? 'Good joke honey, now make the bacon.' FML

I agree, your life sucks

35972

You deserved it

19159

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I decided to check my email on our family computer. Since my dad's account was already logged on, I chose to use his instead of logging on my own. When opening up a new page and seeing his recently viewed sites, I learned that he loves to watch porn. I also learned he has a foot fetish. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34410

You deserved it

19329

Tweet

Share

By stupiddddddd - United Kingdom

Today, I got further with a guy than I've ever before. By that, I mean I got his phone number. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56556

You deserved it

9012

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, in a fit of jealousy over my recent muscle growth, my brother told our mom that I've only been going to the gym so I could smoke weed with my friends. She believed him and grounded me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45526

You deserved it

2936

Tweet

Share

By Singleforever - United States - West Hartford

Today, I finally matched with someone on Tinder after using it for a month. I sent a message and they unmatched. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13050

You deserved it

1209

Tweet

Share

By drugged_on_arrival - Virgin Islands British

Today, I woke up at my crazy ex-girlfriend's house, naked and disoriented. You know, the kind of crazy like we-didn't-break-up-it-was-just-a-fight-now-we-can-get-married crazy. She says everything's fine now and she's so glad we've "started our family." FML

I agree, your life sucks

52079

You deserved it

16752

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my annoying colleague gasped, wrapped her arms around herself, started sweating and curled up in a ball crying, "No, no, no" in front of several customers. They accused me of 'setting her off', when I blurted out, "Sorry, she gets panic attacks". All I did was say the word 'abortion'. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34759

You deserved it

6427

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - United States

Today, my 14-year-old son was terrified of going into the water near our house, because he was scared of having his leg bitten off by a shark. We live by a lake. I tried explaining why it couldn't happen, but he just cowered behind a beach towel. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30097

You deserved it

4775

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 7/5/2020 23:00

Smooth talking

Today, I downloaded Hinge for the first time, only to have the first guy I match with to tell me, "I can’t wait to breed you and to knock you up." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1362

You deserved it

226

Tweet

Share

By itsbeenalongday - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was taking a long, relaxing, hot bath with my girlfriend after a long day. She had fallen asleep in my arms and everything was perfect - until I noticed the water around us had started turning yellow as she pissed herself in her sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31830

You deserved it

3030

Tweet

Share

By good friend - United States - Missoula

Today, my friends and I had our Christmas party. I ended up being the only one sober, and had to drive each and every person home. There were 15 of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40415

You deserved it

5794

Tweet

Share

By looser

Today, I pronounced FAQ as 'fuck' to my boss. I'm not a native speaker. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14643

You deserved it

1486

Tweet

Share

By budgetboss - United States - Granbury

Today, I got a call that my custom order bridesmaid dress is at the apartment complex I just moved out of. They won’t give it to me because I’m no longer a resident, but they just thought I should know. The wedding’s tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4177

You deserved it

361

Tweet

Share

By Whateversz - Netherlands

Today, when I took a nap on the couch, a spider crawled into my mouth. How do I know? My boyfriend filmed it and laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37950

You deserved it

3719

Tweet

Share

By f.a.t. - Australia

Today, while in bed, my boyfriend pointed to my stomach and said, "Bad fat", then pointed to my boobs and said, "Good fat." FML

I agree, your life sucks

56491

You deserved it

7754

Tweet

Share

By Loot - United States

Today, I received a box in the mail from my mom which I assumed was a care package. It was a scale to encourage me to lose weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36878

You deserved it

6030

Tweet

Share

By Raw95 - United States

Today, I was eating at Steak N' Shake. I noticed that the cute waitress was checking me out. When I was done with my meal she wrote her number on the ticket. So, as I was walking out the door, I turned around to wave at her, and walked into a metal bar next to the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52785

You deserved it

24529

Tweet

Share

By dumbass

Today, I emailed my fiancé the assignment that I was handed for a journalism job interview, asking for him to take a look and give opinions about it. I accidentally e-mailed it to the job interviewer. She responded, and even CCed it to the CEO. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4586

You deserved it

2253

Tweet

Share

By Pavlov Dog

Today, I "woofed" at a man on a gay dating site before realizing he's my Psych professor. Now during every lecture I'll never forget his nipples are pierced. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4499

You deserved it

1523

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend where he went to lunch. He said he went to Wendy's. I teased him and asked if he got tired of eating burgers and Frosty's all the time. His response? "What? No, I mean at Wendy's. You know, the hot girl from work?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

41153

You deserved it

6553

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, while I was putting up Christmas lights, my younger brother wouldn't stop pestering me. It seems he hadn't forgotten the time I gave myself an electric shock last year, and he wanted to see if I'd do it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25137

You deserved it

3563

Tweet

Share

By t.hughes - United States

Today, my fiancé dumped me because he claimed he needed to "focus on his career and his engagement." When I asked him how dumping me would help with his engagement, he immediately replied with, "No, I mean my other one." FML

