Miscellaneous: Today, I saw what I thought was a gallon jug of water. Trying...

By tnt007 - France

Today, I saw what I thought was a gallon jug of water. Trying to do something spontaneous and fun, I took my hardest swing at it to see how far I could kick it. It was frozen solid. I broke my foot. FML

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8392

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Miscellaneous

Marxism intensifies

Extreme late fees

Near the knuckle

By tooefficient

Monday, Monday, so good to me…

Today, I was scolded by my boss, all because I can finish most tasks in a quarter of the time it takes him, and he doesn't want to be shown up. FML

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1582

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By - France

Today, I marked 600 emails in my gmail inbox as spam and it will take me hours to go through and unmark them. FML

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7065

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27820

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By Kerlane - France

Today, I was sitting on the bus on my commute to work, when I nodded off on the charming young man next to me. Something cold and wet touched me, and I looked down to see a small pool of my saliva collecting on my chest. The man thought this was hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24404

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By Anonymous - United States - Wichita Falls

Today, my professor told everyone that he thinks all med students should be required to get a catheter and an enema at least once in their lives so they can relate to their patients, saying, "Gentlemen, it might change your lives." FML

I agree, your life sucks

41169

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By Sarah - United Kingdom

Today, my mother was cleaning out my underwear drawer and found my vibrator. Everytime I see her in the hall, she just cracks up and makes jokes about how I can't get a guy, so I have to rely on electronics. What's worse, she told my dad AND posted a status on facebook about it. FML

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71508

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my parents told me about how they met. I'd already known they were eight years apart, but I never knew my dad started dating my mom when he was 21 and she was 13. FML

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57571

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By betterthanhodor - United Kingdom

Today, I got my make-up remover wipes mixed up with my sister's self-tan wipes. I am currently watching my face slowly turn orange and there is nothing I can do about it. FML

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28053

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By Stressed

Today, I got promoted. By promoted, I mean, given a much harder job with no training and no extra pay because someone went on maternity leave. They've already hired someone for my old position. FML

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2038

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126

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By lily389

Today, my boyfriend had a bad dream that a horse was biting his fingers off. He punched the horse in the neck, and in real life punched me in the spine. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38217

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By amber - United States

Today, I bitched out my boyfriend for logging into my facebook account and deleting EVERY male (even family) off my friends list. He accused me of wanting to cheat on him and has forced me to say "sorry." FML

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39740

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By Pete

Today, it's the third day I've been at home recuperating from ear surgery. My surgery was on the same day my neighbor started renovating. There's been hours of jack-hammering every day I've been home. FML

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2595

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117

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By phoenixditch - United States - Burke

Today, I was ditched by the guy I flew over two thousand miles to see. His excuse? "I'm just tired. I want to go home and sleep" Later, he checked in at a bar right down the street from the hotel on Facebook. FML

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45792

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By Anonymous - 14/5/2021 00:00

Hello little guy

Today, I put my house shoes on without socks, but felt a rock in them. I shook it free and out dropped a half-crushed roach. FML

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863

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By Nick

Today, my girlfriend and I went to see a horror movie. It ended up scaring her so badly that she refused to leave our bed all night long, even to pee. I have to clean the mattress now. FML

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3768

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By Anonymous

#1 Dad of the day

Today, according to my husband, our son is at the difficult age where he can finally speak fluent English, but is still too childishly dumb to say anything interesting, intelligent or frankly worth listening to at all. There are times I wish I was a divorced single mum. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1195

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407

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By Chelsea - United States

Today, during some previews before the new Harry Potter movie, a guy stood up and led the audience in an enthusiastic and rather successful chant "H-A-R-R-Y!". Minutes later when I attempted to do the same thing, I was pelted with half-full bags of popcorn, freezing sodas, and booing. FML

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13181

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By Casey - 18/3/2021 11:01

I'm not a monster, I'm a human being

Today, on vacation my wife asked if I wanted her to take my picture. I realized it was the first time in our 10 years she had asked me that question. Moments later I realized it's the first time in my life that anyone's ever asked me that. FML

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882

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was sitting with my boyfriend watching the Super Nanny. He watches the show regularly and said he has learned some of her techniques. Apparently, he uses them on me when I'm acting irrational. FML

