Love: Today, my boyfriend asked me when my face was going to go back...

By fatface - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me when my face was going to go back to normal after being swollen from having my wisdom teeth taken out last week. My face is back to normal. FML

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Love

Rock, hard place

Coherence dude, do you have it?

*Friends theme music plays*

By soldnone - Canada - Toronto

Today, I had a booth at a very expensive craft show. My grandma came to show her support. While there, she managed to knock over my display, get in the way of potential buyers and take down a rather old lady when she supposedly stumbled. This all happened in the first five minutes she was there. FML

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By Hotdogwater

Today, my neighbour put in a noise complaint against me for being loud at midnight. I was having a coughing fit and couldn't breath. FML

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By hopelesscollegestudent - Canada

Today, I asked my college chemistry teacher for some much-needed help. Instead of explaining anything to me, she scoffed that if I don't understand something, I should "just Google it." FML

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By pizzaface - United States

Today, I got my eyebrows waxed. The lady who waxed my eyebrows also decided to pop the big zit on my forehead. She charged me a dollar extra. FML

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By girlymae - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I was in bed when I rolled over and saw a hand right beside my head. I freaked out and nearly peed myself, just to realize that it was the huggable heart pillow my boyfriend had given to me on Valentine's Day. FML

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By nocakeforyou!

Today, I came home to my drunk husband, to find that he raided our fridge and freezer to soothe his beer munchies. That would have been fine, had he not eaten the top tier of our wedding cake I'd been saving to eat on our first wedding anniversary, which is in 4 days. FML

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By Bareassed - United States

Today, I was at a water park with my family. They wanted me to stand underneath this big bucket filled with water. I didn't know it tips over, and my swimsuit isn't the tightest, so when all the water fell down, my swimsuit bottoms fell to my knees in front of tons of kids. FML

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By wetandpantsless - United States

Today, I got invited to a big upperclassmen party that underclassmen don't normally get invited to. I was feeling really good when I got there and saw that the girl I'm in love with was there. They stole my pants and gave me a swirly. Her reaction was to post pictures on Facebook. FML

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By chiktikka - United Kingdom

Today, my dad asked me to lend him some money to buy his medication, since he's all but broke right now. He returned with nothing but a bottle of tequila. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, we went to a nice place by a river to have a BBQ. Someone then asked if we could move the fireplace somewhere else, so we went to check another spot. We came back to find a dog had eaten all the meat we'd brought. FML

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By hannah - New Zealand - Timaru

Today, I woke up feeling ecstatic, because last night, my crush had told my best friend he likes me a lot. I sent him a text message telling him the feeling is mutual. A little while after sending it, it hit me that his confession had only been part of a dream. FML

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35112

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By Xabeix - Canada - Gatineau

Today, I got a rejection letter after I filed a claim regarding potholes on a high speed road that damaged my vehicle. Two of my tires and very expensive Honda mags, worth 1000$ each, are done for. Meanwhile, the city claims they're working hard to fix the roads. It's been 3 weeks, the potholes are still there and the city says they're not at fault. FML

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By constipated

Today, I was fired from my job for being constipated. FML

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4248

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By Anonymous

Today, my boyfriend of nearly six months broke up with me. Over text. In a group chat. With the new girl he wanted to date. FML

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12406

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By Anonymous - United States - Chevy Chase

Today, I just landed in Washington, DC. Unfortunately, I also took off from Washington DC an hour ago. FML

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2522

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By It's-only15-lbs-extra

Not. Helping.

Today, because of my full-time job, full-time courses, studying for the GRE, anxiety disorder, insomnia, and a recent pet death, I'm on the verge of a breakdown. My mother texted, "Looking through old photos, you were so skinny, what happened?" FML

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By Tom_why - United Kingdom

Today, I was helping some mental health patients at work, I spent 20 mins to fail to connect the DVD player to the TV and went back to make them something to eat. I came back into the room after 5 mins and one of the patients had connected it for himself. He has a profound learning disability. FML

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By vickyxanne - United States

Today, I was cleaning out my fiancé's room while he was away so we could move into our new home. Not only did I find a few gay nudie mags, but also some interesting love letters from a nice man named Pablo. Apparently I need to do a lot more than cleaning his room to excite him. Like grow a penis. FML

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By glam300 - United Kingdom

Today, my friend commented on my short skirt and, thinking she was being funny, tried to pull it down. I quickly moved away, causing it to come off in her hands. My shocked scream attracted the attention of at least a dozen bystanders. FML

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By littlekellilee - Canada

Today, I was in class and felt something tugging on my hair. I thought it was caught on the chair, so I turned around a little to look. The guy behind me was holding my hair and smelling it. He gave me a creepy smile, winked, and continued. FML

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By MissPerspirent - Canada

Today, I have come to the point in my life where I need to Google how to stop excessive back sweat. FML

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25488

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By ThisIsMyLife

Today, while naked, my fiancée said there was something wrong with her butt. She turned around and I leaned in to look at it. She then farted in my face. On purpose. FML

