Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex in his car....

By JayFri - 6/6/2011 17:20 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex in his car. He got out of the car and moved to the passenger seat with me. As he shut the door, it slammed against my fingers, breaking one of them. He then asked if we could still have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48244

You deserved it

7192

Favorite

Intimacy

DINOSAURS!!

Compassion

The student becomes the master

By Anonymous - 13/1/2010 08:46 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to pull cheese out of my PS3's disc tray because my younger brother assumed all PS3's could grill stuff because "Youtube told him." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34973

You deserved it

3228

Favorite

By Anonymous - 29/8/2014 16:17 - United Kingdom - Slough

Today, after finally getting rid of an extremely rude, abusive customer, I muttered that I could kill people like her. I didn't know my manager had heard me, until a pair of police officers arrived. He'd reported me for "threatening to murder a customer". FML

I agree, your life sucks

40857

You deserved it

11070

Favorite

By Not Worth a Lunch - 2/2/2015 14:25 - United States - Durham

Today, my boss told me they were letting me go because they "could no longer afford to pay me." Never mind the catered lunch they had the day before, which cost more than a week's worth of my salary. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34440

You deserved it

2484

Favorite

By donutsex - 5/8/2014 16:48 - United States - Georgetown

Today, since I work at a doughnut shop, I came home smelling like fry oil and had bits of sugar on me. My boyfriend told me he loves having sex with me right after I get off work. He said its like having sex with a hot doughnut. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53720

You deserved it

8928

Favorite

By f03_f0r_l1f3 - 26/6/2009 05:31 - United States

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend. Driving her home, we got stuck in a construction zone. I waited half an hour with with my ex-girlfriend bawling her eyes out in the passenger seat as I watched the traffic lady eat her lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19116

You deserved it

65576

Favorite

By Dante178 - 8/12/2011 20:41 - United States

Today, I went to court to file a small claim and found myself at the end of a huge line. The moment I got to the front of the line, the fire alarm went off and we all had to leave the building. The moment I got outside, the alarm stopped and everybody rushed back in. I'm at the back of the line. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46584

You deserved it

3757

Favorite

By Biggest Jerk - 14/2/2009 23:15 - United States

Today, I fell asleep in my driver's ed class, and I woke up in a middle of a dream laughing. Everyone stared at me. I found out that the teacher had just finished talking about his vegetative niece who didn't wear a seat belt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17756

You deserved it

38368

Favorite

By Anonymous - 8/12/2011 04:27 - Canada

Today, my dog took a dump beside the air intake for our furnace. The house now smells like dog crap. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25871

You deserved it

4031

Favorite

By blairheir721 - 17/5/2009 04:20 - United States

Today, my friend Kate and I were helping build a playground. Halfway through, a construction worker asks where we go to school. I told him we graduated and proudly held degrees in psych. The construction worker stopped mid-dig, glanced at us sadly and said, "yeah that's what my degree's in too." FML

I agree, your life sucks

53161

You deserved it

8733

Favorite

By OweLotsaMoney - 5/9/2013 15:49 - United States

Today, I arrived at my college dorm. To help me sleep, I listened to my local radio from my phone. Little did I know, they turn off the wifi for part of the night, and hours of music were streamed onto my phone. Guess who now owes the phone company all my money. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47478

You deserved it

12180

Favorite

By 27musiclover - 16/8/2009 14:41 - United States

Today, my best friend told me I'm the friend who no one really likes. This was after I had bought her lunch, ice cream, and a ticket to a movie we were going to see that day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48512

You deserved it

5087

Favorite

By maxedoutidiot - 13/12/2012 02:14 - United States

Today, my drunk girlfriend maxed out my credit card, on an "authentic" Jesus Christ autograph on eBay. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33742

You deserved it

5370

Favorite

By Obi1Shinobi - 30/10/2012 14:27 - United States

Today, I was stuck in the bathroom yelling for someone to get me toilet paper. My grandpa slips a small leaf under the door and says, "This is what I used in my day." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28000

You deserved it

4614

Favorite

By yingyang2 - 6/1/2011 02:19 - United States

Today, I have been teaching my 5 year-old step-daughter how to read and write. She came bounding up to me with a piece of paper and said, "look what I did". It was a letter that said "My dad misses my real mommy, not you". FML

