Love: Today, my brother mentioned my dad's birthday party. I said,...

By Anon - United States - San Francisco

Today, my brother mentioned my dad's birthday party. I said, "What party?" He said, "Shit, forgot I wasn't supposed to tell you." My own father doesn't want me at his party. FML

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Love

Proactive

The smell detective is on the case

Can they do that?

By scorpionsurviver - United States

Today, I was brushing my teeth when I looked up. There was a huge scorpion dangling on the air vent above my head. I was trapped in the bathroom for over an hour trying to build the courage to run out. FML

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By mandieee

Today, I had my first shift as a server at a restaurant after getting stuck behind an accident and arriving late, apologizing profusely. Apparently no one knew I'd been hired but I was still yelled at for tardiness. They then made me clean a fridge for 4 hours and paid me in pizza. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Exton

Today, marks the fourth day in a row that I've worn the same outfit to prove to my parents that they pay me no attention. They still haven't noticed. FML

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32851

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my road rage got so out of hand that I'm now actually inclined to honk obnoxiously at my computer when it's being slow. FML

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32786

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, while serving a rather large party at the restaurant where I work, I mentioned that the soup of the day was "to die for". After the hosts gave me weird looks, it dawned on me that the reason they were wearing all black is because they've just come back from a funeral. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/4/2021 11:00

Classic

Today, I had a dream I saw my dad. I tried to talk to him, but then I woke up. He died last Monday. FML

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By comeuntome - United States

Today, it's the first day of my two-week stay at my in-laws' house. They forbid drinking, smoking, cursing, and anything even remotely sexual. I smuggled in my quietest toy to keep me sane in this holy house. If only I hadn't forgotten to bring the battery pack too. FML

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22849

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By Anonymous

Today, I got home from work, took a shower, got ready for bed, and laid down right in cat piss. Now I'm shampooing the mattress and taking another shower just to sleep on the couch. FML

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By jensoulstealer

The Omen 4

Today, my year and a half old daughter has discovered the joy of temper tantrums. She is now throwing them constantly. Everywhere. Anytime. FML

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By anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was talking to a cute guy at my house party and had to fart. Luckily, it was silent. Unluckily, he smelled it, thought my house had a gas leak, and ran to the basement to check the pipes and ensure our safety. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was doing the reverse cowgirl with my boyfriend. I was on the way to a glorious finish when he pointed out that I had a pimple on my butt. He began to laugh so hard that he went soft. FML

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By PickYourselfUp - United States - Chesapeake

Today, was the day I would turn my life around and start losing weight. I went outside for my first run and said, "I got this!" I confidently stepped forward, the first symbolic steps to my new life. In the anticipation, I forgot my porch had steps. I face-planted on my driveway. FML

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By Blanche Dubois - United States - Birmingham

Today, after finally breaking my addiction to sleeping pills, right as I was drifting off to sleep at my first decent drug-free time in over 4 years... I got the hiccups. FML

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6459

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By RBHSWedgieGirl - United States

Today, while walking across campus, I stopped to look at my reflection in a window. I straightened my bra straps and then turned to the side to dig a wedgie out. It wasn't until I heard peals of laughter that I realized I couldn't see IN the classroom, but they could see OUT. FML

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By collegestudent

Alexa, play "What's My Age Again?" by Blink182

Today, my dad asked me if I needed crayons for school. I'm going to college this fall. FML

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1278

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By Sonotsuave - United States - Arlington

Today, my now ex-friend told me she had feelings for my ex and was also choosing him over our friendship, despite being fully aware of the crazy rollercoaster our relationship was and being there to hear every detail of the trauma. She classily told me at random, in a public mall. People suck. FML

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2207

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By minnie - 14/2/2021 06:01 - United States - Denver

Unreasonable

Today, my boyfriend left me because he found out I cheated on my first boyfriend when I was 12. That was back before I knew what "cheating" was and I thought it was okay to love more than one person. FML

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1131

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216

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By whaleninjapoop - United States - Raleigh

Today, I jokingly tried to convince my girlfriend that Wyoming was a government conspiracy and did not exist. She believed me. FML

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23541

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By flattened

Today, my mum got an electric car. It's so quiet that we could hear the bones of my cat break as we reversed over it on the driveway. FML

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61550

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By Anonymous

Today, my best friend invited my ex to eat lunch with her. I wouldn't have found out had I not bumped into them while they were there. FML

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12969

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By Bob

A heads up next time maybe?

