Love: Today, my boyfriend ditched me, saying he had some important...

By anonymous_0505 - 06/11/2010 17:24 - Russian Federation

Today, my boyfriend ditched me, saying he had some important things to do. When I checked on him a while later, I found out what was so "important". A game called Robot Unicorn Attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 770

You deserved it 9 452

Love

This Charming Man

Thoughts and prayers

It is what it is

By Anonymous - 28/11/2015 06:57 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my spineless shitwhip of a boss made me go fire a notoriously abusive employee. I had to act like firing him was my decision, even though I'm the secretary. Now I get to live in constant fear that the guy was serious when he threatened to find out where I live and kill me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 751

You deserved it 1 683

By 43_clothespins_later - 21/11/2013 00:12 - United States - Richmond

Today, I fell asleep at my bus stop following a long day at work. I woke up to a homeless man giggling after he had clipped dozens of clothespins to my clothes, shoes, and hair in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 609

You deserved it 7 883

Classic playa move

By lifesux - 31/12/2009 17:33 - United States

Today, I had a blind date. When I arrived at our meeting place, I spotted my date, because he was the only one in the bar wearing a nametag. I walked up to him and asked, "Are you John?" He responded, "That depends. Are you Jen?" When I said yes he said, "Then no," and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 355

You deserved it 3 814

Make your mind up

By firedupasshole - 27/07/2020 05:01

Today, while taking to-go orders at my restaurant, a customer called saying he wanted his food well done. He even said, “Burn it to a crisp.” Which is what I told the kitchen. When he came to pick it up, he opened his food, inspected it and screamed, “Not this burned, you damn retard!” and threw it at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 475

You deserved it 126

By weaknesspersonified - 10/11/2015 23:25 - Austria

Today, I felt sad, useless and like I could never achieve anything. To cheer myself up, I wanted to smell some essential orange oil. I couldn't open the bottle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 319

You deserved it 3 684

By Dead Inside - 03/12/2018 07:30 - United States - Elkhart

Today, the family dog was in the garbage and wouldn't stop eating. He is a large dog, and I had to put my arms around him and pull him out of the trash can. Well, he bit me so hard I was bleeding. My whole family is siding with the dog and saying it was my fault for not letting him eat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 845

You deserved it 339

By Cooky - 14/03/2010 09:09 - United Kingdom

Today, I learnt that the people I work with dislike me so much that they have a competition to see who can accidentally hurt me the most. How did I find out? A chef poured boiling water over my hands, and another shouted "50 POINTS!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 264

You deserved it 6 713

By popeye - 25/02/2010 15:18 - United States

Today, I was trying to take the cap off a can of spray cooking oil. It was really stuck so I pulled extra hard. It flew off and I punched myself in the head. I also sprayed myself in the eye with it. The lump on my forehead and my swollen shut eye make me look like Popeye, but I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 049

You deserved it 5 332

By ohman - 28/12/2012 03:06 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, after having sex for the first time with my girlfriend, I realised I was in love with her. I noticed she had an eyelash on her breast. After tugging it a few times I realised it was actually a single black nipple hair. She was so embarrassed, she kicked me out and now won't return my calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 290

You deserved it 27 326

By Anonymous - 15/05/2013 20:21 - United States

Today, I was woken up by my drunk girlfriend calling me and saying how much she loves me. She then stopped to tell the guy she was in bed with to be quiet because I might hear him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 554

You deserved it 4 554

By ninja_blasphemer - 25/07/2011 19:24 - Ireland

Today, I went on a date with a seemingly nice guy I met online. He was drunk when I got there. Within the first 10 minutes, he had told me I was "like Hitler but with boobs", and I was "offensive to the ninja community." Then he said I just wasn't all he had hoped for and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 984

You deserved it 7 774

By Anonymous - 11/12/2010 04:59 - Canada

Today, I had to clean bathroom duties at work. Someone wrote "Merry Christmas" on the wall in their own shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 318

You deserved it 2 715

By tallesttree54 - 11/11/2016 00:38

Today my boyfriend proposed to me and I gladly accepted. The first words out of his mouth after getting off his knees were, "I own you now!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 469

You deserved it 1 346

By race - 18/11/2010 08:37 - Australia

Today, I was in a meeting and someone behind me sneezed really loudly. As they were doing so, I felt something cold land on my neck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 607

