Love: Today, I was feeling sick, so I called my boyfriend who lives... - FML

By vidzgrl - 28/01/2009 19:51 - Canada

Today, I was feeling sick, so I called my boyfriend who lives down the street to come and keep me company. He replied with, "no, I can't come over, I'm busy, I'm playing xbox." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 690

You deserved it 5 311

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

Supportive

By Anonymous - 06/04/2011 11:47 - Netherlands

Today, my boyfriend's parents visited us. When everyone was chatting in the room, I needed to go to the bathroom. I got up and wanted to walk away when I sneezed, and farted at the same time. I thought they didn't hear it, until my boyfriend's brother said: "That wasn't just a sneeze was it?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 905

You deserved it 5 452

By Anonymous - 24/11/2014 18:47 - United States - Charlottesville

Today, I decided to check out a dating site, when I stumbled across my ex wife's profile. She'd had it for four out of the five years of our marriage. And no, it didn't rate us as a good match. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 746

You deserved it 3 843

Awkwaaaaard

By notwhatithought - 21/08/2015 19:43 - Germany - Erlangen

Today, the professor I've had a crush on informed me that there's only one way left I could still pass his course. Thinking this was an attempt to flirt with me, I told him I'd do anything he could imagine. He then looked confused when he asked me to write an essay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 217

You deserved it 33 508

By tash - 24/05/2011 12:33 - Canada

Today, while I was mowing the lawn in my backyard, I ran over a glass bottle. My legs looked like a disco ball. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 900

You deserved it 9 445

By orangethonglover - 17/07/2009 04:02 - United States

Today, I found out the real cause of my dog's illness that she had just recovered from. When my sister took her in to see the vet, the vet said my dog was constipated, and swallowed something orange. That orange thing happened to be my favorite thong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 016

You deserved it 6 262

By badtiming - 15/09/2010 04:15 - United States

Today, I saw a bad car wreck. I pulled over and ran to the car to find an unconscious man behind the wheel. Another car pulled up, and a guy got out. I was relieved to have help, until, to my horror, he started trying to hit on me. I was stuck with him until the ambulance arrived. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 006

You deserved it 3 280

By pain - 01/11/2011 14:52 - United States

Today, I learned the hard way that you should never use medical tape to secure gauze over a razor cut on your scrotum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 145

You deserved it 39 782

By DoesNotLikeCubes - 06/07/2009 20:08 - Qatar

Today, I spent 3 hours looking at a youtube video for how to do rubik's cube. Even after being told how to do it, I couldn't finish it. I scroll down at the comments and read "Awesome! I'm 10 and can do it in 3 minutes now!". I'm 28 and still couldn't get it, even with a guide. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 557

You deserved it 10 983

By MyNameIsNotJeff - 08/05/2015 03:23 - United States

Today, my girlfriend bought me a pet tarantula. I now have one of my biggest fears crawling around my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 165

You deserved it 3 091

By Girl w/ the Pearl Earring - 22/08/2016 11:46 - Australia - Perth

Today, it was another stressful day of watching servicemen at my job trying to figure out what broke an extremely expensive and essential machine. I'm just waiting for the day they finally discover the earring I dropped into it about a week ago FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 111

You deserved it 4 964

By RedEye - 11/07/2017 17:30 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, my contact ripped in half in my eye. One half fell out, but the other half got stuck too far under my eyelid. An hour and $100 later, Urgent Care finally got it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 565

You deserved it 318

By littleone37 - 03/04/2009 18:40 - United States

Today, my mom and sister both told me that they don't like when I come visit with my boyfriend. They love my boyfriend and think he's great, it's me they have a problem with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 928

You deserved it 4 830

By Anonymous - 09/06/2009 07:24 - South Africa

Today, I was painting the garage door. After 3 hours, I finally finished the job. As I was walking back inside, accidentally pressed the button that opens and closes the garage door. Not only did the paint job get messed up as it went up, the paint also dripped onto my parents brand new car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 546

You deserved it 24 573

By misTreated - 30/05/2010 04:01 - United States

Today, I was spelling T-R-E-A-T to my fiancé so that the dog wouldn't understand what I was talking about. Turns out, neither could my fiancé. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 917

You deserved it 5 540

Stop! Hammertime!

