By broke_otaku - United States

Caught

Today, my boyfriend asked me to sniff his armpit to see if he was the one who smelled. I did because we are that comfortable with us. After a couple of sniffs I heard laughter. I forgot I was sitting in his living room and his family was watching me the whole time. I am now the BO finder. FML

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Triage

Mother of the year

Out of it

By sydneyp3435 - United States - Boerne

Today, I started my job at a kids summer camp. The first little girl to arrive told me to close my eyes and open my hand because she had a "surprise" for me. Yep, a dead, decomposed sparrow covered in all sorts of bugs sure is a surprise. FML

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By crappygirlfriend - United States

Today, I was trying to show my boyfriend how to shake my iPod to shuffle songs. When I went to shake it, it flew out of my hand and hit him in the face. FML

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By Fartnonymous - Qatar - Doha

Today, it's been a week since I started farting in my sleep for no apparent reason. It's so frequent and so foul-smelling that my husband and I are both losing sleep and are having to take afternoon naps to make up for it. FML

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By Ashley J. - United States

Today, my family gathered at my 96 year old great-grandmother's surprise birthday party that was my idea. When she walked in, we surprised her so much that she literally had a heart attack. She is now in the hospital. FML

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By Gabriel A - United States

Today, I found some nude vintage pictures in my house. I decided to beat my meat to them. Later I found out it was my grandma. FML

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By McFired - United States

Today, I got fired from my job for harassing customers over the weekend. I didn't work over the weekend. I left my nametag there on Friday and my co-workers thought it would be funny to wear my nametag all weekend. One of them got into a fight with a customer and they took her 'name' down. FML

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By mobster - United States

Today, while doing aerobics in my room, I started doing really powerful Knee Highs. My cell phone fell out of my pocket while doing one knee high. As I looked down, I kneed myself in the face. I spent the next couple hours in the emergency room while the doctor told everyone my story. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. When she went to give me a blow job, I got embarrassed and told her I'd rather just please her instead. Now she thinks she's inadequate and I'm being a jerk. FML

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By disturbed2103 - United States

Today, I was looking at my friend's dad's Facebook pictures because he recently posted a status update. I saw him at a bar with some ugly hooker that he was feeling up in almost every picture. After about 10 minutes of ridiculing and laughing at this ugly woman, I realize it's my mom in a wig. FML

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By fatgirl - United States

Today, I was eating pizza with my boyfriend and my friends. I was laughing and talking and went for another piece when my boyfriend grabbed my wrist and said that I had had enough. My friends all backed him up. FML

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By thesaddestsoup - Macedonia - Stip

Today, my long-distance relationship ended. The only thing my dad had to say to comfort me was that he hopes my phone bills will, "go back to normal now." FML

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By astraboy - Australia

Today, I spent 3 hours making a birthday card for my boyfriend, delicately cutting each letter out of printed coloured paper. He used it as a coffee coaster. FML

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By TTR - United States

Today, I finished a very important but annoying presentation that took four hours to complete. Only after writing a paragraph to explain the presentation and sending it to my boss did I realize that I saved the document as "Shit I have to do to get a promotion." FML

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By Itsbeen8years - Slovakia - Stupava

Today, I found my first bra and tried it on. It still fits. FML

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By GarageSallin

Today, I was at an estate sale of my neighbor who recently passed. I recognized many items for sale that I had ordered or won on eBay from the past 8 years. Turns out the little old lady had been stealing my mail for close to a decade. FML

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By ppp - United States

Today, my boyfriend gave me a gift. A half-used bottle of body lotion that belonged to his dead wife. FML

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By thickly - United States - Fayetteville

Today, my boss had to order some more work pants since mine were worn out after 7 months. He told me the next set I would have to buy myself since they last workers about 2 years, and I must be treating them too roughly. I didn't want to admit that my thighs rubbing together ended up shredding the fabric. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was on the way to traffic court for a $340 speeding ticket I'd got. My mother called me and I wasn't paying attention which caused me to speed. Right past a cop. When I told the cop where I was going, he started laughing at me. I now have another $300 ticket. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, my dog died. My parents told me to bury it out back. In the process, I managed to dig up my cat. FML

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By Anonymous

Not lovin' it.

Today, a kid pulled down my shorts while I was ordering at McDonald's. In my haste to pull them back up, I hit my head on the counter and was knocked out cold. I woke up on the floor, my shorts still around my knees, in a puddle of my own urine. I had peed myself while unconscious. FML

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By homeless - United States

Today, I got home from work to find an eviction notice taped to my door, stating that I was a nuisance and had 30 days to vacate the property. I live at home with my parents. FML

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By inthesticks - United States - Orlando

Today, I was cleaning off my couch so my nephew could crash here for a few nights. It's been so long since we've sat on it that it is now inhabited by rats we didn't know were in the house, including newly born ones. FML

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By anonymous - United States - Virginia Beach

Today, I had to sit through an entire conversation where my sister and her boyfriend sent voice messages to one another, of their farts. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Mendham

Today, my sister shot my dog with my airsoft gun. When I told my parents, she put on the fakest sobbing I've ever heard, said she didn't even know how to use a gun, and that she saw me shoot my own dog. They believed her and think I need psychiatric help. FML

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By not twilight - United States - Charlotte

Today, it was my first day working at a dog boarding kennel. I got bit... by my coworker. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was getting picked up by my dad after I had been swimming. I saw his car, so I walked over to it, got in and started talking about how I'd seen my brother. It wasn't until after I had put my seat belt on that I realized I was talking to a complete stranger. FML

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By horriblefashionsense - United States - Winter Garden

It's Thursday!

