Intimacy: Today, my dad asked me to unpack the groceries he'd brought home....

By Anonymous - 22/05/2009 08:18 - Australia

Today, my dad asked me to unpack the groceries he'd brought home. When he saw me come across a bottle of lube, then he told me how my mom had hit menopause and, as a result, her vaginal dryness made sex harder for the two of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 813

You deserved it 3 839

Epic Easter: Chases and Chutes
From egg hunts gone wrong to unforgettable family dinners, Easter has never been so much fun! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By nean83 - 12/01/2013 05:11 - United States - Inglewood

Today, my dad was helping me move my stuff out. I'd asked my boyfriend to deal with my sex toys and lingerie, but still my dad showed up later at my new place, handed me a box full of them all, and simply said, "I don't want to know." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 483

You deserved it 39 856

Parental advice

By ifeeldirty - 27/10/2011 12:22 - United States

Today, my dad walked in on me and my girlfriend having sex. His only reaction was to mutter, "Put some back into it, son." before awkwardly sidling out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 073

You deserved it 8 877

ED FML

By Anonymous - 22/04/2011 02:55 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to console my drunk dad over his girlfriend breaking up with him. When he said, "You know why we broke up don't you?" I replied, "Yeah, you were fighting a lot, right?" Wrong. I then had to explain to him that his erectile dysfunction wasn't something to be embarrassed about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 322

You deserved it 3 510

By fml - 22/06/2009 09:03 - United States

Today, I told my dad I was going to Walgreens and asked if he needed anything. He needed condoms, and that I should call him when I get there so he can explain the kind he likes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 428

You deserved it 5 473

Not a cheating!

By Notcheating - 03/12/2019 18:00

Today, my father-in-law caught me, a lesbian, buying condoms. He thought I was cheating. I didn’t know how to tell him that his daughter is allergic to our dildo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 237

You deserved it 485

Don't wanna know

By Anonymous - 16/02/2011 05:50

Today, my dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 184

You deserved it 4 177

By Anonymous - 20/02/2019 04:00

Today, I was driving my dad, who recently turned 50, to the store and had to listen to him go on and on that he’s having to accept that, as my siblings and I get older and are more independent, he’s having to transition from "sex god to just a dad." I don't know either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 033

You deserved it 184

By Author - 24/02/2014 22:22 - United States - Naples

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Devastated, I told my dad about it, hoping he'd help cheer me up. His advice was, "Just rub one out son, you'll feel better in no time." Thanks dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 403

You deserved it 6 831

By idontevencareanymore - 23/05/2014 21:25 - United States - Jarrell

Today, my mom came home drunk and crying, so I tried to comfort her and asked what was wrong. She wasted no time admitting that she'd hooked up with her ex-husband, AKA my dad, but that it'd sucked for her because he has a tiny penis. Thanks, I really needed to know that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 183

You deserved it 4 681

Good catch

By Anonymous - 17/03/2011 23:52 - United States

Today, my father came over to my house. I realized there were condoms on the table, so I subtly moved a vase to hide them. He then gave me an unamused look and said, "I know you have sex. You've been married for nine years. Grow the fuck up, dumbass." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 561

You deserved it 90 877

save_me_08 0

Friday 22 May 2009 16:49

At least it wasn't in a bag w/ a ***** and he ended up telling you how he likes it up the ass... then goes on to explain how stimulation of the prostate increases pleasure... and how you shouldn't be embarrassed about what makes yourself and your partner feel good Silver lining?

ArtsySwag 0

Friday 22 May 2009 16:49

Why would your father disclose that with you? That's so gross. I've come across lube in my mom's groceries and I try overlooking it because I don't want mental images rummaging through my head. Ughhhhhh. I feel sorry for you :(.

Comments

krankypoptart 0

Friday 22 May 2009 16:57

Your dad should meet the mom, whose son was chasing girls with his "sword of death". Maybe he could explain somethings to the both of them.

alwaysalady 0

Friday 22 May 2009 16:57

Oh. Parental TMI. The phycological damage can never be healed..... my mom does shit like that to me.

Ilovelife07 0

Friday 22 May 2009 16:57

ew, at least your parents are still having sex tho, good for them

icecreamdriveby 5

Thursday 4 November 2010 14:36

the cutesy dog I've ever seen!

bonafidehustler 0

Friday 22 May 2009 16:58

#10: Of course it's an FML! I'd be incredibly disgusted if my dad told me that. This is probably one of the funnier FMLs I've seen lately.

Ilovelife07 0

Friday 22 May 2009 16:59

BTW, anyone notice that the advertisements on the side almost always correspond to the FML? How do they do that?

tWitt3rBuG 0

Friday 22 May 2009 17:01

Eeeew! Ignorance is bliss!

dearViena 0

Friday 22 May 2009 17:20

big whoop.

lnm701 0

Friday 22 May 2009 17:22

I've heard way worse from my mother. You got off easy.

whomajigi 0

Friday 22 May 2009 17:25

Sounds like my dad with the TMI. Oh no, your parents still have a sex life! That's a good thing, it means they're still happily married in a healthy relationship. No one wants to know what much graphic detail but suck it up and be happy they're happy. Just try not to think about the semantics too much.