Today, my constant constipation has become a running joke in my family; I heard my mom tell my dad that if he wants to keep his Christmas presents safe, he should ask me to eat them. FML
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Today, after months of incredibly painful stomach cramps, I convinced my mom that I needed to see a doctor. Not even 2 minutes into the exam, the doctor tells me that I'm heavily constipated and advised some "prune juice" to help "clear all that shit out". My mom won't stop laughing at me. FML
Today, I finally got over a long bout of constipation. I was scared to ask my mom for laxatives because I had the feeling she would tell all her friends, but on the 6th day of absolutely no bowel movements, I caved. I later overheard my mom telling all her friends. FML
Today, I found out my grandma has been slipping laxatives into my food. Apparently, I was constipated once as a child and "once constipated, always constipated." FML
Today, I was at home with slight constipation, so I took two laxatives. That's when my boyfriend called me, saying his parents are in town and want to have dinner tonight, this being the first time I've met them. I've already been on the toilet five times. FML
Today, after having horrific constipation the day before, I finally got the rock hard turd out of my system. Things got awkward as I cried out in pain and my mom asked me what was wrong. Realizing the dining room and kitchen was nearby, I said "Never mind, it's gross!" I think she figured it out anyways. FML
Today, I went to the doctor for horrible stomach pains. He said I had an abnormal amount of stool in me, and that I'd need to flush it out. I called my mom and told her what happened, to which she responded, "I always knew you were full of shit, I didn't need a doctor to tell me that." FML
Today, I've been chronically constipated so long that I was actually grateful for the sudden blast of diarrhea that ruined my pants. FML
Today, while buying laxatives and really hoping the cashier wouldn’t make some snarky comment, the cashier said, "You know, that’s not a good way to lose weight." I had to explain to him that I’m actually constipated. FML
Today, my mother made me see the doctor to see if I had irritable bowel syndrome, on the account of how often I go to the restroom. I then had to admit I only go in there to get away from my family. My doctor thought it was hilarious. My mom didn't. FML
Today, my mom won’t stop calling up all her friends and family and even telling complete strangers about my "bowel problems." Even at parties, she talks about my pooping habits every chance she gets. This isn’t what I want to be known for. FML
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Top comments
UndeadFML 22
Well we know one thing that's not running. You to the bathroom.
Tripartita 45
This is literally one of the least shitty situations on here.
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Comments (50)
CaptainSmith28 19
Takes me back to that classic Weird Al tune...
poisonedpeanuts 22
Which one would that be exactly??
Lalala579121 28
Come on 23, you should know what one. It's that one that's a classic.
KhaleesiDannie 26
How was I supposed to know that we were both related?
TheFount 21
I would guess that a joke about you would be anything but "running."
John_in_Oz 12
If you can take a joke upon yourself in good humour, your will be popular. In this case, as someone with no reason to mislead you, I tell you that really is a funny quip.
Lalala579121 28
Generally, any joke about bodily functions, or lack thereof, will just make you more unpopular. Even if you play into it.
spatula232 25
..."running joke"...
AlbertNeinstein 10
Well you can say your dad doesn't give a shit.... Badum tssss. K I'll stop
SoakedAndSad 2
I know this might not be helpful in this site, but I struggled with chronic constipation for a really long time, and thought I'd pass along something that might help? If you haven't already, try docusate sodium pills. They've worked wonders for me and several other people I know. Good luck!
UhHuhHoney 20
Got to admit though, that's pretty hilarious. On a serious note, you should start eating more foods w/ fiber in them because being clogged up sucks!
Karpath 5
If it's constipation is it really running?
Red_Curls1995 28
Been there and am still there OP. Try some sorbitol that stuff is pretty strong just make sure to combine it with Gas-X
dcam13 19
what's with a third of FML's now being about crap? it's kind of weird.
A07 48
Constipation is a serious issue son.