Today, I discovered after four hours of vomiting that it is very...

By Anonymous - 4/1/2011 07:12 - United Kingdom

Today, I discovered after four hours of vomiting that it is very much possible to vomit so hard you can't help but shit in your trousers. My boyfriend is currently staying over, too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30166

You deserved it

2953

Favorite

Health

Rock, hard place

That'll be Kevin in accounting

Bad news

By "lonely-mind" - 4/9/2017 16:00

Today, in Tennessee, it stormed like crazy due to Hurricane Harvey. I brought my boyfriend home safely to his parents' house, but it rained harder once we arrived, so I started to wait inside. He's an adult but has a curfew, so they kicked me back out into the storm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4733

You deserved it

367

Favorite

By Anon - 8/3/2012 11:53 - United States

Today, I was called an assortment of names and was almost followed home by a crazy bitch. Why? Because I stated that it was unsanitary for her to bring her dog to a grocery store. She clearly disagreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24584

You deserved it

7529

Favorite

By Anonymous - 19/2/2011 14:51 - Ireland

Today, I gave a safe sex speech to teens at my local high school. This was just ten minutes after my girlfriend had texted me, telling me she's pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14126

You deserved it

47918

Favorite

By drfrogpepper - 1/1/2011 23:50 - United States

Today, I was dumped by the guy who serenaded me with his guitar and admitted he had feelings for me. Why? Because the girl who had continuously been rejecting him for so long finally decided to give him a chance. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32952

You deserved it

3587

Favorite

By nerderer - 30/4/2015 18:48 - United States - Duluth

Today, after frantically searching my house and office and calling every place I'd visited in the last 24 hours, I finally found my phone in my fridge. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26776

You deserved it

6797

Favorite

By scared to leave the house - 20/8/2012 09:14 - Canada - Williams Lake

Today, I was at Starbucks after having a rough day. The old man beside me was talking to his friend. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him point at me and say, "See that beautiful girl over there?" Flattered, I listened closer, until he finished his statement with, "She's gonna die." FML

I agree, your life sucks

29000

You deserved it

2355

Favorite

By misunderstood - 5/9/2010 10:56 - Australia

Today, after having a fight with my boyfriend, we had what I thought to be the best make-up sex, because he seemed so happy and upbeat. Turns out he misunderstood. He was happy because he thought it was break-up sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35474

You deserved it

6325

Favorite

By AbFlab - 1/6/2010 04:35 - United States

Today, I've been dieting and working out trying to work towards some solid abs because I know my girlfriend digs that stuff. I've been miserable trying to achieve this goal, plus to make things even better while kissing today she grabbed my stomach and said "I just love your abs of... flab." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34688

You deserved it

5191

Favorite

By frenchie12 - 24/3/2019 02:00

Get back here!

Today, I hooked up with a girl. The condom fell off when I pulled out. When the girl left I could not find it. I saw my roommate cat's with it, so I chased him and he escaped. My roommate now wants to kill me. She found the condom on her bed and does not believe me. I might have to move out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1949

You deserved it

446

Favorite

By Anonymous - 16/9/2020 16:01 - United Kingdom

Can't catch a break

Today, I’ve been working 4 months to cover people isolating, so I was finally looking forward to a Saturday of fishing, a date night then a lazy Sunday watching TV. Only my wife who, as soon as she heard I had a whole weekend free, handed me a list of vital house jobs that need doing, “NOW NOW NOW.” FML

I agree, your life sucks

1257

You deserved it

175

Favorite

By black_pheonix77 - 3/7/2020 02:02

Hi, how are you?

Today, even though I’m not allowed to be on my phone while on the line at work, I texted an unknown number. My manager looked at her Apple Watch. I'd texted my manager while on the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

379

You deserved it

1968

Favorite

By Anonymous - 18/8/2016 20:44 - United States - High Point

Today, while driving to a client's home, I received a text. Since I loathe those who text and drive, I pulled into a convenience store's parking lot. While I was texting, a car sped into the lot, rear-ending my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16210

You deserved it

1107

Favorite

By Anonymous - 13/12/2014 20:21 - United States

Today, after months of saving, I went to buy the wedding ring I promised to buy my fiancée. Just seconds after I walked in, the owner asked me to leave, saying he doesn't serve "trash" like me, while pointing at the memorial tattoo on the back of my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37717

You deserved it

3655

Favorite

By Anonymous - 18/10/2017 16:00 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, after extensive tests due to pregnancy-related issues, I've been told my diet must change. I can no longer eat salt, sugar, gluten, or meat, and lactose is questionable. The doctor hopes it will end after the birth. Seven months to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3382

