Love: Today, I forgot my blind date's name 3 times during our conversation.... - FML

By lola1313 - 18/09/2013 02:17 - United States - Downers Grove

Today, I forgot my blind date's name 3 times during our conversation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 527

You deserved it 41 030

Triage

The smell detective is on the case

Yada yada yada

By faen - 29/11/2012 21:12 - Norway - Marifjora

Today, Muse cancelled their upcoming show in Oslo. I bought my sold-out tickets on the black market for double the retail price, and have no way of getting my money back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 049

You deserved it 40 898

By see you next cunt - 18/03/2014 19:44 - United States

Today, about 10 minutes into my first jog in months, someone in a car started following me, yelling stuff like "Oh my god, it's Shamu!" and "Run faster, fatty!" I ended up breaking down in tears before he finally sped off, roaring with laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 861

You deserved it 5 104

By yobruh - 17/05/2011 04:54

Today, I had a parent-teacher conference with my 8 year old son. He'd written "Chuck Norris" as the answer for every question on his test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 873

You deserved it 11 229

By Ciabatta - 20/11/2008 11:10 - France

Today, it's my one year anniversary with my husband. I put on a sexy outfit, red dress and slinky underwear, and waited for him to get home. He walked in the door and asked me with a quizzical look if I was going out tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 238

You deserved it 3 427

By Catherine - 10/06/2012 18:11 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I confronted my husband over the fact that despite me working two jobs to support us for the last three years, we're nowhere near our goal of buying a house. He actually had the brass balls to defend pissing my money down the drain on his ceramic cat collection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 588

You deserved it 5 934

By needagoodlaugh - 10/11/2016 01:58 - United States - West Linn

Today, after complaining about the clocks still being an hour ahead from daylights savings, my work finally changed the time on all the clocks in the building. Now all the clocks are two hours ahead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 763

You deserved it 851

By vbscb - 07/10/2009 10:42 - Australia

Today, I was babysitting my niece when we decided to play hide and seek. I went in the shed, and waited. After waiting a while, I went to go back inside to see what was happening. I saw my niece had locked all the doors and was eating cookies on the kitchen bench. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 921

You deserved it 39 490

By elsatheannoyed - 12/11/2014 04:34 - United States - Santa Clara

Today, like any other day since that stupid movie Frozen came out, people have been asking me if I want to build a snowman. My name is Elsa. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 044

You deserved it 4 518

Baby you can't drive my car

By Anonymous - 02/06/2021 18:01 - Australia

Today, I received a notice of a suspended driver's license on account of my epilepsy. I have to submit my license by the suspension date, or I could be fined. The suspension date was 8 days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 843

You deserved it 58

By Anonymous - 27/10/2011 19:54 - Denmark

Spicy

Today, I realized that trying to fit in with my crush's social circle by acting like one of the lads was a waste of time. All he does is high-five me all the time and tell me every little detail of his latest one night stands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 325

You deserved it 27 827

By tobuscus9412 - 22/03/2015 01:04 - Australia - Woronora

Today, my father decided it would be a good idea to give me the sex talk, at Target, at the top of his lungs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 047

You deserved it 3 326

Mystery Girl

By Anonymous - 11/03/2020 00:01

Today, I found out that my girlfriend actually broke up with me a week ago. Apparently, she thought it wasn't necessary to tell me, she just assumed I'd figure it out on my own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 825

You deserved it 150

By fuck off, eh! - 07/03/2014 21:25 - Canada - Milton

Today, my hippy nutjob of a roommate threw a bitch fit at me, all because he saw me chopping down a tree in Minecraft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 349

You deserved it 5 081

By EpicFailAtItsFinest - 13/04/2009 02:49 - United States

Today, I was working as a lifeguard. A woman began to have a seizure. Nervous, I went into shock and walked into a tree, knocking myself out. Post seizure, the woman stood up and walked away. Later, I woke up in the hospital. The ambulance had arrived to take her, but ended up taking me instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 384