You deserved it 2 668

Birth certificate

By figures - 29/11/2009 01:53 - United States

Today, I found out I've been misspelling my middle name for 25 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 372

You deserved it 40 482

By julesmommy - 08/09/2011 05:36 - United States

Today, my husband used our last $2000 to buy himself a motorcycle. It's supposed to "save us a lot on gas money." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 892

You deserved it 3 227

By hellnooo - 15/08/2009 23:06 - United States

Today, I found out that I puke and then pass out at the sight of blood. I am a 16 year old girl expecting hundreds of periods to come. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 015

You deserved it 7 594

By Barstaff - 24/12/2009 11:20 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that I have to work Christmas Day. There's no public transport running and taxis are triple fare. It'll cost me more getting to work than I'll actually earn during the shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 724

You deserved it 2 370

By xobeachbabi428ox - 18/07/2009 22:32 - United States

Today, I used a public bathroom. I hung my purse up on the hook on the door. Two minutes later, a hand reaches over the door and steals my purse. I got robbed while taking a crap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 125

You deserved it 7 961

By Rizmo - 25/09/2016 07:11 - United States - Cedar City

Today, I found out that the loud noise outside my bedroom a few weeks ago was neighborhood kids throwing eggs at my window, landing on the AC. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 440

You deserved it 717

By Anonymous - 16/10/2015 17:12 - United States - Eagle River

Today, four days after moving into my new house, I woke up to a guy yelling "Fuck you, Claire" followed by a brick smashing through my living room window. Now I know why Claire was so eager to finalize the sale. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 242

You deserved it 1 557

By My__life___ - 21/05/2014 00:53 - United States - Chicago

Today, I found out that the built in lighter in my car does NOT in fact glow red when hot. I now have circles burned into my finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 391

You deserved it 29 135

By highschoolgrad - 08/06/2010 04:09 - United States

Today, my family and I were about to watch the video my dad took of me walking across the stage at my high school graduation. Turns out he recorded the wrong kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 147

You deserved it 3 100

By Anonymous - 29/06/2013 22:52 - United States - Lafayette

Today, I found the purse that some asshat stole from my 15-year-old sister a few days ago. I found it in my now ex-boyfriend's closet. When I confronted him, he broke up with me for "invading" his privacy and kicked me out, without the purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 201

You deserved it 3 900

By Anonymous - 25/08/2012 00:20 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, a thirty-something guy swaggered into my workplace. He was wearing shutter shades and torn jeans, and claimed to be our new boss. I called security to throw him out, at which point he produced his ID and let me know I'd be attending an employee review session next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 825

You deserved it 8 126

By Noname - 17/01/2009 13:31 - United States

Today, my boyfriend texted me, asking if I had left my underwear over at his place. No, no I didn't. They weren't mine. Awesome. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 234

You deserved it 2 097

Stolen valor

By Anonymous - 09/04/2020 08:00

Today, I was on Facebook when I saw a picture a popular girl I don't talk to had posted of her fake ID. She had used my full name and identical signature. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 748

You deserved it 105

By Anonymous - 22/05/2012 18:05 - Puerto Rico

Today, I was messing around in computer class, when somebody called my name from the hall. Trying to be smooth, I tried rolling my chair backwards out into the hall. The wheels wasted no time jamming and sending me crashing face-first into the floor in front of everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 191

You deserved it 26 939

By alek - 14/07/2011 14:17 - United States

Today, I was the waiter for my family at the village inn. This wasn't so bad until I found out they left me no tip, only a napkin that said, "Get a haircut." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 723

You deserved it 3 652

By loveade11 - 12/01/2010 19:28 - France

Today, a police officer caught my girlfriend and me having sex. The officer was my dad, and we were butt naked in his new Ford Expedition. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 684

You deserved it 35 390

By burnnnnn - 22/02/2010 01:31 - Ecuador

Today, I was walking with a friend after buying two cups of steaming hot coffee. While crossing the busiest street in town I tripped and fell, spilling the coffee all over me. My friend didn't notice I fell right in front of her and tripped over me spilling her coffee on me as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 403

You deserved it 2 801

By Anonymous - 26/12/2015 05:40 - United States - Latonia

Today, I walked in on my 13-year-old sister cutting her pubic hair with scissors. After a long talk about what on earth she was doing, she confessed to doing it so her boyfriend could find her clitoris. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 530

