Work: Today, my mum was filling out a reference for me as I work in...

By surefeelslikelove

Today, my mum was filling out a reference for me as I work in the family business. When it came to naming two of my strengths, she asked me what to put as she couldn't think of anything. FML

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28243

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Work

There's no helping some people

Taking stock

Clean break

By savagepixie

Ex-Lax Time

Today, my boyfriend and I were playing around, and he thought it would be funny to steal my ring and "pretend" to swallow it. I tried to get it back, but unfortunately I "surprised" him. He reckons I'll get it back some time tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1679

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199

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By Belgian girl - United States - Lewes

Today, I became my one night stand's shrink as he went through the process of realising he might be bisexual. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5261

You deserved it

692

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By sailorpete

Today, I got fired from the job I've only had for a week. Between paying for a physical, my own background check and uniforms, I paid more money to start working there than I'll get from my one and only paycheck. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1834

You deserved it

271

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By believe me now?? - United Kingdom - Ilkeston

Today, my girlfriend read an FML by some guy about fight he had with his nutjob of a girlfriend. It was so bizarrely similar to a fight we had recently that she accused me of not having any balls and bitching about her to strangers. It wasn't even my story. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25586

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2044

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I went on a date, the first one I've been on since my last boyfriend broke up with me 6 months ago. We were in a restaurant, and at the end of meal he insisted on paying the bill. He wanted to leave a 15% tip but couldn't work out in his head how much to leave. The bill was for £100. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30596

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14571

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By A girl - Netherlands

Today, it has been 8 months since I started a photography project in which I would take a picture of the same tree every day for a year. I just heard a noise outside. They cut the tree down. FML

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52653

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By Karen - United Kingdom

Today, I was hurrying for the bus home from work. It was raining and I had my umbrella up. As I hurried by two women, I felt my umbrella hit one of them on the head. I turned to apologise and saw her standing with her hands on her newly bald head. My umbrella had lifted her wig off her head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45768

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By Anonymous - China

Today, I was in a restaurant with my fiancée for dinner. I commented that she had some food around her mouth. She responded with a lecture, then by throwing her hot bowl of noodles at me, before stomping out the restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29697

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4334

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By sad face - Canada

Today, my history teacher confiscated my iPhone. She dropped it on the way back to her desk, and I now have a shattered iPhone screen to fix. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32431

You deserved it

31955

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By cammy123 - United States

Today, I went to Target. I was on my way to the bathroom when I find a huge mirror. No one was around so I started to see how my butt looked in my jeans, checked up my nose and fixed my bra. An older woman then walks out of a door next to the mirror and explains that it's a two-way mirror. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21549

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By Ash_U

Today, I had to dig through my dog's poop again because I thought I saw a worm, but it was just the remains of the paper towels my husband leaves all over the house. My efforts to make them both stop have obviously fallen on deaf ears. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3313

You deserved it

335

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By bern5555 - United States

Today, I was working with the kid I babysit for. We were out and he complained that he was hungry. I spent my very last $2 on chicken nuggets for him and a coffee for myself. Just as I sat down, he knocked over my coffee, spilling it into his chicken nuggets. Then he cried for over an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34387

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3249

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By Anonymous

Today, my Dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51993

You deserved it

4166

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By Lilly_28 - United States

Today, I was home alone. I didn't expect anyone to be anywhere near home, so when I got out of the shower, I walked to the living room, naked, to get the tv remote for my room. Only to find the UPS guy standing at our glass front door. I screamed... so did he. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43870

You deserved it

18386

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By sad_panda - United States

Today, I asked my mother if we could test me for OCD, since so many people have suggested to me that I might have it. She smiles at me and says, "No, honey, you're just really really weird." FML

I agree, your life sucks

46127

You deserved it

6921

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Afterwards, he said he was in love with me and that he wants to be with me forever. It was also at this time I realised that I can't stand him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17151

You deserved it

38604

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that the new management position I'm supposed to start in two days was delayed for a month and a half. I already quit my current job and called my boss gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10839

You deserved it

55376

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By Randiluck - Canada

Today, I met up with a few old friends for some wine and munchies. The main topics of conversation were colonoscopies, lactose intolerance and specific symptoms of irritable bowel syndrome. I'm sleeping over at one of their houses. Only 20 more hours to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19983

You deserved it

2683

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By stupidgirl - United States

