Miscellaneous: Today, I went out for New Year's. When I got back, I found my...

By Anonymous - 01/01/2011 05:29 - Canada

Today, I went out for New Year's. When I got back, I found my house had been broken into. I found a note saying, "Happy New Year, sucker." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 970

You deserved it 2 902

Miscellaneous

This Charming Man

BO Central

Best teeth in the game

By Anonymous - 16/12/2009 19:28 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of over a year told me that he will never marry me because we are different ethnicities and his parents don't approve. I was of course very upset and crying. His way to comfort me was by saying, "Don't worry, I will always cheat on my wife with you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 802

You deserved it 3 702

On call

By Anonymous - 19/10/2019 16:00

Today, my boyfriend accused me of not coming home at all last week. The truth is, I was up and gone to work before him every morning, and I was home after he went to bed. He didn’t even bother talking to me or asking where I was last week, we both work 24/7 on-call jobs, and he knows this happens sometimes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 581

You deserved it 143

Egg mode

By Anonymous - 22/11/2020 22:58

Today, I found out my husband had a Pornhub account where he photoshops himself to look like a girl. The worst part is that I noticed he wore some of my maternity clothes in the pictures. I guess they were the only ones big enough to fit him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 969

You deserved it 150

By ForeverAlone - 06/03/2013 22:28 - United States - O Fallon

Today, my boyfriend of a year and a half left me for another girl. Who was the only person who cared enough to comfort me? The girl he left me for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 855

You deserved it 2 790

By Anonymous - 13/11/2018 13:30

Today, a few months after my son lost a canine tooth, he went to get a replacement fitted. He came home with his other canine tooth removed and both replaced by vampire fangs. Permanent vampire fangs in his mouth, where people can see them and judge me for being a bad parent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 829

You deserved it 635

Bipartisan spirit

By NormtheNorm - 21/09/2019 15:00 - United States - Enterprise

Today, I told my conservative friends over dinner that I was a bit of a liberal. They then went off on me about how liberals are lazy, stupid, and a financial burden on society. I was the only employed person at the table with a college degree and not living with my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 287

You deserved it 343

By JuniorDetective - 07/05/2009 16:52 - United States

Today, I was in the middle of walking home when I saw an old woman trying to get away from what looked like a mugger. I go over and try to help her out and get the man off of her, which was successful. Turns out she was having a heart attack and the man was a doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 352

You deserved it 17 796

By Anonymous - 13/09/2010 00:10 - United States

Today, I was asked to crawl through a sun roof because one of my co workers locked her keys in her car. After I got the keys, instead of opening the car door, I climbed back out through the sun roof. To laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 394

You deserved it 42 353

By StaplerScared - 08/11/2011 14:39 - Canada

Today, I got mugged by a guy who was threatening me with a stapler. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 197

You deserved it 8 898

By bouncekitty - 20/02/2011 17:04 - United States

Today, I had all of my wisdom teeth removed. After the anesthesia wore off, I asked how long the procedure took, and the nurse told me a little less than an hour. Apparently I thought this was hilarious and started laughing, which ripped my new stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 338

You deserved it 5 431

Trip Advisor rating: 5 turds

By cacheson - 05/03/2020 03:02

Today, I checked into a hotel for a work trip. When I walked in, the sheets and bath mat were stained, and there was soap-encrusted hair stuck in my folded towel. When I got back later in the day, all my stuff was gone because they apparently thought I'd checked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 653

You deserved it 106

By Brightbulb - 16/11/2017 23:00 - United States

Today, I went to work feeling great. I'd just paid off my student loans and was planning a trip to see friends in Italy. I left work unemployed because a fraud case I exposed 3 years ago got the company sued for slander. It was thrown out because everything was fact. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 715

You deserved it 332

Deception

By Carlah - 17/03/2020 20:30

Today, I found out that the 19-year-old I've been seeing is really 26, with two kids and a pregnant fiancée. I'm only 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 013

You deserved it 412

By dammitrain - 13/07/2010 19:43 - United States

Today, hoping to avoid the rain because I had just gotten an expensive perm, I ducked under an awning. At that moment, the store manager shook the awning, and about 6 hours of rain dumped on my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 425

You deserved it 8 445

By smh - 27/06/2013 23:37 - United States - Milltown

Today, my sister called me up extremely excited because she found out Flo Rida is from Florida. She's 22. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 358

You deserved it 3 971

By Daria_Weiner - 18/07/2011 18:23 - Russian Federation

Today, at my anniversary party and in front of all our friends, I accidentally called my husband-to-be by my ex-boyfriend's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 420

You deserved it 48 521

By dracer - 04/02/2010 02:17 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of three years who I helped through drug rehab and find employment in my office left me for someone else. His explanation was that now that his "head is not clouded with chemicals" and he "makes decent money", he wants to settle down with someone worthy of him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 854

You deserved it 3 950

By Anonymous - 30/05/2009 05:07 - United States

Today, I got into my first car accident. Extremely upset, I called my parents, because it was their car and I didn't know what to do. I told them what happened, and asked if they were on their way to where I was. My dad's response was "Hell no, we're eating dinner." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 985

You deserved it 8 891

Parenting is exhausting

By ThreeWeeksWithoutSex - 28/12/2015 05:43 - United States - San Francisco

Today, our daughter fell asleep early, so my husband and I decided to get frisky. He passed out mid-blow job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 221

You deserved it 2 859

By Anonymous - 20/11/2015 14:43 - United States - Tyler

Today, I found out my fiancé is already married when his wife showed up at my door. That's about the same time she found her husband is gay, and that Ashley can be a man's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 088

