By RescuePups - United States - Waterford

Sneaky Bitch

Today, my 8-week-old foster puppy pooped on my backpack as I was getting ready to go to work. In the 10 seconds it took to grab cleaning supplies, another foster dog ate my homemade breakfast sandwich off the counter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3224

You deserved it

764

Favorite

Work

Animals

Proactive

In the zone

Bad timing

By Anonymous - United States - Great Falls

Today, I walked into the bathroom only to see my boyfriend sitting on the floor eating ice cream, crying. I'd say I was shocked, but this isn't the first time it's happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37869

You deserved it

6648

Favorite

By BirthdayBoy - United States

Today, I invited over my girlfriend of two years to spend my birthday night with her. Instead of a conventional wrapped birthday present, she gave me the news that she has taken a vow of chastity. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39829

You deserved it

7278

Favorite

By annoyed - Netherlands - Maastricht

Today, I sent my boyfriend a sweet text message, since he recently complained that I'm rarely romantic. Instead of being happy, he decided that since it's so out of character for me, I must be cheating on him and must have only sent it out of guilt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12812

You deserved it

1387

Favorite

By dont_shit_where_i_eat

Today, during the few free minutes I had while rushing between meetings, I grabbed a plain slice of pizza to go. I stepped outside, ready to eat and walk, when a friendly pigeon flew overhead and added a "free topping" to my slice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3645

You deserved it

255

Favorite

By TheMysteriousTsundere

Today, my dad threw out all my food because a fly landed on a loaf of bread still in its package. He claims the bread and everything else that touched it is "contaminated". That was all the food I had for the rest of the month. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2777

You deserved it

145

Favorite

By Aerostar - United States

Today, we had our divorce hearing and now it is final. As we were leaving the courthouse, I told my ex-wife how happy I was that we were finally free from each other. Then my junky old van wouldn't start and I had to beg her for a ride home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16159

You deserved it

69375

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got to drop off my boyfriend at his newest place of residence: jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23135

You deserved it

5129

Favorite

By bumpyroad - Australia

Today, my husband and I were diagnosed with herpes. We've been together for five years and were both virgins before. Even the doctor couldn't give any other explanation. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55310

You deserved it

7611

Favorite

By splooge - United States

Today, I was in bed next to the boy I loved, he had just came and passed out immediately afterwards. I reached over to look at my phone but grabbed his instead and saw a text message from his ex-girlfriend that read "I love you too." FML

I agree, your life sucks

51227

You deserved it

4040

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I was asleep in my back garden and woke up when a bird landed on my hat and took a big shit right in my open mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2838

You deserved it

436

Favorite

By shibs - Australia - Hurstville

Today, I spent the only money I had left for lunch only to take two bites before a seagull snatched my burger from my hands. I had to shamefully start walking back to work with a pair of girls laughing at me and an empty stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23186

You deserved it

1828

Favorite

By shouldhavestayedinbed - United Kingdom

Today, my doorbell rang while I was still in bed. I leapt out and immediately got a severe cramp in one leg, then, staggering around trying to throw some clothes on, I scraped the other leg badly enough to draw blood. When I got to the door there was nobody there, just a parcel on the doorstep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13189

You deserved it

1991

Favorite

By still laughing - United States - Providence

Today, I was going down on my boyfriend when he stood up on the bed to get a different experience. I started to get aggressive and pushed him up against the wall. I forgot our bed was on wheels and the bed started sliding away and his body slid down the wall. So much for being sexy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25299

You deserved it

5001

Favorite

By OuttaNowhere81 - United States

Today, I was smoking a cigarette in my backyard while my parents were out, because I'm not allowed to smoke. While smoking, my parents came home unexpectedly. In a rush, I flicked it over the fence, and it landed in my neighbor's hair. It was still lit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10552

You deserved it

73380

Favorite

By Allie

Today, right after I finished writing a very important paper and saved it to my hard drive, my barely 2-year-old Macbook decided to completely stop functioning. I went to the Apple store and even they can't get it to turn on. That's $1500 down the drain along with my grade. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2712

You deserved it

432

Favorite

By Powerless - Australia

Today, I had a planned 12-hour power cut for maintenance work, which I'd forgot all about. In need of a shower before work, I spent 45 minutes boiling pots of water on the stove to take a lukewarm, 6-inch deep bath, before realizing my water heater runs on natural gas and was working fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9009

You deserved it

29595

Favorite

By GonnaLockUpMySpices - United States - San Francisco

Today, my roommate broke into my spice cabinet so he could get high off of my nutmeg. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22837

You deserved it

1814

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Newport

Today, I happily announced that I'm getting married. My dad immediately shot back, "And I'm getting E.D., who gives a damn?" Just when I thought he was joking, he muttered that "the bitch" will take everything in our divorce. Moment ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39242

You deserved it

3345

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I ran into my shitlord of an ex at the store. He took one look at me, yelled "You cheating bitch!" in a wounded voice, then walked away, fake-crying. I got so many dirty looks. The worst part is that I dumped him last month for cheating on me with my "best friend." FML

I agree, your life sucks

55649

You deserved it

3757

Favorite

By Tabby - United Kingdom

Today, I had to tell my teenage son that no, his knowledge of the English language was not passed down to him genetically. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28474

You deserved it

3829

Favorite

By Anonymous - India

Today, while studying in India, I was peacefully journaling, reflecting and enjoying the beautiful landscape. And then a monkey threw its poo at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33161

You deserved it

5368

Favorite

By tonedef - United States

Today, after spending weeks working on a song that meant a lot to me, I reluctantly posted it online. The "friend" who'd convinced me to post it, commented, "This is the worst shit I've ever heard." He got 30 likes, along with a barrage of agreeing, equally terrible comments. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48154

