Work: Today, my mum was filling out a reference for me as I work in...

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 5

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 103

Spicy

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7

You deserved it 58

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 701

You deserved it 112

06/06/2011 16:01

Today, my mum was filling out a reference for me as I work in the family business. When it came to naming two of my strengths, she asked me what to put as she couldn't think of anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 269

You deserved it 4 705

Work

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

There's no helping some people

Good kid

13/07/2011 18:16

Today, my parents think that I don't realize all the sexual euphemisms in their conversations. One of the more recent ones being made by my dad at the dinner table: "This sausage is great, honey, but mine is bigger and tastier!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 218

You deserved it 3 975

20/02/2016 12:16

Today, my neighbor - whose first words to me when I moved onto the block were "I don't like your face" - called the cops and claimed I'd been exposing myself in public. His lowlife buddy backed him up on his lie. I'm pretty sure I'm going to end up in deep trouble thanks to them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 183

You deserved it 1 279

07/05/2011 06:40

Today, I snuck out to see my girlfriend in the middle of the night. When I got to her house, I decided to throw a rock at her window to wake her up. It broke a hole in the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 564

You deserved it 50 176

27/03/2016 21:05

Today, I was hiding Easter eggs around the house when my 7-year-old triplets woke up from their nap and saw me. They quickly realized that I am the Easter Bunny, and then they guessed that I am Santa. Now I have 3 crying second graders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 102

You deserved it 4 227

15/01/2011 14:38

Today, I found out my dad has a folder full of baby pictures and things that I drew when I was younger, labeled "Shit from when Annie was cute." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 425

You deserved it 3 942

19/12/2009 04:29

Today, I spent hours delicately writing out what seemed to be a beautiful poem to my girlfriend. After I sent it to her, I kept eyeing my phone to see her surprised message. No, my only response was "you may want to use a spellcheck." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 006

You deserved it 26 206

28/02/2010 04:30

Today, I discovered that my abusive, obsessive, psychotic ex-boyfriend from over two years ago still has a thing for me. How did I find out? Although I've ignored him walking unnecessarily past my house for the past two months, it was hard to ignore when he fell from a tree outside my window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 375

You deserved it 2 858

06/09/2009 23:15

Today, my girlfriend's family came over and I thought it would be fun to watch old family videos of when I was a kid. A few minutes into my 5th birthday party, I excused myself and went to grab some snacks for everyone. I returned to realize I had recorded porn over my family videos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 634

You deserved it 68 479

12/10/2016 13:53

Today I bought a 50$ voucher card to refill my phone. After I purchased it, I threw the receipt in the dustbin. When I got home, I found out that the 14-digit pin code was on the receipt. I basically threw 57 bucks in the dustbin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 360

You deserved it 11 602

Grossed out

By Jodi Sanford - 09/10/2021 11:01

Today, I asked my roommate to spit in the toilet instead of the sink so I wouldn't have to touch it. When I rinsed the sink after brushing my teeth, he said, "Why would you touch the sink? It’s gross." FML

I agree, your life sucks 556

You deserved it 244

16/01/2009 13:36

Today, my partner and I were informed by the man we had a three-way with, the first one after having finally screwed up the courage to do it, that he has mono. I don't feel so good. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 465

You deserved it 38 283

Dodged a bullet, TBH

By RKD - 23/10/2019 16:00

Today, my girlfriend, whom I thought I would marry, broke up with me. She broke up with me because I don't believe the government controls the weather. Um, what? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 759

You deserved it 213

30/04/2014 00:10

Today, I learned my girlfriend was cheating on me. After giving her a second chance and meeting her parents for the first time, her father said at the dinner table, "I like the other guy better." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 221

You deserved it 7 284

23/09/2014 16:30

Today, my date ditched me and showed up with another guy at the same restaurant. She even tried to take the reservation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 057

You deserved it 2 780

02/03/2011 08:16

Today, on the train, a cute girl gave me her number. After maybe half an hour, she went to her seat and I went to the toilet for a quick but loud and painful dump. I opened the door and saw her outside getting bitch-slapped by the smell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 445

You deserved it 9 909

15/08/2015 09:32

Today, it's been 2 days since my boyfriend "accidentally" slipped into the wrong hole while continuing to hammer me at full speed. I still can't poop or even walk right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 554

You deserved it 5 014

26/09/2010 23:58

Today, my grad student husband was unusually frisky in the middle of the day. I took the opportunity and we had an enjoyable afternoon romp. Afterward, I asked him what had gotten him in such a good mood. He replied, "I'd do just about anything to get out of doing my homework." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 254