I agree, your life sucks

37039

You deserved it

4967

Favorite

By OnPlanetVenus - 4/7/2013 04:41 - United States - Hallam

Today, I discovered that when my husband agreed to donate sperm so an infertile friend and his wife could have children, there was nothing "artificial" about the insemination. FML

I agree, your life sucks

71208

You deserved it

6121

Favorite

By Okay - 31/10/2009 15:59 - United States

Today, my sister had her first kiss. She was very excited and she told me all about it. She then asked me to tell her about the first time I kissed a guy, what it was like, who it was with, etc. I had to make one up. I have never been kissed before. My sister is 6 years younger than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39621

You deserved it

6092

Favorite

By Spiller - 17/11/2009 15:32 - United States

Today, I took the bus to work. I was exhausted and had a big mug of coffee. Half asleep and thinking I was in my car, I reached forward to put it in the "cup holder" during the ride. When I let go, I poured hot coffee not only all over myself, but also on the large, angry-looking man next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10287

You deserved it

28902

Favorite

By Fmylife - 6/7/2011 09:17 - United States

Today, I have a cold. Trying to clear out my stuffy nose, I tried putting mouthwash in my nose. Thinking it was an awesome idea, I put some more in. I then starting screaming in pain due to the extreme burning in my nostrils. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9235

You deserved it

120578

Favorite

By BigPurplePresent - 28/7/2009 13:34 - South Africa

Today, I was really upset after work, and tearily asked my boyfriend to bring something over to cheer me up when he visited later. An hour or so later he arrived, having bought me a brand new large purple dildo to "brighten my mood". FML

I agree, your life sucks

45862

You deserved it

17978

Favorite

By Picaresque - 26/2/2009 17:57 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try anal sex. When he was done, I turned around to see him holding a strap-on with a smile on his face and said 'Now, do me'. FML

I agree, your life sucks

284877

You deserved it

67653

Favorite

By NotInMiddleSchool - 20/11/2009 17:24 - United States

Today, as I was yelled at by a middle school teacher in front of 30 6th graders for breaking the rule of "no cell phones in school." Luckily, I escaped being sent to the office after explaining I'm a 21 year old college student doing student teaching observations, not a middle schooler. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35329

You deserved it

5069

Favorite

By Skyhopee - 24/12/2012 19:42 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, because I'm too "high maintenance" during the holidays. Not to worry, though; he's willing give me another chance sometime after Valentine's day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30860

You deserved it

6262

Favorite

By shark - 27/11/2012 03:03 - United States - Houston

Today, I was separating my notes into two piles: one to save for exam studying and one to throw out. I finished separating, picked up the junk pile and absentmindedly shredded it. Afterwards, I looked down to see the junk pile still completely intact. Goodbye, passing grades. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12600

You deserved it

31701

Favorite

By Kurochrome - 18/7/2011 05:09 - United States

Today, after spending over $1000 on plane tickets, I'm visiting my family for the first time in five years. Two hours after I arrived, everyone is screaming at each other and taking their rage out on me. They still ask why I never visit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34909

You deserved it

3495

Favorite

By brandiboobarry - 29/11/2010 06:01

Today, I told my mom that I wanted professional head-shots done for Christmas. When asked why, I said "I want to submit them to a modeling agency." My mom exchanged looks with my sister before laughing so hard that she wet herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30622

You deserved it

6960

Favorite

By EmmaleeSupertramp - 14/2/2014 03:16 - United States

Today, it was the first dress rehearsal at a community theater. I'm playing a grandma to a bunch of little kids, and the guy who is playing the grandpa wears a fat suit. I put on my costume and one of the kids comes up to me and says, "Are you wearing a fat suit too?" and pokes my stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42597

You deserved it

6929

Favorite

By BigmouthStrikesAgain - 19/8/2011 00:18 - United Kingdom

Today, after a tennis lesson, the coach was picking up the stray tennis balls around the court. Trying to be helpful, I asked him, "Do you want me to grab your ball bag?" His eyeballs almost burst out of their sockets. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31909

