Today, my boyfriend humped me to the tune of the Imperial March...

By ChubbyTubby - 17/1/2010 18:13 - United States

Today, my boyfriend humped me to the tune of the Imperial March from Star Wars. FML

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Geek

Understandable

The end of the road

Buzzing the tower

By lunab123 - 31/12/2015 20:59 - United States - Potomac

Today, I got a letter from my long time boyfriend asking me to meet him at the place we first met for a "surprise". I can't remember where that even is. FML

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By whymomwhy - 11/7/2015 17:20 - United States - Salem

Today, my mother talked shit about me to the cat while I was in the room. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/12/2010 07:32 - United States

Today, my brother changed the password on my laptop so that I can't log into my profile. All my notes for school are on it and finals start on Monday. Guess who can't remember the new password. FML

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By Crashburn - 16/1/2012 11:09 - United Kingdom

Today, after having a naked wrestle with my boyfriend, I discovered he'd left a skidmark on my stomach. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/5/2009 13:48 - United States

Today, I was coaching a little league soccer game. I was telling one of my players to go cover another kid. I said "go cover the little yellow kid!" because he happened to be wearing a yellow shirt. He also happened to be Asian. I then got death stares from his family members. FML

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By Kikinovak - 13/12/2008 12:06 - France

Today, a driver stole the parking space I was about to pull into. I politely asked him to move. He had a go at me, so I kick his car twice, in front of a few witnesses. The car is fine. I ripped two ligaments in my foot and I'll have a cast for a month. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/9/2013 05:18 - United States

Today, I taught my kid how to mow the lawn. It's a self-propelling mower so it's easy to handle. My kid thought it would be smart to tie the handle down so that he wouldn't have to push it at all. This resulted in the lawn mower blasting through our fence and sinking into my neighbor's pool. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/11/2019 18:00

No feeling - Just conversation

Today, I was touching myself under the sheets at 2:00 a.m. when my very drunk dad walked into the room. I was afraid to move my hand for fear of getting caught red-handed, so I had a 30 minute conversation with him with my fingers still inside me. FML

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By terrified - 18/1/2012 19:02 - United States

Today, out of habit, I said "See you later" to a creepy old male customer who stared at my chest the whole time I was serving him. His response was to wink and say, "Oh, you will." FML

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By Anonymous - 20/4/2011 07:27 - South Africa

Today, I'm a student vet. Part of my holiday work is to gain experience working at a dairy. A cow came on to the platform for me to inject her udder. As I was bent over, she decided to take a dump. Onto my left eyeball. FML

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By kmf - 10/8/2009 19:06 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were starting to get hot and heavy in my truck at our favorite park. We start going at it and we were both butt naked when I see a car pull into the lot. Not only is it a cop car, but the first thing the cop asks my girlfriend is "Are you being held against your will?" FML

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By whyme27 - 9/9/2009 02:41 - Canada

Today, I washed one of my roommates t-shirts. I forgot to remove it before putting it in the dryer, and all the print on the front melted off. It was a gift from his girlfriend. Who has just passed away. FML

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By Application - 28/7/2015 20:44 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, I asked my boss for a promotion. "You don't work here but I can give you a job application." I've been working here for 8 years. FML

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By anonymous - 27/10/2009 13:27 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of five years gave me the silent treatment, refusing to talk to me or do anything more than glare at me during the entire three hour drive we took this morning. Why? Because I slept with his best friend. In his dream last night. FML

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By TheOtherWoman - 20/7/2009 07:10 - United States

Today, the guy I've been sleeping with for the last three weeks got really drunk. I drove him home from the party and took care of him. At 2am he asked for the phone. When I asked what for, he said he wanted to drunk dial his girlfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/8/2019 20:00

Today, my boss came to see me because he'd heard that I was homeless. I'm not homeless, and the rumour was started by a friend of mine. FML

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By PhantomShitter - 29/11/2019 20:00 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Was it me?