You deserved it 19 465

By single - 15/12/2017 10:00 - United States - San Jose

Today, my girlfriend got paid by the richest guy in our school to go to the Winter Formal with him. She took up the offer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 148

You deserved it 491

By jodibut - 06/02/2012 16:18 - United States

Spicy

Today, I put my boyfriend's t-shirt on and took sexy pictures with nothing else but panties. I then sent him the pictures. His reply was, "Can you wash that when you're done?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 642

You deserved it 8 019

By CrimsonChin - 26/08/2017 04:30

Today, out of boredom, I decided to clean shave my beard and moustache for the first time in 3 years. My new nickname at work is The Crimson Chin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 208

You deserved it 571

Can it, now!

By Anonymous - 02/01/2021 00:01 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I learned that I've married into a family that talks to movie characters as they’re doing stuff in the movie. Good luck hearing the dialogue now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 794

You deserved it 120

By Anonymous - 30/12/2012 23:58 - United States - Denver

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me with the prettiest, most simple ring I have ever seen. I called my sister to tell her the good news, and her response was, "I know. He had me steal the ring from Claire's." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 779

You deserved it 4 028

By greatdriver...4 - 31/08/2011 11:07 - United States

Today, I tried to back out of a spot in a parking garage. I did a 12 point turn, hit the car behind me and still didn't manage to get out of the spot. Everyone was staring at me, and the attendant had to come over and move my car for me. I have to park there every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 840

You deserved it 26 660

By MB - 28/11/2011 06:30 - United States

Today, I called a friend of mine who was recently in an accident. She told me that the head trauma has caused her to lose all sense of smell and taste. To try and cheer her up, I suggested I take her out to lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 769

You deserved it 33 964

By kel - 10/02/2010 17:34 - United States

Today, in between the passing times at school, one of my classmates opened the door to my next class, so I turned to tell him thank you. Apparently, he was opening it for the teacher who was leaving. I collided with her and her very hot cup of coffee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 628

You deserved it 4 840

By baddormgirl - 19/02/2009 05:22 - United States

Today, I walked through my college dorm and a freshman was watching some overly dramatic show on her laptop. I smiled and asked if it was a new episode of 'Gossip Girl.' She was on a video chat with her boyfriend. They were about to break up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 312

You deserved it 47 644

By Anonymous - 30/08/2019 22:00

Today, I told my boyfriend about a friend-with-benefits that I had before him, and he dumped me because I’m still friends with that person, and I didn’t tell him about him right away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 909

You deserved it 2 546

By secret - 11/03/2010 05:18 - United States

Today, I found out the electric bill I have been paying was on my old house. I found this out when they shut off the power to my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 829

You deserved it 20 217

By Anon - 24/03/2012 02:42 - United States

Today, while hiking and wearing sandals, I stubbed my toe. This wouldn't have been so bad had it not been into a cactus with 3 inch thorns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 371

You deserved it 32 190

By SKG95 - 22/08/2019 16:00

Today, I had a flight to Philadelphia, but it got canceled due to bad weather. I booked another, which got delayed. After waiting for almost 12 hours at the airport, I boarded, just to have a super annoying toddler kicking my seat from behind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 655

You deserved it 120

By komp6390 - 28/02/2010 13:16 - United States

Today, my roommate and I got charged $100 for having a cat in our apartment. I was only babysitting the cat so my neighbors wouldn't get caught and fined. We got caught because my roommate reported the people downstairs for having a dog, so they reported that someone else in the building had a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 150

You deserved it 29 875

By Anonymous - 27/01/2016 16:35 - United States - Overland Park

Today, at my daughter's fundraiser, I noticed that a guy with a face only a fist could love kept staring at her. I said "Beautiful, isn't she?" Before I could tell him to keep it in his damned pants, he replied "Hah. She's my girlfriend, dude. Total beast in the sack." Complete news to me on both counts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 682