You deserved it 4 149

20/08/2013 07:08

Today, I got a steering wheel cover to stop my obsessive steering wheel picking. After putting it on, I realized it was crooked, causing me to have OCD fits every time I drive. I can still pick at the steering wheel around the cover. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 850

You deserved it 9 920

16/07/2013 23:41

Today, I told the guy I liked about my crush on him. He said he would keep me in mind if he ever hits rock bottom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 236

You deserved it 3 827

21/09/2009 10:53

Today, my girlfriend decided to break up with me because she found a bra in my cupboard. It was hers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 446

You deserved it 3 558

02/07/2011 06:44

Today, my boyfriend tried to make me wear a fake mustache during sex. He said "It turns him on." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 954

You deserved it 5 215

14/04/2009 02:50

Today, I was walking into class when the guy i like walked in and said "Gross it smells like grandma in here. What, did someone bathe in their perfume today?" I was the only girl in the room and I just bought new perfume. I thought I smelled good, apparently I didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 322

You deserved it 13 604

11/07/2016 19:03

Today, unfortunately, my new husband's idea of foreplay is to tap me on the shoulder and tell me to roll over. I saved myself for marriage for this? FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 532

You deserved it 3 299

03/01/2012 14:57

Today, I bought a $450 elliptical machine to get in shape of the new year. After 5 hours of putting it together, I realized that all the ceilings in every room of my apartment are too low for me to use it without hitting my head. I can't return it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 022

You deserved it 9 952

20/03/2015 16:56

Today, I had to take a dump at work. I walked into the bathroom and opened a stall, only to find what I can only describe as a fecal crime scene. It was like a turd had exploded mid-air. It was so vile, my anxiety kicked in and I broke down into a sobbing panic attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 283

You deserved it 3 599

15/02/2016 17:04

Today, the car across the street has been broken into so many times that my parrot has started to mimic its car alarm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 861

You deserved it 1 714

Everyone's a critic

By Anonymous - 24/02/2021 05:01

Today, I finally left a one-star review for my doctor’s office. I mentioned my doctor was epic, but called them out on their poor billing practices. I got a call saying my awesome doctor actually owns the clinic. My next appointment is going to be so awkward. FML

I agree, your life sucks 684

You deserved it 289

04/09/2011 04:15

Today, I went to a football game. During a time out, my face appeared on the Jumbotron during the Kiss Cam segment. I was sitting next to my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 393

You deserved it 2 874

07/12/2013 17:29

Today, my 6-year-old daughter got mad at me for not buying her yet another expensive doll. I had to pull her away, and she started screaming for help. The next thing I know, another shopper puts me in a chokehold and calls for security, all while my daughter smirks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 874

You deserved it 6 173

22/11/2010 12:29

Today, my boyfriend compared my orgasm to that of a beached sea turtle. He demonstrated what he meant in front of all our friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 749

You deserved it 4 073

16/10/2009 13:39

Today, I went outside to enjoy the cool air without my glasses. I saw my neighbor doing the same, so I waved and said hi. When she didn't respond, I yelled and went back inside. It was only later when I went back out with my glasses on that I realized I was being ignored by a Halloween decoration. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 469

You deserved it 33 623

14/07/2011 16:52

Today, my boyfriend fingered me. He never cuts his nails. It felt like I was getting intimate with Wolverine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 656

You deserved it 15 860

11/05/2009 09:09

Today, I realized what my mom has been calling me for 20 years. She always calls me her "little fehler." With her being from Germany, I always thought it was a cute little nickname. Apparently, she's been calling me her "little mistake." FML

I agree, your life sucks 100 975

You deserved it 5 710

05/05/2011 06:13

Today, my mom confessed that she has to make up compliments to give to prove me wrong when I said she can never say positive things about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 380

You deserved it 3 441

15/10/2013 00:14

Today, my friend texted me from a bar, saying they had just called my name in a raffle to win a trip to Aspen, CO. You had to be at the bar to claim the prize. I had left the bar half-an-hour earlier, not knowing they were even having a raffle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 586

You deserved it 4 416

Woof! I do not consent!

