Love: Today, it's my one year anniversary with my husband. I put on...

By Ciabatta - 20/11/2008 11:10 - France

Today, it's my one year anniversary with my husband. I put on a sexy outfit, red dress and slinky underwear, and waited for him to get home. He walked in the door and asked me with a quizzical look if I was going out tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 239

You deserved it 3 427

Love

Age difference

Late term

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

By really - 01/11/2014 01:16 - United States

Today, my parents told me they don't think I'll ever find a boyfriend, and insist on referring to my future cats as their "grandkids". FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 748

You deserved it 3 227

By Anonymous - 19/05/2017 14:00

Today, the stall I was using didn't have any toilet paper in it. Being the immature idiot I am, I was too embarrassed to ask for someone to grab me some. So I waited 45 minutes for the bathroom to be empty and crept into the next stall, only to find it was also out of toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 605

You deserved it 902

By december2009 - 04/01/2010 03:41 - United States

Today, I woke up to realize that the guy who took my virginity last night also took my flat screen TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 754

You deserved it 9 921

By why me? - 06/09/2014 04:25 - United States - Tulsa

Today, my roommate decided that because she has an oral report due, she's going to scream at the top of her lungs until she loses her voice to get out of it. It's been two hours and she refuses to stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 633

You deserved it 2 820

By Anonymous - 11/04/2010 19:11 - United States

Today, my cat brought yet another chipmunk into our house. She never kills them, so they stay in our house until we either capture them or they escape. So far, she's brought in three squirrels, four chipmunks, four mice, and a snake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 956

You deserved it 7 031

By Anonymous - 06/01/2015 16:40 - Vietnam - Ho Chi Minh City

Today, at a candlelit dinner, I accidentally set my dad's leg on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 558

You deserved it 4 683

Mommy's bravest little boy

By Anonymous - 19/05/2020 20:00

Today, my boyfriend of 9 months asked me to park in a parallel street from where he lives when dropping him off. Why? Because his mom might see me. He's 32. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 452

You deserved it 296

By DabTheFuckOut - 16/09/2016 19:35 - United States - Honolulu

Today, I finally said yes to a date with a guy. I was hesistant due to him being quite a bit younger than me. On our date, he dabbed 27 times. Yes, I actually kept count. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 484

You deserved it 1 123

By EyeSeeYou - 02/05/2012 18:34 - United States - Houston

Today, I went on a picnic with my boyfriend's family. I thought it would be nice to wear my sundress and cowgirl boots. The wind repeatedly picked up my dress in front of everyone, including my boyfriend's seedy grandpa, who I have to admit can do a pretty good wolf-whistle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 889

You deserved it 6 906

Nice guys

By Anonymous - 17/07/2021 04:01

Today, it’s my birthday. My boyfriend handed me this month’s rental statement with “Paid” written in red ink. He says it’s my gift, because, "that shit adds up every month" and I should be "grateful" that I have a roof over my head for another month instead of being "materialistic." FML

I agree, your life sucks 792

You deserved it 404

By annoyed - 22/01/2015 20:23 - United States - Berkeley

Today, I was diagnosed with gonorrhea. My dad's reaction was to slowly clap at the news then giggle at his own joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 459

You deserved it 10 135

By clu - 10/08/2010 06:07 - United States

Today, while eating dinner, a car alarm went off outside for 15 minutes and was driving me crazy, until I realized it was my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 782

You deserved it 37 017

By Anonymous - 13/02/2013 05:07 - United States - Topeka

Today, my boyfriend and I were visiting his parents. I'm nervous around them so he encouraged me to drink so I'd loosen up. I got so drunk I tore up all the things in his old room I thought were from ex-girlfriends and accidentally flashed his dad my crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 548

You deserved it 56 606

By inalotofpain - 16/04/2011 12:46 - United States

Today, while relaxing in the kitchen drinking coffee, my dad suddenly rushed in, knocking me over and causing me to spill boiling hot coffee all over myself. Then, my dad thought it would be a good idea to grab the sprayer from the sink and douse me with cold water in order to "put me out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 409

You deserved it 3 898

By cookscatastrophy - 08/12/2009 08:19 - United States

Today, in aerobics, while stretching, my friend leaned over to pull the long hair off my pants. It was my pubic hair sticking through my pants, and I screamed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 620

You deserved it 47 042

By Anonymous - 26/07/2009 17:00 - France

Today, I went to a funeral for my coworker's father. While there, my dad's cell phone rang and he left to answer it. I turned to my brother and said, "I can't believe he brought his cell phone!" He whispered, "I can't believe he's got coverage. This is a dead zone!" I laughed loudly. At a funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 716

