Geek: Today, my boyfriend humped me to the tune of the Imperial March...

By ChubbyTubby - United States

Today, my boyfriend humped me to the tune of the Imperial March from Star Wars. FML

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Geek

Commando

Our house, in the middle of our street

Not now, mom!

By Susan - Canada

Today, I farted in front of my husband. It somehow turned into a farting war. Then I realized this is the closest we've come to intimacy in a week. FML

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By Adoptee - United Kingdom

Today, after eighteen years of living with my adoptive parents, I met my biological mum for the first time. She's a forty year old, 300lb American woman who wears 'Twilight' t-shirts and will be spending the rest of her visit to the UK trying to find Robert Pattinson. She says I remind her of herself. FML

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By SHAME!

Oh, hai Mark!

Today, I ran into an attractive friend of a friend I hadn't seen since a night out last month. I tried my best to be friendly and interesting, but he still seemed awkward. Later I found out that the last time he saw me I was blind drunk and vomiting after having propositioned him all evening. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I was telling my friends a story. I added a few "embellishments" to make it more intense. One my friends piped up with, "I was with you, half of what you just said wasn't true". It's now all over Facebook and I'm known as "The Bullshitter". FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my boyfriend sneaked into my room, not knowing I wasn't home. It would have been great, except my dad went in my room to put laundry away. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, I was driving on the freeway in the back seat of my friends car. I looked over to the left and was greeted by a van full of adolescent boys waving and making the "call me" hand gesture. I then happened to looked down and realized that my right boob was completely out of my top. FML

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By johnny121 - France

Today, I had to go to the hospital. While I was there, my mom started hitting on a doctor. Later I saw them making out in the room next to me. FML

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By We raised that fool - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, I went for a romantic, anniversary meal with my wife. It was amazing, until we had to rush home halfway through because our daughter rang, informing us that her 20-year-old sister had broken her wrist trying to jump from the roof, onto the trampoline and into the pool. She 'miscalculated'. FML

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By dumbass - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me she lost her phone and not to call or text her. After about three hours, I text her phone, asking if she found it yet. I got a reply, saying "Nope." FML

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By notanazigrandchildafterall - Germany - Leipzig

Today, going through my late grandmother's papers, I found out that my grandfather had never been in the Nazi party. The reason he was not allowed to work as a teacher was that he had never passed his university exams. He found an invented Nazi past less shameful than academic failure. FML

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By KBL3 - United States

Today, my boyfriend started talking to my breasts in public. As if that wasn't bad enough, he then started to jiggle them in his hands. FML

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By Grrrrr - United States

Today, after working for my company for 10 years, my co-workers threw me a farewell party. The boss gave quite an eloquent speech, ending in "we're really gonna miss you Mark." My name is Evan. FML

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68711

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By Anonymous

Today, I was at a waterpark with my friends, waiting in line for about 45 minutes to go on the biggest ride there. When it was finally our turn, the lifeguard at the top pulled me over and measured me to see if I was tall enough. I wasn't. FML

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1760

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at soccer practice. The ground's keeper just aerated the field, and my teammates and I decided to throw the cylindrical clumps of dirt at each other. I got hit in the face with one. It wasn't dirt. It was a clump of wet dog poop. FML

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By DreeStahr - United States - Liberty

Today, I was texting my boyfriend and things were getting a little steamy. He said, "I really want you right now." So, of course, I told him to come over. To which he replied, "Nah." FML

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By youshitme - Australia

Today, I was at work, working on a new play. In the final dress rehearsal, I heard some of the crew laughing so I looked down at the very revealing costume to see that my left testicle was hanging out. FML

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By thefuck - Ireland - Ballyjamesduff

Today, my house was egged while I went out shopping. When I told my dad about it, he immediately and casually admitted to being the one who did it, asking, "You got a fucking problem with that, son?" I don't know if he's just messing with my head, or if he really did do it. FML

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44780

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, a parent came into my class and told one of my 6 year old students that their grandma died. Then the parent left. The kid started crying from the news, which then got all the other students crying. I spent the rest of the day comforting a class of kids crying over someone else's grandma. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my fiancée bought me a luxury getaway to the Maldives, complete with a five-star hotel and first-class plane tickets. Too bad she used my credit card, with all the money I was saving for our wedding. FML

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By nbj10 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, my dad went snooping on my laptop, and saw that I'd recently looked up 2 Girls, 1 Cup. It was out of morbid curiosity, but he thinks I'm into "satanic porn", and confiscated every electronic device I own. Now I have to sneak to the library just to check my emails. FML

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41976

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By -_-" - United States - Vestal

Today, I was getting ready for a night out with the girls, and without any hint of trickery, just wanting an honest answer, I asked my boyfriend how I looked in the dress I chose. He immediately dropped to his knees, yelled, "NOOOOOOOOO!" and calmly left the room. FML

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By Noname - Canada

Today, I won $5000 dollars from a lottery ticket and tried giving the man next to me a high five. He had no hands. FML

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35109

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By punchedhelper - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I saw an old man struggling with three bags, so I offered to carry them for him. He must not have heard me because when I bent down to take the bags, he thought I was stealing them and punched me in the face. FML

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By jkon - United States

Today, I texted my girlfriend and told her I was mowing my lawn. She responded "it's about time, it keeps getting caught in my teeth!" I was referring to the lawn outside of my house. FML

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By wtf - United States - Fairfield

Today, my best friend was walking next to her crush, so I pushed her into him gently as a joke. She ended up stepping on his foot, which caused him to fall and crack his head against the floor. FML

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By Unlucky - United Kingdom - Bagworth

