Love: Today, I surprised my girlfriend with roses. She surprised me...

By fmylovelife - 27/06/2011 23:45 - United States

Today, I surprised my girlfriend with roses. She surprised me by getting back together with her ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 419

You deserved it 3 459

Love

Kitten time

Overreaching

Good to know

By emmey - 23/07/2009 19:43 - United States

Today, while showering at my boyfriend's house early this morning, I saw a huge black spider on the wall. I am allergic to spiders, so in my disorientation I ran out of the shower screaming, slipped, sprained my wrist and bruised my tailbone. Turns out the spider was a clump of hair. My hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 886

You deserved it 44 771

By Anonymous - 01/07/2012 17:09 - United States

Today, my husband and I went to the store. Because we have no car, we had to walk four miles in the 115 fahrenheit weather. It didn't click until we were standing outside the door with a metric shit-tonne of ice-cream, that we'd have to tear ass back home to keep it all from melting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 249

You deserved it 30 121

By Anonymous - 17/05/2009 05:17 - United States

Today, I was on a bike ride when a bug flew into my eye. Not wanting to stop, I figured I would just keep that eye closed until I could cry it out. Five seconds later, a bug flew into my other eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 894

You deserved it 8 663

By Kate - 07/03/2009 18:36 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were out to eat. The waiter came and asked what we wanted. My boyfriend said he wanted a cheeseburger and I told the waiter I'd have the same. My boyfriend looked at me and said, "Are you sure you don't want a salad?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 595

You deserved it 8 223

By IAmACoolCat - 05/07/2011 16:41 - United States

Today, I found my dad using my bathroom. Why? Because he "had to take a crap" and didn't want to stink up his own bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 449

You deserved it 4 935

Y'all need him!

By Anon - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had to tell my mom to stop sending pictures of Jesus to my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 765

You deserved it 3 501

Salad days

By Anonymous - 19/01/2017 08:28

Today, I saw a customer open a bottle of salad dressing, taste it, then put it back on the shelf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 537

You deserved it 764

By Anonymous - 27/03/2013 18:26 - Canada - Red Deer

Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm for the first time. She's a screamer. Her dog must have thought I was attacking her, because he immediately came over and started savaging me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 779

You deserved it 6 177

By nightmare ass - 15/05/2019 06:11

Today, I let out the most vile, nose-melting dairy curdling fart of my life. The sound didn’t wake me up. But the nightmare I had from how rank smelling it was sure did. My own fart ruined my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 467

You deserved it 387

Pro gamer move

By Anonymous - 28/11/2020 07:04 - France

Today, I wanted to play Among Us for a little distraction. I ended up having a panic attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 555

You deserved it 205

By Pissy - 23/05/2019 06:05

Today, I thought my boyfriend wanted to be romantic by pouring a bath, getting in then calling me in. As I get comfortable, he stands up and gets out. At the same time, I notice yellow water. He'd pissed in the tub for a joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 274

You deserved it 214

By Flyboy - 18/07/2010 05:02 - United States

Today, during an early morning preflight check, I spotted liquid pooling under the aircraft. I rubbed my fingers in it and sniffed. Good news? No dangerous fuel or hydraulic fluid leak. Bad news? My copilot was too lazy to walk back to the hangar to take a leak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 773

You deserved it 4 372

By cheat - 18/10/2009 11:30 - United States

Today, I cheated at card games to let my boyfriend win. I did it because I don't like him to throw the cards at me when I win. Now he just thinks I'm 'so slow a turtle could kick my ass' and that he has 'a cute little bubbly spud-brained girlfriend.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 068

You deserved it 37 121

By Anonymous - 27/11/2013 02:39 - United States - Bakersfield

Today, I was searched and questioned at the airport for having an apple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 876

You deserved it 4 766

By Anonymous - 25/05/2012 01:37 - United States - Lawrence

Today, my teenage daughter asked me if accents are hereditary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 651

