Today, my daughter turned one month old. I decided to give her a congratulatory kiss on the cheek. She decided to projectile vomit warm breastmilk into my partially open mouth. FML
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Today, I asked my one-year-old to come and give mommy a kiss. She did and it was really sweet, until she tried to spit a piece of dog food into my mouth. FML
Today, after I finished giving my baby a bottle then burping her, I lifted her up and was bringing her in for kisses. As I was doing this, I felt this warm liquid hit my lips and slide into my mouth. I instantly pulled her back and she'd vomited. It took everything out of me not to vomit myself. FML
Today, I was playing with my four month old daughter, flying her in the air like an airplane. I open my mouth saying 'Weeee', and she vomited on my face. FML
Today, I went to visit my mom and my 3-month-old sister. I picked the baby up, totally unaware that she had just eaten. As I went to give her a kiss, she vomited straight into my mouth. Let's just say she wasn't the only one who puked. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend. She threw up in my mouth. FML
Today, I kissed the girl I love for the first time. Her reaction? She vomited. FML
Today, my daughter was feeling sick. She threw up on the floor. As I was cleaning up her vomit, she threw up on my head. Twice. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML
Today, I taught my 18 month-old daughter to wipe the green, snotty mucus from under her nose with a tissue. To which, like a ninja, she then wiped my open-mouthed upper lip with that same snotty tissue. FML
Today, my six-month-old daughter decided to explore my nose, and before I could stop her she shoved her thumb deep in there. She thought it was hilarious when blood started gushing down my shirt. My nose is agony to touch and I still had to clean her up first. FML
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Top comments
no1askdu 5
thats how i say i love you
SlightlyGPirate 0
i didn't know men could breastfeed now! must be some genetic thing.
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Comments (106)
netfreak 0
omfg
jonny2x4 0
Wow! That's like a reverse baby-bird! That must have been a sight! Now if that had been a boy, you'd be enjoying a warm stream of liquid gold. Count your blessings pops.
nobitch 0
something like that happened to my dad he went to lift my sister into the air and vomited straight into his mouth my parents still tell that story to all her BFs
thatznotmyname 0
Well then you're in for a shocker for the next 9 months of your life. She will be spitting up on you quite often. It's kind of what babies do. It's just their thing. Wait for the first time that she pees on you. It makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Or maybe just smelly and wet, but who knows.
tony8pie 0
Vomiting is an involuntary bodily function, like sneezing or blinking. So she really didn't "decide" to do it. And all babies vomit, so not really an fml...
cefarix 5
That's cute. A month-old baby's vomit can't really be that dirty. @#4: Yes, men _can_ breastfeed.
boredperson 0
are you serious!?!?!?
LilaBear 2
They can not. It's only been recorded, like, twice in history.
3ph600v 15
meaning they sometimes can
WoolyWhoop 7
Today, projectile vomit. FML. That's all it takes now to get an FML submitted.
kukopia 0
Awww, she's sharing her lunch w/ Daddy...
Intoxicunt 6
Aww, father-daughter version of 2 Girls, 1 Cup!
the_coon_fml 0
is that a good movie?
plexico 4
Nice one! You know what that phrase does to me, but I'll be nice and not mention the F-word.
shootingstar8D 0
Ewww why is your mouth open when you kissed ur babe? Were u making out with her? Gross.