Today, I went in the diner I always pass by and ordered a sandwich. When I asked how much it was, the waitress replied, "Don't worry, honey. We give free meals to the homeless on Thursdays." I was too ashamed to deny it, so I just said thank you and left. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/3/2021 05:01

Late bloomer

Today, I'm nearly 30 years-old, and not only am I still a virgin, I've never even had my first kiss. FML

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By StabStab - Belgium

Today, my girlfriend accused me of being insecure and feeling threatened by the fact that she has a daughter from a previous relationship. She's vaguely right; I feel threatened, but mainly because the psycho keeps threatening to stab me to death when her mom isn't around to hear. FML

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By ugh - United States - Philadelphia

Today, after my parents left for the weekend, my "friends" decided to throw a party at my house despite my protests. In order to get them to leave, I called the police. I was the only one arrested, while they got warnings. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I found a video of my girlfriend having sex with her male best friend on her computer. When I confronted her about it she said it was from before we met. In the video, she was wearing the engagement ring I bought her. FML

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By oops... - Canada - Sylvan Lake

Today, my daughter was going to Bulk Barn so I asked her to pick me up something to snack on. When she got home, she brought over a bag and without listening to her explain what it was, I began eating it. She looked at me confused, then began laughing. It was a dog treat. FML

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By

Today, I quit smoking cigarettes. While driving to work, the car in front of me flicked his out the window, flying straight into mine. It set the bottom of my seat on fire. FML

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By slayerdeath - United States - Valparaiso

Today, my girlfriend went in for a kiss too fast and broke my front tooth. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I woke up in bed with no pillows. I think the guy I slept with stole them. FML

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By newlydumped - United States

Today, I went to my girlfriend's house for the first time. I had to use the restroom, and when I came back, I mocked her brothers' lame Pokémon shower curtain and Ninja Turtle towels. Turns out they were hers. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I got feedback on an essay I wrote, by my mum who is also a teacher. She said it was 'worse than most of her pupils'. She teaches 10-year-olds. I'm a 20-year-old student at university. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I've had bad gas all day. In bed, almost asleep, I felt the urge to fart, and thinking nothing of it, I let it rip. It wasn't a fart. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out my mom is getting rid of cable TV. My dad and I bought her a 700 dollar plasma screen TV for Christmas. FML

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By passedout

Today, I got my blood drawn for a donation and they didn't warn me that I was borderline anemic. I passed out in the middle of Walgreens and woke up to people just standing there, staring. FML

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Top comments

By elliebutton | 0

#471620 - Sunday 9 August 2009 12:08

Gross.
Why would you even do that?

By ShyShy_fml | 0

#471638 - Sunday 9 August 2009 12:19

You "forgot" you were in his living room? Um, yea.... sure you did....

COMMENTS

By elliebutton | 0

#471620 - Sunday 9 August 2009 12:08

Gross.
Why would you even do that?

Reply

heavenandhell | 0

#471897 - Sunday 9 August 2009 16:38

yea wtf, seriously wtf...

Reply

bgukusa00 | 0

#471901 - Sunday 9 August 2009 16:39

YOu are really disturbing WHY seriously WHY would u sniff his armpit????

Reply

KumoFF7 | 3

#471975 - Sunday 9 August 2009 17:18

YDI for not flushing the toilet.

Reply

alex_vik | 0

#472069 - Sunday 9 August 2009 18:19

Kumo, you're a shitty troll. You don't even try.

Reply

Puolukka | 4

#472680 - Sunday 9 August 2009 22:28

I think it is freaking hilarious that all the people on here are like "OMFG THAT'S SO GROSS", but when a girl posts an FML about her boyfriend pissing on her in the shower, then everybody's like "Why is this an FML?" or "Your boyfriend is awesome"...WTF?!

I'm married and I would definitely rather smell my husband's armpit than let him pee on me...

Reply

omgwtflolz | 0

#493075 - Monday 17 August 2009 8:26

yeah really. why would u even do that?

Reply

effyoubitch | 5

#3315817 - Tuesday 20 September 2011 7:12

"smell it yourself bitch."

Reply

NorthFML | 0

#4490532 - Monday 28 May 2012 7:18

57 soo true

By Ranoona | 0

#471626 - Sunday 9 August 2009 12:12

I agree #1. That's gross. :S

By Shots_HK | 0

#471627 - Sunday 9 August 2009 12:14

Did it smell?

By amy397123 | 0

#471633 - Sunday 9 August 2009 12:18

YDI, be more aware of your surroundings.

By ShyShy_fml | 0

#471638 - Sunday 9 August 2009 12:19

You "forgot" you were in his living room? Um, yea.... sure you did....

Reply

miyon_fml | 0

#472061 - Sunday 9 August 2009 18:12

Just what I was thinking. How do you forget your in a room full of people. And why would your bf ask you to sniff in front of all those people.

By SimpleSimon | 0

#471641 - Sunday 9 August 2009 12:21

What.... The... Fuck?

By angelysm_fml_fml | 0

#471663 - Sunday 9 August 2009 12:35

was it shaved ?

By Sage1314 | 4

#471667 - Sunday 9 August 2009 12:40

Bullshit. Plus the wording is inelegant.

By LewJH | 0

#471679 - Sunday 9 August 2009 12:48

I think the fact that you're that comfortable in a relationship more than makes up for the fact you have a stupid nickname.

By sheilatothemoon_ | 0

#471687 - Sunday 9 August 2009 12:55

was it wet and hairy?
disguuuuuuuusting.