You deserved it 4 214

By soy_un_perderdor - 13/12/2009 07:14 - United States

Today, it's Saturday. While all my friends go out to have fun, I get my excitement thinking about how I'll be sleeping with a new pillow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 648

You deserved it 6 760

By Stormy - 18/06/2011 21:49 - United States

Today, after a long and tiring day at work, I went to the movies, loaded up on soda, popcorn, and candy. I ended up falling asleep and being woken up two hours later by an usher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 806

You deserved it 8 210

By Anonymous - 04/07/2015 03:29 - United States - Panora

Today, I took an online IQ test, even though I knew they give everyone unrealistically high scores. My score was 73. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 585

You deserved it 5 486

By d0pey - 20/02/2009 22:02 - United States

Today, I realized that there are more framed pictures of my mom's dog than pictures of me around the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 817

You deserved it 3 430

Caught in 4K

By Anonymous - 09/11/2021 17:00

Today, my wife and I were looking online at the house her piano teacher is selling. When she said, "Oh the bedroom looks much larger with the furniture gone," a long awkward silence followed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 500

You deserved it 119

Smooth move, teach.

By Faceplant - 14/11/2017 10:00 - United States - Port Orchard

Today, I monitored my students as they conducted a lab experiment. I was walking to the other side of the room while looking at a student who seemed about to ask a question. When she looked up at me, I walked into a wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 967

You deserved it 678

Dust in the wind

By Anonymous - 15/05/2021 13:59 - New Zealand

Today, I went to withdraw some money out the bank. On a windy day. Next minute, woosh, my money was gone. My last $20. FML

I agree, your life sucks 877

You deserved it 190

By loveless - 24/09/2009 04:30 - United States

Today, I surprised my girlfriend with U2 tickets. Still no action. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 120

You deserved it 33 357

New urinal

By fml9124 - 21/12/2019 05:00

Today, my wife caught our six-year-old son peeing in the bathroom sink. He pulled his little stool up in front, that he uses to brush his teeth, and was peeing in the sink. When we asked why, he said that he wanted to pee like a man, "like we do at football games." My son is using our bathroom sink like a urinal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 737

You deserved it 297

By Yocherrypicker - 29/07/2016 01:04

Today, I got my report card. My teacher gave me an F, and under class comments she gave me a U for unsatisfactory. So I got an F U from my teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 150

You deserved it 5 930

Weird flex, but OK

By gotmon3y - 07/04/2009 16:12 - United States

Today, I was at the beach walking on the boardwalk without a shirt on. Two cute girls are walking my way and I decide to try and impress them by flexing my abs. While I flexed them, I accidentally let a fart out that everyone heard. Everybody, including the girls, laughed hysterically at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 913

You deserved it 81 740

By GuitarNerd - 23/01/2017 22:41 - United States - Denver

Today, my mom told me that I would get to leave school halfway through the day. What she didn't tell me was that the reason I was missing school was to get 2 teeth pulled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 670

You deserved it 725

By SydIsPrettyCool - 04/08/2011 05:44 - United States

Today, my pet fish died because my drunk father microwaved it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 082

You deserved it 3 380

By pea - 12/09/2011 18:32 - United States

Today, I had a lady come in to order a pizza. She wanted to use a free delivery coupon. After telling her several times that she couldn't use a free delivery coupon, unless she was having the pizza delivered, she told me I have horrible people skills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 323

You deserved it 3 009

This is America

By AngryBlackMan - 03/02/2021 21:30 - United States

Today, I'm a gay, black man who moved to a racist, mainly white, homophobic town for work. I've already had the cops called on me twice, and a group of teens yelled the f-slur at me unprompted. When I asked my boss if I could swap, he threatened to fire me. This is gonna be a long 6 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 340

You deserved it 195

#1 Mom of the Year

By minnie - 23/02/2021 04:58

Today, while trying to walk past my mother in the hallway, I hesitated because she suddenly moved to the side. She screamed at me for a solid five minutes about not being able to "predict her movements." And she wonders why I’m suicidal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 982