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13915

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By Anonymous - 24/11/2020 11:02

Great quality control

Today, I got a job! When they sent me the offer letter, I sent it back ASAP after being satisfied with the salary and benefits. My problem? I wrote that I'd accepted the wrong position (in the interview it went by different names) The irony? I'm supposed to be in QC, ie., I'm supposed to have a keen eye for errors. FML

I agree, your life sucks

333

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727

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By unsurprised - United States

Today, I visited my friend in a nasty part of town. When I saw the shattered window of the car next to me, and the missing stereo, I moved my car to a safer location. Luckily, though, I have a common car, so the thieves were able to jimmy the lock and steal my stereo without making any noise. FML

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25668

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By Crowded House

Today, my newborn son is only four days old. My in-laws have been over five times already. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1664

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241

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By anonymous - United States - Tehachapi

Today, I saw a man on my bike that was stolen a few years ago. I asked him if I could have my bike back just wondering what he'd say. He calmly replied, "Hell no, I stole this fair and square." FML

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61719

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By burnt - Australia - Middle Swan

Today, while cooking, I managed to burn my finger. I quickly turned the tap on and ran my finger under cold water, but apparently someone had just used the hot tap, because boiling water flooded out onto my nicely scalded finger. FML

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25053

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By MakeMeASandwich - United States

Today, I found out that as a supervisor, if you reprimand a female worker and end the conversation with "Now get back to making sandwiches," your boss will consider it sexism and suspend you. I work at Subway. FML

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57223

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By tripleBBB

Today, I was in the shower when I realised that maybe I'm getting a little too fat. I was scrubbing the old belly when a dollar flew out onto the floor. I'm 23. FML

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1663

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By mmckie

Today, I went into a restaurant with my family. I slipped off my chair, pulling the tablecloth with all the food and drinks on it with me onto the floor. FML

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1639

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By Livewire - United States

Today, it's New Year's Eve. My husband and I weren't invited to any parties, and we don't have a sitter to be able to go out by ourselves. Instead, I'm watching "Beverly Hills Chihuahua 2" on the Disney channel with our 5-year-old, and my husband has passed out on the couch from sheer boredom. FML

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28856

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By Abandonded - 28/5/2021 08:02

Jimmy Handtricks

Today, my husband is a music teacher, and I walked in on him on Zoom with one of his female students. He said he was teaching her the guitar. He was naked from the waist down and she was fully nude. FML

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2254

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By charma - United States

Today, my daughter was telling everyone at her elementry school about my gay partner. Yes, I have a gay partner. He is my work partner and he happens to be gay. FML

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59067

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my husband and I were having sex in the shower while our 5-year old was sleeping. Apparently, she wasn't sleeping and she asked me what those loud noises were. I told her I was singing. Now I can't get her to stop "singing" in the shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20974

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By Unlucky. - United States

Today, I took my parking permit off my car to debate a ticket that I got for not having my permit displayed. Twenty minutes later, when I got back to my car, I had another ticket on my window for not having my parking permit displayed because I was using it to disprove the first ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31847

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By Journo - United States

Nice try

Today, after two months of unemployment, I got a call from a marketing firm offering me an interview for an entry-level position. While Googling the company, I discovered it's a scam. I graduated college in 3 years with a 3.5 GPA, and the only interview I can get is at a fake company. FML

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55021

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By Snurkles McGee - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I confronted my boss to find out why I was denied a promotion that she promised to me. Her response? "You should know by now I'm a liar. Not my fault if you believe the things I say." FML

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40420

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I was making love to my boyfriend, when he said "I love you, baby." I told him to go deeper, but instead of doing so, he decided to completely kill the mood by stopping and saying it again in a Barry White type voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27473

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By RosesAreRed - United States

Today, I received a bouquet of flowers. I thought they might be from my crush, so I excitedly opened the card. It was from my druggie ex-boyfriend, who apparently can't move on with his life even after three years. The contents of the card? "Baby, I got you like a habit, and I can't give you up". FML

I agree, your life sucks

26525

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By Atypical - 2/3/2021 02:01

