Health: Today, I discovered after four hours of vomiting that it is very... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27

You deserved it 1

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 93

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 298

You deserved it 53

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 389

You deserved it 27

04/01/2011 07:12

Today, I discovered after four hours of vomiting that it is very much possible to vomit so hard you can't help but shit in your trousers. My boyfriend is currently staying over, too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 197

You deserved it 2 959

This Charming Man

Taking stock

Clean your room

Tasty!

By Sad and hungry - 25/04/2020 17:00

Today, my in-laws invited us over to dinner. I decided to help out in the kitchen and watched in horror as my mother-in-law licked every utensil, sucked her fingers while making the plates and slurped wine straight from the bottle. My husband said I was rude for refusing to eat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 856

You deserved it 214

Very bad idea

By Yoir mom - 16/01/2020 20:00

Today, I realized I was late for work, so I rushed out of bed only to accidentally step onto my dog which then promptly bit my leg and now I'm in the ER. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 825

You deserved it 489

03/04/2015 21:15

Today, I asked my 5-year-old son how school went today. He sighed and said "Fuck off, dad." I thought kids only became such colossal douchebags in their teens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 985

You deserved it 6 473

15/05/2016 22:25

Today, my college instructor told me I hadn't actually failed a big exam as he originally said. It turns out he'd mixed me up with another student. Now thanks to the power of gossip, half my class thinks I slept with him so he'd switch my grade with the other student's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 535

You deserved it 1 332

14/01/2010 08:46

Today, my friends thought it would be funny to try and break a watermelon on my head while I was asleep on the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 800

You deserved it 3 711

Nice to see you too

By mcfatty - 07/10/2021 15:30

Today, despite having a bunch of work and school related things to do, I made time to go visit family I hadn't seen in a while. The main topic of discussion was how fat I've gotten. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 050

You deserved it 1 624

29/09/2009 06:47

Today, I was drinking in the park with my friends. Being drunk, I relieved myself on a nearby tree. Unknown to me, a 4 year old was having her birthday party 100 yards away. I was arrested for public intoxication and exposing myself to a minor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 907

You deserved it 73 562

31/01/2010 04:01

Today, I discovered that my roommate uses her Twitter account to complain about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 808

You deserved it 5 806

16/12/2014 12:01

Spicy

Today, I blew my load in less than a minute. I wasn't having sex or even making out. I was spooning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 603

You deserved it 8 240

03/09/2012 23:43

Today, a woman came up to me at work and screamed at me for "taking forever" to come and wait at her table. I work at Wendy's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 254

You deserved it 1 936

07/07/2013 21:57

Today, my five-year-old daughter called the police to report her stolen nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 396

You deserved it 9 840

18/04/2015 14:38

Today, I went on a date with a girl I like. Afterwards, I drove her home, and we just sat there awkwardly. I thought she wanted to kiss me but was nervous, so I jokingly said "What're you waiting for? Christmas?" I guess she took that as a "Get the hell out", because she broke into tears and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 434

You deserved it 34 509

19/08/2019 06:01

Spicy

Today, I had to stand outside the changing room while two of my coworkers had noisy sex. I just needed my car keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 885

You deserved it 194

Dude walked into a porno…

By Anonymous - 08/08/2021 17:59

Spicy

Today, I got home from a business trip and found my wife in bed with my sister. She tried to claim they had just had a girls' night and fell asleep watching a movie, even though when I caught them, they were naked, wet and my wife’s head was buried in my sister's crotch. Movie night, sure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 446

You deserved it 112

23/12/2013 08:24

Today, a guy punched me in the subway for staring at his girlfriend. I had dark glasses on, and was fast asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 751

You deserved it 3 605

24/06/2011 02:00

Today, I hired a cleaner to clean my apartment so when my in-laws visited tonight, they wouldn't think I was lazy. I got home from work, the cleaner hadn't shown at all, and my in-laws had arrived early. My mother-in-law is now mopping the floors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 234