You deserved it 3 309

By i guess - 03/05/2014 00:03 - United States - Hamilton

Today, my boss told our production department that we're not allowed to be happy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 573

You deserved it 3 581

By Badabim - 30/04/2018 20:30

Today, 5 minutes before closing, a customer was taking a bike from the row while I helped someone else. The customer ended up pushing the whole row down and left instantly without even apologizing. It took me about an hour to pick up the bikes and check for damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 531

You deserved it 197

By Meh - 07/05/2019 13:00 - United States - Bothell

Today, I found out that my roommate has a good voice, because he loudly sings Korean love songs at one in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 719

You deserved it 152

By CaseyFpC85 - 11/09/2011 15:13 - United States

Today, the girl I've been dating, and starting to fall in love with, walked out of the bathroom claiming we were going to be parents. I jumped off of the couch in disbelief, yelling, "Really?" She replied, "Really. I just gave birth to a huge dump baby." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 193

You deserved it 7 904

By Gabriela - 23/11/2011 01:00

Spicy

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he farted. He blamed it on a "nearby frog." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 698

You deserved it 5 861

By agstadra - 08/12/2010 15:24 - Canada

Today, I was sitting in a parked car. A woman was having difficulties maneuvering out. She honked the horn repeatedly for me to move, then looked me in the eye and called me a "f**king bitch", before driving off. I was in the passenger seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 899

You deserved it 3 185

By holladaddy - 24/02/2009 00:04 - United States

Today, I was DJ'ing a wedding. The groom wanted a song played for his grandma and grandpa. I announce over the microphone for his grandparents to come to the dance floor for a special song. Turns out his grandparents have been dead for over a year and the song was supposed to be in dedication. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 059

You deserved it 10 329

Stuck with you

By Anonymous - 21/07/2021 04:01

Today, I sent my abusive girlfriend a text, explaining I was breaking up with her via text because I was afraid for my physical safety if I broke up with her in person. She video chatted me less than five seconds later from our doctor's office, where the doctor confirmed she is in fact pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 276

You deserved it 256

By idislikeblanks - 30/01/2013 07:03 - United States - Lathrop

Today, my 5-year-old nephew had the most amazing idea: to play a game with my keys. He took out all ten keys individually and hid them around the house. So far it's been two hours and I haven't found a single one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 797

You deserved it 4 096

Et tu, Chandler?

By Anonymous - 18/08/2019 14:00

Today, I found out that when my friends say they're too busy to hang out with me, what they really mean is that they're going to have an awesome pool party, and don't want me to come. The Instagram stories say it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 729

You deserved it 163

Cool story, tell it again

By GGimabeast - 29/07/2010 04:14 - United States

Spicy

Today, I celebrated my birthday. My mom invited a bunch of my relatives over, and they started telling funny stories of when I was a kid. My mom decided that then was an appropriate time to talk about how she caught me looking at porn the other night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 248

You deserved it 12 370

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Wednesday 18 September 2013 10:01

You think that's bad? I can't properly pronounce the name of my partner of three years, so I never say it. I think he's starting to realize...

dreamweeper370 10

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Wednesday 18 September 2013 9:59

I would have left the date after the second incident unless you played it off super cool.

Comments

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Wednesday 18 September 2013 9:56

Don't worry happens to everyone. See must have been a stunner

Pwn17 25

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Wednesday 18 September 2013 10:28

No it doesn't. And what the hell do you mean by "stunner"?

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Wednesday 18 September 2013 10:37

It means he/she's stunningly attractive.

Pwn17 25

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Wednesday 18 September 2013 10:44

I know that, but that doesn't make sense in this context. I'm guessing 1 meant stumper, now that I think about it.

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Wednesday 18 September 2013 10:55

#21, it does make sense. So stunning that you forget the persons name.