Mother of the year

Today, after a lifetime of struggles, I was finally officially diagnosed with ADHD. Thanks to years of ridicule, punishments, humiliation and even beatings over something I literally could not control, I also have terrible depression and anxiety. My mom still thinks I’m making it all up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1560

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144

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By Maxime - France - Paris

Today, I called a company for a problem with our septic tank. Two workers show up, I take them into the garden to show them the manhole cover at the top of it. They open it up. We then gaze upon a sea of condoms floating on the surface. My wife and I don't use condoms. FML

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59089

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By Anonymous

Poisoned chalice

Today, I inherited a lot of money from a great aunt that I had forgotten about. Her immediate family are all scumbags who were only after her money, so she willed it to me and my mom to say "fuck you" to them from beyond the grave. Now I keep getting threatening phone calls. Thanks auntie. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1926

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By fishyrael - 26/1/2021 23:01

Barbarian rolls a 1 for Charisma

Today, my best friend of a decade ended our friendship, all because I wouldn't kick someone from our Dungeons and Dragons table that he disliked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

685

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110

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By Bob - United States - Fairbanks

Today, a judge gave my ex custody of my two sons, most of my money, my house, my car, and has ordered me to take anger management classes. We're getting a divorce because she shot me with a gun. FML

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Top comments

By perdix | 29

#766889 - Monday 11 January 2010 1:11

So how far did you kick it?

Don't leave us hanging! We don't give a shit about your stupid foot. We want to know how far that thing went!

By redxapplexoxo | 0

#767029 - Monday 11 January 2010 2:03

Because it's so much fun to kick a gallon of water for no reason.

COMMENTS

By blakehilli8 | 0

#766861 - Monday 11 January 2010 1:05

first

Grndslmhttr3 | 0

#767393 - Monday 11 January 2010 4:58

I'm sick of these FMLs. That look. Like this.

postaltubealex | 0

#767652 - Monday 11 January 2010 8:26

That are fake, because france invented the metric system 300 or so years ago.

fogrunner | 13

#767852 - Monday 11 January 2010 11:22

Well, I use the metric system IRL, but sometimes on the internets I use the other one to be polite to all the Americans. :)

ryguy997 | 0

#952293 - Tuesday 16 March 2010 3:41

don't be polite to the US!!! GO CANADA GO!!!!!

PimpdaddyCJT | 13

#1013316 - Monday 31 May 2010 3:59

wow the internets

pippymiskers | 4

#1074003 - Thursday 8 July 2010 10:13

shoulda had a V8!

By Az_Qtee | 0

#766864 - Monday 11 January 2010 1:06

wow your an idiot!!! 1st

niadanac1 | 3

#766935 - Monday 11 January 2010 1:25

Bahahaha not only did you make an error in your haste but you definately were second, also known as the first loser. FYL

MissDanish17 | 5

#984925 - Monday 26 April 2010 3:08

Ohhh, second loser!!

By cmp2_fml | 0

#766877 - Monday 11 January 2010 1:09

lolowned

By BigRedMan15 | 0

#766887 - Monday 11 January 2010 1:11

STUPID... dumbass.

By perdix | 29

#766889 - Monday 11 January 2010 1:11

So how far did you kick it?

Don't leave us hanging! We don't give a shit about your stupid foot. We want to know how far that thing went!

Starfire22 | 5

#768053 - Monday 11 January 2010 14:12

.05 cm :D

By HannahBabe | 0

#766897 - Monday 11 January 2010 1:12

that sucks

matt5217 | 4

#987655 - Sunday 2 May 2010 21:26

hello

By Clutzs | 5

#766939 - Monday 11 January 2010 1:27

and ur on FML then again why am i .......................................

By GodsLittlePain | 0

#766947 - Monday 11 January 2010 1:32

Seriously? Look before you kick. Or for that matter, TOUCH before you kick. YDI.

By hmckay2010 | 0

#766955 - Monday 11 January 2010 1:34

wowww idiot!!! if u wanted to do something fun and spontaneous u were better off going for public sexx

By elisabethecstasy | 0

#766968 - Monday 11 January 2010 1:40

That is so incredibly stupid...and not spontaneous at all hah.