By theDarkandtheLight

Star Bores

Today, my boyfriend and I binged Star Wars. Now he keeps talking about how the Empire is superior to the Republic, digging up Reddit threads / YouTube videos / expressing his own political ideas to convince me of this. I just wanted to watch the movies. FML

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Triage

Don't hate the player…

Close quarters

By interphaseprophasemetaphase - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I took my laptop to I.T. to fix my internet. Only after I left did I realise my memory technique for remembering the stages of mitosis (Iraqi penis man anally transmits chlamydia) was left as a sticky note on my desktop. The guy definitely noticed. FML

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By snowbum69 - United States - Meridian

Today, I went skiing with a girl I like. On the lift I asked her out. She said no. Halfway up the lift stopped. We were stuck up there for nearly an hour. FML

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By Rynne S. - United States

Today, I got my yearbook. My sister and I are identical twins, and we realized only my sister had a picture in it. When we asked the head of yearbook, they said they thought it was the same girl trying to get two pictures, so they put in the prettier one. FML

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By apenglishstudent - United States

Today, I overheard a conversation two of my friends were having about Homer, so I interjected with a quip about a Simpson's episode I had seen before. They were talking about the poet. I'm an AP literature student. FML

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By retail can shart a cock - United States

Today, a customer's credit card was declined. His totally reasonable reaction was to threaten to put a bullet in the back of my head. FML

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By itwasajoke

Today, I ran into an old friend for whom I used to have feelings. I hadn't seen her in years, so I thought it would be funny if I went up to her and said, "Hey, you look familiar, do I know you?" She thought I had really forgotten her and burst into tears. FML

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By loser - United States - Pompano Beach

Today, I asked the girl I sort of like as we were leaving class how her day was going so far. She said, 'Great. Don't ruin it.' FML

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By Sam - United States - Elmhurst

Today, I had to turn down an invitation to one of my best friend's birthday party because I had been scheduled to work. Little did I know that my job on that day would be setting up the tents, tables, and chairs for that very birthday party. FML

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By crashingdown - Australia

Today, I had a weird dream I woke up on the bathroom floor at my local gym. Turns out it wasn't a dream, and I passed out from "overworking myself". I was on the treadmill for under 5 minutes, walking. FML

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By nonymous human subject - United States - Palo Alto

Today, I got to my human anatomy class with a hickey on my neck. Since I sit in the front row, my professor noticed and decided to call me to the front. He then started talking about ruptured blood vessels and hickeys, all while as I served as the subject. FML

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By poisonivyandbigfoot

Today, I was playing a game on my boyfriend's phone when he got a text from a girl saying, "last night was so fun." When I asked him about it, he panicked and said, "we were hunting Bigfoot." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was supposed to present a speech on diabetes. The girl who went first chose the same subject, knowing I'm diabetic and that it was my topic. I went last, so I had to change half of my speech on the spot. I sounded ignorant about my own illness. FML

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By JulesBlues - Germany

Today, we had the hottest day ever recorded in Germany. Well, at least this means I won't need a hot water bottle to keep my feet from freezing, right? Wrong. FML

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By Andrew - Portugal - Lisbon

Today, I sent a message on Facebook to a girl I really like. She replied, "..." It took me three hours to realize she'd actually written it. I thought it was just Facebook telling me she was typing. FML

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By Ouchhh - United States

Today, I leaned back and bumped into one of my mom's plants in the window. The good thing was that I caught it before it fell and shattered. The bad thing was that my mom likes to keep cactii in the window. I can still feel thorns I haven't managed to pluck out yet. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Eugene

Today, my girlfriend and I were snuggling and we placed our hands together, palm to palm. I can bend the tips of my fingers over hers, which apparently surprised her because she commented, "Huh, so big hands AREN'T related to penis size." FML

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By Matt - United States

Today, I informed my family of my plans to divorce my wife after catching her cheating on me twice. They bitched me out because I will not be able to survive financially or emotionally without her support. I'm a doctor. She's been unemployed for 2 straight years. FML

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By LadyNexus - United States - Mohrsville

Today, I asked my boyfriend how he felt about me and he said, "You're the hottest seven I've ever met." FML

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By XxrudyxX - Canada - Fort Saskatchewan

Today, my garage got broken into and someone stole my $3000 bike. I bought it a month ago while I recovered from a knee injury. I just got enough strength 2 days ago to ride it. I've only ridden it once. FML

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By Interview tragedy - United States

Today, I went in for an interview at my dream job. When I walked in, I got a dirty look from the front desk secretary. Turns out, the guy interviewing me was from a dating website I'm on. I'd rejected him and told him to get a life. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my boss asked me to talk to the HR manager to see if I was happy about my pay, which made me think I was going to get a raise. Turns out they paid me nearly twice as much as they should have for the last 2 years and I owe them over €5000. FML

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By Busted - South Africa

Today, I was woken up because the police were pounding on my door, and saying I am under arrest for stealing road signs. My friends went drinking last night and thought it would be funny to steal seven stop signs, four bus stop signs, and two children crossing signs then plant them on my front lawn. FML

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By ItsFunnyNow - United States

Today, I took my first Viagra. It worked great, but "Wally, the one-eyed wonder-weasel" would not return to "hiding". After 4 hours, I was in mortal aching pain, and went to my doctor for a shot and sedative. My wife, the doctor, and the nurse could not stifle their laughter. FML

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By storksleuth - United States

Today, I saw a girl wearing a Nirvana shirt. Since Nirvana has been my favorite band for a long time, I tried striking up a conversation with her. Turns out she doesn't even listen to them, and only bought the shirt because she "liked the smiley face." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I took my road test. I'd never had driver's training and my mom taught me how to drive. I failed the test so badly, and when I got home my mom admitted to having taught me how to drive completely wrong because she didn't want me to get my license as she thinks I'm too young. I'm 18. FML

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By buttfingers - United States - Houston

Today, I accidentally edged over the speed limit and got pulled over. The officer asked me if I knew why he'd pulled me over. Before I could say something diplomatic, my dad said from the passenger seat: "Because you're a prick in fancy dress?" I got ticketed. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Three kids?