You deserved it 58 840

That was quick

By dumbdad - 08/09/2010 00:25 - United States

Today, my estranged dad drunk-dialed me at 4 a.m. to apologize, and to make amends. After crying and forgiving, we hung up. Minutes later, he called back to retract everything he said after remembering how I was rude to him at a party 3 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 601

You deserved it 3 263

By thisisnotavirustrustme.exe - 18/04/2015 19:34 - United States - New City

Today, I discovered why my pet bird has been hiding behind my couch pillow lately. It's not because she was nesting, as I thought. She's been secretly tearing apart the whole couch from behind there instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 342

You deserved it 4 687

By Anonymous - 24/03/2014 20:28 - United States - Galesburg

Today, my clingy girlfriend refused to leave me alone long enough for me to read an article about dealing with clingy girlfriends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 034

You deserved it 6 537

By InsertPopcicle - 22/11/2013 06:53 - United States

Today, I forgot I left my tampons in a grocery bag packed with food that I put into the fridge. I realized two hours later while frantically looking for a tampon. I'm still cold down there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 110

You deserved it 12 797

By Anonymous - 02/03/2011 21:26 - United States

Today, I was out skating with a guy I really like. I put on my best moves, to impress him. I ended up slicing his lip open with my skate mid-jump. His lip is now wired shut by twelve stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 870

You deserved it 36 318

By some explaining to do - 25/12/2016 08:34 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I went to my uncle's house to celebrate Christmas. His kids don't have their own phones so I let them play with mine. They sent all my contacts messages saying I love them, including two of my ex-girlfriends who both immediately wanted to make up and started to frantically call me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 274

You deserved it 3 108

By furryballoon - 22/11/2011 04:46 - United States

Today, I had a dream that I was trying to pop a balloon. Nothing I did was working, so I put it between my knees and tried to pop it that way. Immediately, I woke up to the sound of frantic hissing and meowing. As it turns out, I was trying to pop the cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 502

You deserved it 6 843

By 2for1 - 28/03/2019 00:00 - Norway - Sandefjord

Today, after being constipated for four days post-surgery, I have gotten diarrhea. It doesn't actually help getting the hard plug out, but it has found slow passages around it, so I’m still left to my own devices. This is not the kind of gold I’d like to be digging for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 705

You deserved it 142

By Anonymous - 19/09/2016 17:29 - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, at a tutoring center, one of the tutors looked at my worksheet and laughed. She then showed all the other tutors my mistakes and they laughed along with her. The best part? They all speak Chinese and they think I can't understand them. I'm Chinese. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 749

You deserved it 851

Metal Cat

By Anonymous - 08/02/2021 05:01

Today, my cat jumped on my chest while I was sleeping and head-butted my nose to show she loves me. It was hard enough to crack it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 631

You deserved it 84

By Anonymous - 27/11/2009 04:26 - United States

Today, I wanted to take a nice hot relaxing bath. A wasp somehow got in, and stung me on the nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 287

You deserved it 4 823

By Anonymous - 18/01/2013 20:59 - Canada - Owen Sound

Today, my husband sent me a text before heading home from work. All it said was, "Need a fuck. Backed up to hell. You're about to shower face first in a fire hydrant." Love you too, hun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 890

You deserved it 5 977

By Dummas - 15/01/2017 12:00

Today, I sent out an email asking people to contact me if they were not on our group's email list yet so that I could add them. I sent it out to the group list. They were quite amused. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 620

You deserved it 6 058

No imagination

By why? - 17/08/2020 14:02

Today, I found out from my first cousin whose teenage daughter is pregnant that she has chosen to name her child after mine. I would be okay with this, if it weren’t the same first name, and if they weren’t just a couple of years apart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 975

You deserved it 204

By RayneSong - 20/11/2012 23:25 - United States - Lansing

Today, I'm in the hospital and it's been 44 hours since I've eaten anything. My doctors won't let me eat and my parents are sitting across the room, eating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 992

You deserved it 1 811

By Stilljobless - 19/01/2010 11:51 - United Kingdom

Today, I got a missed call from a job that I really really want. I completely forgot that my answer machine message was a ridiculous and rude poem that I recorded previously when I was drunk. Somehow I don't think I'll be getting a call back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 069

You deserved it 39 497

By notthedad - 15/03/2011 15:50 - China

Today, I got a call from my long distance girlfriend. She's about a month pregnant. I haven't seen her in person for six months, but she still insists it's mine. I don't know which would be worse: her lying or her being that stupid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 386

You deserved it 5 632

Caught

By EllaElle - 04/05/2021 06:01

Today, I went on a date with a guy. I lost interest in him quick, so I excused myself to go to the bathroom, hoping to make a run for the hills. As soon as I reached the front door, our server yells out, "I hope you’re not thinking about dining and dashing!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 375