You deserved it

8226

Favorite

By Anonymous - 20/5/2015 16:17 - Cyprus - Paphos

Today, a new employee started at our office. She's about 18, barely does any work, chews gum loudly, has no manners, and happens to sit right next to me. She also threatens to report me for harassment whenever I politely ask her to not bash my chair with the back of her chair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31707

You deserved it

2251

Favorite

By look how totally not racist I am! - 11/7/2014 03:32 - United States - Salida

Today, I was stuck on a campus tour with my subtly racist mother who, in an attempt to seem open-minded, deemed it appropriate to refer to our black tour guide as "Sistah". FML

I agree, your life sucks

45931

You deserved it

3980

Favorite

By Mr. Headshot - 25/4/2011 05:01

Today, I celebrated my birthday with a few friends at home. As I bent down over my cake, my friend pushed my face into it. The baker should have told me she put in a stick to support the cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41533

You deserved it

3502

Favorite

By Public Indecency - 28/6/2019 20:23

Today, after some cajoling, I finally posed naked for my long-term partner and his Polaroid camera. After saying he would cherish the intimate snapshots forever, he almost immediately forgot them on a crowded bus. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1614

You deserved it

473

Favorite

By Fmyapp - 2/12/2009 17:58 - United States

Today, after having paid to download an iPhone FML app, I found out that the real 'Fmylife Official' app was a lot more complete. And free. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12462

You deserved it

45921

Favorite

By Anonymous - 28/12/2013 20:07 - France - Sardieu

Today, my girlfriend informed me that our relationship is an open one. This was only after I was told that when she was "stuck in traffic" two days ago, she was actually playing the triple-X version of Twister in my "best friend's" bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44947

You deserved it

3358

Favorite

By Nearly blind - 7/10/2018 17:30

Today, I forgot my contact solution and used my sister's. When I put them in, my eyes burnt like hell. Apparently my sister has a new solution that is acidic and only gets neutralized after 12 hours in a special container. The warning is on the INSIDE of the bottle label. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2782

You deserved it

563

Favorite

By Anonymous - 28/4/2009 11:16 - United Kingdom

Today, I was eating cereal and decided to warm it up to see what it tasted like. So, using a candle in the room I placed my spoon over the flame and waited to see if it heated up. Pleased with my silly experiment, I put the spoon back in my mouth. I now can't talk because of my swollen tongue. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26696

You deserved it

250189

Favorite

By Anonymous - 12/8/2013 23:58 - United States

Today, I forgot my key inside my apartment. My boyfriend suggested we ask a neighbor to open it. I explained we don't all have the same key, to which he responded, "Well how come they all have the same doorknobs?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

47099

You deserved it

5181

Favorite

By Anonymous - 27/11/2010 02:09 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend announced he has stopped wearing deodorant because he thinks his BO smells "manly." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32966

You deserved it

3295

Favorite

By Anonymous - 12/4/2018 19:00

Today, while covering lunch for the self-checkout host, I noticed a customer walking away. I smiled and said "Have a nice night!" A few minutes later, I saw that she'd left without paying on her machine. I'd smiled and waved at a lady as she stole from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3610

You deserved it

745

Favorite

By SkinsCastSelection - 17/1/2011 16:44 - France

Today, my boyfriend cancelled our vacation plans because I'll be on my period, arguing that, "It wouldn't be a real holiday." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34330

You deserved it

8232

Favorite

By thesmartone - 21/6/2012 03:44 - United States

Today, I let my imbecile of a brother borrow my car. The keys to his car are now jammed into the ignition of mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25892

You deserved it

4801

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By MyHandIsADolphin | 0

#2633068 - Monday 6 June 2011 23:07

You still should have :3

By BWill9014 | 4

#2633228 - Monday 6 June 2011 23:18

Wow 2, *you're... smart too

Comments

By MyHandIsADolphin | 0

#2633068 - Monday 6 June 2011 23:07

You still should have :3

spartans916 | 1

#2633144 - Monday 6 June 2011 23:11

broken bones always turns me on :P

Idonebeenhad | 17

#2633173 - Monday 6 June 2011 23:14

it's not like you're gonna give him a handjob :D

00SPRANGER00 | 0

#2633192 - Monday 6 June 2011 23:15

I would have...