Today, when my girlfriend walked out the room, for a laugh, I covered my whole body except my knob in blankets. Then when I heard her come back in, I yelled, "Surprise!" It was her mom, who'd dropped by unannounced. FML

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By thanks.

Today, my girlfriend of over a year woke me up at 4:30 in the morning by sticking her hand down my pants. She immediately stopped when I was awake enough to reciprocate and said, "I couldn't sleep. I was bored. Talk to me." FML

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By sierra808 - United States

Today, I was walking the beach and I saw my crush walking towards me. I was thinking about what I was going to do while playing with my top that ties in the front. I decided that I was just going to smile. When we got closer to each other I smiled and waved as I put my hand up it untied my top. FML

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40433

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By Watchyourstep - France

Today, in front of a bunch of people on my college campus, my mom grabbed my hand and lead me across the street. I'm 20. FML

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By Robyn - Ireland

Today, during my second day as a receptionist, every time the phone rang I jumped in shock. My co-workers now already think I'm weird. FML

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By Holding - United States - Staunton

Today, my boyfriend and I are on our way back from vacation. It will be an eight hour drive. It just so happens I got food poisoning the night before we left, and there's roadwork everywhere. We're at a dead halt with no signs of moving. FML

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By cinemasaddo - United Kingdom

Today, I was let down for a movie date. As I'd already paid for the tickets, I got my narcoleptic sister to come and sit next to me while she slept, so it didn't look like I came on my own. FML

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36548

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By spitballer1 - United States

Today, I made a bowl of spaghetti for my girlfriend and me. I tried the move from Lady and the Tramp where the boy and girl both slurp the same piece of spagetti and end up kissing. When I tried it, the spagetti went too down far my throat, and I ended up throwing it up on her. FML

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By Mr.P - United States

Today, I was just about to sit down to watch my favorite TV show when my dog jumped over the back of my couch, landed on my head and tried to jump through the window. I now have concussion and a window to replace, all because of a bird. FML

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By Scarlett - United States

Today, my husband got out of the shower, came downstairs naked screaming ''EMBRACE THE HARDNESS!!'' Little did he know, my step mother was sitting right there at the kitchen table. FML

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50464

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By crap

Today, I was tired from an all-nighter I'd pulled because I thought I had the next four days off work. I got called in, and went because I have bills to pay. However, the amount of energy drinks I drank to stay on top of my job duties gave me such bad diarrhea, I had to go home. FML

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1474

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By assumed

Today, during a class, I noticed some racist statements and symbols on a table. While erasing them, I bent down to pick up my dropped pencil. I look back up to see a teacher, and got a suspension. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my roommate, who has bipolar disorder and refuses to take his meds, tried to stab me with a kitchen knife because I threw out his moldy cheese. FML

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By rs - Egypt

Today, after watching Hulk with my friends, we spent a good half hour discussing exactly how enlarged Bruce Banner's package would be in his Hulk state. I couldn't hide my excitement, and now my friends won't stop teasing me. FML

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8505

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By badteacher - United States

Today, while I was substitute teaching a middle school class, a boy, named Chris, refused to get in the boy's line for the bathroom. After I had said, "Chris, what makes you think you're a girl?" in a very loud voice, one of the other students said "She is a girl." I've scarred a child for life. FML

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14821

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By militarywife2b - France

Today, at work, I watched a man throw up in his hands, dump the contents on his plate, then eat the things it "didn't touch". I had to wash his plate. FML

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34638

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2165

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By Lockedinroom - United States

Today, after a shower, my dad jokingly asked if I was jacking off in the shower because I was taking a long time. Before I could respond, my mom chimed in with, "No, he does it before he showers, haven't you noticed how he locks himself in his room?" She was right on the money. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Dekalb

Today, I found out I was passed over for the promotion I've wanted for 9 months at the fast food restaurant I work in. Who got the job? The 16 year old girl I trained 2 weeks ago. Their excuse was, "She has ambition." I'm going to college for food service management. She failed her drug test. FML

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55459

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By RichardPencil - United States

Today, I thought everyone was smiling at me because they liked my "skateboarding behind a police motorcycle" prank. Turns out, they all saw the open sewer manhole 10 metres ahead. FML

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738

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By Bethany - United Kingdom

Today, I called my ex boyfriend to tell him that not only am I still in love with him, I'm also three months pregnant with his child. Upon hearing the news, he swore, called me a pathetic liar, swore some more, and hung up on me. FML

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Top comments

By Klima_fml | 29

#6249510 - Wednesday 1 April 2015 11:28

April Fools!!!

