Today, my mum was filling out a reference for me as I work in...

By surefeelslikelove - 6/6/2011 16:01

Today, my mum was filling out a reference for me as I work in the family business. When it came to naming two of my strengths, she asked me what to put as she couldn't think of anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28227

You deserved it

4697

Favorite

Work

My body, my choice

This is fine

Great guy

By hoolagirl4422 - 20/9/2013 11:23 - Hong Kong - Kennedy Town

Today, I bumped into a really cute guy I know. I stuttered and floundered, before saying, "Hi, it's me, Megan Thomas." My surname isn't Thomas, but his is. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51821

You deserved it

9365

Favorite

By BDSarah - 17/9/2019 16:00

Special

Today, my mom introduced me to everyone we met as her "special needs child." They all seemed to believe her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1490

You deserved it

115

Favorite

By honorstudent - 13/5/2010 02:18 - United States

Today, I received an award from my school rewarding me for my honor roll and my cheerleading. When I brought the certificate home my mom congratulated me and hugged me. I worked really hard for this and all my dad had to say was, "Try this flavor of Doritos." FML

I agree, your life sucks

27118

You deserved it

8229

Favorite

By unwanted - 11/8/2009 20:31 - Canada

Today, I told my mom about how my friend is going to China for a year instead of college. My mom suggested that I could do the same. When I told her that a trip to China is probably more expensive than my college tuition, my mom replied, "Not for a one way ticket". FML

I agree, your life sucks

45007

You deserved it

6535

Favorite

By PeanutlyDisabled - 8/1/2010 07:23 - France

Today, I was babysitting a new child. I guess she heard me tell her parents about my severe peanut allergy because she got a jar out of the pantry, spread it all over the stairs leading to where her fort was, and walked around with a baseball bat covered in it so I couldn't come near her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39125

You deserved it

3250

Favorite

By xX-SaD-FaCe-Xx - 24/11/2009 10:04 - Singapore

Today, the woman I love told me she cared about me and didn't like me hurting myself. She then posted a picture of herself making-out with her new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27810

You deserved it

5769

Favorite

By BlueSteele220 - 29/7/2020 17:01

Too late

Today, someone stole a package off my doorstep. Too bad, it was the video doorbell to prevent my packages from being stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1589

You deserved it

Favorite

By ohokay - 24/1/2013 02:59 - United States - Bronx

Today, I found my boyfriend's Facebook page. I also found his wife's. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47624

You deserved it

5253

Favorite

By Anonymous - 3/10/2012 17:40 - United States

Today, while walking down the hall of my old school, I noticed something out of the corner of my eye. Behind the faculty parking lot where I parked my truck, two students were having sex on my tailgate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33532

You deserved it

3084

Favorite

By Anonymous - 11/5/2009 17:14 - Canada

Today, after a long day of working on my feet, I came home looking forward to soaking my aching feet in a foot spa. When I was pulling the machine out of a closet, it slipped and came crashing down on my feet. It broke. So did three of my toes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52914

You deserved it

4382

Favorite

By neverdrivingagain - 4/7/2009 02:20 - United Kingdom

Today, I spent hours arguing with my mother, who claimed I shouldn't make a three hour drive because I wouldn't be able to concentrate for that long. I argued that I was a perfectly capable driver, and left. In the last 2 minutes of the journey, I hit a van and messed up the front of my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15796

You deserved it

40239

Favorite

By dirtyclothess - 2/5/2011 00:01

Today, my mom informed me that she doesn't wash my clothes anymore. Instead, she sprays them with Febreze to "save money". FML

I agree, your life sucks

38829

You deserved it

8127

Favorite

By Tiana Scott - 12/9/2018 13:10

Today, I left the door open while I went to the bathroom and my 11-month-old crawled in and then took off with my toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2258

You deserved it

803

Favorite

By Anonymous - 15/10/2013 20:16 - United States - Chicago

Today, my fiancé's best friend, who will be our best man at our wedding, decided to confess his feelings for me and tell me how he's always dreamed of us eloping together. The wedding is going to be awkward. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50746

You deserved it

3303

Favorite

By annoyed - 23/9/2010 09:59 - United States

Today, I went to my parents' place to visit. My ex-boyfriend's photo is on the fridge, but there aren't any photos of my husband or any of our wedding photos. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34220

You deserved it

2972

Favorite

By kryssa - 9/10/2020 23:01

Spread the news

Today, my boyfriend of six years is in the hospital after having a stroke. While being transferred to another hospital, I came to our home to get his phone to call his family, but instead was treated to text messages and voicemails from his other girlfriends. At least 4 of them so far. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1454

You deserved it

Favorite

By Matt - 3/6/2012 14:21 - Australia - Tyabb

Today, I went to my girlfriend's house to break up with her. It was a hard decision and both of us became quite emotionally overwhelmed at the time. We began to hug as a final goodbye, then her mum burst in the room and yelled, "HE FINALLY PROPOSED!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

