Today, my boyfriend sat me down for a "confession". His confession consisted of him saying that "women are like a bag of chips," and that while you can love the smokey BBQ flavor, every once in a while you just have to go for some salt and vinegar. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't share food after I tried taking a chip from him. I made popcorn that night, and when he tried to take some, I said, "I'm sorry, I don't share food" to get him back. His response? "I can tell." FML
Today, while eating dinner with my boyfriend, I look up to see him staring at me, smiling. Hoping he wanted to say how lucky of a man he was who loved me deeply, I asked him what he was thinking. He replied, "You can't smell that yet? It was a noxious one." FML
Today, my boyfriend confessed that after every fight we have, he dips my toothbrush in the toilet. FML
Today, my boyfriend admitted to subtly encouraging me to do stupid things because he finds my "bimbo moments" hilarious. FML
Today, my boyfriend came over for a family brunch, during which he told my mother, in vivid detail, how he gets the shits whenever he eats kale chips. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me I smell like vegetables. FML
Today, I went over to my boyfriend's apartment and I smelled a delicious aroma as I walked in so I asked him what he was cooking. His response was, "I'm not cooking anything. I just farted." FML
Today, my boyfriend wouldn’t stop smacking and slurping his food. I told him to at least chew with his mouth closed. He looked me dead in the eye, with a mouth full of chewed up pizza, and said, “No.” FML
Today, I overheard my boyfriend and his friends talking in the next room. I smiled when my boyfriend called me beautiful, only to hear his friend laugh and say, "C'mon, dude. She has fat ankles and smells like deli meat." FML
Today, I found out that the reason my soda always tastes funny is because my fiancé likes to mix different flavors together to see if I'll notice. FML
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Top comments
Omg_its_Chloe 6
Why don't you rub some salt and vinegar into his eyes. Poor OP ):
kittycat1597 10
FYL, he's a douche.
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Comments (170)
jkozzy 8
Tell him guys are like shoes-sometimes you can't stand having one that's so small ;)
capper44 18
Seriously Op ur bf is a douche, but i would admit his way of explaining cheating, is funny lol
immaMonsta 8
...What?
Needafarm 22
So i guess he's saying that he needs something older and sour sometimes? That kind of sounds like he loves your sweet spicy cheerful personality, but sometimes he needs a sour old bitch to keep him in line. I don't know. He sounds like a tool though. Sorry OP.
kelsswan 0
You shoulda told him dudes are like meat, while you can love then Vienna sausage ones, but every once in a while you just gotta go for the bratwurst. Bam!
uumlaut_strohson 3
who the fudge are these people who come up with this crap. dump him and his pathetic analogies
thecovert 7
He better be your EX-boy"friend" now or you are an idiot with no future happiness.
LSS_fml 18
I don't know what sort of chips you've been eating Noor but mine dont smell like fart when I open them..
LSS_fml 18
Oh, I see!
williamcarter93 13
He just doesn't want her anymore. Sure, it's hurtful, but at least he told her rather than just carrying along behind her back like a punk
Dracoboxer357 36
^ At least he told her still doesn't change the fact he is/was cheating on Op. :( To me, at least he told her is the same as saying "Omg, he hit her in the face!....but at least he pulled his punch doing it." :p One is a shit-sundae.....and the other is also a shit-sundae, with a cherry on top, IMHO. ;)
Dracoboxer357 36
58- Oh poop, I just realized I misread what you are saying... You're suggesting he wants to end their relationship and instead of keeping her hanging and seeing others on the side, he's making a clean break with Op first. Sorry, in that case, yes, I would agree with you.