You deserved it 2 455

By bxjxj - 22/12/2014 18:40 - United States

Today, I asked my grandpa why he spoils me so much. He told me it's because he truly believes no one else will ever want to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 166

You deserved it 3 203

By TheStroker - 01/06/2019 06:03

Today, I was cleaning off a carrot by rubbing it up and down under the tap over the sink. My 13-year-old son comes in and says, "Mom, you could get a job doing that." I told him that a carrot cleaner wouldn't make much money. He says, "I wasn't talking about carrots." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 639

You deserved it 333

By kam3221 - 01/05/2009 04:33 - United States

Today, I got in the shower, washed my hair and shaved because I wanted to look great for a big date. I got out, brushed and dried my hair and spent an hour putting it up in the perfect hairstyle. Running late, I quickly put on my new dress, looked down and realized i had only shaved one leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 848

You deserved it 54 179

By Anonymous - 09/09/2009 04:23 - United States

Today, for the first time ever, while I was driving I ran over a squirrel. It was in front of three little girls at their lemonade stand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 612

You deserved it 5 887

Bath bomb

By Anonymous - 31/05/2021 11:01

Today, I trusted a fart in the bathtub. I really shouldn't have. It came out loose like a brown cloud, so I had to shower to wash the shit out of my pubes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 406

You deserved it 852

By Anonymous - 30/05/2009 05:07 - United States

Today, I got into my first car accident. Extremely upset, I called my parents, because it was their car and I didn't know what to do. I told them what happened, and asked if they were on their way to where I was. My dad's response was "Hell no, we're eating dinner." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 984

You deserved it 8 891

By SymmetricalPizzaFace - 07/09/2014 04:52 - United States - Westminster

Today, my hormones decided to make my pimples appear symmetrically on my face around my nose and mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 655

You deserved it 2 943

By nekogirl15 - 27/10/2011 01:38 - United States

Today, I convinced my best friend to talk to the guy I like at work to find out if he was interested in me. She came back ten minutes later, and told me he said he'd never be able to date me. Apparently, kissing me "would be like making out with Mother Teresa's corpse." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 099

You deserved it 3 801

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Top comments

atreyu2850 0

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Saturday 6 November 2010 22:52

haha, that game is PRETTY awesome. but not worth blowing off the girl that you love, i could never do that to my girlfriend. i would drop whatever i am doing in a heartbeat just to text her

musikpower100 0

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Saturday 6 November 2010 23:01

in his defense. it I the greatest game ever. and now they have robot unicorn attack metal. awesome.

howslife123 0

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Saturday 6 November 2010 22:48

lol

ortega_fml 0

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Saturday 6 November 2010 22:52

lol let him play his games. YDI for being less important.

travisrocker 0

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Saturday 6 November 2010 23:03

lolawazhere 9

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Saturday 6 November 2010 23:21

I love that game!!!!!

UnearthlyEnemy 9

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Saturday 6 November 2010 23:44

[as] ftw!!

omgpewpewlazersp 0

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Saturday 6 November 2010 23:56

that game has so much win, its ridiculous...

ActionManly 11

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Sunday 7 November 2010 1:03

Hey. Don't get between a man and his Robot Unicorn Attack.

mak3_1t_ra1n 0

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Sunday 7 November 2010 2:37

heavy metal edition?

TheRealFamilyGuy 5

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Sunday 7 November 2010 2:54

Robert unicorn attack "rua" to us in the know is a game of addiction, many have become ensnared it's awesomeness. op get your bf help fast before it's to late!!!

fakeaccountX 6

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Sunday 7 November 2010 3:06

He doesn't always wanna be with you. Or make believe with you. Or live in harmony, harmony.

EvilCupcake8361 9

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Sunday 7 November 2010 4:12

that games is soooo fun!:D

cooluc 0

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Sunday 7 November 2010 4:15

Congratulations, 69, you've won the Internet.

MissErikaHart 0

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Sunday 7 November 2010 5:02

at least he wasn't cheating on u

MnBran6 0

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Sunday 7 November 2010 5:11

Make sure you talk to him about stuff before Tuesday comes, otherwise, don't be bitchy when he ditches you for Black Ops.

