Intimacy: Today, my boyfriend decided to name his penis "Jesus". For the...

By syl - 11/02/2010 06:18 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend decided to name his penis "Jesus". For the last two hours he's been continuously asking if I "want to be touched by Jesus" or will I "let Jesus in to spread his warmth." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 336

You deserved it 5 235

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Same thing different taste

By BDSM4Jesus - 20/01/2015 04:42 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, while trying some new kinky things with my boyfriend, he cried out, "Call me Jesus!" Yeah... I think we're done with that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 173

You deserved it 4 562

By WWJD - 01/03/2017 12:00 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend and I lustfully requested we try doggy style this time. He responded, "No, Jesus wouldn't like that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 348

You deserved it 1 607

Weird flex, but OK

By mrwilly - 02/01/2015 03:22 - United States - Corona

Today, as usual, my boyfriend referred to his penis in the third person as "Mr. Willy". Even during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 903

You deserved it 4 905

By FlyingFist - 04/12/2012 00:38 - United States

Today, I got a call from my boyfriend saying I needed to come home immediately. When I got there, he informed me that the reason I needed to rush home from work was because he wiped a booger on the wall and it was in the shape of a penis. He said it's a sign, like when people see Jesus in toast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 153

You deserved it 3 454

By CALIdime_15 - 05/05/2012 05:42 - United States

Today, I watched my boyfriend have a full on conversation with his penis. He also talks to his penis nicer than he talks to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 381

You deserved it 4 930

By INside - 02/08/2011 04:52 - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided it'd be funny to create a "place" on Facebook for my vagina. Now he "checks-in" every time we have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 085

You deserved it 10 740

By anon - 18/01/2012 18:29 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend referred to his penis as 'The Eye of Sauron'. It didn't help when he pulled down his foreskin, pointed it in my direction and said 'I see you'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 597

You deserved it 5 613

By Anonymous - 28/11/2011 03:03 - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided that vaginal, oral, and anal sex are starting to get boring. Let's just say that my armpit is now drenched in lube. I'm afraid of what he's going to want to try once he gets bored of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 365

You deserved it 10 523

Repetition

By Fuck - 25/02/2015 21:39 - United States - Fowler

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. In the middle of it, he started saying in deep voice, "Enter, exit." Over and over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 811

You deserved it 4 453

By O_O - 12/07/2013 20:15 - United States - Columbus

Today, my boyfriend insisted that I start calling him "Professor Fucktard" in the bedroom. He seems to be dead serious about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 653

You deserved it 5 828

elodea_fml 0

Thursday 11 February 2010 12:14

... he seems cool o_O

quelbaby 0

Thursday 11 February 2010 12:14

hahaha that sounds like something my bf would say as a joke lol.. I hope u took it lightly and mucked around with him bak lol

Comments

danielcho7727 20

Saturday 22 August 2015 4:01

That is so wrong....

Adamjohn82 19

Friday 22 January 2016 17:53

He's just wants you to experience the second cumming

jairolover 25

Thursday 28 July 2016 9:14

straight to hell!

taintedtruffle 42

Thursday 9 November 2017 5:17

I love your boyfriend

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Today, my boyfriend got mad at me and told me to untag him in a picture I posted of us on Facebook. Apparently his girl best friend saw the photo and got upset with him because he never told her about our relationship. She’s no longer speaking to him and he blames me. We’ve been dating for 7 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 646

You deserved it 113

Today, I was dating someone who completely believed cyborgs killed his family, although they are very much alive. He also faked having relationships a couple of times, and last but not least he pretended to be someone else he was stalking in real life for 3 years. I only found this out after I broke up with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 853

You deserved it 140

Today, I was in a public restroom when the girl in the stall next to me started asking me how I was doing. Thinking it was weird but not wanting to be rude, I answered her questions. Halfway though our conversation she said: "Hold on, the girl in the stall next to me thinks I'm talking to her." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 147

You deserved it 15 722

Today, I was walking my Aunt's dog to the park and I grabbed a few doggy bags to pick up the poop. As it turns out the bag had a small unoticable hole in it, that grew bigger as I fit my hand through it. I ended up using my hand to pick up the poop and didnt realize it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 186

You deserved it 12 745

Today, I was at a Chinese restaurant, I'd forgotten my glasses and had a migraine. I was straining my eyes, squinting and rubbing my temples to alleviate my migraine. I was kicked out of the restaurant and banned henceforth because my waitress thought I was mocking her eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85 502

You deserved it 10 685

Today, and after my divorce finalised, I ended up falling in love with a 28 year-old woman, meaning that she's 16 years younger than I am. I knew I might be judged for it but man, I was not prepared for the levels of abuse I’d receive from my family, and even strangers, who see us holding hands in public and feel the need to make cruel comments. FML

I agree, your life sucks 502

You deserved it 310

Same thing different taste

Weird flex, but OK

Repetition

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