Today, I changed all my plans, after months of him begging me to, so I could go to the same university as my long-term boyfriend. After I sent in my deposit, he told me we couldn't live together in college because I was "invading his space." FML

I agree, your life sucks

27328

You deserved it

14125

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By militarywife2b - France

Today, at work, I watched a man throw up in his hands, dump the contents on his plate, then eat the things it "didn't touch". I had to wash his plate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34628

You deserved it

2165

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By Anonymous - United States - Portland

Today, I noticed that my car's passenger-side door has cobwebs all over it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46506

You deserved it

7096

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By Enrique - United States

Today, I work at McDonalds. I burned my hand while cleaning their grill and have a 2nd/3rd degree burn from my pinky to my wrist. When told about this, my manager told me that there was "nothing that they could do for me and to tough it out". However I was given a free McFlurry. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33893

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4980

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By M3DO

Today, I got called for a job that I applied to 2 months ago, just to ask me if I had an older brother that could work for them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12719

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794

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By JoJo - United States

Today, I realized that acne is a major side effect of a medication I'm taking. The medication is to help me with my anxiety. The acne is creating more anxiety. And the more anxious I get, the more meds I need. And the more my face breaks out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41963

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5172

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was in gym class talking to a guy I like. My friend then decided to come up behind me and pants me, pulling down my underwear along with them. His only comment? "Someone needs to shave." FML

I agree, your life sucks

40571

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7570

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By funkyhed84 - United Kingdom - York

Today, I answered the door to two Mormon girls from America. I live in the UK and am not religious at all, but I was too polite to slam the door and ended up letting them in. An hour later, a copy of 'The Book of Mormon' and 'My Pathway to Baptism' and I think I'm now a Mormon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3087

You deserved it

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By the2girls - Canada

Today, I was walking to get ice-cream with my boyfriend. When we were ordering our cone, the girl who was scooping it said to my boyfriend, "Hey I know you! You're the one who slept with my sister-in-law the other night." FML

I agree, your life sucks

55958

You deserved it

5188

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By sierraisfucked - United States

Today, I was in Walmart with my mom. I was looking for some CDs I wanted and saw a cute guy. Then he nodded at me and as he started to walk towards me, I hear my name being called over the intercom. Apparently, according to my mom, it was time to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49367

You deserved it

4175

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By AmICrappyEveryOtherDay - Canada

Today, I received my first compliment in a really long time. It went, "Hey, you don't look like crap today." FML

I agree, your life sucks

29272

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4289

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By Anonymous - United States - New York

Today, my drunk dad told me I'm smart enough that any guy could overlook the fact that I'm fat, but not smart enough that they could overlook how ugly I am. Gee, thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20404

You deserved it

1850

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Today, I found out the reason our toilet paper has been disappearing so fast recently isn't because my son is wanking like a gibbon as I first thought. He's just been using our shredder to make streamers out of the stuff, then hiding it all in a box in his closet. Fucking hell, son. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41398

You deserved it

4484

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By bye loser - Canada - Abbotsford

Today, I went on a first date. Everything was going well until he asked me, "So, what's the biggest thing you've stuck up your vag?" FML

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45530

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By Anonymous - United States - Manchester

A likely story...

Today, my boyfriend of 2 years wanted to break up because I was "kissing" another guy. That guy was 73 years old and dying of a heart-attack. I work as an Ambulance Technician and was performing CPR. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7931

You deserved it

507

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By Bellagirl - United States

Sex talk

Today, I found out what's worse than having the "sex talk" with your parents: having the "sex talk" with your boyfriend, when he's 23, right before you were supposed to have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38362

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5463

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, at work, I was walking to the back office, and I didn't know my manager was following me. After I walked through the door, without looking, I reached behind me to close it. Instead of grabbing the door handle, I got a handful of his crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32911

You deserved it

3856

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By Anonymous - United States - Bessemer

Today, I announced my pregnancy to my husband. He responded with, "Well shit, when do these faucets turn on?" and started honking my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42499

You deserved it

5781

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By Live Sweet

Today, I finally hooked up with the guy that I have been in love with forever. If there is such a thing as soul mates, this guy is it. He's my best friend in the whole world. It was the worst sex I have ever had. FML

I agree, your life sucks

69461

You deserved it

14697

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By sisco2901 - Slovakia

Today, my recent ex-girlfriend posted a photo of herself on Facebook. It was a picture of herself in the arms of a half-naked male stripper. She posted it on my wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35254