42597

You deserved it

3833

Favorite

By Anonymous - 27/3/2013 18:26 - Canada - Red Deer

Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm for the first time. She's a screamer. Her dog must have thought I was attacking her, because he immediately came over and started savaging me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54708

You deserved it

6168

Favorite

By Anonymous - 11/3/2010 06:45 - United States

Today, it's the third anniversary of when I started looking for a new job. I'm still working at the job that made me want to get a new one and I haven't even had an interview for another one in almost two years. My Master's degree on the wall is looking more and more like a roll of toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26564

You deserved it

3545

Favorite

By Anonymous - 12/7/2012 16:04 - United States - Millers Tavern

Today, I was running late for an important job interview because I couldn't find my keys. I place the keys on my kitchen counter every day to prevent exactly this type of situation. After few minutes and missing my interview, I finally found my keys, in my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11300

You deserved it

32003

Favorite

By fuck you, bitchcake - 10/11/2013 18:26 - Canada - Dartmouth

Today, at the movies, some asswipe kept throwing candy at me. After 20 minutes of it, I got up and went over to get him to stop. Good news: his balls vanished faster than a politician's spine immediately after being elected. Bad news: I got kicked out for "starting a disturbance". FML

I agree, your life sucks

41205

You deserved it

3756

Favorite

By SendHelpAndBleach - 15/6/2018 05:00

Today, I decided to surprise my parents who I haven’t seen in a while. They weren’t home, but I still have a key so I let myself in. When I went to my old room to put down my bags, I was greeted by a sex swing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3520

You deserved it

1436

Favorite

By Anonymous - 30/5/2015 04:23 - United States - Boaz

Today, my dad met my boyfriend. It took less than 10 seconds for him to accuse my boyfriend of being a "queer" because his handshake was "too limp". FML

I agree, your life sucks

29709

You deserved it

3661

Favorite

By hipster glasses - 16/8/2013 11:08 - United States

Today, I was verbally abused by a customer at my job. Apparently, wearing "ugly, thick-framed hipster glasses as a fashion statement is a HUGE faux pas." These are my actual prescription glasses, and "faux pas" is not pronounced "fox paws". FML

I agree, your life sucks

47525

You deserved it

3682

Favorite

By Anonymous - 10/5/2014 13:00 - United States

Today, a guy drunkenly professed his love for me. He did this after walking in on me peeing, which he decided was the time to tell me such a thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39885

You deserved it

3753

Favorite

By Anonymous - 8/5/2009 14:53 - Canada

Today, while working as a makeup artist in the mall, I was approached by a man who wanted to try lipstick (not unusual we do a lot of drag). While I'm applying it he starts to make gross noises and after a quick glance I realize he has a massive erection. He then whispers mmmm don't stop now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

82388

You deserved it

4487

Favorite

By Anonymous - 6/7/2009 19:21 - United States

Today, being on my boyfriend's street bike for ten minutes gave me an orgasm. My boyfriend of three years, who constantly tries so hard to get me to, has never given me an orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57995

You deserved it

7214

Favorite

By Username - 15/6/2011 05:07 - United States

Today, a car hit me while I was in a crosswalk. The driver jumped out of her car and stepped over me to check her car for damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44066

You deserved it

3107

Favorite

By Anonymous - 21/3/2020 03:00

We're up all night to not get some

Today, I must be the only woman on the planet with a boyfriend who turns down sex because he feels like he’s got a headache coming. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1798

You deserved it

489

Favorite

By campus pussy - 22/3/2014 21:08 - United States - Ross

Today, I woke up, ate breakfast, and left my dorm room, only to see about half a dozen people and my roommate shuffling around in the hall. Their zombie outfits and limping were so realistic that I freaked out and ran back inside, screaming. They think it was the greatest prank ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42945

You deserved it

11398

Favorite

By Anonymous - 21/9/2010 21:28 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that my mother has been seeing my maths teacher. I'm still failing his class. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31126

You deserved it

7859

Favorite

By Shelbitchh - 28/7/2011 09:11 - United States

Today, my mom decided to take away my TV after noticing that I watch the show True Blood. Apparently, since I watch this, I must be "curious about sex." I'm 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43571

You deserved it

5343

Favorite

By taternuts - 26/11/2011 12:18 - Canada

Today, one of my classmates pointed out that our professor has a habit of sucking his teeth at the end of each sentence. I'd never noticed before. I can't concentrate anymore, all I can focus on is his weird teeth noise thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27227

You deserved it

3490

Favorite

By unimpressed bride - 22/11/2015 06:10 - United States - Traverse City

Today, it's been two weeks since I got married. It's also two weeks since my husband got cold feet about moving in together, because he thinks the sudden change would be too emotionally distressing for his cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26484

You deserved it

3011

Favorite

By XLhottie - 6/6/2009 06:48 - United States

Today, I was at Target trying on swimsuits. I tried on a medium bottom and was so excited because it fit perfectly even though I've gained a few pounds. My self-esteem was at an all-time high until my mom told me I could never fit into a medium. I rechecked the tag. It was an extra large. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56104