You deserved it 84

By 9inchsofty - 20/09/2018 14:00

Today, I took my truck through an automatic car wash. During the wash, the bristles on one of the automatic scrubbers ripped my metal antenna off of my car. The antenna was stuck spinning around in the scrubber, smacking and scratching the entire side of my car, top to bottom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 976

You deserved it 931

By Anonymous - 09/08/2014 19:29 - United Kingdom

Today, I heard my sister gagging in her room. She was doing it quietly, and I got pretty concerned, after hearing a lot about bulimia recently. I knocked, then heard a gasp, so I let myself in, only to see her on her knees and her boyfriend with his underwear around his ankles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 380

You deserved it 24 455

Stability

By Terrible Boss - 18/09/2019 02:04 - United States

Today, I fired all 12 of my employees, purely out of anger and frustration. Realizing my mistake when I'd calmed down, I called each employee and apologized, asking if they'd come back. Only one said yes. The mailroom clerk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 375

You deserved it 6 319

Poor me

By Anonymous - 10/11/2019 03:00

Today, I finally kissed the guy I really love at a party. He took me outside and immediately vomited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 854

You deserved it 216

By anonymous - 08/01/2015 19:10 - United States - Noblesville

Today, after getting into bed, I found a used condom under my covers. I asked my roommate about it. She freely admitted that since my bed was comfier than hers, she had sex with her boyfriend on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 963

You deserved it 3 326

By mr - 27/07/2010 18:44 - United States

Today, I realized every time I go to take a poop, my 9 month old crawls into the bathroom and sobs at my feet. I now have to let my 9 month old sit on my lap while I shit, because I can't do it any other way. The end to all privacy has now come. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 701

You deserved it 10 374

By ZPyRoGoDz - 02/11/2009 11:05 - United States

Today, I got to my apartment early after being out really late the night before. Maybe next time I should call ahead of time so that my roommate has time to sneak my girlfriend out of his bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 309

You deserved it 3 133

By 4themoneh - 05/04/2011 05:10 - United States

Today, I arrived twenty minutes early for my opening shift at work, so I decided to turn on the radio and wait in my nice warm car. I woke up two hours later with twelve missed calls from my boss and a dead car battery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 444

You deserved it 38 321

By Tom - 17/08/2011 18:27 - United States

Today, I went to court expecting to walk out a free man. Turns out my misdemeanor offense couldn't compare to the crime I committed when I walked into the court house with a switchblade tucked into my shoe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 404

You deserved it 107 585

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

karinabeby 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 28 June 2011 8:12

sorry bout that bro.

dedrater_kool_u 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 28 June 2011 8:15

lifes a bitch and shes a bigger bitch

karinabeby 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 28 June 2011 8:12

sorry bout that bro.

friscoed 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 28 June 2011 8:20

I hate people like that.. Believe me your way better off without her anyway!

IphonFML 6

Send a private message

Tuesday 28 June 2011 8:20

haha the way u wrote it makes it funny. BUT its not. w.e leave it to karma

shrinkydinks 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 28 June 2011 8:24

oh relationships. it's just best to stay out of them;)

BaconDave 12

Send a private message

Tuesday 28 June 2011 8:47

It's so funny how a bunch of the OP's usernames has to do with the FML. Fmylovelife. Haha so funny...

sourgirl101 28

Send a private message

Tuesday 28 June 2011 8:54

30, did you know when you submit in your FML, you could change/enter in a different name, right?(:

agummere796 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 28 June 2011 9:10

bows a good time to put the thorns to use:D

agummere796 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 28 June 2011 9:11

oops, I meant nows**

gabstahhh 8

Send a private message

Tuesday 28 June 2011 10:12

Ooh. Awkward.

pertained 12

Send a private message

Tuesday 28 June 2011 11:11

Her surprise was bigger?

