Love: Today, my brother mentioned my dad's birthday party. I said,...

By Anon - United States - San Francisco

Today, my brother mentioned my dad's birthday party. I said, "What party?" He said, "Shit, forgot I wasn't supposed to tell you." My own father doesn't want me at his party. FML

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Love

Walk on the wild side

Munchausen by proxy

Life is unfair…

By I guess not

Today, my boyfriend of three years asked me if I ever wanted to get married. I said yes. He said, 'But what happens if you never find a guy who likes you that much?' FML

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By Mylifesintatterssendhelp

Today, I went to a tattoo artist to get what I thought would be really cute, elegant finger tattoos. I left with wobbly, blobby messes all over my fingers. FML

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By RyanM - France

Today, I found out what people really think about the beard I've been proudly growing for over a month. It appears that my face now looks like an unshaven ballsack. FML

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10850

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By neveragain - Canada

Today, I gave in and let my friend give me a makeover. She couldn't find my eyelash curler, but decided that if she used scissors lightly, it would work just the same. Needless to say, it did not work. FML

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By seriously - United States

Today, I was visiting my boyfriend, who lives 2 hours away. After about twenty minutes of glorious sex, he told me in no uncertain terms that he was about to come. He then "baaa"d like a sheep as he came. I couldn't come after that. FML

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By screwed - Chile

Today, I crapped in my pants and had to wait an hour of commuting till I could clean it up. What a sight and smell it was on the subway. Thank God I had sunglasses to wear. FML

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By stpry of my life - United States

Today, I was babysitting my 5 year old niece, and she was really down in the dumps because she didn't get invited to a birthday party. To cheer her up, I took her to Chuck E Cheese. Right when we arrived, we walked in on a birthday party. It was the one that my niece got denied from. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, it was my two-and-a-half year anniversary with my girlfriend, a small but noble occasion. She surprised me with an invention of hers, a plate of triple-chocolate double-mint cookies topped with Andes mints. I surprised her by crashing her new Mustang into a cement divider. FML

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By Moose - United States - Charleston

Today, I found out that storing a partially empty bowl of ice cream in the freezer overnight along with the spoon, and then trying to take a bite the next day, can have the same effect as sticking your tongue on a flagpole in the middle of winter. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Lansdowne

Today, I'm warning you: never spoon naked with your girlfriend after eating taco bell. The shartpocalypse just might begin in her ass and end on your stomach. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/10/2020 22:02 - United Kingdom

Dodged a bullet

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents. Her father looked me up and down, said, “No” then went back to his TV. My girlfriend immediately broke up with me and threw me out. I even had to get a really expensive taxi home, because we’d driven in her car and I had no idea what part of the city I was in. FML

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By happiestturtle - United States - Chicago

Today, my mom thought the best way to stop me from taking people to my room was by changing my wallpaper into a nursery-themed one. Now I get to see bunnies, letter blocks and teddy bears all day long. FML

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11893

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By lonely. - United States - Buffalo

Today, it finally clicked in my mind how desperately lonely I am, when I shaved one of my legs just to find out what a woman's leg feels like. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Grand Prairie

Today, I found a used condom in my trash can. I have been happily married to my wife for 7 years, and we use other forms of birth control. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Macungie

Today, my girlfriend of over a year broke up with me via Facebook chat. When I asked her why, she replied "You know why." and blocked me. No, I don't know. FML

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By fugachumi - United States

Today, I discovered that every morning at around 3:00 my dad takes a monumental dump in my bathroom. When I confronted him about it he denied it. He still does it. FML

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By FML - Finland

Today, I was told the Mandarin greeting that my new Chinese friends at school taught me was not really a greeting at all. I've been proclaiming "I'm a dumb bitch" every time I've greeted them, almost every day for the past month. FML

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27878

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By Anonymous - Philippines - Quezon City

Today, I asked my grandmother what she looked like when she was young. She casually replied, "I was ugly, sweetie. Just like you." FML

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By Anonymous - Maldives - Male

Today, at a family dinner, my mom announced that my newborn brother was named after his father. His name is Kevin. My dad's name is Michael. FML

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By englishfail - United States

Today, I was teaching a class and my student pointed out that I used the wrong "your" while writing on the board. FML