You deserved it 37 667

The sweet smell of success

By NoPromotionForYou - 07/05/2020 14:00

Today, I was alone at the office. Having held it in all day, I let out the longest, worst-smelling fart of my life. The owner of the company, investigating the odd noise, opened my office door. When the stench hit him, he walked backwards all the way to his office, staring at me, in silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 401

You deserved it 571

25/01/2015 03:26

Spicy

Today, my mom came into my room to yell at me because she thought she heard me having sex, saying I'm too young for it. I'm 23 and I wasn't having sex. The noises were from my dad watching porn in the next room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 149

You deserved it 2 955

15/08/2010 08:42

Today, I put on makeup for a picture. My Facebook profile picture. That's how much of a life I actually have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 597

You deserved it 33 573

Revenge is sweet yogurt

By Doomed - 24/07/2021 08:02

Spicy

Today, my coworker made up a story about me “sexually harassing” her and filed a complaint to my boss. All because I took the last plastic spoon from the breakroom, and she couldn’t eat her yogurt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 091

You deserved it 72

21/08/2009 17:07

Today, at around 1 am, my boyfriend drunk-dialed and broke up with me. He didn't seem to remember he had already broken up with me yesterday. Thanks for reminding me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 365

You deserved it 2 624

10/10/2016 12:18

Today, I realized two things: how much time I've spent waiting between lectures, and just how bad my love life is. I found out that I get incredibly jealous when somebody sits on my favourite bench in the centre of the campus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 161

You deserved it 1 100

03/11/2014 00:11

Today, I found a $20 bill on the ground, so I decided to pick it up. It was actually attached to a string and was meant to be a prank by some kids. They failed miserably, so I took the money. They ran up to me and punched me in the balls for taking their cash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 393

You deserved it 7 461

25/08/2012 19:11

Today, I had to hunt down and collect a stray dog's feces for my parasitology class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 132

You deserved it 3 487

28/11/2009 22:23

Today, I felt fairly depressed about being single for the holidays during work. This cute girl came to my register asking about our sales ad. After telling her we had no copies, she asked for my number. I shouted: "Finally, someone wants to go out with me." She wanted the store's number to call. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 104

You deserved it 49 487

02/01/2012 15:38

Today, I was taking a shower at the gym when hearing a loud popping noise. Surprised and startled, I jumped and slipped, hitting my head against the shower wall that left a small gash. The pop noise was just someone blowing bubbles from their gum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 520

You deserved it 5 677

03/10/2015 10:13

Today, after 4 days of avoiding me and screening his calls, my 24-year-old boyfriend sent his mother to break up with me on his behalf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 706

You deserved it 2 006

04/01/2010 21:26

Spicy

Today, I noticed the woman I've been sleeping with for over 2 years never lets me see her naked during sex. I confronted her about it and she replied, "I don't care if you see me naked. I was just leaving the lights off the whole time so I don't have to see you naked." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 171

You deserved it 4 572

22/01/2017 10:00

Today, I got chewed out by my boss for not doing my job. Turns out what's described in my job description, contract, and job title isn't my job. My real job is outlined in the footnote of my contract. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 685

You deserved it 572

29/11/2016 21:04

Today, the girl I've liked for over a year, broke up with me after just 2 weeks of dating, all because I'm a better pianist then her. I've been playing since I was 8. She's been playing for 6 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 371

You deserved it 746

07/05/2017 20:00

Today, I learned that my dad invested my entire college fund into some shady internet stock, despite my dire warnings about being careful. He told me not to worry as he'd done some research, and he guaranteed everything would be fine. Two hours later that same stock dropped almost 75%. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 956

You deserved it 407

13/01/2016 13:56

Today, the guy I'm dating took me to a dinner party at a couple's house. Halfway through dinner, I realized they were having the dinner party for the sole purpose of introducing him to their recently single daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 112

You deserved it 1 742

15/01/2014 02:38

Today, my grandfather told me that I was ugly. When my mom found out, she said that "old people are allowed to tell the truth". FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 483