You deserved it 2 894

By ICantBelieveThis - 06/03/2010 14:31 - United States

Today, I had sex with my girlfriend in her room. That means: Jonas Brothers posters on the wall, Jonas Brothers pillows, sheets, comforter and stuffed dog. After we did it, she apologized to her posters for having to see that, since they're pure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 248

You deserved it 8 910

By Anonymous - 07/06/2019 12:17

Today, I was having motorbike lessons. We were parked by the side of the circuit when one side of my gloves dropped on the ground. I tried to pick it up without getting off the bike. I lost balance, fell off the bike and the bike landed on my leg, trapping me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 872

You deserved it 1 161

By Anonymous - 14/06/2013 01:44 - United States - Stroudsburg

Today, I was riding a bike when a truck accidentally hit me. The handsome driver came out and asked if I was alright. I said, "I am now" and winked. He said "Eww, no" then immediately ran away and drove his truck around me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 347

You deserved it 27 839

By Anonymous - 05/10/2010 14:36 - United States

Today, I missed my own surprise party because, having heard it being planned, I though it was going to be an intervention. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 959

You deserved it 44 426

Extreme phobias

By Calimero0 - 11/08/2020 17:02

Today, it's 30 degrees Celsius in my bedroom, but I need to stay completely under the covers, because even though I live on the other side of the world, I can't stop thinking about Australian huntsman spiders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 855

You deserved it 946

By sneezeattack - 14/05/2012 05:27 - United States - Aurora

Today, my boyfriend got so happy when he thought he'd finally given me an orgasm. I was covering an urge to sneeze. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 906

You deserved it 4 276

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Top comments

deadangel_fml 0

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Thursday 12 February 2009 16:59

Give him anal, he'll love that shit. Lol "shit" xD

PhysOptGuy 0

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Sunday 22 March 2009 7:08

they make underwear out of Slinkies now!??!?! that could be rather uncomfortable, on second thought.

deadangel_fml 0

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Thursday 12 February 2009 16:59

Give him anal, he'll love that shit. Lol "shit" xD

missmontreal97 4

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Friday 17 December 2010 10:20

agreed but they should put like alarm .. but OP didn't even write who was celebrating the anniversary we had to figure it out.

sofaqueen_ 14

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Wednesday 9 July 2014 23:17

OP... Do you usually dress like a whore when you go out? Or is your idea of sexy, considered modest to him?

NoctisNightshade 0

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Friday 6 March 2009 1:44

I certainly would be after that.

PhysOptGuy 0

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Sunday 22 March 2009 7:08

they make underwear out of Slinkies now!??!?! that could be rather uncomfortable, on second thought.

XCaLX_fml 0

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Wednesday 31 March 2010 1:41

i want slinky boxers

authorkid 2

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Tuesday 13 April 2010 3:53

lol

hp_obsessed 0

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Wednesday 16 June 2010 2:56

It would... Imagine having the end pieces sticking into those parts... Ow...

gabberrs 8

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Wednesday 18 January 2012 5:20

That's exactly what I was thinking!

Sonalis 9

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Saturday 18 April 2009 20:04

What a jerk! You should've slapped him right off the bat. #3...you're kidding, right? I think by "slinky" she meant "sexy"...

Really0_o 0

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Thursday 22 April 2010 15:44

#4 chill. of course she meant sexy underwear, #3 was comical. And F that! The dude has a job while shes home sitting on her ass, she coulda helped the guy out a little. Shes not going to pay the bills by waiting at home in sexy cloths. If she had a job too, she may have done the same thing.

zakh508 0

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Thursday 2 September 2010 5:59

#4: Calm the fuck down, if your the type of bitch who would slap a guy for forgetting an anniversary and can't take a joke (like the slinky one) then please don't comment on the Internet. Everyone hates people like you.

Iamnotmyself 17

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Sunday 17 July 2011 5:18

-4 I hope you never get married

babble 0

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Sunday 26 April 2009 5:07

LOL #2

24788 6

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Saturday 2 May 2009 12:21

There's a reason were whipped.

AntiChrist7 0

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Tuesday 5 May 2009 12:48

you chose an idiot, your fault. YDI

TiffLovesYou3695 0

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Saturday 6 June 2009 16:38

DANG! That sucks! FYL definetly!

textme 0

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Sunday 21 June 2009 8:28

Wow that suck that's how us guys are though haha

cmac86 23

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Wednesday 24 June 2009 9:14

you need to communicate better. both in your relationship and on fml. while we could understand what you were trying to say, if it were another we may not have been that lucky. so communicating is what you need to concentrate on more.