Today, my boyfriend called me while I was at work. He sounded very excited and told me he had a surprise for me. He doesn't usually do this kind of thing, so I was excited. When I came home, I found him naked, with "Bone Appetite" written right above his penis. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I wanted to surprise my boyfriend by bringing him some dinner. He made the same noise unwrapping the burger that he does when he sees me naked. I'm not sure if that's a good or a bad thing. FML
Today, I had two surprises for my boyfriend who was at work. One was a dessert and the other was sexy lingerie. He chose the dessert. Then told me I was an idiot. FML
Today, I walked in on my husband in our room completely naked. At first I thought he was waiting for me so we could have sex. He hadn't seen me yet, so I started to undress too to surprise him. Then I saw that he had drawn a face on his penis and he was talking to it. FML
Today, I surprised my boyfriend with lunch at work. He surprised me too, when I caught him making out with one of his coworkers. FML
Today, I went to my boyfriend's work to surprise him. When I got there, I called him on his phone to tell him to turn around. I saw him look at his phone. His co-worker next to him asked who that was. He replied, "Just this fat chick I know." FML
Today, I was really excited to fuck my boyfriend when I got home from work. When I got home, I found him excited and… fucking someone from work. FML
Today, it was my boyfriend's birthday, and I thought I'd surprise him after work by wearing nothing but a smile on his bed. As I heard someone come in, I had a huge smile on my face. Turns out it was his dad and all his friends. FML
Today, my boyfriend got back from a long wrestling tournament. As a nice surprise, I decided to give him a little show over FaceTime. As soon as I stripped down into my bra and underwear, he paused the screen and started surfing the internet for new shoes. FML
Today, I crawled into bed, naked, wanting to get some, and hoping to surprise my boyfriend who's always complaining that I don't sleep naked. When he finally got into bed he rolled over, touched my bare ass, and said "Oh…" then rolled back over and went to sleep. FML
Today, my fiancé texted me, saying he'd been masturbating to pictures of me. I told him that I couldn't wait to get home and take care of him. He replied, "Nah, don't bother, I got this." Now I'm horny and sad. FML
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Top comments
TripleATeam 13
The best part of this was OP's name.
Stephanoze 23
At least he has a great sense of humour! :)
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Comments (118)
Jdlove2 20
I would say thanks for preparing this for me: then bite him c;
NthDakotaBeaches 12
That's horrible
Dick_diamond 22
You can't even joke about that..ouch!!
Timmip12 9
That escalated quickly
ninjaassassinguy 17
That must have been a hard situation to get out of
solarsanteria 15
lol he's trying XD at least he wants you OP
el_vandragon 4
Why is that a bad thing
Sammeydw 22
It is a bad thing because some women enjoy being eaten, but are disgusted at the idea of eating their boyfriend / husband. So it was wrong for her boyfriend to assume she would want him that way. Especially if she had already told him what she likes and doesn't like.
BlameTheOwls 14
Because he said it was a surprise for her, when really it's more of a treat for him.
Invictus_Anima 5
#23 Wow, you really read far into this, didn't you?
Bibblejomin 18
#25 - Right, because only men enjoy sex
leogachi 15
#52 The situation implies that he wanted a ********, not that he wanted to have sex. The bad pun he made should have made that clear.
LalaDee561 8
Technically it was a surprise for her since I bet she wasn't expecting that. She was surprised for sure.
hailzz_96 18
Hah I love the bone pun
snipesrock 9
that's not an fml. be glad your boyfriend has a sense if humor and isn't a tool.
CommentKing207 23
Why come to FML? That's funny, not fucky.
lennon_ 16
oh the puns of life.
Miss_Mandi 29
That sounds like something my man would do -_- It's good humor though, OP! Appreciate it
suznmar 16
Tomorrow write "all you can eat" above yours :D