Nature calls - FML

Nature calls

By Anonymous - 03/10/2019 16:00

Today, I had to use a drop hole toilet while camping. The smell will haunt me for the rest of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 051

You deserved it 622

Best teeth in the game

Stop talking!

Pee is stored in the balls

F*** my overweight life

By Xibalba - 01/09/2020 14:02

Today, my 5-year-old daughter drew a picture of our family. A typical drawing for a 5-year-old. Sticks and straws. One had two round shapes on its chest. "Is that mommy and is that one me?" I asked. "No daddy," she said. "You’re this one," she said while pointing out the one with boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 253

You deserved it 424

By hair2daygone4ever - 14/01/2010 15:45 - United States

Today, my four-year-old daughter thought it'd be funny to cut my hair while I was sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 534

You deserved it 4 742

By Safe - 17/04/2009 23:15 - United States

Today, my girlfriend left her phone on a bus. With no way to pick it up, I drove 40 miles through Friday night Boston traffic to get it from the bus company office. It took me four hours. Bored in traffic, I discovered the texts from her other boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87 369

You deserved it 5 005

Polly wants it

By Kelly - 23/07/2020 02:01

Spicy

Today, at work, I booked a vet appointment for an African Gray to get a birth control implant. I didn’t even know that was a thing and I definitely never thought that a parrot would have a more active sex life than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 318

You deserved it 159

Extreme dating

By umm yeah no! - 20/08/2021 13:59

Today, I had to have a serious talk with my new girlfriend about her terrible hygiene. In the two weeks we’ve been dating, she admitted to only having showered "once or twice." She doesn’t see a problem with this, even though the first (and last) time she came to my place, she smelled like death. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 148

You deserved it 198

By Aphrodite - 23/01/2010 21:13 - France

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend, when the Taco Bell I'd eaten for lunch came back up for round two. Undigested rice and beans got stuck in his hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 075

You deserved it 7 703

By Oops54321 - 28/09/2009 07:12 - France

Spicy

Today, I was feeling really horny. I decided to send dirty texts to my girlfriend. I sent the first and she didn't reply, so I sent more and more and then I got one back saying 'Stay away from my little girl.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 663

You deserved it 33 073

BIKES!

By Jjay08 - 26/04/2016 21:17 - United States - Miles City

Today, I discovered a purple BMX bike abandoned in my front yard. I wondered why it was there, until I looked over to discover that my own bike had been stolen. I guess they liked mine better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 595

You deserved it 1 120

By me - 28/06/2013 15:51 - United States

Today, I went to my parents' house. I recently lost about 30 lbs. My mom hugged me and said, "Aww, you're not my chubby baby girl anymore." She then said she wished I were still fat because she missed it. She's the reason I lost the weight; she used to tease and taunt me. Thanks Mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 482

You deserved it 4 029

By strandedguest - 30/09/2010 06:51 - United States

Today, while my friend and I signed the guest-book at a wedding, the drunk guy at our table stole my friend's painkillers and car keys before getting into a cab. Didn't need the painkillers, definitely needed the keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 292

You deserved it 2 855

By Anonymous - 22/02/2015 16:09 - Canada - Kitchener

Today, my mother-in-law sent me a pedometer for my birthday. I've been confined to a wheelchair for most of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 932

You deserved it 2 137

People are strange

By JustplainSad - 15/08/2020 23:01

Today, I found out my friend of 15 years, who cut off our weekly gaming group during Covid after a fight, is speaking to everyone but me. I wasn't even in the fight, I just checked in to see if he was OK after. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 438

You deserved it 149

By Anonymous - 17/06/2018 05:00

Today, I found a leather book in my husband's sock drawer with "BRO CODE" on the front. It was blank except for the last page, which said, "NICE TRY SUSAN BUT EVERYONE KNOWS BRO CODE IS UNWRITTEN AND FOR GUYS ONLY". Well-played, husband. Well-played. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 261

You deserved it 4 409

Yeah, some "nice guy"…

By Anonymous - 19/02/2021 11:01 - United States - New Haven

Today, I tried to tell a girl that I had watched her Purdue boyfriend flirt around at every frat party. She thinks I'm lying and blocked me. Now all my friends are angry at me because he was a "nice guy" and she "didn't need to know." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 105

You deserved it 183

Thanks, I guess…

By edible - 20/05/2009 20:01 - United States

Today, I surprised my girlfriend by sending her an Edible Arrangement. When she called to tell me she had gotten it, she was more excited about the cute boy who'd delivered it than she was about the fruit bouquet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 476