Today, I read on Facebook that someone shat outside our block of flats. I laughed and showed it to my friend who was with me. She turned to me, and said, "That was you, we were locked outside last night and you needed to pee, but a poo slipped out." FML

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By Anonymous - 26/7/2020 23:00

Retail stinks

Today, a pipe leaked in the store I work at. I had to smell sordid waste for more than 8 hours. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/9/2019 16:00

Dr House

Today, I was trying to ease off a caffeine headache. I ended up getting a Brain Freeze. FML

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By fmyjob - 2/11/2009 09:03 - United States

Today, I asked my boss for my first raise in almost two years, to which he replied, "In the real world, I think you've definitely earned one, but this isn't the real world." FML

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By suosi - 26/7/2015 17:55 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, the crush I've had for months finally came over to my place for the first time. It didn't last long however, as I suddenly had to go to the ER for severe testicular pain. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/6/2014 13:56 - United States

Today, a coworker asked me why this week's report was not uploaded to the server. I've been writing these reports once a week for a year and they take a whole day to write. Upload them to what server? FML

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By IwishIwashigh - 1/3/2017 14:00

Today, I went to make cookies, the box said mix by hand so I literally used my hands. Not a fork or anything. My step-mom walked in and laughed at me. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/2/2013 01:55 - United States - Portland

Today, I lit my beard on fire while trying to light a cigarette driving to work. I got fired from work when I got there because of my appearance. FML

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By FreeTacos_ - 28/10/2015 05:23 - United States - Pueblo

Today, I told my crush that I liked her a lot. She told me not to message her when I'm drunk. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/3/2013 16:14 - United States - New York

Today, I had a job interview. I didn't have any clothes suitable for the interview, so I went to the store early and bought some there. After the interview, I went to return the clothes, because they were so expensive. The hiring manager saw me. FML

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By good-samaritan-fail - 6/10/2009 15:56 - Australia

Today, I was at a music festival when a group of idiots decided to push over a port-a-loo (portable toilet). I rushed over and tried to hold it up to save the person inside from a very messy and embarrasing scene. Not only did the door open, covering me in excrement, but there was no-one inside. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/1/2013 08:27 - New Zealand - Wainuiomata

Today, I bought my first house, blowing nearly all my savings on the deposit. I had left myself enough for just a couple of necessary bits of furniture. It turns out the previous owner completely stripped the house when he left, taking the oven and even the toilet with him, amongst other things. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/7/2014 17:39 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I walked in on my 15-year-old daughter stripping on Skype for strangers. FML

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By only 10 more hours to go - 6/1/2012 11:40 - United States

Today, at work, I slipped and fell on my backside. The creepy security guard offered to 'kiss it better.' FML

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By - 9/1/2017 23:42

Today, I was the last to go upstairs, so I had to turn off the lights. My tired brain decided to use my phone flashlight to check if all the lights were out. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/2/2017 08:00 - United States - Parkesburg

For real though?

Today, my father was offered 85 sheep for my hand in marriage. We live in the USA, and he is literally contemplating the offer. FML

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By anonymous - 31/10/2014 23:28 - United States - Chicago

Today, I was a pregnant man for Halloween. Everyone at school thought it was funny, except my principal, who gave me a detention and said it was, "inappropriate and making a pregnant teacher feel uncomfortable". That pregnant teacher asked me to take a selfie with her. FML

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By dentistvictim - 16/10/2009 07:27 - Norway

Today, I went to the school dentist for the yearly routine check. She took ages trying to clean out my teeth with the metal toothpick-thing, constantly hitting my gums. After half an hour of pain and spitting blood, she looks up and says, laughing: "Oh, I forgot to put my glasses on". FML

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By eatmywords - 5/7/2011 07:06 - Singapore

Today, I laughed when I saw my ex-girlfriend in her overall uniform, thinking she'd got a job as a janitor. Turns out she's as professional marine welder. She's 22 years old and earns my monthly salary in three days. My current girlfriend who was there with me called me a loser in front of her. FML

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By no snow day - 5/2/2014 14:07 - United States - Round Lake