I agree, your life sucks

51552

You deserved it

3671

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 15/8/2020 05:01

Me is what matters

Today, my mother once again interrupted me and talked over me, as though I wasn't saying anything at all. Then she wondered why I remained quiet after she was done talking about her mother doing that. Must run in the family. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1317

You deserved it

94

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - Calgary

Today, at a restaurant, I happily watched as my boyfriend of three years got down on his knees and proposed to me. Before I could say yes and hug him, a girl flung herself at him, kissed him and shouted, "Yes!" With us still highly confused, she then ran away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50543

You deserved it

3895

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Denmark - Lemvig

Today, I've been bedridden for the past two weeks. My boyfriend casually remarked that he understands now why some people cheat on their seriously-ill partners. Thanks for adding to the stress, sweetie. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50037

You deserved it

3381

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By feven | 32

#6221696 - Thursday 5 March 2015 0:20

You should've said "I'm not a man" just to fuck with him too

By XxDanno316xX | 27

#6221690 - Thursday 5 March 2015 0:19

You're not on the pill!? Jeez man. At least use condoms Eh mate!

COMMENTS

By XxDanno316xX | 27

#6221690 - Thursday 5 March 2015 0:19

You're not on the pill!? Jeez man. At least use condoms Eh mate!

Reply

noah_1234 | 24

#6222445 - Thursday 5 March 2015 20:10

never thought I would say this but thats a cool doctor.

By feven | 32

#6221696 - Thursday 5 March 2015 0:20

You should've said "I'm not a man" just to fuck with him too

Reply

XxDevilxXGt | 26

#6221715 - Thursday 5 March 2015 0:26

Luckily for OP, there's a chance the doctor thought OP was playing along with the joke and made a really good pretend freakout?

Reply

fsomelife | 26

#6221718 - Thursday 5 March 2015 0:33

And told the doc he's the father.

Reply

mellajella | 14

#6221927 - Thursday 5 March 2015 5:59

The doctor knows his gender from the papers he has to submit before being seen...

Reply

ChrissyRaz | 9

#6222230 - Thursday 5 March 2015 17:24

#63 Way to kill it, captain obvious

Reply

Nevrdai | 5

#6223722 - Friday 6 March 2015 23:45

"I thought you were a doctor and you can't even differentiate gender?!" Hahaha

By Dodge4x4Ram | 46

#6221697 - Thursday 5 March 2015 0:20

took freaked out to a new level

Reply

buckstop1 | 37

#6221736 - Thursday 5 March 2015 0:45

Maybe you should take the next level. The capital level. Perhaps even a "T".

Reply

PurpleSprite | 7

#6221859 - Thursday 5 March 2015 4:17

we all understand what he's saying, so is that really necessary? not defending him or anything but go about your business dude.

By patrickalamo | 47

#6221698 - Thursday 5 March 2015 0:21

Sympathy pains for your girlfriend maybe?

By wishfulthinks | 19

#6221702 - Thursday 5 March 2015 0:22

Did the doctor diagnose stupidity?

Reply

badmandilon | 19

#6221786 - Thursday 5 March 2015 1:45

Is it necessary?

By acommonman | 23

#6221705 - Thursday 5 March 2015 0:22

You're a complete idiot, haha. Sorry OP, but you deserve this one.

By BlondePsycho | 43

#6221708 - Thursday 5 March 2015 0:22

Did you know gullible isn't in the dictionary?

Reply

ohSNAPyall | 26

#6221785 - Thursday 5 March 2015 1:44

"Gullible" isn't in the dictionary, but it's written on the ceiling!

Reply

113421145311564 | 14

#6222381 - Thursday 5 March 2015 19:26

...

By seholland | 11

#6221710 - Thursday 5 March 2015 0:23

Geez... I guess you shouldn't be such a BABY about it...? anyone... no?

Reply

bab3ruthl3ss | 16

#6221758 - Thursday 5 March 2015 1:03

No.

By Stazza11 | 27

#6221711 - Thursday 5 March 2015 0:23

You probably did need to give birth though, to a huge shit. Same concept, completely different experience and people don't exactly congratulate you and want to hold it.

Reply

TheHumanHeater | 6

#6221734 - Thursday 5 March 2015 0:45

I believe the proper term is mud baby

By MDoremis | 38

#6221712 - Thursday 5 March 2015 0:23

I think I laughed a little harder than I should have. Sorry, OP!

Reply

buckstop1 | 37

#6221732 - Thursday 5 March 2015 0:44

Why be sorry? This is FML. He posted this at his own risk. Of course we are going to mock OP.

Reply

Wilffe56 | 9

#6224598 - Saturday 7 March 2015 19:22

Yes we're going to mock posters, but we're not going to be jerks about it.