Today, I found out my ex gave me an STI. Today I also found out I'm allergic to the medication. FML

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By Nikki - United States - Newark

Today, my live-in-boyfriend lost his job. Jokingly, I told him that we weren't going to have sex until he found a new job. He then turned to me with the most excited look I have ever seen on his face and said "I am going to stay unemployed forever!" He was serious. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Northampton

Today, I uttered the phrase "the pot calling the kettle black" in class. Moments later, I'd been called a "racist twerp" and kicked out of class by the same English teacher who once tried to have another kid suspended for using the word "titillate", because apparently it's "pornographic". FML

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By officekid

Today, a woman from my office called, asking who was in. Only one other woman was in the office. I couldn't remember her name, so I had to awkwardly guess random names while both women listened, obviously aware of what was going on. FML

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By where's the epipen - United States - Tampa

Today, I accidentally stepped on a dead bee. The stinger was still intact. How do I know? It stung my foot. I'm allergic to bees. FML

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By smashleighfig - France

Today, I found out my husband of 10 years has a online blog. Excited to read about myself, I began skimming, only to find out that every entry is him explaining how he let his "soulmate" walk away 9 years ago because of his "previous commitment" and how he regrets it every day. FML

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By ari - United States

Wankers of the world unite!

Today, I found out why teenage boys have "Keep out" and "Please knock" signs on their bedroom doors. FML

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By Screwed

Today, I was informed that- despite an already skeletal staff- my supervisor is leaving the company. Tomorrow. FML

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By Deployed - United States - San Diego

Great surprise

Today, I came home from an eight month deployment to find my wife four months into her pregnancy. She actually thinks that I believe it's mine. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/11/2020 23:03

Thanks for the heads up

Today, a person who I've been talking to for months told me they were in a relationship with someone else. I work with this person and see them almost everyday. To top it off, they told me this over text. FML

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By Brookie Bear

Today, I received a Saturday detention because the assignment I'd handed in had different handwriting. I've been practicing my handwriting skills for the past month. FML

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By CouldBeALoser - United States - West Tehama County

Today, I ordered flowers to be delivered to my workplace on Tuesday. To myself. For my birthday. Because even though birthdays are posted in the monthly newsletter, mine gets left out every year. For the past four years. FML

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By Tara - United States

Today, I went tanning for 15 min at my gym. When I got out no one was there, all of the lights were off, and the alarm started going off. Turns out the people working forgot about me, locked up, and left me there. FML

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By Lord_Nick - Canada - Qu?bec

Today, while I was taking a shit, a guy went into the next stall and narrated what he was doing in song. I'm still traumatized by his lyrics. FML

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By John - United States

Today, I took my 15 year old daughter driving. I yelled at her for not going safely around corners. On the way home, while demonstrating how to drive right, I went around a corner and hit a cement truck. FML

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Top comments

By ROFLsyrup | 0

#780711 - Sunday 17 January 2010 23:41

If you think this is an FML you don't deserve him.

By TONYMFSTARK | 0

#780690 - Sunday 17 January 2010 23:34

BUM BUM BUM BUMBA BUM BUMBA BUM. from a fellow female, holy shit, that is funny. especially since my school band is playing the starwars music.

COMMENTS

By lolfmlfail | 0

#780677 - Sunday 17 January 2010 23:26

1st and lol y u care

Y_U_19029 | 0

#1306929 - Friday 27 August 2010 6:44

I dnt see anything wrong with this, star wars is down

ahti546 | 11

#2779997 - Tuesday 28 June 2011 16:55

How is this an FML?

By lolfmlfail | 0

#780680 - Sunday 17 January 2010 23:28

really isn't an fml

By silentfog | 0

#780685 - Sunday 17 January 2010 23:31

Thats awesome

mitch707 | 0

#781561 - Monday 18 January 2010 6:48

I agree thats hilarious!

YeahFMLxX | 0

#794224 - Sunday 24 January 2010 0:15

he deserves the 6 disk collection for that ..

RevengeOnYou | 0

#805772 - Friday 29 January 2010 0:39

Ur boyfriend deserves a thumbs up XD thats pretty adorable rofl

ohhbaaabbby | 0

#831154 - Saturday 6 February 2010 21:21

hahahahaha clever mother fucker!!

elvgar | 0

#852683 - Saturday 13 February 2010 20:09

hillarious
:P

TiffanyBlews27 | 0

#935171 - Thursday 11 March 2010 6:33

that's freakin' awesome! be glad it wasn't some shorty movie or show's theme. damn I'm jealous!

DiNgD0ng | 0

#973885 - Sunday 4 April 2010 7:07

PURE EPICNESS

By TONYMFSTARK | 0

#780690 - Sunday 17 January 2010 23:34

BUM BUM BUM BUMBA BUM BUMBA BUM. from a fellow female, holy shit, that is funny. especially since my school band is playing the starwars music.

By louie111887 | 0

#780692 - Sunday 17 January 2010 23:34

nice !!!!

By toomuchcrap | 0

#780693 - Sunday 17 January 2010 23:35

better than the song that never ends

kathira120 | 3

#1441080 - Wednesday 22 September 2010 12:10

touché! haha

By dacman48 | 0

#780697 - Sunday 17 January 2010 23:37

fucking awesome. ur bf pwns face

By DBkkk | 0

#780702 - Sunday 17 January 2010 23:37

That's awesome unless he looks like jabba the hut. Did he have a lando penis?

By xrod_fml | 0

#780708 - Sunday 17 January 2010 23:39

rofl xD

By jacobc47715 | 0

#780709 - Sunday 17 January 2010 23:40

sweet!!!!