Love: Today, my boyfriend convinced a girl at the club to break up... - FML

By therealkathl - 05/03/2015 13:32 - Austria

Today, my boyfriend convinced a girl at the club to break up with her boyfriend and go home with him. She did. Now I'm single too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 192

You deserved it 3 408

Batman

Beggars can be choosers

I'm not that old!

By Anonymous - 20/09/2009 05:18 - United States

Today, my grandma wasn't feeling well, so I went to her house to check on her. After about 20 mins, I knew she was feeling better when she looked at me and said "So do you have a boyfriend yet? I pray everynight that I get to live long enough to see you with a boyfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 254

You deserved it 4 041

By SatelliteUser - 03/12/2009 20:13 - United States

Today, I called my wife to tell her I finally found a job after 6 months. A man answered the phone claiming to be the cable guy. We cut our cable off when I was laid off 6 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 712

You deserved it 2 577

Facebook drama

By Anonymous - 05/03/2011 18:20 - United States

Today, due to my lagging browser, I accidentally "liked" a status my friend made about the deterioration of her relationship. Then, the computer froze, making it impossible to "unlike" it immediately. My friend won't accept that it was a mistake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 981

You deserved it 5 726

By HM - 06/04/2011 17:28 - Germany

Today, I found out that my entire class, me included, has to rewrite the painfully difficult midterm we wrote last week. All this because the Professor left the exams strewn across her desk. The cleaners thought it was trash and disposed of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 705

You deserved it 3 565

By purpleivy - 06/09/2011 18:53 - United States

Today, after a conference with my teacher who had previously accused me of not doing my homework, she finally discovered she'd been losing it all this time. I've been getting straight Fs for a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 621

You deserved it 2 412

By Anonymous - 03/09/2015 01:33 - United States - Hayward

Today, the priest at my wedding farted. Everyone thought it was me. The guests, my bride, even the priest himself looked at me in disgust before continuing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 685

You deserved it 1 737

By auscop - 17/09/2009 10:57 - Australia

Today, I pulled someone over for speeding. He was only 10 over the speed limit so I gave him an $84 fine. It turns out he is a workplace Occupational Health and Safety officer and because I wasn't wearing my high visibilty vest while standing on the side of the road he gave me a $250 fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 624

You deserved it 85 834

By Anonymous - 07/01/2013 11:11 - Australia - Hurstville

Today, an intoxicated gentleman stumbled into my shop requesting alcohol, which I do not sell. When I informed him of this, he expressed his disappointment by urinating on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 284

You deserved it 2 245

By Anonymous - 10/08/2013 19:28 - United States - Winston Salem

Today, I took my driving test. As I was about to turn at a green light, a car sped toward us from the other direction, running a red light. My instructor failed me because I stopped to avoid getting rammed. Apparently I should have kept going, because it was my right of way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 476

You deserved it 3 610

By Anonymous - 02/10/2015 16:48 - United Kingdom - Norwich

Today, I found a baby squirrel on the pavement and thought I'd try and rescue it. While I googled what to do, it started running around. I tried to grab it, but it ran straight into the path of a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 363

You deserved it 4 026

By Anonymous - 19/05/2012 23:20 - Sri Lanka - Piliyandala

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He said it was because my mom's lazy eye creeps him out, and that my dad hates him. She doesn't have a lazy eye, he's never met my dad, never seen my mom, and now according to his friends, he's been cheating on me for the past two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 990

You deserved it 2 534

By sa la vash - 14/03/2015 08:22 - Netherlands

Spicy

Today, what my friends call my "resting bitch face" freaked my boyfriend out enough during sex that he went soft inside me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 177

You deserved it 8 241

By jeanrose2013 - 23/10/2012 22:12 - United States - Jonesboro

Today, I was walking with my boyfriend when a guy walked up to me and told me I look exactly like Taylor Swift. My boyfriend punched him in the face and told him that Taylor Swift is a lot more attractive. I'm actually considering leaving him for the complete stranger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 255

You deserved it 3 181

By raerae - 24/04/2009 07:25 - Germany

Today, I received my camera in the mail that my mom sent from home since I forgot it when I moved to Italy. It was wrapped in 4 layers of bubble wrap and packed in foam peanuts to keep it from getting broken. As I was removing the last layer of bubble wrap I dropped it, breaking the screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 793

You deserved it 48 211

By Anonymous - 01/06/2010 16:43 - United States

Today, I finally convinced my son to use the potty. Later, he saw a show on TV about a toilet monster. Now he's too scared to even step foot into the bathroom. Here's to another few months of diaper changes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 895

You deserved it 4 483

By eun - 09/04/2009 01:42 - Canada

Today, at lunch I was running to my group's table with my friend. She accidentally tripped me, and I slid across the café floor face first on my belly. The whole cafeteria was silent. They then broke out in hysterics when the head janitor ran up to me and yelled 'SAFE!' like a baseball umpire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 141

You deserved it 12 393

Send virtual hugs

By Anonymous - 02/09/2020 02:01

Today, I'm jealous of people who get to hug. My mom has banned hugs in the house because of COVID-19, and the only person I've hugged in the last 6 months is my boyfriend. He's been away for work for the past month and a half. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 309