Today, I got the results proving if my ex-girlfriend's kid was mine. The results came back negative and I can't have kids. This wouldn't be a problem if I didn't have 3 kids with my wife. FML

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By LoLWut?? nd Why?? - United States

Today, I went to a library to return a book that I've had for years. After a heated discussion with the librarian, not only did she charge me over a hundred dollars for the book, she also called the cops to escort me out. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I got a phone call from my boss, who'd hired me after two months of waiting and begging for this position. A week into the job, the company is closing our store. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Fort Collins

Today, I learned that no matter how much you want the Nutella, it's never a good idea to deep-throat the knife. FML

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By Username - Romania

Today, I was running late for school because I had a huge stomach ache. To save on time, I took a taxi. When the taxi driver hit a bump, I lost control of my bowels and shit myself. Not only do I have to wash my underwear in the sink at school now, but I had to pay the driver extra to remove the smell from his car. FML

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By imy - United States

Today, while performing a rectal exam on my female patient, I inadvertently said, "Okay, you're going to feel some pleasure now." I meant "pressure". Her husband was in the room. FML

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By fmlmao

Today, I was feeling depressed, so I decided to go snowboarding with friends to cheer myself up. I fell on the first trail and broke my dominant wrist. FML

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By anonymous - United States - Ridgeland

Today, a woman left our first date just because I didn't like the same character as her on a TV show. FML

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By lizzie - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, it was my wedding. Every good wedding has slutty wedding sex, and I thought it would be over after my cousin and his girlfriend were caught in the parking lot. I was wrong, the sluttiest wedding sex goes to my drunk husband and sister in the coat room. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Redmond

Today, I got home from work a little late due to bad traffic. My wife kissed me, then flew into a rage and swore that I had the taste of penis on my lips, accusing me of cheating on her with a guy. Apparently she got this insane "test your man" idea from some Cosmo-type magazine. FML

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By steve-o - United States

Today, while spooning my spouse, I was awakened in the wee hours by a huge, junk-rattling fart. This has happened numerous times since she became a vegetarian. FML

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By ThirteenThirteen - United Kingdom - Leicester

Today, I was sent the script to a play I'm participating in at school. After reading it a couple of times, I noticed that my part has been forgotten completely. FML

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By indefiniteforest - United States - Hillsboro

Today, my roommate was complaining about a headache, so I offered her some aspirin. She looked at me like I was stupid and said, "Uh... That stuff's only for heart attacks." I'm living with an idiot. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Bellevue

Today, I walked in on my daughter making out with a piece of paper with someone from the cast of IT taped to her pillow. FML

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Top comments

By fern559 | 13

#7468818 - Sunday 11 June 2017 20:46

Well the Empire lost to a bunch of ewoks so they can't be that superior.

By CrazyTrainWreck | 19

#7468813 - Sunday 11 June 2017 20:32

Something something Dark side, something something complete

COMMENTS

By 1DisGR8 | 32

#7468802 - Sunday 11 June 2017 20:05

This is exactly me but with Game of Thrones. I totally understand your boyfriend.

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7468811 - Sunday 11 June 2017 20:29

Sounds like you unwittingly turned your boyfriend to the dark side.

By The Corruptionist | 5

#7468812 - Sunday 11 June 2017 20:32

Why don't you just spam or delete his Reddit?

Reply

Arashikage | 18

#7468846 - Sunday 11 June 2017 21:53

You don't need an account to be on reddit

By CrazyTrainWreck | 19

#7468813 - Sunday 11 June 2017 20:32

Something something Dark side, something something complete

By fern559 | 13

#7468818 - Sunday 11 June 2017 20:46

Well the Empire lost to a bunch of ewoks so they can't be that superior.

By Fwippy | 7

#7468827 - Sunday 11 June 2017 20:59

Congratulations, you're dating a Space Nazi.

By RichardPencil | 29

#7468850 - Sunday 11 June 2017 21:58

Just tell him that you won't compromise, but William Shatner is the best Captain Kirk, case closed.

His Death Star head will explode and you'll be free to find a boyfriend who keeps Sci-Fi in perspective as a form of entertainment.

Reply

Lalala579121 | 27

#7468874 - Sunday 11 June 2017 22:59

I liked the part when Harry Potter and Frodo had the light cycle race on the Kessel Run.

Reply

RichardPencil | 29

#7468876 - Sunday 11 June 2017 23:03

You take that back or I'll have HAL kick you in the Spaceballs.

Reply

galacticstorm | 6

#7469242 - Monday 12 June 2017 16:38

This hurts my soul.

Reply

Zebediabolical | 37

#7470925 - Thursday 15 June 2017 23:16

The Doctor and Rose had a hard choice to make I still think they were right when they didn't try to save Alderaan.
.

By jjmeow | 10

#7468901 - Monday 12 June 2017 0:09

When I watched Star Wars for the first time, it was with a good friend who's more or less (more, I'd say) obsessed. I got the whole package - commentary, trivia and random facts, lore, theories, jokes... plus a few sessions of Battlefront and X-Wing!

By Zebediabolical | 37

#7470916 - Thursday 15 June 2017 23:08

It's not like he's wrong or anythig.