By shotdown - 04/11/2010 04:18 - United States

Spicy

Today, in the middle of hot passionate sex with my husband, he stops and tells me he won't be able to finish until I go brush my teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 570

You deserved it 41 455

By thoughtcrimeno1 - 06/07/2011 05:27 - United States

Today, I helped an elderly lady unscrew the cooling tank's cap from her smoking car. My reward? A scalding shower of toxic, pungent antifreeze that erupted moments after removing said cap. She didn't even thank me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 791

You deserved it 18 767

By Anonymous - 28/05/2019 20:10

Today, I found out that the doctors accidentally perforated my left ear drum performing a routine wax syringing. I was at the doctor's for a completely different reason, having crushed my pinky at the gym. They can't fix either and my finger needs surgery, which can't happen until next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 783

You deserved it 108

By charmed - 12/08/2016 08:53

Today, after being single for over five years, I was chatted up at the airport. Sadly, Prince Charming was a homeless guy who had very strong body odour, soiled trousers, a can of cheap beer and bugs in his dreads. He kissed my hand. I feel violated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 210

You deserved it 1 903

By Notpunny - 18/04/2016 22:58 - United States - Silver Spring

Today, while making small talk with a veteran, I made the mistake of using the phrase "Cost an arm and a leg". He was a double amputee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 123

You deserved it 7 798

By Anonymous - 18/10/2010 11:48 - United States

Spicy

Today, finishing up in the shower room, I walked into the kitchen to get a drink. Apparently both bathrooms were occupied and my grandmother really had to go... She was bent over in the kitchen peeing into a cup. I may never be able to erase this image. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 732

You deserved it 2 691

By jordansquared - 21/12/2018 16:00

Today, I received a Christmas card from my husband’s parents and found for the 7th straight year I wasn’t included on the card. Instead they included a picture of my husband’s ex-girlfriend holding my baby. I’ve already received messages asking if he’s back together with her. No. No he’s not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 025

You deserved it 176

By birthdayfail - 24/05/2011 07:55

Today, it's my birthday. At my workplace, we always get a cake for whoever's birthday it is. They somehow forgot about me. I've been working there for a year, and my grandparents and my dad own the restaurant I work at. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 064

You deserved it 3 394

By izziegrl - 24/09/2012 18:21 - Mexico - Naucalpan

Today, I realized that I spend more money on gas to go to my job than what I get paid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 350

You deserved it 3 610

By Julianapilikusplatosophophes - 11/07/2015 03:49 - Australia - Kew

Today, at 3 in the morning, I was getting out of bed to use the bathroom, when my boyfriend grabbed my arm, looked at me wide-eyed and begged, "Don't... They'll take your skin..." He doesn't remember saying it, and now I'm scared shitless to use the bathroom at night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 818

You deserved it 2 825

By kristine29 - 03/02/2010 16:06 - United States

Today, I went for a job interview I scheduled 3 weeks ago. I spent $200 on a new suit to really impress them and practised like crazy every imaginable question they could ask. They already had filled the position 2 weeks ago and forgot to inform me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 326

You deserved it 2 792

By Anonymous - 10/04/2009 06:59 - United States

Today, while working at a restaurant, I watched someone throw their car door open and hit the side of my brand new car for the third time this week. I told the woman to be more careful. She told my manager that I was being racist. As I was being yelled at, I watched her hit my car again, smiling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89 280

You deserved it 3 841

Shitpants blues

By Anonymous - 24/12/2020 02:01

Today, I recently started taking some antidepressants and they have been working really well for me, except for the fact that they have made me crap my pants twice now. Both times in public. FML

