Intimacy: Today, my boyfriend and I were on the phone. He started talking...

By picturemenakedbaby - 21/07/2009 10:42 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were on the phone. He started talking dirty, and saying how horny he was, etc. So I decided to play along and said "I want you to picture me naked, baby." All of a sudden I heard a huge sigh. He responded, "Ew, that just killed it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 946

You deserved it 12 716

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Same thing different taste

Kinky

By 9gingerface66 - 15/01/2012 06:29 - United States

Today, after finally getting up the confidence, I started talking really dirty to my boyfriend on the phone. I was getting really onto it, and he seemed to enjoy it too. Then I stopped for a second to gauge his reaction. He was snoring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 848

You deserved it 4 676

Dirty talk

By CorpseBride - 07/02/2017 04:00 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, my boyfriend asked me to talk dirty in bed for him, but my brain went blank and I panicked. I couldn't think of what to say, so I suddenly blurted out, "Do whatever you want with my body. Treat it like a corpse." He laughed and I died a little inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 220

You deserved it 2 193

By Anonymous - 19/01/2016 11:03 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 285

You deserved it 2 745

Hot and heavy

By Lickmylovepump - 19/01/2012 04:09 - United States

Today, my boyfriend insisted that we try phone sex. He started telling me all the things he wanted to do to me while breathing heavily. Unfortunately, it sounded so ridiculous, I burst out laughing. He hung up on me, and has refused to pick up since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 432

You deserved it 35 551

By McKenna - 16/07/2011 04:10 - United States

Today, I was sending my boyfriend dirty texts to try and turn him on so when I see him the next day he will want to get intimate. Twenty minutes later he texts back, "ew stop." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 338

You deserved it 17 891

By Bucko321 - 30/03/2009 01:18 - Canada

Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. We were feeling a little naughty, so we started talking dirty. I was really into describing a sweaty sex scene, when I heard my dad cough. He had picked up the phone to make a call and had heard it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 707

You deserved it 78 241

Excuuuuuuse me?

By Anonymous - 24/12/2012 13:32 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I was getting pretty horny, and I thought some dirty talk would turn him on. Amid my panting, I breathed the words, "Fuck me." He then stopped and said, "Excuse me, I don't like hearing that language." and wouldn't continue until I corrected myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 440

You deserved it 11 495

So sensual...

By Wellokthen - 17/02/2017 22:00 - United States

Today, things began to get hot and heavy between my boyfriend and me. Suddenly, in a deep, sexy voice, he whispered, "God help me for what I'm about to do." Thinking it was just an odd manner of dirty talk, I mumbled about liking it. He then farted very loudly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 049

You deserved it 1 142

By giantcuntflaps - 13/12/2014 16:03 - Australia

Today, I was trying to turn my boyfriend on with dirty texts. When he said "I'm horny," I teasingly replied, "Whoops, did I do that?" His reply? "Huh? Naw i'm watching sum porn". FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 501

You deserved it 6 853

By Anonymous - 08/08/2014 21:05 - Israel

Today, I finally felt ready for intimacy with my boyfriend, and I sent him a sexy picture of myself topless. He texted back, "Ewwwww." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 862

You deserved it 8 658

genius_man16 0

Tuesday 21 July 2009 16:06

Your boyfriend is kind of a dick. Kidding or not.

DirtyParkBench 0

Tuesday 21 July 2009 16:06

Ahh, wow. FML. Who was he picturing before, then?

Comments

noshitsherlock 0

Tuesday 21 July 2009 16:16

WOW that is so ****** up. You should have some dignity and DUMP him. No one deserves to hear shit like that, especially from a "boyfriend."

bloodthorn 4

Tuesday 21 July 2009 16:21

WIN

dothehelenkeller 0

Tuesday 21 July 2009 16:27

YDI for being a cottage cheese ass.

britannie 0

Saturday 1 January 2011 7:31

says the guy who's picture is of Joe Jonas looking like he just hooked up with a hot chick only to find out she has a dick bigger than his... lmao. but seriously,

jessamyn_it_is 0

Tuesday 21 July 2009 16:34

It should say: "Today, my Ex and I were on the telephone".

girandwogpig 0

Tuesday 21 July 2009 16:35

Lol most of the comments on this page telling her to dump her boyfriend are from women I bet you....

noshitsherlock 0

Tuesday 21 July 2009 19:42

haha, I'm a woman, but it were a guy, I would still say dump *her*. That's just jacked.

OneandOnlyOne 0

Tuesday 21 July 2009 16:35

Wow, your boyfriend is a jerk, and it's Obvious he isn't attracted to you. Get rid of that waste of space, and get a REAL man.

mike1921 0

Tuesday 21 July 2009 19:01

Oh shut up. If he wasn't attracted to her he'd either hide that picturing her naked ruins it or he wouldn't be with her. Even if he wasn't, he's not a real man for not finding her sexually attractive , really? Also, it could've been how she said it.

plexico 3

Tuesday 21 July 2009 16:36

YDI for having your entire relationship through a glory hole.

SomeonePosting 0

Tuesday 21 July 2009 19:02

I'm slowly starting to appreciate your humor more and more, Plexico.

spectre1992 0

Tuesday 21 July 2009 16:39

sucks for you. i wonder who he was thinking of before? just with hold sex from the bastard

fallenarchangel 0

Tuesday 21 July 2009 16:40

Hm.....

Rota 0

Tuesday 21 July 2009 16:40

Well come on, that's kind of a shitty thing to say when he's talking dirty. Tell him all the things you want him to do to you, and let him picture whatever he wants. YDI for being a boner kill and trying to make everything about you.

Canofbier 0

Tuesday 21 July 2009 17:44

I can't believe you're the only other one who thinks this..."I want you to picture me naked, baby" is a really awkward-sounding thing to say. It probably killed the mood because of that, not necessarily because the poster is ugly.

waterynuggets 0

Wednesday 22 July 2009 1:50

How exactly would someone talking DIRTY be turned off by picturing their own gf naked? And how is saying "picture me naked" not included in talking dirty, as in it's somehow bad and awkward to say among other things, when apparently having phone sex?