You deserved it 380

Can't let the big man upstairs wait

By Sirsriracha - 21/10/2021 14:01

Today, I posted bail for my mom from jail. She did a hit and run, and then resisted arrest. When I asked why she didn’t stay at the scene, she unapologetically said, “I was gonna be late to church.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 904

You deserved it 99

Confusion

By oh god. - 14/05/2014 23:16 - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, while at work, I asked an older customer how he was doing. He told me that he'd just lost his wife. I gave my condolences before he clarified that his wife was not dead, but was lost in Walmart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 204

You deserved it 7 092

By HumanNature - 01/02/2009 00:01 - Canada

Today, I was waiting after work in a parking lot for my ride and was dancing a little to keep warm. Next thing I know the cops pull up to me and said that someone called in to report someone dancing in an empty parking lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 962

You deserved it 3 163

By megmo7 - 04/10/2010 08:24 - United States

Today, my roommate who stays out til 4 or 5 in the morning each night got her key to the dorm fixed. I've been having to stay up nightly to let her in (my normal bedtime being 12:00) How'd they fix it? Turns out it was never broken she was just putting the key in the slot wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 371

You deserved it 4 446

By Anon - 11/09/2016 07:27 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I really haven't been feeling well. Even thought I felt like complete shit, my friends dragged me out to a club. When I got there, I ran into the bathroom and started simultaneously shitting and puking. If I stopped one, the other got worse. I was stuck there for an hour and a half. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 137

You deserved it 1 678

By Teddy Bear - 12/01/2019 16:00

Today, while working in a kids' shop, I absent-mindedly called a small person with his mum a little man. I then hear a deep man's voice say "I'm not a little man." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 104

You deserved it 545

When it rains, it pours.

By BadKarma - 28/08/2018 07:00 - United States - Douglas

Today, my washing machine, dryer, vacuum cleaner, and laptop all stopped working. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 254

You deserved it 146

By C0r1nn3 - 07/06/2012 04:02 - United States - Santa Clara

Spicy

Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend in bed after a round of amazing sex. He decided it would be a great time to stick his finger up my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 685

You deserved it 5 037

By Anonymous - 09/02/2011 15:01 - United States

Spicy

Today, my mother got me to guess who she spent the night with. I then find out it was the gas station guy. The same creep that I've been complaining about because he hits on me every time I go get gas. Good pick Mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 799

You deserved it 3 336

Not now

By Anonymous - 06/03/2017 04:00

Today, our cat died. My husband and I had a touching bonding moment together. Our relationship has been strained for months, and I thought this could bring us closer. He decided to bring up politics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 899

You deserved it 577

By her0x3her0ine617 - 09/12/2009 18:12 - United States

Today, I received my camera in the mail. I had sent it back to the company because it wouldn't turn on. As I was reading the note they put in, it said, "Battery was put in backwards. No other problems found." FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 206

You deserved it 46 767

By Dale - 21/02/2009 02:20 - Costa Rica

Today, I got to Costa Rica for my first vacation in five years. I immediately rented a scooter for the week after checking into my prepaid, no refunds, hotel. On the way back from the rental agency I hit a pothole and broke my leg and ripped the skin off my foot. I'm flying home tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 426

You deserved it 4 150

By Anonymous - 30/04/2016 01:09 - United States - Saint Petersburg

Today, I gave my boss a report I wrote on my own time, full of suggestions on how to increase productivity and profits at our company. He said my ideas made "about as much sense as pistol-whipping a ghost" and that I was impressing no-one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 962

You deserved it 2 441

By FMLFMLFMLFML - 29/05/2009 17:52 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had sex with a new guy. After we were done, he noticed my lighter on my nightstand and said "I've always wanted to try that!" He put the lighter by his butt and fart into it, producing a flame. After, when he left, I sat there, naked, mortified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 053

You deserved it 14 834

By screaming monkey - 04/04/2012 10:13 - United Kingdom - Whitton

Today, I'm recovering from colon surgery. They gave me codeine as pain relief, which has made me constipated. I'm currently sat on the toilet, trying to push out what feels like a small child wrapped in barbed wire out without busting my stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 234

You deserved it 2 093

By Anonymous - 14/04/2012 05:41 - United States - Garden Grove

Today, my boss fired me because he wants to start dating my mother and apparently doesn't want it to be "awkward." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 138

You deserved it 1 884

By Anonymous - 11/01/2011 06:38 - United States

Today, I discovered that just because I got my braces removed does not mean my painful mouth ulcers will stop. I now have them under my tongue. I can't even lick my lips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 308

You deserved it 2 618

By zuper_duper - 29/08/2009 22:20 - United States

Today, after six months of dating, my girlfriend decided to break up with me because my "obsession" of being on the computer and playing games all the time was cutting into "our time". She then told me to "get a life" and never wanted to see me again. She told me all of this on WoW. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 083

You deserved it 52 683

By ish0rty - 14/11/2011 08:42 - United States

Today, my social-awkwardness is so bad, I was actually proud of myself for managing to ask someone a question. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 977