You deserved it 2 781

By allergic_to_bull - 08/10/2014 18:48 - United States - West Palm Beach

Today, I attended an assembly regarding senior graduation. The assistant principal told us to look to the left and right of us, because those people would be our friends for the rest of our lives. I was the only one in the entire row. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 453

You deserved it 4 237

By sammsamm56 - 16/01/2011 19:27 - United States

Today, I found out that my over protective brother is going to move in with me when he gets out of jail. My chances of ever being in a relationship are now next to zero. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 334

You deserved it 4 638

By DeeElleGee - 14/11/2009 00:09 - Canada

Today, at my work, I was ringing though a kid's purchase. I try to be friendly with the kids and when he handed me his cash I said "Thank you, sir!" in a playful manner. He then turns to his mom and says "Mom, why does everyone think I am a boy?". FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 202

You deserved it 6 087

By pgmonster - 21/05/2015 10:48 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I backed into an expensive SUV only minutes after my boss congratulated me for being the only employee to not wreck a company car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 857

You deserved it 5 355

By penguinsfan - 16/05/2009 14:47 - Canada

Today, I had to pee badly. I went into a stall and sat down. Only until after I'd peed, I realized that I didn't have any toilet paper. I waddled to the next stall with my pants down to get more toilet paper, believing that the bathroom was empty. It wasn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 085

You deserved it 53 701

By kthx - 22/10/2009 12:26 - Canada

Today, it was my grandfather's burial. As the family was about to leave, a great aunt came up to my skinny, tall and pretty cousin and told her, "Stay beautiful and kind." Then, she walked to me and said, "And you, Stay kind." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 639

You deserved it 3 484

My fingernail

By Krazydude1000 - 03/01/2020 14:00

Today, I found out that my old DVD player stopped reading my movie disks. I had the dumb idea to stick my finger in there to see what was the problem. I found the problem, and that was that my fingernail wasn't on my finger after that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 647

You deserved it 2 035

Not invited, I guess

By Marion - 14/10/2020 20:01 - United States - Portland

Today, I was talking to a coworker about gender reveal parties, and how dumb and dangerous they're becoming. A nearby coworker then burst into tears and ran out. It appears that she's having one this weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 054

You deserved it 473

By Anon - 13/08/2009 14:00 - United Kingdom

Today, when walking to my car I was mugged. Not only did they take my phone, wallet and watch, the extra few minutes taken in my journey meant that when I got to my car, I was given a parking ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 261

You deserved it 2 752

Innocence project

By Anonymous - 30/06/2021 00:01

Today, my son-in-law slapped my daughter, so I put him in an armhold and threw him outside. My daughter refused to press charges so he got away, but then he pressed charges against me for hitting his head against the wall when I threw him, so I got arrested instead. Justice is a shitting joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 324

You deserved it 143

By Anonymous - 03/11/2018 14:00

Today, I woke up from celebrating my 29th birthday. I guess it's true that tolerance drops quickly as you age, because I stayed in and only drank a few beers with my husband and spent the entire day retching so hard I puked up blood. My partying days are definitely over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 402

You deserved it 376

By nomwar - 17/06/2013 13:55 - United States

Today, I went to a new bar with friends. After arriving I became extremely gassy; I planned a smooth release during the loud music. Little did I know the bar occasionally dips its music to hear the guests singing. When the music turned off all eyes turned to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 063

You deserved it 14 844

Denial

By TedX - 19/08/2020 20:07

Today, at 18, I finally told my mom I was gay. She spent the rest of the day bringing up my "future wife" at every possible chance she had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 537

You deserved it 208

Mommy dearest

By Ohkourt - 20/04/2020 05:00

Today, I woke up only to find my half-naked drunk mother in my living room, talking in her sleep about how much she hates me. She still doesn't see what's wrong with this picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 587

You deserved it 97

Addams Family Values

By Anonymous - 12/12/2020 07:56 - Germany - Zittau

Today, I heard my mom say to the dogs, "Are you hungry? Do you want something tasty out of the garbage can?" Don’t worry though, she probably only meant the one in our garden, where she keeps the deer heads. FML

I agree, your life sucks 678

You deserved it 72

By ericane27 - 27/12/2011 19:53 - United States

Today, I woke up to someone screaming "FIRE!" When I sat up, my face went right into my room-mate's ballsack. Apparently it was funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 300

You deserved it 5 842

By RichardPencil - 07/10/2016 10:32 - United States

Today, I thought everyone was smiling at me because they liked my "skateboarding behind a police motorcycle" prank. Turns out, they all saw the open sewer manhole 10 metres ahead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 757

You deserved it 173

By Dave - 19/12/2018 18:00

Today, I said to a girl that I recently started dating, ‘I like you so far’. My phone had other plans and decide to autocorrect far to fat as I hit send. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2 022

You deserved it 682

By xloverin - 14/11/2015 16:23 - Slovakia - Bratislava

Today, I remembered that the concert I bought tickets for over a month in advance was yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 090

You deserved it 12 087

Fake news

By Anonymous - 15/08/2021 15:01 - United States - San Bruno

Today, I had to submit references so my anatomy/physiology teacher might acknowledge that tetanus is not the same as muscle cramps, and correct the lesson that's been in place for six years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 770

You deserved it 47

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Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 39

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44

You deserved it 23

Spicy

Today, I found out on Facebook that my mom and step-dad have an open marriage. To make matters worse, my step-dad shamed me for not being more sex positive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 147

You deserved it 38

Today, I found out why my husband faked being sick on Thanksgiving. He was invited to Thanksgiving dinner by to the coworker he’s seeing. She was planning to introduce him to her family. He never told her he was married, so knowing I would tag along if he came, he faked having a “fever” so he couldn’t go out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 467

You deserved it 25