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By Anonymous - France

Today, I was working as a clown (Pennywise) in a haunted maze. A bunch of drunk guys came in and started breaking props. I decided to stay still and follow through with the scare. I ended up getting kicked in a very sensitive area. The security guard just laughed. FML

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By Andrew - Ireland

Today, I started my shift as a cop, patrolling the streets on a bicycle. Everywhere I went, gangs of youths yelled stuff out at me, like "Bike twat", "Pig on wheels", "That's a girl's bike you muppet" and "Go on wanker, do a wheelie." FML

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33243

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By NYCguy - United States

Today, my female room-mate decided to throw away my xbox, along with a few other possessions because they reminded her of her ex. Furiously, I asked her if "it was that time of the month again." Now I can't feel my balls, and miss my games. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while working as a hotel guard I found a homeless man lying in the grass. I asked him to move and he ignored me, continuing to lie there with his head resting on his arms and a big smile on his face. I got annoyed and started to yell at him. After a few minutes I realized he was dead. FML

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By ryanharp2 - United States - Conway

Today, my iPhone got back from being fixed. When I opened the box there was a note attached to my phone that said, "All you had to do was turn it on." FML

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7681

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By Anonymous - United States - Howell

Today, I babysat an 11 year old kid while his parents ate out. As soon as they left, the kid asked me if I wanted to be on the sex offender's list. Before I could even process that, he told me to stay out of his way and he wouldn't accuse me of anything. FML

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By sad - United States

Today, I met a really cute guy at work. He asked for my number, and I wrote it down on a piece of paper. After looking at the paper, he crumpled it up, yelled "Do you think I'm stupid? I know the rejection hotline when I see it", and walked away. It was my real phone number. FML

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By annoyed - United States - Houston

Today, my mother texted me that she was in labor. She never told me she was pregnant. Apparently she's engaged too. FML

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30029

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By Anonymous - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I'm grieving over the death of my best friend of 9 years. My mom wasted no time arriving at the conclusion that I must be hormonal and pregnant with his child. Apparently it's not normal for a woman to cry so much over a man, unless they've been fucking. FML

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By bobthenun - United States - Santa Barbara

Today, I went out to a restaurant to meet a girl that I met online. When I arrived I texted her and she said she was wearing a blue shirt. The only person that was wearing anything blue was a fat man smiling in the corner. FML

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42096

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By coloring is not for me - United States

Today, in an attempt to lower my stress and anxiety, I tried out an anti-stress coloring page on my phone. I couldn't get the color to evenly fill inside the lines and it stressed me out even more, to the point where I started crying at work. FML

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22041

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By anonymous - Switzerland - Unterageri

Today, something must be wrong with me. Last night, my dick went limper than overcooked spaghetti while in my wife's mouth, yet today I popped a massive boner that you could hammer nails with, while cutting the grass. FML

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By Tallie

Today, I fell down the stairs, breaking my foot and tendons. It was the first time I had ever broken anything, and the doctor said that it's the most complicated break he'd ever seen. It's too complicated to operate. Now I'm stuck in a wheelchair for god knows how long. FML

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3082

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By Anonymous - Canada - Sudbury

Today, while on a tour bus, our guide told us that "Jimi Hendrix was like, uh, the Miley Cyrus of the '60s." I'm actually a committed pacifist, but I was already halfway out of my seat to choke the pimply-faced twat out before I managed to restrain myself. Now I'm scared of myself. FML

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40343

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By cooploops - United States - Memphis

Today, I went to the mall with some friends. We all kept smelling this god awful B.O. smell and had no idea where it was coming from. On the car ride home, we all figured out it was actually me. FML

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28342

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By Anonymous - Australia - Perth

Unforgettable

Today, it was my first day of work at my new job. I got dressed and arrived early, only to find out that the store had closed due to a power outage. Then I found out that the person who'd hired me had totally forgotten about hiring me anyway. FML

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By meh - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I asked my landlady if she could fix the air conditioner that's been broken since I moved in. Instead, she came round and took away my bathroom mirror, along with all the toilet paper. FML

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30495

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By post it - Australia - South Yarra

Today, I found out that when buying my $500 dollar dress I put my address as Austria instead of Australia. FML

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28196

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By Fred - United States - Kingston

Today, I gave my friend condoms since he didn't have any and he was planning on "getting lucky." Little did I know he was planning on "getting lucky" with my sister. FML

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By Peter Steele love - United Kingdom - Clevedon

Today, I was sexting my boss. I realised that I wasn't texting my boyfriend after I'd sent 2 nudes, and received many sexually provocative responses. FML

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Top comments

By Klima_fml | 29

#6249510 - Wednesday 1 April 2015 11:28

April Fools!!!