You deserved it 4 974

By Anonymous - 26/04/2017 04:00

Today, after not showering with my boyfriend in 3 months, he called me in to the bathroom and asked me to shower with him. After getting excited and ripping my clothes off, I get in and he asks me to wash his hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 625

You deserved it 859

By Noname - 12/03/2009 00:09 - United States

Today, I was studying for a final when I noticed all I had was a blue highlighter. I decided to drive to the store to get a yellow one. On the way there, I got $200 worth of traffic tickets for not stopping at a stop sign. I basically spent $200 because I prefer yellow highlighters over blue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 489

You deserved it 109 981

Mint taste

By jeffcarp - 17/12/2019 14:00 - Italy - Cesenatico

Today, my wife stopped mid blowjob because it tasted too clean, like my mint shower gel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 764

You deserved it 253

Heat of the moment

By SkyDiver - 20/05/2011 07:46

Today, I tore up my airborne academy admission documents because my lab results weren't good enough. A few hours later, they called me to apologize for the misunderstanding, mine turned out to be perfect and they'd accepted me. They need me tomorrow with all the documents to finalize the admission. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 181

You deserved it 42 697

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Thursday 5 March 2015 17:48

And that's a bad thing how? Thank God you dodged that one. Let them go. They deserve each other.

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Thursday 5 March 2015 17:48

"Them hoes aint loyal..."

Comments

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Thursday 5 March 2015 17:48

"Them hoes aint loyal..."

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Thursday 5 March 2015 19:31

'when a drunk patron wants you'

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Thursday 5 March 2015 17:48

And that's a bad thing how? Thank God you dodged that one. Let them go. They deserve each other.

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Thursday 5 March 2015 18:44

Agreed. Any guy who would do that is pathetic and undeserving of someone loyal.

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Thursday 5 March 2015 19:57

@21 Right? He ended two relationships in one night.

VeganVampyre 26

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Thursday 5 March 2015 23:23

And luckily he's no longer with someone loyal. Any girl who would dump her boyfriend on the say so of some random stranger deserves to be with this jerk. And OP and the guy who got dumped both dodged a bullet.

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Thursday 5 March 2015 17:48

I'm sorry to hear that but maybe it wasn't meant for y'all. And he probably won't ever have anything serious. So really it's his loss

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Thursday 5 March 2015 22:48

yes, he doesn't deserve the title 'boyfriend' sorry OP but you are better off

blondeamazonian 18

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Thursday 5 March 2015 17:49

Well, it's totally awful to be dumped OP, but you learned something very important about him as a person on this one...

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Thursday 5 March 2015 17:49

op dodged a bullet.

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Thursday 5 March 2015 17:51

Sorry OP. He sounds like an awfull person. Kick his ass.

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Thursday 5 March 2015 17:52

well that shows what kind of an asshole he is. You just rid yourself of the thousands of headaches this guy would have given you if he already wasn't.

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Thursday 5 March 2015 17:53

Am I the only one that's kind of impressed?! I mean he's still an asshole, but one with a lot of game!

xChaos 29

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Thursday 5 March 2015 19:03

No he's just an asshole.

jerryj 27

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Thursday 5 March 2015 20:39

You might want to pick your role models a bit more wisely, #9.

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Friday 6 March 2015 6:23

Haha really? I knew this site was to be judgmental, but not blindly judgmental... @ 44- I never said he was my role model. I said that I was impressed with his ability to pick up girls. Also, I said he was an asshole. Unlike, most people here I can judge people on their personality and skills, separately. Do you ever dislike someone with an unbearable personality, who excels at school or a particular sport? Yes? Well, guess what!? Their personality doesn't affect their skills. If you wanted to get good grades, I would study the way the obnoxious smart kid does. If I wanted to be good at football, I would practice just like the jock who makes fun of people that don't do sports does. If I wanted to pick up a girl (who's SINGLE) at the club, I would try whatever this dude did. I don't have to like them to recognize they're good at something. So, I guess the thumbs downs mean that 23 people are better at picks up then him...since that's what I asked.

garrett_8614 14

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Friday 6 March 2015 8:02

I had the same reaction. What a jerk, but I mean come on, how many guys can pull that off?

badgercheese94 16

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Friday 6 March 2015 8:15

#68, who cares? It is despicable. I am more impressed by respectful and romantic guys than dime a dozen players, also, saying stuff like that will not help OP feel better about her situation.

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Friday 6 March 2015 8:50

@69- Apparently the girl at the club?! And we all agree that is despicable and he's a jerk. We were just saying that it was also hard to pull off. Sorry, for not comforting OP but I did push the FYL...if it counts?

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Thursday 5 March 2015 17:56

go for the other guy!

Darkness_Hate 29

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Thursday 5 March 2015 17:58

Don't be sad, be glad that a guy like that broke up with you. You'll find better.

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13

You deserved it 9

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 16

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out I’m going to be a father, twice over, with two different women. Sisters, in fact. Only one of those sisters is my wife. Should I flee abroad, or walk calmly towards the firing squad straight away? FML

I agree, your life sucks 102

You deserved it 2 001

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 851

You deserved it 190