Today, my boyfriend's idea of foreplay was to offer to make lunch, leave the room for a few minutes, then come back with no clothes on and offer me a "cockmeat sandwich". FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, me and my boyfriend were fooling around on my bed when things started to get heated. I said to him, "Do what ever you want". He got up and said he'd be right back. I thought he went to get a condom. He came back with a sandwich. FML
Today, as I was in the middle of giving my boyfriend head, he looked at me and said "Eat that cockmeat sandwich." He seriously thought it was a turn on. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I was really horny. He then gave me the link to his favorite "porn". He said I should do it for him. It was a youtube video of some girl making a sandwich. FML
Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend about the importance of foreplay, and that attempting to get me "in the mood" by whipping his cock out and air humping was roughly equivalent to throwing a dry teabag at me and claiming he made a cup of tea. FML
Today, during sex, my boyfriend stopped and asked if he could eat a sandwich while we do it. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend when he stopped and got dressed. Naked and confused, I figured he’d be right back. Yeah, 20 minutes later with a plate of food for himself. So much for sex. It would've been nice if he told me though. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he wouldn't have sex with me because yesterday I ate a sandwich in his bed and got crumbs in it. FML
Today, my wonderful boyfriend asked me if I wanted him to cook me scrambled eggs with sausage for breakfast. When I said yes, he pulled out his junk, and started shaking it violently in my face. FML
Today, I tried to have sex with my boyfriend three times, but every time he insisted that he wasn't in the mood. I left to get food and when I came home, he was masturbating. FML
Today, I showed up at my boyfriend's house with nothing under my coat but some sexy lingerie. He told me he was working on an assignment, and made me wait three hours before he'd have sex with me. FML
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Top comments
niatross 16
Well did you like it
Nyx_fml 23
It's sweet that he cares about keeping you well-fed.
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Comments (152)
JMichael 26
Well technically he did make you lunch.
KillSwitch96 18
I really doubt she ATE it, so no, he didn't make her lunch. That would also be called cannibalism and that is frowned upon in most societies.
speakersboom 19
key word: MOST.
rec_chem 22
Awesome. I hope you enjoyed it.
vewwe 20
I hope that it at least was some kind of a hot spicy chorizo
BigPeter 8
Not sure hot and spicy would be the way to go on genitals...
Omfgitsmia 15
I've been laughing at this for a good 4 minutes.
harmtouch16 11
I mean did he put it between bread? Cause that would have been funny as hell. My husband once (jokingly) barked, "Woman, get in here and make me a sandwich. I jumped up, grabbed 2 pieces of bread and simultaneously slapped 1 piece on his front and 1 on his back and said, "Poof you're a sandwich." He cracked up.
xnyletak 17
...I guess you had to be there.
MidnaLink 35
No… you really don't!
awilliams44 9
Omg so hot.... I wouldn't be able to refuse
iknowiwantyou 13
speaking of hot, I hope OP asked for some Frank's Red Hot Sauce to put on her sandwich!
xnyletak 17
I can't tell if you're horny or hungry.
boating_guy 33
Sounds like she's thirsty, someone get her a straw
jazzy_123 20
68, I didn't know a straw helped when you're thirsty.. I would imagine it'd be something else, say maybe some water..?
synsam 4
was there head cheese on it?
onlychildFTW 34
Hmm, gross.
UnclamiedPants 3
Super size me
Rainhawk94 27
Extra mayo
80skid 15
A for effort, I guess.
JD1147 27
E is for effort, can't you people learn to spell?