By MegasaurusRex89 | 28

#6249514 - Wednesday 1 April 2015 11:35

Silver lining: No need to buy him a birthday present!

Honestly though, your dad's an ass.

COMMENTS

By jen1097 | 25

#6249509 - Wednesday 1 April 2015 11:27

Throw one without him

jen1097 | 25

#6249614 - Wednesday 1 April 2015 13:47

This prank is killing me hahaha

xleanne_aLly | 23

#6249617 - Wednesday 1 April 2015 13:55

Is it just my cell? Or do the last six FML's have really bad spelling errors?

jen1097 | 25

#6249618 - Wednesday 1 April 2015 13:57

This prank is killing me hahaha

xleanne_aLly | 23

#6249619 - Wednesday 1 April 2015 13:59

Okay nevermind. Good one guys! LOL my head is still a little foggy, late night. And I was unaware it's April 1st. Better go prank my fam jam before they wake up.

xleanne_aLly | 23

#6249623 - Wednesday 1 April 2015 14:04

Stillll laughing about this! I'm reading everything in Cartmen's voice though.

By Klima_fml | 29

#6249510 - Wednesday 1 April 2015 11:28

April Fools!!!

guitar93cd | 8

#6249646 - Wednesday 1 April 2015 14:31

Look at all the fmls. It seems they've been changed on purpose ?

BBeffedmylife | 28

#6249669 - Wednesday 1 April 2015 15:15

YAS. I was going through wondering why are these being published? Well played, FML team, well played.

By RAH94 | 17

#6249511 - Wednesday 1 April 2015 11:28

Thats harsh.

By MegasaurusRex89 | 28

#6249514 - Wednesday 1 April 2015 11:35

Silver lining: No need to buy him a birthday present!

Honestly though, your dad's an ass.

By erizonkim | 17

#6249516 - Wednesday 1 April 2015 11:38

Oh wow. That's kinda harsh!

By abbyade | 21

#6249518 - Wednesday 1 April 2015 11:39

If he doesn't want you there, then don't go. He has maturity issues he needs to sort out. Don't be too offended OP, even parents are humans.

By nonsensical | 26

#6249526 - Wednesday 1 April 2015 11:48

y u do dis?

By adamwilcockson | 20

#6249527 - Wednesday 1 April 2015 11:49

What is with all the spelling and grammatical errors in the FML's recently?

Mynamewontfi | 40

#6249535 - Wednesday 1 April 2015 11:57

Did you look at today's date?

seriouslygrowup | 11

#6249555 - Wednesday 1 April 2015 12:37

I was thinking the same thing, then I read an FML of yesterday I remember, and saw the spelling was changed on purpose. Happy April Fools

flyingmind_fml | 17

#6249851 - Wednesday 1 April 2015 17:40

#13 u r killing us haha :p

flyingmind_fml | 17

#6249862 - Wednesday 1 April 2015 17:54

is it a prank too the comment i posted wasn't supposed to be here sorry #13

By yuno_gasai_fml | 34

#6249528 - Wednesday 1 April 2015 11:49

I love how all the latest FML posts are April fools posts

chocolatelover96 | 14

#6249578 - Wednesday 1 April 2015 13:16

Not just the latest, I just read some random ones from the last few years, and they've altered those too :D

By confused90 | 17

#6249529 - Wednesday 1 April 2015 11:50

Why is there so many FML's lately with bad spelling and grammar?

Afroninja4566 | 21

#6249546 - Wednesday 1 April 2015 12:11

The FML staff is doing it on purpose. It's April fools.

yumad_aiden | 13

#6249556 - Wednesday 1 April 2015 12:38

The FML staff re-arranged the FMLs, even the older ones, to poor spelling or caps as an April Fools joke.