You deserved it 4 070

By JackNicholsonInChinatown - 25/10/2016 02:58

Today, like most days, my cat tried to wake me up with a gentle, fluffy paw pat on my nose. This morning, however, he managed to get his claw caught inside my nostril. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 484

You deserved it 864

By Dude - 23/10/2010 15:13 - Singapore

Today, I found out that the reason I'm working as a kitchen staff instead of out on the floor of the café is because the boss does not think I'm attractive enough. My boss is my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 576

You deserved it 4 141

Sounds bad

By Pururururin - 11/06/2020 08:08

Today, I accidentally deleted an audio file for my first professional video project. Impossible to do a retake, because the production budget was so tight. The audio from the camera sounds bad and file recovery program still can't help. Also, the deadline is this week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 339

You deserved it 526

My boobs don't lie

By Anonymous - 22/07/2021 22:01 - Germany - Zittau

Today, I got a fancy new bra made of organic cotton. Or, well, the outside of it is. The inside, which actually touches my skin, is made of 100% polyester. FML

I agree, your life sucks 806

You deserved it 147

By LadyDeadpool88 - 04/02/2014 14:50 - United States - Laurinburg

Today, I'm a little over a month pregnant. My fiancé has decided that if we both act like I'm not pregnant, "the baby will get the hint and go away". FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 860

You deserved it 7 262

By Anonymous - 28/06/2014 20:40 - United States - Oakland

Today, my soon to be mother-in-law sent out the invitations she made for my wedding. On them, it says "You are invited to this 'special' event". In the same way, I'm referred to as "special", and my name is misspelled. Hint taken, you bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 064

You deserved it 4 595

My Drug Buddy

By Anonymous - 19/05/2021 15:01 - United States - Shingletown

Today, my husband left me for a girl who seems to have a mental age of 12, because she'll smoke meth with him, and I won't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 087

You deserved it 91

Brokeass Mountain

By collegebroke - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Lakewood

Today, I hit a new low in my financial troubles when I left my work to retrieve twenty-five cents after seeing someone drop it across the street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 726

You deserved it 4 597

By spasti-cunt - 17/05/2014 20:51 - Ireland

Today, I was on my way to my first job interview in months. I wasn't even halfway to the place when a bunch of cockbites in a car drove past and hurled a bucket of paint out the window, drenching me and several other people on the street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 304

You deserved it 3 892

By black and yellow - 21/01/2013 06:32 - United States - Salinas

Today, I went to see my new dentist. He was really cute, so after the checkup I started flirting. He stopped me right after I asked him out, saying, "Being a dentist has its advantages, I can see the girl's mouth before I stick my tongue in it. And in your case, it's a big no." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 766

You deserved it 45 634

Dodgy

By Anonymous - 24/05/2021 22:01

Today, my boyfriend and I went to his best friend’s birthday party. He got her red roses, a necklace and $100 Victoria’s Secret Gift Card. This year he forgot my birthday, gave me a hug and told me to leave his apartment because he had homework to do. We’ve been together for two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 227

You deserved it 197

By Anonymous - 08/10/2010 05:23 - United States

Today, my husband pooped the bed for the second time since we've been married. We've been married a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 797

You deserved it 5 436

By LostInSunday - 15/08/2016 08:11

Today, I accidentally slapped myself in the face with my belt when I pulled it from my belt loops too quickly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 219

You deserved it 2 773

By Fatlady43 - 19/01/2010 05:08 - United States

Today, my niece offered me a slice of cake. After I refused, she asked, "Why not? Aren't fat people always hungry?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 188

You deserved it 6 483

By ouch.... - 22/10/2013 01:24 - United States - Duxbury

Today, my boyfriend broke a glass in the kitchen and accidentally stepped on it, cutting his foot. He asked me if I could help him clean his cut. Apparently, he's ticklish and I now have a huge bruise on my chest from where he kicked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 097

You deserved it 3 555

By kbartlett86 - 24/06/2010 20:02 - Canada

Today, after sitting for hours at my desk, my legs fell asleep. When I got up to go to the bathroom on my break, I couldn't walk properly and leaned against things so I wouldn't fall over. My supervisor then came over and started lecturing me about being drunk at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 384

You deserved it 4 598

By washed - 11/10/2009 23:30 - United States

Today, I learned that my boyfriend hides valuables in the washing machine under dirty clothes when leaving town for the weekend. I learned this AFTER I'd done a load of laundry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 972