By MegasaurusRex89 | 28

#6249514 - Wednesday 1 April 2015 11:35

Silver lining: No need to buy him a birthday present!

Honestly though, your dad's an ass.

COMMENTS

By jen1097 | 25

#6249509 - Wednesday 1 April 2015 11:27

Throw one without him

jen1097 | 25

#6249614 - Wednesday 1 April 2015 13:47

This prank is killing me hahaha

xleanne_aLly | 23

#6249617 - Wednesday 1 April 2015 13:55

Is it just my cell? Or do the last six FML's have really bad spelling errors?

jen1097 | 25

#6249618 - Wednesday 1 April 2015 13:57

This prank is killing me hahaha

xleanne_aLly | 23

#6249619 - Wednesday 1 April 2015 13:59

Okay nevermind. Good one guys! LOL my head is still a little foggy, late night. And I was unaware it's April 1st. Better go prank my fam jam before they wake up.

xleanne_aLly | 23

#6249623 - Wednesday 1 April 2015 14:04

Stillll laughing about this! I'm reading everything in Cartmen's voice though.

By Klima_fml | 29

#6249510 - Wednesday 1 April 2015 11:28

April Fools!!!

guitar93cd | 8

#6249646 - Wednesday 1 April 2015 14:31

Look at all the fmls. It seems they've been changed on purpose ?

BBeffedmylife | 28

#6249669 - Wednesday 1 April 2015 15:15

YAS. I was going through wondering why are these being published? Well played, FML team, well played.

By RAH94 | 17

#6249511 - Wednesday 1 April 2015 11:28

Thats harsh.

By MegasaurusRex89 | 28

#6249514 - Wednesday 1 April 2015 11:35

Silver lining: No need to buy him a birthday present!

Honestly though, your dad's an ass.

By erizonkim | 17

#6249516 - Wednesday 1 April 2015 11:38

Oh wow. That's kinda harsh!

By abbyade | 21

#6249518 - Wednesday 1 April 2015 11:39

If he doesn't want you there, then don't go. He has maturity issues he needs to sort out. Don't be too offended OP, even parents are humans.

By nonsensical | 26

#6249526 - Wednesday 1 April 2015 11:48

y u do dis?

By adamwilcockson | 20

#6249527 - Wednesday 1 April 2015 11:49

What is with all the spelling and grammatical errors in the FML's recently?

Mynamewontfi | 40

#6249535 - Wednesday 1 April 2015 11:57

Did you look at today's date?

seriouslygrowup | 11

#6249555 - Wednesday 1 April 2015 12:37

I was thinking the same thing, then I read an FML of yesterday I remember, and saw the spelling was changed on purpose. Happy April Fools

flyingmind_fml | 17

#6249851 - Wednesday 1 April 2015 17:40

#13 u r killing us haha :p

flyingmind_fml | 17

#6249862 - Wednesday 1 April 2015 17:54

is it a prank too the comment i posted wasn't supposed to be here sorry #13

By yuno_gasai_fml | 34

#6249528 - Wednesday 1 April 2015 11:49

I love how all the latest FML posts are April fools posts

chocolatelover96 | 14

#6249578 - Wednesday 1 April 2015 13:16

Not just the latest, I just read some random ones from the last few years, and they've altered those too :D

By confused90 | 17

#6249529 - Wednesday 1 April 2015 11:50

Why is there so many FML's lately with bad spelling and grammar?

Afroninja4566 | 21

#6249546 - Wednesday 1 April 2015 12:11

The FML staff is doing it on purpose. It's April fools.

yumad_aiden | 13

#6249556 - Wednesday 1 April 2015 12:38

The FML staff re-arranged the FMLs, even the older ones, to poor spelling or caps as an April Fools joke.