Pwn17 25

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Wednesday 18 September 2013 11:13

I guess that makes sense. Though in my case, when I find someone attractive, I can't forget their name.

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Wednesday 18 September 2013 12:10

Sometimes I forget people's names, it happens. But usually if it's a good looking girl, I don't forget.

nesscafe_fml 17

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Wednesday 18 September 2013 9:59

So the date was both deaf and blind...?

Pwn17 25

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Wednesday 18 September 2013 10:39

OP was, not the date.

nesscafe_fml 17

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Wednesday 18 September 2013 10:50

I'm not talking about the person she was with, but the date itself. Went straight over your head didnt it?

Pwn17 25

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Wednesday 18 September 2013 10:57

I just misunderstood and tried to make a simple correction. Sorry for trying to be nice.

Blackcatluck 19

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Wednesday 18 September 2013 14:23

This isn't your day I suggest you stop commenting and stay low for a while...

dreamweeper370 10

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Wednesday 18 September 2013 9:59

I would have left the date after the second incident unless you played it off super cool.

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Wednesday 18 September 2013 10:01

You think that's bad? I can't properly pronounce the name of my partner of three years, so I never say it. I think he's starting to realize...

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Wednesday 18 September 2013 11:10

How have you gone on 3 years without your partner noticing you can't say his name properly? I'm guessing you use more pet names than anyone else LOL.

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Monday 20 November 2017 4:34

I've dated people who said my name wrong an people who's names I couldn't say right (foreign) they didn't really mind.

castleofg1ass 19

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Wednesday 18 September 2013 10:01

Just refer to him as 'bro' 'man' 'dude' And when u get his number make him put his name in the contact page

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Wednesday 18 September 2013 11:21

The guy will realize that the date has forgotten his name if he's asked to save his name and number in his date's phone. OP should have admitted to her date, right away, that his name slipped her mind. OP could have made a joke that he was such a good charmer, she forgot his name (or something silly like that).

Tigerblossom 19

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Wednesday 18 September 2013 14:34

I wouldn't suggest saying bro or man. That's not something a girl should really say at a date.

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Wednesday 18 September 2013 22:47

He's blind... remember?

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Wednesday 18 September 2013 10:02

I don't see a second date in your future.

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Wednesday 18 September 2013 10:05

Just say: 'what's your name again?' And he'll be offended, but answer, and then you laugh and say: 'no silly, I meant your last name!' Or ask how to spell his name, you'll be fucked if it's something easy as Bob, but it's worth a try!

CharresBarkrey 15

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Wednesday 18 September 2013 14:06

Wasn't that an old FML? A girl on a blind date forgot his name, asked him how to spell it and it ended up being Bob. Edit. Yep, just found it. A girl was entering a guy's number in her phone and forgot his name.

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Monday 20 November 2017 4:36

No no. Then you say: B-o-b. Interesting. I met a Bob last week spelt it: Bobb. Or something similar.

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Wednesday 18 September 2013 16:22

Why yes it was!

talkomatic713 13

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Thursday 19 September 2013 1:22

How do we know OP was a girl? I thought so at first, then I remembered the song Lola by the Kinks...

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Wednesday 18 September 2013 10:05

Blind, and deaf I see.

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Wednesday 18 September 2013 10:07

trade driver license with humor to see who has a embracing picture

jerryj 27

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Wednesday 18 September 2013 19:37

While we're all giving advice to eachother - brooke, no one would complain if you uploaded a higher quality version of your profile pic. Have a nice day.

Norvi 26

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Wednesday 18 September 2013 22:32

I never realised you could have people hugging on your licence...

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Wednesday 18 September 2013 10:08

weed got you for short term memory? ;P

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I was diagnosed with a meat allergy. You can imagine the jokes my boyfriend has been thinking up since we found out I can’t "handle his meat" in my mouth anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 548

You deserved it 72

Today, a guy drove an hour and a half to get to where I live, only to literally last less than 30 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 652

You deserved it 138