You deserved it

329

Favorite

By Anonymous - 23/8/2014 18:16 - Canada - Lethbridge

Today, I found out my girlfriend doesn't really take flute lessons after all. In related news, every time my best friend supposedly drives her to flute lessons, he's actually taking her to his house for a different kind of activity. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55427

You deserved it

6603

Favorite

By dog_day - 19/12/2009 06:20 - United States

Today, I was asked by my mom if I could have a joint-birthday party with her dog because it would be the dog's "big 1-0." She was completely serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28285

You deserved it

2682

Favorite

By lateralligator - 14/9/2019 02:02

Elvis has left the building

Today, I realized I need to lose weight when I split my pants wide open while at my job directing a funeral, bowing to the casket in front of 200 silent devout attendees, during prayers. I picked that day to wear a red thong. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1490

You deserved it

526

Favorite

By Anonymous - 18/5/2015 18:41 - United Kingdom

Today, one of my idiot co-workers thought it'd be hilarious to "fix" my car while I was working. Now every time I step on the brake pedal, the horn goes off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31297

You deserved it

2631

Favorite

By le_evan - 29/10/2012 20:49 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I had sex with this guy I had been crushing on for five years. It took longer to put my clothes back on than he lasted. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36255

You deserved it

6622

Favorite

By Anonymous - 19/10/2009 04:10 - Australia

Today, I was informed by my manager at work that there had been an 'accident' in the playground. I then had to crawl through tunnels designed for 5 year olds, to a tiny playroom with no fresh air, and clean up a stupid kid's pee and crap. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37219

You deserved it

3344

Favorite

By BYUwildchild - 17/12/2010 16:23 - United States

Today, I realized that the fish-shaped birth mark on the back of my leg, that I have had all my life, is not really shaped like a fish as I had originally thought. It looks just like a penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32830

You deserved it

3489

Favorite

By Anonymous - 20/1/2013 18:22 - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, after an hour of crying over a guy I like, I put on some Adele and sang along. My mom quickly took notice and came to give me advice, which was to "get over it" because he doesn't want me, and that "masturbation beats relationships hands down." Gee, thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30454

You deserved it

7484

Favorite

By Iamdisappointed - 24/7/2013 11:50 - Sweden - Ludvika

Today, the doctor told my husband that he is infertile due to slow sperm. As if this is not upsetting enough, my husband blames it on me. According to him, his sperm doesn't get 'aroused' because I'm not sexy enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks

68630

You deserved it

5940

Favorite

By BigBallah93 - 5/7/2009 15:23 - China

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house for dinner. Her mom gave me some seasoned cauliflower, which I didn't like. Not wanting to dissapoint my girlfriend's mom, I slipped the cauliflower of my plate and gave it to their dog. It turns out cauliflower gives their dog explosive diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13745

You deserved it

55162

Favorite

By anonymous - 17/4/2012 01:59 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I found out that I can get my girlfriend to make more sex noises by massaging her back than I can by actually having sex with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27787

You deserved it

7413

Favorite

By maddie! - 9/2/2011 17:48 - United States

Today, I was walking in the park with my boyfriend of 3 years. He stopped and knelt down in front of me. I started to panic, then he told me to calm down, my shoe was untied. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34461

You deserved it

13279

Favorite

By myparentsarehoes - 3/8/2009 16:33 - Canada

Today, I was at a bar with my friends for my 19th birthday when I saw my dad grinding some chick that was not my mom. I confronted him and told him I was telling mom. He then pointed across the bar to my mom with another man. I just found out my parents are swingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

76069

You deserved it

5722

Favorite

By tori210 - 15/8/2017 16:00

Today, I was walking out of work. I felt like everyone was staring at me but brushed it off. It wasn't until I got home that I realized I had toilet paper sticking out of my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3360

You deserved it

665

Favorite

By :/ - 4/2/2013 00:26 - Netherlands - Nijkerk

Today, my mom accused me of stealing money from her purse. Being totally innocent, I reminded her that the only other person with access to it is her boyfriend. She said she trusts him because she loves him. They've been dating for 2 months. I've been her daughter for 25 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44069

You deserved it

2504

Favorite

By evanescence - 15/3/2009 00:07 - United States

Today, the hottest girl in the entire freshman class was telling her friend she was going to Florida for spring break. She said she would be in the same city I would and I couldnt help but say, "Oh, cool! Maybe I'll see you there!" She simply looked at me and said, "I hope not." FML

I agree, your life sucks

74194

You deserved it

9813

Favorite

By Anonymous - 21/7/2013 04:51 - United States - Aurora

Today, I went to see one of my favorite bands. They were having signings, but only the first one hundred could get one. When I finally got to the desk, they said I was number hundred and one, and to get lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57907