By Horny and Unamused - 25/05/2021 11:00

Today, at my wit's end, I had to have a conversation with my dog's trainer. During the pandemic, my otherwise housebroken dog began to pee in my bathroom whenever my boyfriend and I have sex. Our sex life is suffering and we went from 2-3 times a week to 8 times in the last year… with 8 matching piss puddles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 950

You deserved it 167

08/05/2012 11:35

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he would still love me if I became a vegetable. His response: "Well, the sex wouldn't be any different." FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 731

You deserved it 34 940

11/11/2010 08:39

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years told me that I appear to have gained some weight. After realizing that it made me feel depressed, he tried to make me feel better by making love to me. I decided to go with it. While doing so, he paused and said "I'm sorry baby, but your weight is too much pressure for my back." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 155

You deserved it 8 564

16/05/2015 09:11

Today, my boyfriend decided to suddenly stop in the middle of sex, just as I was actually starting to enjoy myself, just to bear hug me and exclaim, "Crikey, she's angry!" in the voice of Steve Irwin. He laughed so hard at his own joke that he went soft and couldn't continue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 385

You deserved it 3 662

30/01/2019 04:00

Today, I started this show and was really confused what was happening until I realized I accidentally started from the last episode so I basically ruined the whole show for myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 701

You deserved it 1 266

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Top comments

Outsider_77 0

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Monday 6 June 2011 23:06

that is why you don't ask your mother for a reference...

ElphabaLives 4

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Monday 6 June 2011 23:27

I didn't know you could have a useless.

Comments

Outsider_77 0

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Monday 6 June 2011 23:06

that is why you don't ask your mother for a reference...

urdirtyolduncle 15

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Monday 6 June 2011 23:51

Pushing and Pulling ;)

robotiick 12

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Tuesday 7 June 2011 12:58

^ ur wrong its yanking and smashing

SelenaGomezOffic 0

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Monday 6 June 2011 23:06

hahaha that sucks

ifailplzinsultme 0

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Monday 6 June 2011 23:21

why are you doing JB in your pic?

volley4eva1698 0

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Monday 6 June 2011 23:28

SHES A FAKE! dun dun dunnnn

LilSideTwerk 0

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Monday 6 June 2011 23:59

you are not the real one.

whoisthisgirl 4

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Tuesday 7 June 2011 10:57

Selena wouldn't wasted her time on fml. she's a busy woman!!

larry12693 1

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Tuesday 7 June 2011 11:01

your a phony!!! a big phony!!!

rarrar51 0

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Thursday 9 June 2011 11:01

your bf's a fruit. a really gay fruit.

rarrar51 0

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Monday 6 June 2011 23:07

you're that dependent on your mom? you really don't have two strenghs, do you?

numbers878 8

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Tuesday 7 June 2011 3:48

your*

volley4eva1698 0

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Tuesday 7 June 2011 3:56

he was right, but you're wrong..failure on that one xD

itznicknoah 0

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Tuesday 7 June 2011 6:54

FAIL

hiyourcute 0

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Tuesday 7 June 2011 7:30

I got a cheap thrill out of being the 10th thumb down on that comment >:)

BB_ava 0

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Tuesday 7 June 2011 16:48

37, so. freaking. stupid. Some people really need to go back to first grade...

BB_ava 0

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Tuesday 7 June 2011 16:51

*36

Bobissmall 13

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Tuesday 7 June 2011 23:53

#55, you say you are a grammar Nazi yet you don't capitalize correctly?

ifailplzinsultme 0

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Monday 6 June 2011 23:07

writing on FML could be one....but still FYL

GigaPudding_fml 24

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Monday 6 June 2011 23:08

You should put... Breathtaking and mindblowing, you have to turn that blank mind into something positive :)

bitterfaceplant 0

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Monday 6 June 2011 23:10

Your useless, and your mom knows it.

ElphabaLives 4

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Monday 6 June 2011 23:27

I didn't know you could have a useless.

sxe_beast 11

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Tuesday 7 June 2011 0:05

I want a useless. Where can have I get one?

GuessWhatKids 13

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Tuesday 7 June 2011 5:22

Where you can get have one at Walmart.

Carpy 8

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Tuesday 7 June 2011 9:40

43 - Win lmfao xD

PSQ91 6

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Monday 6 June 2011 23:12

She probably didn't want you to get upset by saying you don't have one.

MrXerxes5 6

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Monday 6 June 2011 23:14

Lol. OP got fucked over.

eminemchick 19

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Monday 6 June 2011 23:15

just put strength 1 and strength 2. works for me:-)

perdix 29

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Monday 6 June 2011 23:31

For most girls, it would be Left Tit and Right Tit. I guess you can always volunteer for the IBTC.

spazmattic 0

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Tuesday 7 June 2011 0:32

Itty Bitty Titties need love too