MrFlintstone 5

Send a private message

Tuesday 28 June 2011 11:36

I think your the better surprise present giver in this relationship

lunaXXdennice 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 29 June 2011 0:30

dude that sucks but leave it to karma you are better off without her anyway

FarSide 22

Send a private message

Wednesday 29 June 2011 4:27

You waited 1 day too long.

abnormalbird 11

Send a private message

Monday 7 April 2014 12:32

She's going to surprise herself with the fat hag she becomes.

NuTrees 9

Send a private message

Tuesday 28 June 2011 8:13

Hoes get karma tenfold don't worry about her.

Docbee 11

Send a private message

Tuesday 28 June 2011 8:32

Did you surprise her back by getting her pregnant?

LaughinStock 16

Send a private message

Tuesday 28 June 2011 10:02

^ really did you not read the FML clearly says she got back with her ex

OceanProtection 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 28 June 2011 17:21

Xecutedreaper is my x-box live name.. come at me bro

WolfKing501 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 28 June 2011 8:15

wow dude that just sucks

runtodarkness 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 28 June 2011 9:27

^ I can say from experience that it's true

dedrater_kool_u 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 28 June 2011 8:15

lifes a bitch and shes a bigger bitch

agentx52 13

Send a private message

Tuesday 28 June 2011 14:08

That would totally screw with her mind. He should lmao

kingotter 4

Send a private message

Saturday 5 January 2013 18:31

Wait what

shmity8 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 28 June 2011 8:15

not gunna lie, that blows

Every1luvsfmls 6

Send a private message

Tuesday 28 June 2011 8:56

SCRUBS

dancebabe34 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 28 June 2011 17:34

big time

NomOnShroomz 14

Send a private message

Wednesday 29 June 2011 0:19

Not for OP it doesn't **badumtshhhh**

TheNewGuy03 28

Send a private message

Tuesday 28 June 2011 8:15

well, better than being covered in thorns, i say. |the kid|

cudi504 4

Send a private message

Tuesday 28 June 2011 8:16

at least it wasnt something more expensive. but fyl that sucks

JesusFishTaco 5

Send a private message

Tuesday 28 June 2011 11:35

No one can say anything about this person's profile picture under this comment or they shall suffer the pharaoh's curse.

smurfsarwales 9

Send a private message

Tuesday 28 June 2011 12:45

his profile pic is so g. I wish I could like him...

GuessWhatKids 13

Send a private message

Wednesday 29 June 2011 7:35

G-G-G-G-G-G-GAY UNIT

JesusFishTaco 5

Send a private message

Thursday 30 June 2011 8:20

65-What have you done?!

zeroxbitch 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 28 June 2011 8:18

I feel ya bro, sometimes shot like this happens man that's life...

rocketeer_97 1

Send a private message

Tuesday 28 June 2011 8:47

I love shots.

sourgirl101 28

Send a private message

Tuesday 28 June 2011 8:58

buttery nipple shots?

agentx52 13

Send a private message

Tuesday 28 June 2011 14:10

He's on an iPhone and his phone corrected the word "shit" to "shot". It always happens.

rocketeer_97 1

Send a private message

Wednesday 29 June 2011 2:12

^You should learn sarcasm. I obviously knew that that was auto-correct.

rockindyl22 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 28 June 2011 8:19

You should've surprised her with a roundhouse kick to the face!

CEG3 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 28 June 2011 8:19

she's not worth your time man. Sorry op :/

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24

You deserved it 16

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64

You deserved it 17

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend has spent all morning claiming there’s nothing to do when it’s raining outside. Sex is always an option, but he’s missed all my hints, including stripping naked and kissing him, because he thought I was on my way to get a shower instead of trying to fuck him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 451

You deserved it 128

Today, I found out I’m going to be a father, twice over, with two different women. Sisters, in fact. Only one of those sisters is my wife. Should I flee abroad, or walk calmly towards the firing squad straight away? FML

I agree, your life sucks 139

You deserved it 2 636

Add a comment - Reply to : #

Top comments

Comments