Today, my boyfriend's idea of foreplay was to offer to make lunch, leave the room for a few minutes, then come back with no clothes on and offer me a "cockmeat sandwich". FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, me and my boyfriend were fooling around on my bed when things started to get heated. I said to him, "Do what ever you want". He got up and said he'd be right back. I thought he went to get a condom. He came back with a sandwich. FML
Today, as I was in the middle of giving my boyfriend head, he looked at me and said "Eat that cockmeat sandwich." He seriously thought it was a turn on. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I was really horny. He then gave me the link to his favorite "porn". He said I should do it for him. It was a youtube video of some girl making a sandwich. FML
Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend about the importance of foreplay, and that attempting to get me "in the mood" by whipping his cock out and air humping was roughly equivalent to throwing a dry teabag at me and claiming he made a cup of tea. FML
Today, during sex, my boyfriend stopped and asked if he could eat a sandwich while we do it. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend when he stopped and got dressed. Naked and confused, I figured he’d be right back. Yeah, 20 minutes later with a plate of food for himself. So much for sex. It would've been nice if he told me though. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he wouldn't have sex with me because yesterday I ate a sandwich in his bed and got crumbs in it. FML
Today, my wonderful boyfriend asked me if I wanted him to cook me scrambled eggs with sausage for breakfast. When I said yes, he pulled out his junk, and started shaking it violently in my face. FML
Today, I tried to have sex with my boyfriend three times, but every time he insisted that he wasn't in the mood. I left to get food and when I came home, he was masturbating. FML
Today, I showed up at my boyfriend's house with nothing under my coat but some sexy lingerie. He told me he was working on an assignment, and made me wait three hours before he'd have sex with me. FML
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Top comments
niatross 16
Well did you like it
Nyx_fml 23
It's sweet that he cares about keeping you well-fed.
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Comments (152)
SomeDumbass 17
Love it, but he should have at least put it between two slices of bread, or in a hotdog bun. Then she would have at least had the option of taking the bread/hotdog bun and retorting "I'll take the bread, thanks, but I think that just made me a vegetarian"
jdawg35527 8
your boyfriend sounds hilarious
mxij 13
I think he mixed up foreplay and role play.
sbuymov 3
This made my day, lmao!!!
YouKnowIMeantMe_ 21
FML misses an option: the "Your life is completely awesome" option.
thetmills 8
That is ******* funny
a4s 8
Was it mouldy??
TecheyTim 14
I think your boyfriend has been watching too much Harold & Kumar lately.
jonathanedwards 10
I gotta admit I love this lol
honeymoonroyale 20
Lol I honestly don't see anything wrong with this... Unless...