Intimacy: Today, my dad asked me to unpack the groceries he'd brought home....

By Anonymous - 22/05/2009 08:18 - Australia

Today, my dad asked me to unpack the groceries he'd brought home. When he saw me come across a bottle of lube, then he told me how my mom had hit menopause and, as a result, her vaginal dryness made sex harder for the two of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 813

You deserved it 3 839

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By nean83 - 12/01/2013 05:11 - United States - Inglewood

Today, my dad was helping me move my stuff out. I'd asked my boyfriend to deal with my sex toys and lingerie, but still my dad showed up later at my new place, handed me a box full of them all, and simply said, "I don't want to know." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 485

You deserved it 39 856

Parental advice

By ifeeldirty - 27/10/2011 12:22 - United States

Today, my dad walked in on me and my girlfriend having sex. His only reaction was to mutter, "Put some back into it, son." before awkwardly sidling out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 073

You deserved it 8 878

Kinky

By Anonymous - 29/04/2024 13:00 - United States

Today, I was asked to pick up something from my parents' house, only to be greeted with the horrid surprise that my elderly dad has taken to wearing women's pantyhose and garters. He claims it's for his knees, but that doesn't explain the boner I had to see peeking out of his panties. FML

I agree, your life sucks 157

You deserved it 42

ED FML

By Anonymous - 22/04/2011 02:55 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to console my drunk dad over his girlfriend breaking up with him. When he said, "You know why we broke up don't you?" I replied, "Yeah, you were fighting a lot, right?" Wrong. I then had to explain to him that his erectile dysfunction wasn't something to be embarrassed about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 323

You deserved it 3 511

By fml - 22/06/2009 09:03 - United States

Today, I told my dad I was going to Walgreens and asked if he needed anything. He needed condoms, and that I should call him when I get there so he can explain the kind he likes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 430

You deserved it 5 473

Not a cheating!

By Notcheating - 03/12/2019 18:00

Today, my father-in-law caught me, a lesbian, buying condoms. He thought I was cheating. I didn’t know how to tell him that his daughter is allergic to our dildo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 238

You deserved it 485

Don't wanna know

By Anonymous - 16/02/2011 05:50

Today, my dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 187

You deserved it 4 177

By Anonymous - 20/02/2019 04:00

Today, I was driving my dad, who recently turned 50, to the store and had to listen to him go on and on that he’s having to accept that, as my siblings and I get older and are more independent, he’s having to transition from "sex god to just a dad." I don't know either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 033

You deserved it 185

By Author - 24/02/2014 22:22 - United States - Naples

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Devastated, I told my dad about it, hoping he'd help cheer me up. His advice was, "Just rub one out son, you'll feel better in no time." Thanks dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 403

You deserved it 6 831

By idontevencareanymore - 23/05/2014 21:25 - United States - Jarrell

Today, my mom came home drunk and crying, so I tried to comfort her and asked what was wrong. She wasted no time admitting that she'd hooked up with her ex-husband, AKA my dad, but that it'd sucked for her because he has a tiny penis. Thanks, I really needed to know that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 183

You deserved it 4 681

save_me_08 0

Friday 22 May 2009 16:49

At least it wasn't in a bag w/ a ***** and he ended up telling you how he likes it up the ass... then goes on to explain how stimulation of the prostate increases pleasure... and how you shouldn't be embarrassed about what makes yourself and your partner feel good Silver lining?

ArtsySwag 0

Friday 22 May 2009 16:49

Why would your father disclose that with you? That's so gross. I've come across lube in my mom's groceries and I try overlooking it because I don't want mental images rummaging through my head. Ughhhhhh. I feel sorry for you :(.

Comments

blackdog_fml 0

Friday 22 May 2009 17:26

poolshark 0

Friday 22 May 2009 17:33

"Oh, Michael, honey. I want to cry so bad...but I don't think I can spare the moisture."

maddog_fml 0

Friday 22 May 2009 17:37

Damn, there are some things in life you REALLY DON'T want to know.

xClarkGable 0

Friday 22 May 2009 17:46

oh wahhh! YDI for being a whiner. At least your dad doesn't lie to you.

KillerL1ama 0

Friday 22 May 2009 17:49

#5...haha, you're quite the optimist, aren't you? FYL for sure. #22, epic win. #24: You must really have daddy issues to make a comment like that. When did he mention whining about it? Isn't this site for venting our terrible experiences? Do you SERIOUSLY think that this doesn't constitute as a terrible experience? I simply don't see how they could have deserved this.

littlegolferboy 4

Friday 22 May 2009 17:52

Oh wow, I hope I never have to hear something like that from my dad.

mrose57 0

Friday 22 May 2009 17:56

Your Dad is the king of TMI. Wonder how he'd like hearing that from HIS Dad? It's cool your parents still have sex but your Dad should know you don't want details.

Nymmie 0

Friday 22 May 2009 17:57

Ew I hate when my mom shares things about her ******. Its just something I do not want to know D: And OMG you are going to have SO many more fmls if your mom is starting menopause. Menopause is a scary scary thing D:

plethora 3

Friday 22 May 2009 18:02

#15: Keywords.

aback 4

Friday 22 May 2009 18:03

I suppose you could have answered, "Oh, good, Dad--I thought you were taking it up the ass! I've been afraid to eat the cucumbers in this house for years!" Of course, that's what he was afraid your first thought would be, which is why he went into the detailed monologue about your mother's vaginal dryness. :/