00SPRANGER00 | 0

#2633216 - Monday 6 June 2011 23:17

still had sex not give him a handjob lol sorry for the confusion guys

urdirtyolduncle | 15

#2633447 - Monday 6 June 2011 23:49

Shouldn't the sex take place in the back of the car? Why passenger seat?

Petunia888 | 13

#2633468 - Monday 6 June 2011 23:52

38-maybe the seat reclines? Sometimes it's nice.

CaptainPickles72 | 18

#2633485 - Monday 6 June 2011 23:56

11- Yup, sex with broken bones is a smashing good time!

nyrangers1022 | 6

#2633924 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 1:04

sex is so much better in back of an SUV...passenger seats get real uncomfortable

Boygenius50 | 8

#2634037 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 1:20

And you said yes. . .right??!

justinhi | 0

#2634278 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 2:03

yeah cuz blue balls is a bitch

chuymac | 3

#2634512 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 3:29

well sex produces a chemical called endorphin it's a natural painkiller so pain will be bearable. so I say, sex FTMFW YO.

imacreeper | 3

#2634521 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 3:34

You still have 4 left. Stop looking for excuses.

Adorlee | 11

#2634686 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 4:54

You can still enjoy it. There's a thin line between pain an pleasure

urdirtyolduncle | 15

#2634742 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 5:12

Not really. "Oh it feels so good that it hurts." What's up with that???

GuessWhatKids | 13

#2634780 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 5:19

Ted Bundy anyone?

4fencer | 0

#2635635 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 6:35

he has the right to have sex with you. After all he is the male and you should listen to him and suck his cock.

whatsittuya | 2

#2635781 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 7:22

lol wow just wow

shannonreneee | 11

#2636219 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 9:22

Since when did we need fingers in sex. Commit!

Cokie_the_Clown | 5

#2636775 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 12:26

You should have broke his bone...r .

FUGYU | 2

#2637557 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 16:07

It's not like OP has to finger him...

nixchawla | 0

#2638369 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 18:53

yup..smtimes it reclines..!!! :P

hossjosh | 1

#2638809 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 21:02

134

Lee_Shha | 10

#2640147 - Wednesday 8 June 2011 3:42

Lmao.!

iDoHard | 0

#2810145 - Sunday 3 July 2011 2:31

if I was him I would have said you broke a bone and I will grow one more :)

shinshoku13 | 19

#3909228 - Thursday 19 January 2012 18:00

Uh no she shouldnt have

By himoonkey | 8

#2633089 - Monday 6 June 2011 23:08

wow your smart

BWill9014 | 4

#2633228 - Monday 6 June 2011 23:18

Wow 2, *you're... smart too

LuxAeterna_fml | 0

#2633280 - Monday 6 June 2011 23:25

Classic.

FMLsOhilarious | 6

#2634662 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 4:46

Yeah, apparently you're smart too. Your grammar is so perfect I'm jealous...NOT.

fml98kevin | 4

#2635617 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 6:29

^^^ Grammar Nazi ^^^

chickunkey | 0

#2636040 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 8:55

your smart what? the anticipation is killing me!

whosechairisthat | 0

#2636354 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 9:49

that dog is fucking adorable

alicecanitbe | 0

#2640495 - Wednesday 8 June 2011 5:15

you honestly just made no sense at all

By bitterfaceplant | 0

#2633096 - Monday 6 June 2011 23:08

Maybe he is in to pain/ S&M.

JesusFishTaco | 5

#2633476 - Monday 6 June 2011 23:55

People who are into that are insane. I'm sorry, mentally hilarious. (Family Guy reference)

sensoon15 | 7

#2633631 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 0:20

i was thinking the same thing. "sticks and stones may break my bones but chains and whips excite me!"

jaidonsafira | 0

#2634438 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 2:49

Giggity.

EagorLuvsBigFoot | 8

#2634632 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 4:25

what does S&M stand for?

