Sex, Contraception and Intimacy: Stay safe - FML

Stay safe

By notaslut - 08/01/2020 22:00 - United States - Greeley

Spicy

Today, I walked into my best friend's house and her mom threw a box of condoms at me and said, "Stay safe, slut." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 755

You deserved it 636

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 08/08/2019 22:00 - United States - Houston

Today, my mom barged into my room, threw 5 boxes of condoms at me, then said, "So you don't get pregnant". She still hasn't accepted the fact that I'm a lesbian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 906

You deserved it 341

By Anonymous - 24/12/2018 12:00

Today, my Mom found out that I've been intimate with one of my best friends in the past. We used protection, it never went anywhere, and we ended it amicably, but she still gave me a huge lecture. Later, she high-fived and congratulated him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 705

You deserved it 502

Judgmental much!?

By Stairway2Heaven - 02/03/2009 21:03 - Canada

Today, I came home to find that my room had been ransacked. My mom comes out of nowhere and says that we need to have a talk. I freaked out thinking it was all the empty alcohol bottles under my bed. My mom holds up the birth control and says, "I always knew you were a whore." FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 663

You deserved it 19 449

Weird family

By Veronica - 29/12/2022 09:00 - United States - Allentown

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex. His mom didn’t know much about it, and she walked in on us. After about 5 minutes she came back up, threw a box of condoms at us, says, "Continue" and walked out. We were still fucking while she was in the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 365

You deserved it 2 084

By Person - 07/06/2009 18:07 - United States

Spicy

Today, my mother found condoms in my room. She asked why and I said, "Just in case." She started laughing hysterically. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82 640

You deserved it 9 942

By Joe - 19/10/2009 04:32 - Cambodia

Spicy

Today, whilst celebrating my birthday with my friends and family, I met a girl at the bar who seemed interested. She became very disinterested and left after my mother whispered in her ear "If you go home with my son make sure he wears a condom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 111

You deserved it 2 960

By killercow - 19/04/2011 16:19 - United States

Spicy

Today, I walked into the laundry room when my mom pulled a condom wrapper out of my pants pocket. She looked at me and said, "You know you can't wash and reuse these?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 233

You deserved it 23 009

By bob - 05/02/2011 12:02 - United States

Today, I saw my mom run across the house naked for a condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 151

You deserved it 4 219

By rahrahcakes - 19/03/2012 07:36 - Australia - Brisbane

Spicy

Today, my mum cleaned my room. When I got home she yelled at me for having condoms. I'm 24 years old and in a long term relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 777

You deserved it 12 804

One day…

By Animal - 24/02/2011 19:14 - Canada

Spicy

Today, my mom was snooping around my room, and found the unopened box of glow in the dark condoms I bought myself year ago. She laughed and said, "No takers yet, eh?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 287

You deserved it 17 107

Next

Top comments

Seeya55 31

Wednesday 8 January 2020 23:38

#thathappened

RichardPencil 30

Thursday 9 January 2020 8:41

Some people show love in a weird way.

Comments

Seeya55 31

Wednesday 8 January 2020 23:38

#thathappened

BurnInDemonFire 34

Thursday 9 January 2020 5:34

Coming up this week on "It's Always Sunny...", Mac reveals a past childhood trauma, Dennis doesn't use the story to bed 50 women, and Charlie doesn't sniff glue while eating cat food. Don't forget to tune in to also find out why no one calls Dee "Bird" and Frank doesn't pull a gun. All on this week's episode titled "Shit that didn't happen, but we tried to make a story out of it, anyway."

RichardPencil 30

Thursday 9 January 2020 8:41

Some people show love in a weird way.

DonULFonso 22

Thursday 9 January 2020 20:14

"Speaking with authority, aren't you?"

RatInc. 7

Friday 10 January 2020 1:00

Bad b*tch vibes

Jonkbaby 22

Sunday 12 January 2020 16:02

im very sorry. maybe shes going through menopause. which doesnt excuse her actions, but thats my guess

Keywords

Break-ups Love Christmas Poopoo peepee Gross Miscellaneous Ironic Argument Awkward Friends Cute Haircut Relatable Work Cars You're fired Covid Health Cheating Jealousy Kids Parenting Family DIY Cats Roommate Sex Am I overreacting? Intimacy Management

The Top

Today, I told my boyfriend of nearly a year that I finally told my mother about him, and that she wants us to fly out so he can meet her. He said “OK” with a blank expression. I went to work, and when I got home, he and all his stuff were gone. He left a note on the fridge, saying, “Sorry, I can’t do this anymore. All the best.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 589

You deserved it 131

Today, one of my 5-year-old son's teeth fell out, but he's quite scatterbrained and he lost it. He did however find my vibrating duck under my pillow, and is now crying because he thinks that I stole his tooth so that the tooth fairy would bring me a toy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 144

You deserved it 7 104

The Top

Today, I was walking into my living room when I slipped over the carpet, bashed my head on my glass table, and was moaning in pain on the floor. My parents came running when they heard my head bang… straight to the table, to see if there were any scratches on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 128

You deserved it 3 238

Today, my therapist told me to write down my secrets in an envelope and symbolically burn them. My secrets included stories of my rampant sex life, drug use, a suicide attempt, and the overpowering hatred I have for my family. I've managed to misplace the envelope somewhere back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 506

You deserved it 22 415

Today, I was standing in the bathroom and farted. It felt like someone stabbed me in the butt. I jumped out of shock, and my head slammed into the mirror. My glasses fell onto the floor and broke. I now need new glasses, a new mirror, and an ice pack for my head. All because I farted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 772

You deserved it 10 920

Today, I had a bit of good news with a letter that stated we were owed money by overpaying Council Tax. I phoned them, announcing myself. However, it turns out we actually owe THEM money, due to an error they made giving me and my husband a discount we weren't entitled to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 970

You deserved it 116

Today, I found out the guys I live with have an ongoing contest to see if they can hit targets on the inside of the toilet lid with urine when they pee. I could forgive this in my seven-year-old son, but not my forty-year-old husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 150

You deserved it 1 389

Today, I finally told the guy I like that I'm in love with him. He's the first person I have ever fallen in love with and owning up to my feelings was nerve-wracking due to my anxiety. He rejected me and ghosted me after saying he would get in touch soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 447

You deserved it 158