By theDarkandtheLight

Star Bores

Today, my boyfriend and I binged Star Wars. Now he keeps talking about how the Empire is superior to the Republic, digging up Reddit threads / YouTube videos / expressing his own political ideas to convince me of this. I just wanted to watch the movies. FML

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Our house, in the middle of our street

Messed up

Worst workplace ever

By Gonzales - Belgium - Leuven

Today, my girlfriend said she would give my penis a name: Gonzales. I asked why she wanted to name it that, and she said, "Because he's Speedy." FML

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By not eyelid - Spain - Manresa

Today, at work, I quickly bought plane tickets on an iPad. I should have taken my time doing it, because now, thanks to autocorrect, I have two tickets for a girl with the first name of Eyelid. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my car door and window were broken when a thief broke into my car. Cost to repair the damage? $600. Increase to my car insurance premiums? $40 a month. What'd they steal from my car? A $0.98 chocolate chip cookie. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Fayette

Today, I had to have major oral surgery. Needless to say I am in need of some heavy pain medication. My pharmacist insists that my surgeon never called in my medicine, and my surgeon insists otherwise. This has been going back and forth for hours. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/2/2021 11:01

Bad day?

Today, after waking up to a spilled bottle of juice on my clothes, I heard my ex died. Whilst baking cookies to distract myself, I melted my work laptop on the toaster. FML

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By paid to scoop ice cream not nana-sit - United States - Fall River

Today, I was working when my boss left briefly, leaving me with her elderly, senile mother. Not only did I have to chase her when she ran after a stranger on the road, I turned my back for 5 seconds to do my actual job and she walked off. When my boss returned, I had to tell her I lost her mother. FML

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By who knows - United States - Mankato

Tell me the reason

Today, someone took my phone away. Why? Because I was texting my ex-boyfriend who cheated on me with one of my friends. FML

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By preggers - United States

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. My husband and I are divorcing because HE had an affair. He now wants a paternity test. FML

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By takeshi

Today, I took my girlfriend to a restaurant we both like. By the end of the date, we were fighting and she angrily broke up with me. To make things worse, I got food poisoning. She didn't. FML

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By minette08 - United States

Today, I discovered that the seal on my driver's door is defective. I made this discovery when I got rained on while I was getting my car washed. FML

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By pleasebackintomycaragain - Canada

Today, as I was sitting in my car in a mall parking lot an old couple got into their new van and backed right into me. The man got out and in broken english decided it was no big deal. He turned to leave and tried to pat my back, but smacked my ass instead. I was hit by a car, and spanked for it. FML

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By hater

Today, I was proposed to in a McDonald's. FML

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By weirdlaugh - United States

Today, I planned a lunch out with my mom for Mother's Day. She seemed excited about it and "couldn't wait!" She never showed up. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I started lessons on snowboarding. As soon as I got to the top of the hill, my instructor pushed me saying, "Just believe, it'll come to you!" He said this just before I hit a tree, breaking my nose. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, I had to get my hair chopped off for a role that I'm playing in a show. I was staring at the floor while the woman cut my hair, and I suddenly heard her start crying. Her tears were immediately followed by "It's okay! I have a friend in New York who can fix it. We won't charge you." FML

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By toothbreaker - United States - Tucson

Today, I bought my very first college textbook. I received a stack of hole-punched papers. My $195 "book" isn’t even bound together. FML

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By Rob

Today, I was in my bedroom with my boyfriend and we were kissing. My mom then came into my room and started shouting at my boyfriend for cheating on her. FML

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By blk8764 - United States

Today, I was at the grocery store when an elderly woman walked up to me and said, "Why can't every guy be as handsome as you?" I would have been flattered by the comment, if I was a guy. FML

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By fmbadluck - 29/10/2020 12:01 - Dominican Republic - Santo Domingo

Drive

Today, I set a new record: two fender benders in less than 10 minutes. FML

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By GonnaLockUpMySpices - United States - San Francisco

Today, my roommate broke into my spice cabinet so he could get high off of my nutmeg. FML

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By Anonymous - Monaco

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I'm "high maintenance." I'd only asked him to use deodorant and brush his teeth. He hasn't had a shower in over a week. FML

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By jonhapimp - United States

Today, I found out that my Mom had taken out a loan out on my car from the repo man taking my car away. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I was training at work on proper techniques of physical restraint. As my coworker was practicing on me, I realized this was the first time I've had physical contact with a man in years. I'm ashamed to admit how good it felt to feel his weight pressed into my back as I pretended to resist. FML

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By captfml - United States

Today, I was in the bathroom in a rush to get ready. Without thinking, I put hand soap on my toothbrush. I didn't notice until it was already in my mouth. FML

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By Bleach dat Blood

Panic!

