Love: Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. How you may ask? He used... - FML

By internetloser - United States - Kewaskum

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. How you may ask? He used the adult swim "we should see other people" commercial. FML

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Last dates

Thanks, I'm cured!

Our House

By Anonymous - United States - Cape Coral

Today, I got fired from my job. Why? Apparently taking 10 minutes to take a shit is too long for some people. FML

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By Username

Today, I lost my virginity, I think. Does it still count if she left halfway through, laughing? FML

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By upsetandannoyed - United States

Today, my friend set me up with a cute guy who is very germaphobic. So, I spent 4 hours cleaning my apartment. 2 minutes into the date, I sneezed. He politely told me he wasn't feeling well and left. FML

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By Anonymous - Sweden - G?teborg

Today, I was listening to some Michael Jackson through my earphones when I saw this really cute girl. Trying to impress, I aproached her while doing some dance moves, not thinking about how unbelievably stupid it must have looked without the music. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/10/2020 20:01 - Germany - Hörth

No justice

Today, my ex-boss still owes me almost 900€. I just paid another 150€ to have a lawyer tell me that, yes, the law is clearly on my side but no, I will most likely not win in court because I don't have hard proof. I just paid money to be told I won't be getting the money I'm owed. FML

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By elipses - Canada

Today, I got a report telling me how I had handled a mystery shopper at work. In this report I found out that instead of saying "Thank you" I had said "Have a nice day, take care." This kept me from getting my $150 bonus. FML

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By meagainsttheworld - United States

Today, while filling out some medical forms, I was asked for an emergency contact. I realized I didn't have anyone who would actually care enough to be my contact. FML

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By turtle - United States

Today, I saw a turtle on the road so I swerved, and hit a tree. The people behind me then hit the turtle. FML

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By llord - United States

Today, I found out that my engagement ring was actually my husband's ex-fiancée's. FML

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By anonix - Canada

Today, a customer came in with a laptop smashed beyond repair. She asked if we could recover her files, but thanks to my idiot boss' new store policy I had to ask her a bunch of questions, including if she had tried "turning it on and off". She stared at me, speechless, like I was a complete moron. FML

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By Chihuahuanope - United States - Lincoln

An Expensive Snack

Today, my girlfriend's 2lb chihuahua ate 500 dollars worth of textbook. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Spring Grove

Today, an extremely hot police officer reprimanded me. It was pretty awkward considering she stopped me because of public urination. FML

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By goldengirl - Australia

Today, my doctor asked for a urine sample. It's the first time I've tried to cup my own pee. Despite the fact that I'm a woman, I managed to aim wrong, and sprayed the floor, hit the door and my handbag with my own pee. FML

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By Yudith

Potholes

Today, I ran to catch the night bus which passes every hour, when it unexpectedly passed its stop and turned right. I ran faster, only to trip on a roadwork sign and scrape both knees on the half-rebuilt road, ruining my new yoga pants in the process. FML

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By marriageblows - United States

Today, I had the day off from work. I did all the chores hoping to free up time to spend with my husband tonight. When he came home, he looked around and decided that since there was no need for him to stick around and help clean, he'd head to the bar to watch the game with the guys. FML

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By Anonymous

Protip

Today, my endometriosis has reached stage 4 and has spread to many organs, including my colon. My constipation got so bad that my Apple Watch told me it was time to stand up. FML

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By happybirthday - United Kingdom

Today, it's my birthday. My girlfriend gave me a Paul Frank t-shirt. It says "I'm single." FML

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By davidthegreat - Japan

Today, I had to come to terms with the fact that I'm getting older because my pubic hair is turning white. FML

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By NaKreen - Sweden - Bor

Today, I was at a barbecue with my extended family. I was chatting to my grandma, when my idiotic brother decided to douse the grill with his cola. The hissing sounded so much like a Minecraft creeper that I instinctively screamed and practically shat my pants. FML

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By Username

Today, I asked a girl I liked what she was doing tomorrow night. She replied, "Cleaning, so nothing really." I then asked her out to dinner. She declined. FML

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By 94lbs of muscle

Today, my teacher was talking about anorexia and bulimia. Midway through the lesson, she stopped and knowingly asked if I wanted to share my experiences with the class. I don't have an eating disorder, just a screwed-up metabolism. FML

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By GirlOnTheFly - United States - Uniontown

Today, I was finally able to drive my brother's nice car instead of my clunker, because he left for college. First thing I do? Back into the neighbors' mailbox while exiting the driveway. FML

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By meepdaleap - United States - Newport News

Today, I stepped out of the kitchen to yell at my kids for running in the house. I had just mopped the floor, and did not want them to fall. I fell while yelling and twisted my ankle. At least they know it's dangerous now. FML

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By Ob3nie - United States - San Francisco

Today, me and my boyfriend decided to have some fun in my room before my parents got home. My phone started vibrating half-way through, and when I saw my mom's picture, I reflexively answered. It wasn't a phone call. It was a face time. Busted. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/6/2020 08:09

What did I do?