PieInTheSky24 0

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Sunday 7 November 2010 6:33

what is this game? :O I vants to plays its!

HarvestTheSorrow 0

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Sunday 7 November 2010 7:10

The German Heavy Metal edition is pretty sweet... I don't blame him.

zinoxity 23

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Sunday 7 November 2010 10:41

WHAT!?! He's not a loser, that game is AWESOME!!!

TehPiGuy 0

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Sunday 7 November 2010 11:32

can't blame him; that games f*ckin brutal!

ShorTiE4LyFe 0

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Sunday 7 November 2010 14:30

69- OH YEEEEAAAAH! ;P

zakkyzebra 11

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Sunday 7 November 2010 16:36

anything is less important than that game

Hayman68 4

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Sunday 7 November 2010 17:36

97- you is win

EnaBoC 5

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Friday 12 November 2010 4:14

YDI, that game is the sh*t. How dare you try and come between him and his robot unicorn.

ipod_addict 0

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Sunday 17 April 2011 18:09

crazy stalker girlfriend...

ChemicalWarfare 0

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Saturday 6 November 2010 22:49

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

maxair14 0

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Monday 8 November 2010 5:06

that games awesome

Rawr100 0

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Tuesday 1 March 2011 10:32

dude rua is fuckin awesome

Nordrvegr 3

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Tuesday 19 July 2011 13:03

What's important to ppl will always be relative.

atreyu2850 0

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Saturday 6 November 2010 22:52

haha, that game is PRETTY awesome. but not worth blowing off the girl that you love, i could never do that to my girlfriend. i would drop whatever i am doing in a heartbeat just to text her

steelersfan78 0

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Saturday 6 November 2010 22:59

That would be because you are whipped. :)

kaprookie 3

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Saturday 6 November 2010 23:11

In Russia robot unicorn attack plays you!

ShredyBoy 0

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Saturday 6 November 2010 23:32

In the USA chuck norris plays you.

MrDanimal 0

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Saturday 6 November 2010 23:48

In Canada, we play with ourselves.

ShredyBoy 0

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Saturday 6 November 2010 23:53

In Norway, Robots play for us.

fabrizio_fml 0

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Sunday 7 November 2010 0:40

C-C-C COMBO BREAKER

EricaCookies 0

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Sunday 7 November 2010 1:04

in Britain...we drink tea.

lolpwnagelol 0

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Sunday 7 November 2010 2:46

in capitalist America, bank robs you

hunter989 0

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Sunday 7 November 2010 2:54

4 you've obviously never sat down and played Robot Unicorn Attack seriously then.

nocanhaz 4

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Sunday 7 November 2010 4:48

I f***en love Robot Unicorn Attack and I don't need to worry cause I don't have a girlfriend

Yarow12 0

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Sunday 7 November 2010 5:56

Me too! God, I kove that young woman. She have to wait if I'm playing RUA, though. And she better.

dylanando 0

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Sunday 7 November 2010 6:21

shame dick

SkateElement44 0

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Sunday 7 November 2010 8:35

I used to be like that, until it seemed that she had absolutly nothing to do besides keep me up until 5 o clock in the morning. I hate texting because of her

goodlike_fml 0

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Sunday 7 November 2010 12:43

we all agree texting girlfriend sucks hate my phone for making the sound of her texting me...even the silence mod lol.but i love her ^^

kobraiikid 0

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Thursday 8 December 2011 14:51

But its also ironic if you listen to the song

ShadyFTW1 0

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Saturday 6 November 2010 22:52

That... sounds... AWESOME!

hunter989 0

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Sunday 7 November 2010 2:58

Lol agreed.

thatonewhitegirl 0

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Sunday 8 January 2012 4:33

best game. EVAR!

GaryBusey1121 0

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Saturday 6 November 2010 22:54

Robot Unicorn Attack= Gay Gay Gay

attatood 7

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Saturday 6 November 2010 23:03

Wow, your bigoted comment really sucks dude.

attatood 7

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Saturday 6 November 2010 23:00

You CHECKED on him???? I would dump you in a heartbeat if I were him!

georggx 3

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Sunday 7 November 2010 3:07

because your probably one of those selfish little stubborn boys that don't give two shits about his girlfriend or what she's doing. i feel sorry for your girlfriend.. but then again, I wouldn't be so surprised if you haven't got one anyway....