By broke_otaku - United States

Caught

Today, my boyfriend asked me to sniff his armpit to see if he was the one who smelled. I did because we are that comfortable with us. After a couple of sniffs I heard laughter. I forgot I was sitting in his living room and his family was watching me the whole time. I am now the BO finder. FML

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Coherence dude, do you have it?

Season finale

Ideal first date

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, my cat vomited violently. I can smell it but I can't find it. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, due to recent changes in my local transit system, the bus that I take to work and back is a unidirectional loop instead of bi-directional. So my morning commute is the same, but the commute back is now an hour-and-half instead of 20 minutes. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I snuck into the bathroom together at his house for a quickie. Just as we unzipped our pants, his step-dad knocked on the door. Panicking, I jumped into the closet to hide. When his step-dad came in, he went to put some towels away. In the closet. FML

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By Leauge - United States - Owensboro

Very smart

Today, I woke up to find out my house was robbed. He didn't steal anything of value, but he stole my beer, dog, and cat. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I came home to find that my pregnant cat had given birth to a stillborn kitten in every room of the house. It had then rubbed its butt around the house, leaving bloody stains everywhere. When I went to clean the white carpet, the bleach turned it green. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, a woman somehow managed to drop her wedding ring into the garbage at the fast food place where I work. I had to search through a full bag of half eaten food and soda to find it. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my parrot won't stop repeating my boyfriend's name. The problem is we broke up days ago and my parrot won't shut up. FML

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By speshlk37 - United States

Today, while traveling with my cat, I had a mini-freakout when I realized that I left his favorite toy in the hotel room. I'm a 30-year-old man. FML

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By Magicali - Australia - Queanbeyan

Today, I saw a woman in the neighbouring apartment taking a shower without pulling the blinds of her bathroom window. As a good Samaritan, I waved my arms to attract her attention that she forgot the blinds. She noticed me, opened the window, did a weird boob dance and middle fingered me. FML

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By oink oink fuck off - United Kingdom - Doncaster

Today, my son got to my great grandfather's old stopwatch, which had been valued at a very high sum, and broke it by twisting the hands in reverse. He says he was trying to time travel. FML

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By qld - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I got sunburnt to a crisp on the first day of my holidays away. Only 5 more days to go now, spent inside, trying not to burn more. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I decided to get back into shape. I went for a jog around my neighborhood. The ice cream truck followed me for my whole jog, mocking me. FML

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By ouch - United States

Today, my sister told me that she read that the pain of giving birth is equal to the pain of breaking 20 bones at once. I'm 19 weeks pregnant. FML

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By Diana - United States

We hear ya

Today, I found out that falling asleep with a bobby pin in your hair means waking up with one jammed in your ear drum. FML

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By ishyboo - United States - Baraboo

Today, I let my estranged husband move back in with my son and me. Later, his pregnant and underage girlfriend knocked on my door, crying about how her mom kicked her out. I'm such a pushover, they're in my bed and I'm on the couch. FML

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By Jolabanane - France

Today, my neighbor was having work done in his apartment, and he'd warned me that there might be some noise. Yes, there was, what with all the town's firemen in the building after he'd ruptured the main gas pipe. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mother told my therapist that I've been reverting to childlike behavior and she was worried about my maturity. She was worried because I screamed hysterically after dropping a pot of boiling noodles on my lap. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Forestville

Today, the whole family came over to celebrate my 18th birthday. My grandfather bought me a giant mathematics book. Apparently, he didn't want my 16 year old sister to be "jealous", so he got her the new iPad. FML

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By SkinsCastSelection - France

Today, my dad’s best friend, who has been his business associate for the past 28 years, took me to a Star Wars store for my 18th birthday. He put on a Darth Vader helmet, and imitating his voice, said: "I am your father." I laughed. It wasn’t a joke. FML

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By Anonymous

Now I ain't saying she a gold digger...

Today, I was forced to sit silently through my 20-year-old daughter's wedding to a man who is 8 years older than I am. FML

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By Nessa - United States - Pomona

Today, my mom got out a camcorder she's had a while. She said there were tapes of me when I was a child. The first tape I put in was a porno of her and her ex-boyfriend. FML

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By Sheila Deville

Delirious fever days are the BEST!

Today, it's day 5 of being out of my mind with a fever. I actually uttered the words, "Spit is a lubricant, not a frictioncant or gripperorator." FML

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By lovebigmacs - United States

Today, I showed my boyfriend the new tattoo of a butterfly that I'd gotten on my lower back. He said, "It looks like it's flying when your rolls jiggle." FML

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By brandogg - United States - Clovis

Today, I was laying on the couch with a cast on my broken ankle. My brother thought it would be funny to shoot my cast with a high-powered pellet gun. It went straight through the cast and now I need to go back to the hospital. FML

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By FML - Canada

Today, my girlfriend's mom and dad walked in on us while we were playing naked twister. FML

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By Donutsarelife - United States

Today, I spent 20 minutes arguing with the class dipshit, trying to convince her that wifi hot-spots are not in fact saunas powered by wifi. FML

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By Hi-Tech - Europe

Today, I got a laptop for my birthday. I was thrilled until I realized that my mom had given away my old one without asking. 6 years of games, music, and pictures down the drain. FML