I agree, your life sucks 897

You deserved it 68

By coffee_princess - 22/07/2010 23:14 - Canada

Today, my father made his bellybutton talk. In front of my new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 878

You deserved it 4 445

By dumped - 17/04/2011 21:12 - South Africa

Today, I got a postcard from my boyfriend who is on vacation in the Caribbean. He's breaking up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 747

You deserved it 3 788

By Elizabeth Ann - 10/05/2019 23:00

Today, at work, I fainted and hit my head. When I told my boyfriend, he said, “Why does it matter?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 802

You deserved it 210

By Swivel - 07/06/2012 12:17 - Singapore

Today, after a spate of bad ones, I was in another job interview trying my hardest to give a good impression. After answering a few questions, I realized to my horror that while I was talking I was swiveling my chair from left to right like a nervous child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 050

You deserved it 4 676

By FUKDOUG - 15/01/2009 01:47 - Canada

Today, I was trying to finish an english assignment and I was not sure how to complete it. So I emailed my teacher asking and she said flip over the assignment handout page for instructions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 575

You deserved it 28 334

By Divorcemenow - 17/07/2009 22:02 - United States

Today, I awoke to my husband donning a gorilla mask in the middle of the night. My kids have been staying in a tent out back for the past few nights, and have complained of a "monster" scaring them. I told them that it was their imagination. My husband says he gets a kick out of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 541

You deserved it 6 947

By owowowow - 24/07/2010 01:30 - Canada

Today, I found out how much it hurts to be shot with a paintball in your open mouth. My mouth was only open to say I was hit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 058

You deserved it 7 576

You idiot!

By Anonymous - 28/10/2019 22:00

Today, I didn't want to hang out with my girlfriend so I could binge watch Pawn Stars instead. When she asked me why not, I lied not very convincingly and said my mom was sick and needed my help. She now thinks I'm cheating on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 443

You deserved it 2 861

By MCMB33 - 01/02/2012 00:59 - United States

Today, I caught my pregnant wife smoking. This is after I quit over a month ago to show her my support and be a good influence on our child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 860

You deserved it 3 066

Grow up

By Anonymous - 27/07/2021 07:02

Today, my son rejected a job offer because it interferes with the streaming schedule of some Twitch dirtbag. He's 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 903

You deserved it 170

By lonelyloser - 04/02/2013 07:45 - Australia - Perth

Today, I hired out a motel room so I could stay there by myself and lie to my mother and grandmother about having friends. This is the third time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 454

You deserved it 15 496

By "mindy12182" - 29/12/2018 17:00 - United States - Des Moines

Today, while doing my disabled client's makeup I got my period. I'm hoping that she didn't notice a red stain on her white bedspread when I stood up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 312

You deserved it 586

By radiant - 22/01/2009 15:22 - United States

Today, I told my mom I want to get liposuction. She said "Whats the point? Its not like you can get lipo on your face!". FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 925

You deserved it 4 231

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Top comments

Send a private message

Tuesday 10 February 2009 5:09

No way! When my girlfriend's sick, I help her in any way I can. She's the cutest thing in the world and I love nurturing her. Fuck Xbox and whatever other plans I had.

Send a private message

Thursday 12 February 2009 8:51

lmao fuckin right sure he should have been there for u but jesus those call of duty double point weekends few and far between and ued have to try pretty damn hard to beat out rockin some noobs.

Comments

Send a private message

Tuesday 10 February 2009 5:09

No way! When my girlfriend's sick, I help her in any way I can. She's the cutest thing in the world and I love nurturing her. Fuck Xbox and whatever other plans I had.

Send a private message

Monday 21 June 2010 8:07

u are soo sweet

Send a private message

Friday 16 July 2010 7:48

you are so gay

Send a private message

Saturday 17 July 2010 12:16

your the gay one here

Send a private message

Sunday 1 August 2010 8:19

way to be dude. if u care at all about the girl ur with, she should at least be put above videogames, especially when she's sick. otherwise go take ur xbox out to dinner and let the girl be with someone worth her time. and how exactly is choosing to nurture his female companion over teabagging with his halotard buddies online gay? u sir, are an illiterate idiot. go grab a dictionary and expand your narrow minded vocabulary wider than one word.