Today, like every day, I had to walk to my bus stop. The only difference today is there was snow and ice over everything. Not only did I slip and fall, soaking both myself and the contents of my bag, the bus driver saw me there at the bus stop and drove straight past. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/12/2009 21:24 - United States

Today, my new girlfriend was telling me how she's attracted to "All-American" looking guys. Tall, manly body, handsome face. Then she says, "But it's ok, you're cute too." FML

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By cat cat - 13/7/2018 01:30

Today, I wore my first thong, which I bought weeks ago but was only just now brave enough to wear. As I was leaving, my little brother decided I really needed a wedgie. The thong garrotted my bum hole and I now have toilet paper up there because it won't stop bleeding. FML

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By anon - 31/7/2014 03:12 - Canada - Goderich

Today, my father tripped over the dog and hit a wall. He was so convinced his arm was broken that we waited for 3 hours in emergency to find out he had a bruise. FML

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By nemi - 31/8/2010 22:33 - Norway

Today, I was out having a beer with a few friends. After getting a pint, I slipped in a puddle of beer, fell on top of a stranger on the sofa, and knocked my beer upside down on my head. Then, completely soaked, I realized I'd also knocked over the table, spilling its content on a poor girl across it. FML

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Top comments

By ROFLsyrup | 0

#780711 - Sunday 17 January 2010 23:41

If you think this is an FML you don't deserve him.

By TONYMFSTARK | 0

#780690 - Sunday 17 January 2010 23:34

BUM BUM BUM BUMBA BUM BUMBA BUM. from a fellow female, holy shit, that is funny. especially since my school band is playing the starwars music.

COMMENTS

By lolfmlfail | 0

#780677 - Sunday 17 January 2010 23:26

1st and lol y u care

Y_U_19029 | 0

#1306929 - Friday 27 August 2010 6:44

I dnt see anything wrong with this, star wars is down

ahti546 | 11

#2779997 - Tuesday 28 June 2011 16:55

How is this an FML?

By lolfmlfail | 0

#780680 - Sunday 17 January 2010 23:28

really isn't an fml

By silentfog | 0

#780685 - Sunday 17 January 2010 23:31

Thats awesome

mitch707 | 0

#781561 - Monday 18 January 2010 6:48

I agree thats hilarious!

YeahFMLxX | 0

#794224 - Sunday 24 January 2010 0:15

he deserves the 6 disk collection for that ..

RevengeOnYou | 0

#805772 - Friday 29 January 2010 0:39

Ur boyfriend deserves a thumbs up XD thats pretty adorable rofl

ohhbaaabbby | 0

#831154 - Saturday 6 February 2010 21:21

hahahahaha clever mother fucker!!

elvgar | 0

#852683 - Saturday 13 February 2010 20:09

hillarious
:P

TiffanyBlews27 | 0

#935171 - Thursday 11 March 2010 6:33

that's freakin' awesome! be glad it wasn't some shorty movie or show's theme. damn I'm jealous!

DiNgD0ng | 0

#973885 - Sunday 4 April 2010 7:07

PURE EPICNESS

By TONYMFSTARK | 0

#780690 - Sunday 17 January 2010 23:34

BUM BUM BUM BUMBA BUM BUMBA BUM. from a fellow female, holy shit, that is funny. especially since my school band is playing the starwars music.

By louie111887 | 0

#780692 - Sunday 17 January 2010 23:34

nice !!!!

By toomuchcrap | 0

#780693 - Sunday 17 January 2010 23:35

better than the song that never ends

kathira120 | 3

#1441080 - Wednesday 22 September 2010 12:10

touché! haha

By dacman48 | 0

#780697 - Sunday 17 January 2010 23:37

fucking awesome. ur bf pwns face

By DBkkk | 0

#780702 - Sunday 17 January 2010 23:37

That's awesome unless he looks like jabba the hut. Did he have a lando penis?

By xrod_fml | 0

#780708 - Sunday 17 January 2010 23:39

rofl xD

By jacobc47715 | 0

#780709 - Sunday 17 January 2010 23:40

sweet!!!!