Today, my boyfriend's idea of foreplay was to offer to make lunch, leave the room for a few minutes, then come back with no clothes on and offer me a "cockmeat sandwich". FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, me and my boyfriend were fooling around on my bed when things started to get heated. I said to him, "Do what ever you want". He got up and said he'd be right back. I thought he went to get a condom. He came back with a sandwich. FML
Today, as I was in the middle of giving my boyfriend head, he looked at me and said "Eat that cockmeat sandwich." He seriously thought it was a turn on. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I was really horny. He then gave me the link to his favorite "porn". He said I should do it for him. It was a youtube video of some girl making a sandwich. FML
Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend about the importance of foreplay, and that attempting to get me "in the mood" by whipping his cock out and air humping was roughly equivalent to throwing a dry teabag at me and claiming he made a cup of tea. FML
Today, during sex, my boyfriend stopped and asked if he could eat a sandwich while we do it. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend when he stopped and got dressed. Naked and confused, I figured he’d be right back. Yeah, 20 minutes later with a plate of food for himself. So much for sex. It would've been nice if he told me though. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he wouldn't have sex with me because yesterday I ate a sandwich in his bed and got crumbs in it. FML
Today, my wonderful boyfriend asked me if I wanted him to cook me scrambled eggs with sausage for breakfast. When I said yes, he pulled out his junk, and started shaking it violently in my face. FML
Today, I tried to have sex with my boyfriend three times, but every time he insisted that he wasn't in the mood. I left to get food and when I came home, he was masturbating. FML
Today, I showed up at my boyfriend's house with nothing under my coat but some sexy lingerie. He told me he was working on an assignment, and made me wait three hours before he'd have sex with me. FML
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Top comments
niatross 16
Well did you like it
Nyx_fml 23
It's sweet that he cares about keeping you well-fed.
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Comments (152)
timss4 19
At least he tried to be romantic... Honestly if i was offered lunch, and she came back offering the clam burger, I'd eat my meal happily lol
ekwinoks 5
That's genius
angeluscado 15
I'm so gals my husband doesn't read this site. This is totally something he'd consider doing and I don't want him to get any ideas.
glitterkuro 18
He could have at least brought some actual food. I'd be annoyed that he got my hopes up for lunch.
nanner42 13
Hey it's creative
Omniprism 15
Lovely.
EvilLittleMan 23
Tell that chauvinistic pig you want a real sandwich, not finger food or better yet, just tell him to put away the Vienna Sausages.
edanielleh 21
at least he is trying? hopefully he can do much better than that
Harrison38 5
thats awesome
Winningbacon 3
He should've asked if you wanted a burger, then come back with a Double Quarter Pounder