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By

Today, I found out I'm pregnant with my soon-to-be ex-husband's baby from the moment we agreed to have sex one last time together. FML

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By cmoney6452 - United States

Today, I'm so sick that I'm drinking fluids just to make it hurt less when I puke. FML

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By Justawoman - Denmark - Aarhus

Today, my boyfriend complained all day about being bored, so wanting to cheer him up, I put on some sexy clothes and went to his house. I got on his bed in my underwear and called him over. He quickly decided he'd rather play Diablo for the next five hours instead. FML

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By BarBacked - United States

Today, I went to the doctor to inquire about the nasty rash on my arms. He concluded that I'm allergic to beer and the rash will go away if I stay away from it. I'm a bartender. FML

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By TheNaturalOrderofThingsSucks - United States - Seattle

Today, after pouring my heart out to a beautiful girl on Facebook, and having her return the favor, she typed a final message that read, "That was my friend. Please f*ck off now. Thanks." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I was trying to get my girlfriend to speak Mandarin. After speaking her first words and taking a break, she posted on Facebook: "I speak ching chong! :D :D :D" FML

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By tman - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after being "pressured" into a relationship with another guy. But it's okay, she said she would think of me every time she made love to him. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I overheard my parents arguing over who had to tell me that I'm adopted. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me to Google how to last longer in bed. FML

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By bad samaritan - United States - Houston

Today, a parent was too busy texting to notice her child had run in front of a moving truck. She did however see me grab the child's backpack to yank him back out of traffic. She then screamed at me for "manhandling" her child and demanded I be fired. It's not even my school; I'm a part time sub. FML

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By scribbles1475 - United States

Today, after trying to find the perfect picture for the guy I have a huge crush on, I finally found one and sent it to him. His return picture? Himself in a Batman mask and sombrero. FML

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By wellcrap - United States - Carrollton

Today, I walked into a really fancy hotel bathroom. I spoke to the attendant and gave her my purse and coat while I used the toilet. When I came out, she was gone. The receptionist informed me they didn't have a bathroom attendant. FML

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By ang3l4 - United States - Redding

Today, I discovered that my state is passing a bill regulating cow "emissions". Basically, we need to regulate cow farts. I live in a farming town. FML

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Top comments

By elliebutton | 0

#471620 - Sunday 9 August 2009 12:08

Gross.
Why would you even do that?

By ShyShy_fml | 0

#471638 - Sunday 9 August 2009 12:19

You "forgot" you were in his living room? Um, yea.... sure you did....

COMMENTS

By elliebutton | 0

#471620 - Sunday 9 August 2009 12:08

Gross.
Why would you even do that?

Reply

heavenandhell | 0

#471897 - Sunday 9 August 2009 16:38

yea wtf, seriously wtf...

Reply

bgukusa00 | 0

#471901 - Sunday 9 August 2009 16:39

YOu are really disturbing WHY seriously WHY would u sniff his armpit????

Reply

KumoFF7 | 3

#471975 - Sunday 9 August 2009 17:18

YDI for not flushing the toilet.

Reply

alex_vik | 0

#472069 - Sunday 9 August 2009 18:19

Kumo, you're a shitty troll. You don't even try.

Reply

Puolukka | 4

#472680 - Sunday 9 August 2009 22:28

I think it is freaking hilarious that all the people on here are like "OMFG THAT'S SO GROSS", but when a girl posts an FML about her boyfriend pissing on her in the shower, then everybody's like "Why is this an FML?" or "Your boyfriend is awesome"...WTF?!

I'm married and I would definitely rather smell my husband's armpit than let him pee on me...

Reply

omgwtflolz | 0

#493075 - Monday 17 August 2009 8:26

yeah really. why would u even do that?

Reply

effyoubitch | 5

#3315817 - Tuesday 20 September 2011 7:12

"smell it yourself bitch."

Reply

NorthFML | 0

#4490532 - Monday 28 May 2012 7:18

57 soo true

By Ranoona | 0

#471626 - Sunday 9 August 2009 12:12

I agree #1. That's gross. :S

By Shots_HK | 0

#471627 - Sunday 9 August 2009 12:14

Did it smell?

By amy397123 | 0

#471633 - Sunday 9 August 2009 12:18

YDI, be more aware of your surroundings.

By ShyShy_fml | 0

#471638 - Sunday 9 August 2009 12:19

You "forgot" you were in his living room? Um, yea.... sure you did....

Reply

miyon_fml | 0

#472061 - Sunday 9 August 2009 18:12

Just what I was thinking. How do you forget your in a room full of people. And why would your bf ask you to sniff in front of all those people.

By SimpleSimon | 0

#471641 - Sunday 9 August 2009 12:21

What.... The... Fuck?

By angelysm_fml_fml | 0

#471663 - Sunday 9 August 2009 12:35

was it shaved ?

By Sage1314 | 4

#471667 - Sunday 9 August 2009 12:40

Bullshit. Plus the wording is inelegant.

By LewJH | 0

#471679 - Sunday 9 August 2009 12:48

I think the fact that you're that comfortable in a relationship more than makes up for the fact you have a stupid nickname.

By sheilatothemoon_ | 0

#471687 - Sunday 9 August 2009 12:55

was it wet and hairy?
disguuuuuuuusting.