You deserved it

22939

Favorite

By emogurl - 22/7/2009 05:47 - United States

Today, I returned from a month-long stay in a psych ward for severe depression and suicide attempts. The first words my friends say to me when I call them and let them know I'm out? "Does this mean you're not gonna be so emo? 'cause that was really annoying." FML

I agree, your life sucks

50761

You deserved it

28058

Favorite

By 8sq - 11/6/2011 01:32 - United States

Today, I learned the hard way that yes, a fork can get stuck in your braces. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32540

You deserved it

16323

Favorite

By Mrs. Awkward - 15/10/2018 12:00

Today, I helped an older guy with his safe deposit box. He said it's perfect for holding his ex-wife's remains and laughed. I laughed because I thought he was kidding. He wasn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2545

You deserved it

267

Favorite

By dlova - 27/1/2009 06:33 - United States

Today, I was at a party and spent the whole night bragging to my friends about how I thought this girl was totally into me. As we were leaving, we saw the same girl making out with my ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10168

You deserved it

24551

Favorite

By Anonymous - 8/7/2020 02:02

Interesting hypothesis

Today, I found out that my dad has drunkenly told my sister more than once that he doesn’t love either of us, and even then he prefers her over me. All these years I thought I was crazy for thinking I had any kind of daddy issues, but I guess that must be why I’m a phenomenal fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1525

You deserved it

145

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Outsider_77 | 0

#2633063 - Monday 6 June 2011 23:06

that is why you don't ask your mother for a reference...

By ElphabaLives | 4

#2633306 - Monday 6 June 2011 23:27

I didn't know you could have a useless.

COMMENTS

By Outsider_77 | 0

#2633063 - Monday 6 June 2011 23:06

that is why you don't ask your mother for a reference...

urdirtyolduncle | 15

#2633464 - Monday 6 June 2011 23:51

Pushing and Pulling ;)

robotiick | 12

#2636900 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 12:58

^ ur wrong its yanking and smashing

By SelenaGomezOffic | 0

#2633064 - Monday 6 June 2011 23:06

hahaha that sucks

ifailplzinsultme | 0

#2633254 - Monday 6 June 2011 23:21

why are you doing JB in your pic?

volley4eva1698 | 0

#2633311 - Monday 6 June 2011 23:28

SHES A FAKE! dun dun dunnnn

LilSideTwerk | 0

#2633508 - Monday 6 June 2011 23:59

you are not the real one.

whoisthisgirl | 4

#2636551 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 10:57

Selena wouldn't wasted her time on fml. she's a busy woman!!

larry12693 | 1

#2636553 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 11:01

your a phony!!! a big phony!!!

rarrar51 | 0

#2647447 - Thursday 9 June 2011 11:01

your bf's a fruit. a really gay fruit.

By rarrar51 | 0

#2633066 - Monday 6 June 2011 23:07

you're that dependent on your mom? you really don't have two strenghs, do you?

numbers878 | 8

#2634545 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 3:48

your*

volley4eva1698 | 0

#2634560 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 3:56

he was right, but you're wrong..failure on that one
xD

itznicknoah | 0

#2635704 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 6:54

FAIL

hiyourcute | 0

#2635809 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 7:30

I got a cheap thrill out of being the 10th thumb down on that comment >:)

BB_ava | 0

#2637817 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 16:48

37, so. freaking. stupid. Some people really need to go back to first grade...

BB_ava | 0

#2637843 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 16:51

*36

Bobissmall | 13

#2639429 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 23:53

#55, you say you are a grammar Nazi yet you don't capitalize correctly?

By ifailplzinsultme | 0

#2633072 - Monday 6 June 2011 23:07

writing on FML could be one....but still FYL

By GigaPudding_fml | 24

#2633097 - Monday 6 June 2011 23:08

You should put... Breathtaking and mindblowing, you have to turn that blank mind into something positive :)

By bitterfaceplant | 0

#2633130 - Monday 6 June 2011 23:10

Your useless, and your mom knows it.

ElphabaLives | 4

#2633306 - Monday 6 June 2011 23:27

I didn't know you could have a useless.

sxe_beast | 11

#2633545 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 0:05

I want a useless. Where can have I get one?

GuessWhatKids | 13

#2634801 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 5:22

Where you can get have one at Walmart.

Carpy | 8

#2636302 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 9:40

43 - Win lmfao xD

By PSQ91 | 6

#2633148 - Monday 6 June 2011 23:12

She probably didn't want you to get upset by saying you don't have one.

By MrXerxes5 | 6

#2633169 - Monday 6 June 2011 23:14

Lol. OP got fucked over.

By eminemchick | 19

#2633201 - Monday 6 June 2011 23:15

just put strength 1 and strength 2. works for me:-)

By perdix | 29

#2633334 - Monday 6 June 2011 23:31

For most girls, it would be Left Tit and Right Tit.

I guess you can always volunteer for the IBTC.

spazmattic | 0

#2633718 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 0:32

Itty Bitty Titties need love too