Today, I woke to find a pool of my own blood all over my pillow. Frantic to find the source of the blood, I rushed into the bathroom and tripped over my too-long pajama pants. Crashing to the floor face first, I broke my nose. Turns out I had just bitten my lip in the middle of the night. FML

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By whyme

Today, I met a wonderful man and agreed to go on a date. Halfway through the date, he started telling about how much he hates his wife. And his four kids. I texted him after I walked out, saying not to call me again. He agreed. His wife didn't. FML

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By ThatTrafficCone - United States

Today, the Fire Department found my car overturned in a ditch and on fire. It was two miles away from where I parked it about three hours ago. FML

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By bullseyed - United States

Today, I planned to drop a water balloon on my visiting prankster brother from my new apartment's balcony. As he crossed the street, I launched the balloon, and sent it right behind him. It hit an eight year old on a scooter. FML

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By buttfingers - United States - Houston

Today, I accidentally edged over the speed limit and got pulled over. The officer asked me if I knew why he'd pulled me over. Before I could say something diplomatic, my dad said from the passenger seat: "Because you're a prick in fancy dress?" I got ticketed. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Sooke

Today, I had to show up at an anti-drugs lecture with full-blown pink eye. It's from an ongoing bacterial infection, but the speaker said he'd heard that excuse a hundred times before, and shamed me in front of everyone. FML

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By cleb

Today, I found out that the seeds of the Cherimoya fruit are toxic. I found out by eating the entire fruit, including all seeds. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Higginsville

Today, I was feeling down and decided to eat one of my roommate's chocolate Pop-Tarts to cheer myself up. I took a big bite and thought it tasted "off". It was full of live maggots. FML

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By Kim - United States

Today, I got back a paper after a peer review. I had worked really hard on it over the last week and was proud of the end result. When I got the paper back the only positive comment on the paper was "well I really like the blue staple you used to hold it together." FML

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By Anonymous - 4/11/2020 14:02

OK, well, goodbye

Today I ordered an anchovy pizza without the mushroom. Instead, I got a mushroom pizza without the anchovy. Then, when I went to take it back, the store had closed. Permanently. FML

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By NoTalkAllGame - United States - Horsham

Today, it's been five days since my roommate last talked to me. Although she's not communicating with me verbally, she's excelling at non-verbal communication: slamming doors and drawers, and watching loud videos, all while I desperately try to study. FML

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By caligirl921 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. When I orgasmed, my leg flew out and I accidentally kicked him in the balls. For the next ten minutes, he lay in the fetal position. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up at 3am because my wife was snoring loudly enough to wake me up. I went off to the guest room to try to get back to sleep. Eventually I fell back asleep. Then I had a dream that my wife was snoring loudly enough to wake me up. It woke me up. FML

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By Official_Person - United States

Today, I got married. My new husband wanted to carry me over the threshold of our apartment, but he couldn't pick me up. FML

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By damn dog - United States

Today, during a firework show, my dog gave me her opinion about them by practically eating half my bedroom door then defecating on my bed. FML

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By Oy Vay - United States - Sparkill

Today, my daughter, whom I consigned a credit card for, told me she was in a bit of financial trouble. It turns out that she was trying to pay off her credit card with the same credit card her bill was for, and couldn't figure out why it wasn't working. FML

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Top comments

By fern559 | 13

#7468818 - Sunday 11 June 2017 20:46

Well the Empire lost to a bunch of ewoks so they can't be that superior.

By CrazyTrainWreck | 19

#7468813 - Sunday 11 June 2017 20:32

Something something Dark side, something something complete

COMMENTS

By 1DisGR8 | 32

#7468802 - Sunday 11 June 2017 20:05

This is exactly me but with Game of Thrones. I totally understand your boyfriend.

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7468811 - Sunday 11 June 2017 20:29

Sounds like you unwittingly turned your boyfriend to the dark side.

By The Corruptionist | 5

#7468812 - Sunday 11 June 2017 20:32

Why don't you just spam or delete his Reddit?

Reply

Arashikage | 18

#7468846 - Sunday 11 June 2017 21:53

You don't need an account to be on reddit

By CrazyTrainWreck | 19

#7468813 - Sunday 11 June 2017 20:32

Something something Dark side, something something complete

By fern559 | 13

#7468818 - Sunday 11 June 2017 20:46

Well the Empire lost to a bunch of ewoks so they can't be that superior.

By Fwippy | 7

#7468827 - Sunday 11 June 2017 20:59

Congratulations, you're dating a Space Nazi.

By RichardPencil | 30

#7468850 - Sunday 11 June 2017 21:58

Just tell him that you won't compromise, but William Shatner is the best Captain Kirk, case closed.

His Death Star head will explode and you'll be free to find a boyfriend who keeps Sci-Fi in perspective as a form of entertainment.

Reply

Lalala579121 | 27

#7468874 - Sunday 11 June 2017 22:59

I liked the part when Harry Potter and Frodo had the light cycle race on the Kessel Run.

Reply

RichardPencil | 30

#7468876 - Sunday 11 June 2017 23:03

You take that back or I'll have HAL kick you in the Spaceballs.

Reply

galacticstorm | 6

#7469242 - Monday 12 June 2017 16:38

This hurts my soul.

Reply

Zebediabolical | 39

#7470925 - Thursday 15 June 2017 23:16

The Doctor and Rose had a hard choice to make I still think they were right when they didn't try to save Alderaan.
.

By jjmeow | 10

#7468901 - Monday 12 June 2017 0:09

When I watched Star Wars for the first time, it was with a good friend who's more or less (more, I'd say) obsessed. I got the whole package - commentary, trivia and random facts, lore, theories, jokes... plus a few sessions of Battlefront and X-Wing!

By Zebediabolical | 39

#7470916 - Thursday 15 June 2017 23:08

It's not like he's wrong or anythig.