You deserved it 3 366

By Anonymous - 20/03/2014 20:23 - United States - Du Quoin

Today, I found out why my dad always treated me badly as a kid compared to my siblings. It's because I was conceived while my mom was cheating on him. On top of that, he made it clear that he still doesn't consider me a "real" part of the family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 828

You deserved it 3 442

By failuretolaunch2 - 26/02/2015 03:31 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend managed to orgasm by humping my leg. I'm beginning to think I am dating a puppy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 434

You deserved it 4 865

By chewybarseventy - 24/08/2010 06:17 - United States

Spicy

Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 380

You deserved it 11 026

By thisguy - 08/10/2013 09:55 - United States - Fountain Valley

Today, my boyfriend accused me of cheating because according to him, our child does not have his hair color, eye color, or other facial features. Our son is five days old, bald and hasn't opened his eyes much. The closest thing I can probably compare him to is an old, wrinkly potato. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 632

You deserved it 4 720

Don't let me be misunderstood

By sadfacemaking - 20/07/2021 08:01

Today, my boyfriend bought me a ring for my birthday. My dad now refuses to talk to me, because he thinks I'm engaged. My boyfriend thinks it's funny, because he'd never marry me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 095

You deserved it 108

By MollyMo - 21/03/2009 06:22 - United States

Today, my parents saw my report card. Now, they refuse to buy me my the new computer I've always wanted because my grades had 'slipped'. I made honor roll for three terms, and was kept off for the fourth for a single bad grade. I failed gym. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 016

You deserved it 41 808

By buckid310 - 03/11/2009 21:17 - United States

Spicy

Today, a woman evidently posted on a chat website asking for any young men to send pictures of their junk to her cell phone. Over 60 messages were sent, mostly by underage boys, most of them including the picture. Only problem. The number posted wasn't hers... It was mine. I'm a 21 year old guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 842

You deserved it 2 639

By Anonymous - 12/02/2015 16:50 - Romania - Bucharest

Today, my boyfriend threw a fit because I "still" live with my mother at age 30. I bought her an apartment in my building and hired a live-in nurse because she is senile and permanently bedridden. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 230

You deserved it 2 524

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

BurnInDemonFire 32

Send a private message

Friday 4 October 2019 0:49

Do you not understand how being outside works? No toilets, no electricity, no showers, no comfortable beds... it's just you, your companion(s) if you didn't go alone, your tent, and a sleeping bag. You don't get the luxury of sitting on a porcelain throne when you're camping, and I'm struggling to find a reason why you didn't know that before you left home.

Send a private message

Thursday 3 October 2019 21:07

You make that sound like you didn't expect that. How did you think you'd get to go while camping?

Comments

RichardPencil 30

Send a private message

Thursday 3 October 2019 17:31

YDI for camping. Among the achievements of the human race, one of the greatest is our ability to build our own environments. Who are you to reject that and live like a barbarian for fun?

Send a private message

Thursday 3 October 2019 21:07

You make that sound like you didn't expect that. How did you think you'd get to go while camping?

BurnInDemonFire 32

Send a private message

Friday 4 October 2019 0:49

Do you not understand how being outside works? No toilets, no electricity, no showers, no comfortable beds... it's just you, your companion(s) if you didn't go alone, your tent, and a sleeping bag. You don't get the luxury of sitting on a porcelain throne when you're camping, and I'm struggling to find a reason why you didn't know that before you left home.

Send a private message

Friday 4 October 2019 3:43

Yeah, it stinks both literally and figuratively, but I would bet that a majority of the people reading this know that exact smell because they have had the same experience. It's just part of life, and there's nothing unusual or specially yucky about it just because it happened to you.

Send a private message

Friday 4 October 2019 13:47

1.) Well, you are directly responsible for the smell, it's your inner self. Don't blame other people for it. 2.) When at home, you release yourself into drinking water. Don't you think it's even worse ?

Matthew Irmen 11

Friday 4 October 2019 15:46

I’d recommend not camping because you suck at it

Send a private message

Friday 4 October 2019 22:37

I'm sure you'll survive, Nancy.

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 39

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44

You deserved it 23

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out on Facebook that my mom and step-dad have an open marriage. To make matters worse, my step-dad shamed me for not being more sex positive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 232

You deserved it 60

Today, I found out why my husband faked being sick on Thanksgiving. He was invited to Thanksgiving dinner by to the coworker he’s seeing. She was planning to introduce him to her family. He never told her he was married, so knowing I would tag along if he came, he faked having a “fever” so he couldn’t go out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 545

You deserved it 27