You deserved it 4 769

05/12/2009 08:44

Today, I was texting this cute guy that I like. After a couple of minutes I get a missed call from him, I call back and his girlfriend answers and says "Hi this is his girlfriend, please stop calling him". FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 121

You deserved it 31 029

06/05/2017 04:00

Today, I was sitting at a lunch table with some of my coworkers when one of them decided to put out his cigarette on the table and missed. I now have a nice burn mark on my hand. Did he say sorry? No. "Your hand shouldn't have been there." FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 760

You deserved it 379

22/02/2013 22:32

Today, I found an old toy that I gave to my daughter several years ago. It was still unopened, and long forgotten, so I decided to re-gift it to one of my friend's children. My daughter immediately remembered her "favorite" toy and started crying inconsolably. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 639

You deserved it 11 785

25/01/2011 08:27

Today, during PE I got hit in the face with the ball. Everyone cheered because we got 5 extra points. No one asked if I was okay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 336

You deserved it 4 281

18/07/2009 22:32

Today, I used a public bathroom. I hung my purse up on the hook on the door. Two minutes later, a hand reaches over the door and steals my purse. I got robbed while taking a crap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 123

You deserved it 7 961

RAWK N ROLL!!!

By stagedivefail - 19/08/2009 14:36

Today, my band played its first real gig. It was going well, and I, the vocalist, thought it would be a good idea to stage dive. I underestimated the distance between the stage and the crowd and crashed into the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 841

You deserved it 59 575

30/05/2011 14:59

Today, my only motivation to get out of bed was cupcakes in the refrigerator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 593

You deserved it 16 542

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Tuesday 4 January 2011 12:09

Hey maybe he's into that shit.

Wuhuh 0

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Tuesday 4 January 2011 12:14

At least he can take shit from you.

Comments

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Tuesday 4 January 2011 12:06

aaaah how romantic in before "what a shitty day" and other puns ;)

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Tuesday 4 January 2011 12:08

Indeed, that's a sticky situation.

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Tuesday 4 January 2011 13:35

hm I smell something funny about this. :D

HaloReachIsCool 6

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Tuesday 4 January 2011 14:26

You know what they say... *puts on sunglasses* Shit Happens!

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Tuesday 4 January 2011 17:36

You know what they say... *puts on sunglasses* Shut up. lol

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Tuesday 4 January 2011 12:09

Hey maybe he's into that shit.

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Tuesday 4 January 2011 14:00

rofl!

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Sunday 20 March 2011 21:04

good one!

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Tuesday 4 January 2011 12:12

your bf just wants to take care of you... awww..

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Tuesday 4 January 2011 13:19

4 - lmao

Wuhuh 0

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Tuesday 4 January 2011 12:14

At least he can take shit from you.

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Tuesday 4 January 2011 12:15

lmao^

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Tuesday 4 January 2011 12:18

man... you are in deep shit D:

perdix 29

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Tuesday 4 January 2011 12:20

He must be pretty desperate if he stays while you are puking all over the place and shitting yourself. He's either hopelessly in love or some scat-vomit fetish weirdo. A normal guy would have gone home or checked into a nearby hotel until you got your bowels in check.

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Tuesday 4 January 2011 12:24

It's just a shame he didn't have a cup ready when she was about to lose control of her bowels. They could have re-enacted his favorite 2g1c scene.

PeteyPablo12308 20

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Thursday 24 February 2011 10:04

Ew

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Tuesday 4 January 2011 13:04

that's some serious shit ya got there! =/

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Tuesday 4 January 2011 13:09

Or maybe he's just loves that shit.

macskapingvin 0

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Tuesday 4 January 2011 13:17

YDI for being ill! Toughen up, you pansy!

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Tuesday 4 January 2011 13:17

I got sick like that before I know how that must suck I was on the toilet all night with a bucket in my lap.

DarksideDoll 31

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Tuesday 16 September 2014 6:46

Same. Hope your tummy feels better OP! :)