You deserved it

5689

Favorite

By notacreep - United States

Today, I was at the mall with my girlfriend's family. Her 7 year old brother told me he was feeling sad, so I tried to give him a pat on the back, but it turns out he had a bruise there. He yelled out "don't touch me there!" In the middle of the mall. Now her parents think I'm a pedophile. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52064

You deserved it

4045

Favorite

By ConstantChoas

Today, I found out the procedure manual I've been creating for months and finally finished is going to be used to train the person replacing me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2105

You deserved it

128

Favorite

By shitty situation - Canada - Toronto

Today, my boyfriend came over for a family brunch, during which he told my mother, in vivid detail, how he gets the shits whenever he eats kale chips. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25898

You deserved it

2959

Favorite

By bb - United States - Hillsborough

Today, after having tried for months to get a promotion at work, I finally had an interview for a higher position. Everything went great, and I was told I would get a call next week for my second interview. I went back to my desk, only to get an email stating they're canceling the position. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22713

You deserved it

1588

Favorite

By Palf - Germany

Today, I realised that my flight back from Berlin was actually booked for the 29th of September instead of August. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14456

You deserved it

27052

Favorite

By PillPopperApparently

Today, after constantly shaming me for my ADHD and anti-anxiety pills, my family finally convinced me to drop $250 on their trusted psychiatrist friend because they thought he’d talk me out of taking them. He recommended higher doses of everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2542

You deserved it

152

Favorite

By sadlife

Today, I changed my Facebook relationship status to "In a relationship". The girl is made up and the picture is from Google. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13501

You deserved it

58773

Favorite

By Anonymous - Finland

Today, I was babysitting a kid for the first time. She asked if she could watch a movie, so I downloaded Cinderella for her. An hour later, this 10-year-old girl was lecturing me about unrealistic standards of beauty and abusive relationships, and how I suck for liking the movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49963

You deserved it

8725

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Gainesboro

Today, I was making love to my boyfriend. In the heat of the moment, I said his name. He immediately stopped, gave me a deadly serious look and said "Huh? What?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

38070

You deserved it

4878

Favorite

By anonymous - United States

Today, I won the lottery. My ex-girlfriend has the ticket. I just broke up with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54698

You deserved it

28322

Favorite

By Maruska28

Today, we bought our first home after months of searching and years of saving. It's directly in the path of Hurricane Irma and may be destroyed before we even get the chance to move in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4843

You deserved it

394

Favorite

By abnormallyadam - Australia - Footscray

Today, I found out that the guy I've been crushing on for months is actually 15 years old. I'm 22. Not only is it gross, but it's also illegal. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22843

You deserved it

4765

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I found out I'm allergic to mosquito repellent. I fly out on a two month trip to India on Saturday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24514

You deserved it

2269

Favorite

By sigh... - United States

Today, after several hours of trying to get my triplet daughters to go to bed, they finally fell asleep. Exhausted, I went to the bathroom so I could go to bed. Not thinking about it, I dropped the toilet seat down rather loudly and flushed the toilet. All three girls woke up crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34522

You deserved it

27440

Favorite

By ScarletBuckeye

Today, I didn't want to get sand in my shoes. So I walked down to the beach barefoot. The sand was so hot that it burned the soles of my feet. I now have blisters across the bottom of my feet and between my toes. But at least there's no sand in my shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10414

You deserved it

4916

Favorite

By kingkobrastrikes - United States

Today, I was asleep and snored so loud that I woke myself up. I was at work and I am now the laughing stock of the office. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22466

You deserved it

20457

Favorite

By chawlay - United States

Today, I had to sift through hundreds of pages of legal documents. They were all written in Comic Sans font. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38774

You deserved it

4599

Favorite

By ulisha5 - Bulgaria - Burgas

Today, my son told his 8-year-old sister that since she swallowed an apple seed, that a tree is going to grow in her stomach and kill her. She's inconsolable and won't believe that she'll be fine, because "they say that to all the dying people on TV". FML

I agree, your life sucks

48476

You deserved it

4336

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Lobby_Bee | 17

#7628865 - Monday 30 April 2018 15:51

You fell for the old bait and switch trick. Silly human.

By LAUGHINGKOMODO | 25

#7628867 - Monday 30 April 2018 15:55

I think they both knew very well what they were doing lol. You just got outsmarted by two dogs.

COMMENTS

By _ali__cat_ | 14

#7628855 - Monday 30 April 2018 15:09

is this actually the plot to hotel for dogs?

By John Nemeth | 14

#7628857 - Monday 30 April 2018 15:16

That’s teamwork right there.

By Ishvah | 15

#7628860 - Monday 30 April 2018 15:22

let the shit storm begin.

By Lobby_Bee | 17

#7628865 - Monday 30 April 2018 15:51

You fell for the old bait and switch trick. Silly human.

By CrazyTrainWreck | 19

#7628866 - Monday 30 April 2018 15:54

One ate your biscuit, the other gave you a fresh biscuit.

By LAUGHINGKOMODO | 25

#7628867 - Monday 30 April 2018 15:55

I think they both knew very well what they were doing lol. You just got outsmarted by two dogs.

By RichardPencil | 28

#7628871 - Monday 30 April 2018 16:28

I’m sure the sandwich would’ve gone well with the dog pee you drank at 5 am.

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7628874 - Monday 30 April 2018 16:42

This was a team effort. One was to provide a distraction while the other ate the sandwich.

By Donut_Wizard | 23

#7628886 - Monday 30 April 2018 17:52

And that’s when the third dog completed your homework.

By mekiswrite | 19

#7628946 - Monday 30 April 2018 20:16

At least it wasn't your homework.