Mitcha857 | 0

#2634635 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 4:28

shit&muffins

BraBrando | 0

#2635421 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 5:38

^^ nom nom

InanimateObject | 0

#2635791 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 7:24

socks and mittens

silver0jay | 11

#2635863 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 7:54

sex and milfs

Carpy | 8

#2636276 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 9:35

Sons & Moms

Carpy | 8

#2636278 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 9:35

Sons & Moms

By ipodlover1995 | 0

#2633099 - Monday 6 June 2011 23:08

well you don't have sex with your fingers anyway... or do you ;)

DearestPluto | 0

#2634109 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 1:33

Why would she be fingering her BOYfriend?

mismonroe | 0

#2634236 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 1:55

Because the male G SPOT (don't worry, sweetie, you'll learn about that when you grow up) is in the Rectum.

whosechairisthat | 0

#2636313 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 9:43

u go girl.

chili10 | 18

#2636517 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 10:35

why wouldn't she be fingering her boyfriend?

shannonreneee | 11

#2637443 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 15:43

Good ol' prostate ticklin'

CleanseTheKraken | 0

#2690085 - Wednesday 15 June 2011 23:28

he'll yea

ipodlover1995 | 0

#2713630 - Sunday 19 June 2011 5:49

I don't know your life!

By aerogxt | 7

#2633101 - Monday 6 June 2011 23:08

What a moron. Take him back and get a refund.

XxToriwolfxX | 0

#2635480 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 5:52

Hooray for hookers!

By rebelvamp420 | 14

#2633103 - Monday 6 June 2011 23:08

he felt bad enough.... lol not like he did it on purpose, grin and bear it and give it up, and next time just do it on the trunk!!!!

ReynshineCutting | 10

#2637258 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 14:44

Grin and bear it? WTF? You don't grin and bear it. That's just wrong on so many levels.

By DyKy | 2

#2633105 - Monday 6 June 2011 23:08

your boyfriend has his priorities straight

womanjesus | 0

#2634452 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 2:55

true

By PSQ91 | 6

#2633124 - Monday 6 June 2011 23:10

You don't need your finger for sex, duh!

By mercuryburst | 0

#2633137 - Monday 6 June 2011 23:11

That sounds fucking painful.

electricmaster | 0

#2633355 - Monday 6 June 2011 23:34

I love how you're the only person that realizes that that had to freaking hurt.

smellymellyy | 7

#2633729 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 0:34

thats what i was thinking xD

IHATETROLLSS | 0

#2633876 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 0:56

damn 65 you scary!

lexielynn0680 | 0

#2634161 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 1:42

i love your pic 70 :D

XxToriwolfxX | 0

#2635487 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 5:54

I hate your /fucking/ pun.

By mk58 | 31

#2633141 - Monday 6 June 2011 23:11

I think you should slam the door on his fingers and then ask him if he still feels like having sex.

BB_ava | 0

#2633261 - Monday 6 June 2011 23:22

...slightly more difficult for a male to have sex w/o his hand than for a female.

LuxAeterna_fml | 0

#2633301 - Monday 6 June 2011 23:27

I think he'd still say yes..

TheDrifter | 23

#2633533 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 0:03

Op's username is Jay... I think they're both guys.

geeksaresexy | 18

#2633553 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 0:06

Because Jay can't be a girls name? Or you were trying to be funny?

TheDrifter | 23

#2634613 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 4:17

Really? How many girls names do you know that start with Jay? Or is it just here in Canada that those names aren't popular for girls?

Epheo | 0

#2634647 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 4:36

Right cause your name is TheDrifter and that screams a particular gender. Seriously its just a username.

XxToriwolfxX | 0

#2635496 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 5:56

Jay can be short for a girls name. For example, Jaymee (I think that's a real name, but I'm not sure).

4fencer | 0

#2635650 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 6:38

12-why would she do that. After all the male has the power and she should suck his dick for causing trouble.

bingababe | 16

#2635682 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 6:46

124- My daughters name is Jayleah, we always call her Jay.

lyshieelove | 0

#2635902 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 8:08

I think thats the point

geeksaresexy | 18

#2635958 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 8:35

I don't feel the need to add any more names tbh. Just because those names aren't popular doesn't mean they don't exist. I was the only person I knew with my name my whole childhood, now I know 6 others.

stewpididiot | 11

#2636134 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 9:09

I think you should slam the door on hoe boner and see
if he still wants to have sex.

mk58 | 31

#2638431 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 19:05

164, that might just work.