Today, 48 hours after my boyfriend introduced me to his friend group so I could make new friends and I'd joined their group chat, two long-term couples have broken up and left without any explanation. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I threw a party. My drunk boyfriend decided to bring my 50-inch flatscreen TV downstairs from our bedroom. The TV didn't make it. FML

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By power corrupts... - Czech Republic

Today, at my job as a movie theater attendant, my boss finally eased up and let me sit in on one of the movies. One woman kept laughing out loud every other line. After ten minutes of her braying like a dying horse, I got up and had her ejected from the theater. I'm a terrible person. FML

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By Dasani - United States

Today, I was complaining to my mom about how my sister looked like a barbie doll next to me. I was saying how she was so tan and her hair looked awesome next to mine. She paused for a while and then said "Well you're pretty on the inside." FML

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By Weak Disposition - United States - Roanoke

Today, I entered a hotdog eating contest. I made it up to two, threw up on the rest of them, and fell over. FML

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By Noname - Canada

Today, I was masturbating to a girl with huge tits on the internet. I then scrolled down and found out she had a penis. FML

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By mackenzie_cain - United States

Today, my boyfriend went to jail for a DUI. In a panic, I rushed to go bail him out. On the way to the jail I was stopped for running a red light. I soon joined my boyfriend in jail with my very own DUI charge. FML

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By Anonymous

We hear it was a great show!

Today, I was supposed to be going to Edinburgh to see my favourite band live. I was expecting to be picked up at 8 a.m. for the drive there, but I woke up to a text saying my friend bought tickets for the wrong city. The show he paid was for 2 days ago. FML

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By Person15 - United States

Today, I was at the mall and started singing along to the playing of "I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas." A kid glanced at me and said to her mom, "She IS a hippopotamus." FML

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By RustyBulletHole - United States

Today, I got up at 5am, brushed my teeth, shaved and showered to get ready for work only to step barefoot in a huge pile of dog crap in the middle of my living room floor. I don't own a dog. FML

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By shield1123 - United States

Today, I realized that my bike was stolen. It was no big deal, my name and number was on it, but it was a crappy bike anyway. I live 3 miles away, and while I was on my walk home I noticed a bike had been thrown through my principal's window. Who's bike was it? Mine. FML

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By Garrett - United States - Vista

Today, after I arrived at work, somebody crashed into my parked car and left a big dent. The impact pushed my car up onto the curb and I got a parking ticket. FML

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By tee - United States - Kansas City

Today, I found out people are suspicious of me at work because I do a good job. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I celebrated our five-year anniversary. I got him a new flat-screen TV. He got me toilet seat cover. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Cedar Rapids

Today, after months of my doctor telling me that my heart palpitations are simply due to anxiety, and that I'm perfectly healthy, I decided to weight train to face my fears. Two hours later, I was in the emergency room. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had my 3 year old son in the doctors office. During the exam, he informed the doctor that he doesn't sleep in mommy's bed anymore because mommy sleeps in her underwear and farts all night long. FML

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Top comments

By yergenferfer | 9

#7530974 - Thursday 17 August 2017 21:06

At least he didn't use the Ashley Madison commercial to tell you that he was cheating on you.

By band_geek | 18

#7531079 - Friday 18 August 2017 4:03

I'm really sorry for the breakup. But at least he didn't try and pull Chandler Bing on you by lying, he has to go to a completely different country because his job decided to relocate him just to avoid direct breakup.

COMMENTS

By tonyfan00 | 38

#7530676 - Thursday 17 August 2017 1:59

Gotta give him points for originality...

By yergenferfer | 9

#7530974 - Thursday 17 August 2017 21:06

At least he didn't use the Ashley Madison commercial to tell you that he was cheating on you.

By band_geek | 18

#7531079 - Friday 18 August 2017 4:03

I'm really sorry for the breakup. But at least he didn't try and pull Chandler Bing on you by lying, he has to go to a completely different country because his job decided to relocate him just to avoid direct breakup.

By FMLDUDE14 | 4

#7533499 - Thursday 24 August 2017 20:49

omg I was just joking with my boyfriend showing him that commercial I can't believe someone would atcually do that I'm sorry hun!