By Anonymous - 13/12/2013 21:41 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my boyfriend randomly decided to let me know that he believes there's really no such thing as cheating, unless both partners explicitly agree that the relationship is monogamous. And no, he wouldn't agree that ours is. FML
I agree, your life sucks 45 791
You deserved it 4 896

Same thing different taste

Top comments

at least he's being honest that he doesn't want to be in a monogamous relationship. if your not ok with being in an open relationship then time to move on.


Excuses for cheating are just getting more ******* ridiculous and out of hand these days.

we don't even know how long they've been together. they couldve just gone out for a few dates. its not excuses. hes putting everything out on the table so there are not mix ups. if she doesn't like it then she needs to move on. relationships aren't for everyone. least he's being upfront and not decieving

18- We can't say how long OP and their boyfriend have been going out, but it's apparently been long enough for OP to assume that they had a mutually exclusive thing going on. I agree that it's good that the boyfriend wasn't being sneaky about it, but there's never really a good way to hear that your significant other is cheating on you. This is something he should have mentioned /before/ they started dating, not after. Waiting to mention something like this, which a lot of people would consider to be a deal breaker, is fairly deceptive. OP- I'd say it's time to break up, because it doesn't sound like he's open to negotiation on this one. You guys are evidently on completely different pages at this point. There'll be other guys out there, don't worry. :)

Yeah. Break up time. This is the lamest excuse I've ever heard.

If he can't commit to you and you alone then break up! Men who can't commit shouldn't be involved to begin with, at least how I see it. I'm curious how he became your boyfriend actually

Technically OPs bf never said that he had indeed cheated he only said he could and it should not be considered cheating While I may not like that fact that he is being such a douchebag it is also better that he is open rather than having multiple GFs behind OPs back and causing her more Worry and stress in the future

I kind of agree with #18. The guy isn't making an excuse- OP didn't say he cheated yet. At least he was up front with her about it. I don't agree with him BUT he was honest and didn't sneak off behind her back. So no, he isn't making an excuse if he hasn't done anything yet. If he has and you guys do disagree on that matter then break up. Or have a giant orgy. Either way.

exaxtly #75 and #84. it can be possible that he hasn't cheated yet. it could still be very early in their "relationship" and 26 you yourself made my point. you said long enough for OP to ASSUME they are exculusive.....NEVER ASSUME YOUR EXCLUSIVE. throw everything out on the table, make sure everyone's on the same page and if not then move the **** on. can't blame him for being blunt.

frizz101 22

Part of relationships are to be MONOGAMOUS, unless otherwise stated, not the other way around. But if you are not going to be in a monogamous relationship, you shouldn't be in any relationship, in my opinion. Making excuses to sleep with more than one person is not only risky but is also psychologically damaging, and if you can't commit to one person, then you shouldn't be having sex. OP you should break up with him, if you stay it will only end in heartbreak, and possibly an STI.

@frizz101 That's your opinion. I concider monogomy irrational and against nature. I sure as hell don't count monogomy as the neutral state of my relationships that it's automatically set to, no. Monogomy is something to talk about at the beginning of the relationship, like every other random rule. Even if you both want monogomy, there are tons of variations that need to be debated. How much problems wouldn't be solved if you realised at the beginning of the realtionship that hugging another girl counts as cheating according to your significant other? That the majority of people in a relationship want monogamy doesn't make their monogomous relationship better then my non-monogomous relationship. None of my so-called not psychologically damaged friends have a relationship that has lasted over 5 years, none of them trust their significant other as much as I trust mine, none of them have what I concider a healthy relationship, but their relationship is not psychologically damaging because of monogomy?

at least he's being honest that he doesn't want to be in a monogamous relationship. if your not ok with being in an open relationship then time to move on.

He's just being a fukin coward and trying to get her to break up instead!

Those just might be his beliefs, that doesn't mean that he's being a coward.

SuperMew 22

The boyfriend cannot just make those choices for her. He should have been honest about it from the start and said he was going to be sleeping with other people. Not only is it selfish, she does not know what sort of diseases he could be getting or where he is putting his dick. I have plenty of friends who sleep around and/or are in open relationships. They talked about it from the very start when they first decided to be exclusive. They never sprung it on their partner after they became exclusive and they never said something like that. If you care about someone, you make sure something like this is okay with them.

I agree 51. so long as this stuff is brought up at the beginning of the relationship, they can do whatever they want. it's not my style, but I don't care what other people do.

It's not necessarily being a coward. Some people are not ready to be in monogamous relationships. I do think that he should have told her this in the beginning but he is being honest with her now. As for op, he is clearly not ready to be tied down. I think it is time for you to move on and find someone who wants the same things as you. Good luck.

#51 it could still be the start of their relationship and who said he already cheated ? maybe its still early on and he's trying to tell her "hey Im not ready for a relationship just yet". and there's Nothing wrong with that. if that's not for OP then move on.

If that's how he felt - and I think it's more just an excuse to be a selfish cad - he should've told her in the very beginning. You don't spring something like that on a person midway through a relationship.

flashback.miss 28

sounds like he's too immature to commit to a real relationship.

Well actually, being polygamous doesn't mean you're immature. It just means you don't want to commit to a monogamous relationship. Don't assume all promiscuous people are immature. The two characteristics are unrelated.

acerredrum 23

OP's boyfriend isn't immature because he wants a poly relationship. He is immature because he sprung thos on OP out of nowhere after the relationship had already begun. If you have expectations of an open poly relationship then you need to be upfront. The poly relationships I had were always discussed beforehand and on a few occasions I was turned down for it.

Mynameislinh 24

Really? You have to TELL him NOT to cheat on you? Break up with that loser. Edit: I didn't see the first comment, sorry.

... Did you really think you'd be the only person telling OP to break up with him?

Mynameislinh 24

Heh. I got ahead of myself and assumed I was getting first comment.

It's not cheating unless there was a talk about it not being allowed. She is wrong to assume that her partners will automatically know all the rules of the relationship as she likes it and will agree and follow them as such. As a person never in a monogomous relationship: That talk happens very soon in the relationship, probably in the first week and that she calls him boyfriend doesn't mean they have been together longer then a week. That talk happens BEFORE any actual action outside of the relationship happens. Nothing about how she describes it sounds as unreasonable to me, unless they are together for longer then 3 weeks and/or he has already gotten action outside of the relationship. Already getting action outside of the relationship makes him a douchebag that didn't allow her an opinion (worse then a cheater imo) but not a cheater, it has to be talked about in the relationship to make it a rule he can cheat on.

You should visit Drapela designs on fb and buy him a crocheted hat that says single!

Well, if you two obviously have different views about the type of relationship you have, then why bother staying together?

HisHarleyQuinn 14

If monogamy is too complicated a word, perhaps "bye" would suit better?

So is "relationship"... Just because it's big doesn't mean it's difficult to understand.

#9, yes it is. I had no idea what it was until I kept reading the comments. Is just a word that I don't hear anywhere. So obviously I'm (and you) not going to know it.

not to sound redundant, but the prefix mono- should have implied single, unified etc.

That word is around everywhere. maybe you need to hangout with people of higher intelligence..

I have never heard the word outside of this FML, to be completely honest. It's not that the people around me, or these other people, are unintelligent. It's just that not a lot of people use "big words" constantly. I knew what the word meant just by reading the FML. But not a lot of people can put two and two together.

#39- if a ten letter word is big, then I'd have a big name.

You honestly had never that word before #60??

#71 monogamy is a fairly commonly used word and not a "big word" at all!

He's bringing this up now? Seems a bit fishy to me. If he really felt that way I think he would've said something before the relationship was established.