You deserved it

4551

Favorite

By Classicmen - 19/6/2010 18:53 - United States

Today, is the first weekend I have off this summer. Instead of letting me see my friends, my dad printed out a practice SAT exam. I've already taken the SAT. He just "doesn't want me to get rusty". FML

I agree, your life sucks

36816

You deserved it

3581

Favorite

By Anonymous - 1/9/2012 23:15 - Canada - North Vancouver

Today, a dog attacked me. Its owner, instead of apologizing and helping me, said it was my own fault for making it think I was an attacker by running past them. We were on a jogging track. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29597

You deserved it

1929

Favorite

By Anonymous - 9/4/2016 05:49 - United States - Ponchatoula

Today, my sister got me in deep trouble at the store I worked security for. She "dropped by to say hi" and stole a bunch of things when I wasn't looking. I wasn't arrested, due to lack of any evidence. But my boss didn't care about evidence and fired me anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22615

You deserved it

1976

Favorite

By John Doe - 29/1/2015 17:01 - United States - Columbia

Today, my parents continue comparing me to my "perfect" friend. He smokes dope, is a compulsive thief, and has gone to juvie numerous times. I'm passing school with flying colors and have never been in any trouble with the law. Apparently I should be more like him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31870

You deserved it

2372

Favorite

By leelee50 - 10/2/2009 01:41 - United States

Today, my on-and-off boyfriend of 8 years asked me to cheer him up. I told him that I'm in love with him. He said "Oh, I just wanted a blowjob." FML

I agree, your life sucks

45031

You deserved it

9531

Favorite

By charlotte273 - 30/6/2010 09:39 - United Kingdom

Today, in an attempt to save money on waxing, I bought veet hair removal cream. I also discovered it has the same effect on carpets. Now I have to pay for a replacement. So much for saving money. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24154

You deserved it

13837

Favorite

By colorfulgina - 12/12/2009 18:29 - United States

Today, I dropped my pencil in Bio and I leaned over to attempt to pick it up. Next thing you know it I tipped the desk over and I crashed onto my crush's lap with my face in his crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36254

You deserved it

6470

Favorite

By Dude - 23/10/2010 15:13 - Singapore

Today, I found out that the reason I'm working as a kitchen staff instead of out on the floor of the café is because the boss does not think I'm attractive enough. My boss is my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32534

You deserved it

4135

Favorite

By Anonymous - 23/7/2014 04:04 - Canada - Langley

Today, I managed to punch a customer's child as he walked around the corner just as I enthusiastically pointed his mother in the direction of what she was looking for. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43908

You deserved it

4548

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By nicknesser | 0

#1926772 - Tuesday 4 January 2011 12:09

Hey maybe he's into that shit.

By Wuhuh | 0

#1926787 - Tuesday 4 January 2011 12:14

At least he can take shit from you.

COMMENTS

By EvilDoll | 7

#1926759 - Tuesday 4 January 2011 12:06

aaaah how romantic
in before "what a shitty day" and other puns ;)

godlybacon | 5

#1926768 - Tuesday 4 January 2011 12:08

Indeed, that's a sticky situation.

GiddyXD | 0

#1927101 - Tuesday 4 January 2011 13:35

hm I smell something funny about this. :D

HaloReachIsCool | 6

#1927211 - Tuesday 4 January 2011 14:26

You know what they say...

*puts on sunglasses*

Shit Happens!

nathan5 | 0

#1928343 - Tuesday 4 January 2011 17:36

You know what they say...

*puts on sunglasses*

Shut up. lol

By nicknesser | 0

#1926772 - Tuesday 4 January 2011 12:09

Hey maybe he's into that shit.

form434 | 5

#1927154 - Tuesday 4 January 2011 14:00

rofl!

nirenna | 6

#2212103 - Sunday 20 March 2011 21:04

good one!

By atticuz | 2

#1926781 - Tuesday 4 January 2011 12:12

your bf just wants to take care of you... awww..

beetman5 | 4

#1927042 - Tuesday 4 January 2011 13:19

4 - lmao

By Wuhuh | 0

#1926787 - Tuesday 4 January 2011 12:14

At least he can take shit from you.

BoColors | 0

#1926797 - Tuesday 4 January 2011 12:15

lmao^

By Shinigumi | 0

#1926815 - Tuesday 4 January 2011 12:18

man... you are in deep shit D:

By perdix | 29

#1926837 - Tuesday 4 January 2011 12:20

He must be pretty desperate if he stays while you are puking all over the place and shitting yourself.

He's either hopelessly in love or some scat-vomit fetish weirdo. A normal guy would have gone home or checked into a nearby hotel until you got your bowels in check.