You deserved it

5277

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By dancer, not a hooker... - Canada - Penticton

Today, I finished a dance competition. With competitions, it requires you to wear a lot of makeup like false eyelashes and red lipstick. I went into a Starbucks to get a coffee and a boy around 18 asked me, in all seriousness, what my rate is for one night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60465

You deserved it

11630

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By soontobesingle - United Kingdom - Sherborne

Today, my husband called me, saying he was in the hospital with a friend who'd just broken his arm. Too bad I then heard a female voice in the background mutter, "She'll never buy that". FML

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62308

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Top comments

By Outsider_77 | 0

#2633063 - Monday 6 June 2011 23:06

that is why you don't ask your mother for a reference...

By ElphabaLives | 4

#2633306 - Monday 6 June 2011 23:27

I didn't know you could have a useless.

COMMENTS

By Outsider_77 | 0

#2633063 - Monday 6 June 2011 23:06

that is why you don't ask your mother for a reference...

urdirtyolduncle | 15

#2633464 - Monday 6 June 2011 23:51

Pushing and Pulling ;)

robotiick | 12

#2636900 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 12:58

^ ur wrong its yanking and smashing

By SelenaGomezOffic | 0

#2633064 - Monday 6 June 2011 23:06

hahaha that sucks

ifailplzinsultme | 0

#2633254 - Monday 6 June 2011 23:21

why are you doing JB in your pic?

volley4eva1698 | 0

#2633311 - Monday 6 June 2011 23:28

SHES A FAKE! dun dun dunnnn

LilSideTwerk | 0

#2633508 - Monday 6 June 2011 23:59

you are not the real one.

whoisthisgirl | 4

#2636551 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 10:57

Selena wouldn't wasted her time on fml. she's a busy woman!!

larry12693 | 1

#2636553 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 11:01

your a phony!!! a big phony!!!

rarrar51 | 0

#2647447 - Thursday 9 June 2011 11:01

your bf's a fruit. a really gay fruit.

By rarrar51 | 0

#2633066 - Monday 6 June 2011 23:07

you're that dependent on your mom? you really don't have two strenghs, do you?

numbers878 | 8

#2634545 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 3:48

your*

volley4eva1698 | 0

#2634560 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 3:56

he was right, but you're wrong..failure on that one
xD

itznicknoah | 0

#2635704 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 6:54

FAIL

hiyourcute | 0

#2635809 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 7:30

I got a cheap thrill out of being the 10th thumb down on that comment >:)

BB_ava | 0

#2637817 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 16:48

37, so. freaking. stupid. Some people really need to go back to first grade...

BB_ava | 0

#2637843 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 16:51

*36

Bobissmall | 13

#2639429 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 23:53

#55, you say you are a grammar Nazi yet you don't capitalize correctly?

By ifailplzinsultme | 0

#2633072 - Monday 6 June 2011 23:07

writing on FML could be one....but still FYL

By GigaPudding_fml | 24

#2633097 - Monday 6 June 2011 23:08

You should put... Breathtaking and mindblowing, you have to turn that blank mind into something positive :)

By bitterfaceplant | 0

#2633130 - Monday 6 June 2011 23:10

Your useless, and your mom knows it.

ElphabaLives | 4

#2633306 - Monday 6 June 2011 23:27

I didn't know you could have a useless.

sxe_beast | 11

#2633545 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 0:05

I want a useless. Where can have I get one?

GuessWhatKids | 13

#2634801 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 5:22

Where you can get have one at Walmart.

Carpy | 8

#2636302 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 9:40

43 - Win lmfao xD

By PSQ91 | 6

#2633148 - Monday 6 June 2011 23:12

She probably didn't want you to get upset by saying you don't have one.

By MrXerxes5 | 6

#2633169 - Monday 6 June 2011 23:14

Lol. OP got fucked over.

By eminemchick | 19

#2633201 - Monday 6 June 2011 23:15

just put strength 1 and strength 2. works for me:-)

By perdix | 29

#2633334 - Monday 6 June 2011 23:31

For most girls, it would be Left Tit and Right Tit.

I guess you can always volunteer for the IBTC.

spazmattic | 0

#2633718 - Tuesday 7 June 2011 0:32

Itty Bitty Titties need love too