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By Dante - United States

Today, I got the repair estimate for my car. It is going to cost me $3,000 to rebuild the front end. It was wrecked because a couple decided to have a lovers spat in the middle of the freeway. I had that car for exactly four hours. FML

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By hushnow - United States

Today, I had no choice but to shake the hand of a customer, who just moments before, had the aforementioned hand down the front of his pants, scratching his snowglobes. FML

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33764

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my good buddy of about two years set me up on a blind date. I got to the meeting point and realized that my date was a guy. My "buddy" honestly thought I was gay. FML

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By mermaidkeels - United States - Miami

Today, after attending lectures for months, studying for weeks, and spending hours writing a 15-page research paper, I was informed that due to technological issues during registration, I was not enrolled in the class. FML

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By Flooded - United States

Today, I was looking forward to coming home to a freshly-cooked meal. Coming home to a cowering dog, two inches of water on the floor, and being handed a mop is just as good, I guess. FML

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26947

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By BrokeAF

Today, I had to empty out my coin jar to pay for gas. Trying to be considerate, I only brought quarters, but the cashier refused to take it because they didn't want to count out my $10. I don't know how I'll get to work today. FML

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By Raspution

Today, I received my first customer complaint. It said, "I am a regular customer and when I come in, he is always smiling and tells me he will see me soon when I leave. This makes me feel very uncomfortable." Now I'm under investigation for sexual harassment. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I found out that, after a year of separation, my ex-wife is pregnant and due in a few months. The divorce became official a few weeks ago and the father is my former best friend. FML

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4322

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By Anonymous - 13/8/2020 08:01

Time to move out

Today, I'm spending $1,400 on rent each month to hear my upstairs neighbor walk from one end of their apartment to the other, and then back again. This occurs pretty much all day and all night. Yesterday I woke up at 3:30 a.m. from the banging of steps. My other neighbor played his music so loud, I felt it through the wall. FML

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1358

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By anonymous - Korea Republic of

Today, I asked my mom if I could join my friends in getting lessons in self defense. My mom told me that I didn't need them because my face was a better weapon to repel anyone. FML

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By Bec99 - 19/4/2020 17:00

Spotted

Today, the pimples on my face are finally clearing up. They seem to have migrated to my ass. FML

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By Kay - India - Nagari

Today, I discovered that my 20-year-old son has been using my bras for his jerk-off sessions. FML

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68053

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By AshleyRose24 - United States - Fullerton

Today, I had to have a talk with my stalker. After telling him not to snapchat me, not to text me, and that I'm not interested, all he said was "I think persistence is going to be key here." FML

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47025

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By helpme - United States - Annapolis

Today, I started dreaming about being at work. I already work more hours a week than I requested, and I live right across from my work and can see it out my window. I can never leave. FML

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23285

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By lovehim - United States

Today, I had to tell my boyfriend to stop inviting his mother on our dates. FML

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43019

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By Car Problems - 3/3/2021 20:01

Wreck

Today, I paid over $500 to pick up my car from the mechanic, after it'd spent almost a month there. It broke down again on the way home. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my husband is completely convinced that his taking a massive dump after being constipated is exactly like the time I gave birth to our twins. FML

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36160

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By Anonymous

Priorities, dude

Today, my friend told me I was a terrible person and didn't care about our friendship. Why? Because I broke our Snapchat streak by working and sleeping, instead of being on my phone. FML

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Top comments

By fneff379 | 0

#107377 - Monday 13 April 2009 12:20

correction to #1: Exactly how long WERE you together?

By Silhouette_fml | 0

#107393 - Monday 13 April 2009 12:36

Clearly it isn't totally back to normal yet.

COMMENTS

By bxe255 | 9

#107375 - Monday 13 April 2009 12:18

Exactly how long have you been together?

By fneff379 | 0

#107377 - Monday 13 April 2009 12:20

correction to #1: Exactly how long WERE you together?

niquii | 0

#1314588 - Sunday 29 August 2010 4:18

^hahah win

By shani__ | 0

#107390 - Monday 13 April 2009 12:34

awwwwwwwwwwwwww
someones in trouble ;P

By Silhouette_fml | 0

#107393 - Monday 13 April 2009 12:36

Clearly it isn't totally back to normal yet.

By salina234 | 0

#107397 - Monday 13 April 2009 12:38

dump him
men are stupid

By everyonehatesyou | 0

#107431 - Monday 13 April 2009 13:34

dump him!

By ufml | 0

#107454 - Monday 13 April 2009 14:12

Maybe he wanted to know when you wouldn't be in pain anymore?
But in all likelihood, he was being an ass.

By itsTiffany | 0

#107462 - Monday 13 April 2009 14:20

Lol so maybe you have a fat face and he can't tell the difference..

By Uduwudu | 0

#107480 - Monday 13 April 2009 14:46

So you forgot the makeup.

Big deal.

By narks | 0

#107491 - Monday 13 April 2009 14:56

Dump him? Are you all retarded?
Either your face isn't fully back to normal, you've just got used to it, or he made a mistake. Hardly a reason to dump him :O