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Friday 17 February 2012 4:03

good attempt at a comeback?

realportlandian 2

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Monday 19 March 2012 6:18

Thats why youll die alone you dick

Send a private message

Sunday 15 April 2012 20:03

PS3 & MLG game batlles are a different story! Even tho I still prioritize my gf 1st :D

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Wednesday 28 October 2015 17:19

Yeah fuck Xbox and PlayStation ftw

Send a private message

Thursday 12 February 2009 8:51

lmao fuckin right sure he should have been there for u but jesus those call of duty double point weekends few and far between and ued have to try pretty damn hard to beat out rockin some noobs.

CrazyLaughs4Me 17

Send a private message

Wednesday 18 June 2014 5:30

I bet you're a single lonely pathetic geek

Send a private message

Sunday 8 March 2009 19:56

If you didnt already know thats time to get a new bf

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Friday 16 July 2010 7:50

don't be dumb any guy would make that chice it's no use

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Sunday 1 August 2010 8:31

believe it or not, there are still some of us who treat our women half decent. i treat my fiancee like gold because she deserves it. it doesnt mean waiting on your gf hand and foot, but any nice guy puts down the contoller for an hour to bring her some soup and cold medicine and sticks around for her to fall asleep. and unless u have the immune system of a new born baby, you could stand a little time with her. its not like it involves sucking on her tongue and rubbing used tissues in your face :/

CrazyLaughs4Me 17

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Wednesday 18 June 2014 5:31

Yeah, uh the thing is OP boyfriend isn't that great. :-

amsterdam_fml 0

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Tuesday 10 March 2009 4:25

This is what my boyfriend said to me when i was incredibly sick on my birthday

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Sunday 1 August 2010 8:33

im hoping he's your exboyfriend by now. is growing up with a half decent sence of morality just a lost art or something?

emohatelife226 0

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Wednesday 11 March 2009 21:04

*cuts self*

stephalicious 0

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Monday 16 March 2009 6:17

OMG so it's not just my boyfriend!?!? Someone who knows how i feel.. Im like hey babe we should have some sexy time.. and i get.. "but i just got on halo, can you come back later" hours later i call "are you done yet" "no" fml!

saltz 0

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Thursday 11 February 2010 12:53

damn, I consider myself a hardcore gamer, but if my gf calls for sexy time I'll drop a 25 man icc mid pull

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Friday 27 April 2012 23:24

Wtf. Why would any guy say that. I never play videogames, even if I did, I would put it 2nd to anyone I was with

X_SgtxSmokey_X 0

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Tuesday 17 March 2009 1:32

Buds a idiot, he has a 360

johnnyredcorn 5

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Saturday 18 June 2011 13:00

*cringe* :l

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Wednesday 18 March 2009 12:19

Yeah, he sounds like a dick. If you're sick, making you feel better should be much more important to him than video games.

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Wednesday 18 March 2009 18:58

when it comes to priorities, and gaming happens to be one of his hobbies, guys can be so immature--they'd choose their xbox or whatever game console they have over their own girlfriend! geez! it's really disrespectful and makes the girl wonder if she's loved when she's outdone by a piece of technology.

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Friday 16 July 2010 7:55

girlfriends are usually temporary...and love is a strong word...

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Tuesday 24 March 2009 3:35

Um, sorry hun but Xbox is wayyy more important. and this is coming from a girl.

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Sunday 30 December 2012 2:39

So what if ur bf had a really bad illness and your like sorry im playing Xbox and then his feelings get hurt and he makes a post like this saying FML.. I bet you'll be glad!

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 283

You deserved it 36

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 125

You deserved it 276