Today, my boyfriend and I ordered pizza and watched a movie. After dinner we started to make out. I began to take my clothes off when he stopped me. He said that sex is exercise and you can't exercise for 30 minutes after eating. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my boyfriend and I were watching a movie and eating a burger. Feeling frisky, I sat up and took off my shirt. He looked at my chest, at his burger, then back at me and said, "Give me a minute, I don't want my food to get cold." FML
Today, things were getting hot with my boyfriend and I started to breathe heavy and moan. He then says to me, "Babe, can you calm down, we're having sex not running a marathon." FML
Today, I told my long-distance boyfriend that I'd like to throw my legs over my head and have him cram his dick deep inside me. He told me to order a pizza, "It'd be more fun." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were planning how to spend the day together. When I suggested we start off with some fun in bed, then get some pizza and play his favorite video game, he sighed, "Can't we just go straight to gaming?" FML
Today, I was eating pizza with my boyfriend and my friends. I was laughing and talking and went for another piece when my boyfriend grabbed my wrist and said that I had had enough. My friends all backed him up. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend when he stopped and got dressed. Naked and confused, I figured he’d be right back. Yeah, 20 minutes later with a plate of food for himself. So much for sex. It would've been nice if he told me though. FML
Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, he stopped, got off, walked into the kitchen grabbed a doughnut, and came back to finish while he ate it. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Immediately after we'd finished, he said, "Get off, you're making it hard to breathe on top of me." FML
Today, I tried to have sex with my boyfriend three times, but every time he insisted that he wasn't in the mood. I left to get food and when I came home he was masturbating. FML
Today, I tried to have sex with my boyfriend three times, but every time he insisted that he wasn't in the mood. I left to get food and when I came home, he was masturbating. FML
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Top comments
_streets_ 19
haha isn't that the rule for swimming or something
Raleigh_bruh 7
The real Fml here is that you two made out after eating pizza.. Not a very appetizing taste you want in your mouth mixed with someone else's saliva. :/
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Comments (166)
prezj 0
he turned down sex,if you dump him call me
Stoddards_rock1 0
LMAO (The One Above Me) Well, I Guess That Could Be A Good Thing Because He Looking Out For Your Health.. But Also A Bad Thing Because He's Turning You Down Over Pizza...Suck's For You Though Maybe Next Time Your Luck Might Be A Better Chance Of Having Sex.
Spastastic 6
I Really Don't Understand Why People Type Like This. It Makes No Sense To Me. I Understand The Supposed Reasons For Chat Speak, Even Though I Hate It, But I See No Reason For This.
penguinazul 13
Me Either, Spastastic. I Guess It Sounds Cooler To Put Emphasis On The First Letter Of Every Word You Type. Otherwise, The Sentence Won't Make Near As Much Sense. I'm Finding That It's Just Reading Oddly In My Head.
5t3ff1k4h 47
There's chat reasons for typing like that? What's it supposed to improve or enhance? Also.. it's reading weird in my head too. Almost like there's an extra half pause in between each word...
mnemonicdaze 0
Kinda like there is supposed to be a period after each word. I thought I was the only one who read that weird.
Spastastic 6
I read it like that in my head too, haha.
dinosaurraper 0
your boyfriend is obviously gay if he passes up sex. I would have smashed that ;)
roflinyourwaffle 0
considering that your username is dinosaurraper, when it clearly should be dinosaurrapIST, i'm pretty sure you won't "smash" anything, ignorant sir. you are home, naturally alone, and your penis is tiny. go smash yourself against a wall. thank you.
xshadyshadow 0
117- That was hilarious! You just made my day. =]
iCommentFML 0
Lol ydi for not finishing the pizza 30mins before the movie ended
frezeal33 0
23 WTF?!
Junebuggery 0
so vile!
katplayer 4
Smart man. You don't want to get stomach cramps, do you?
zach55 0
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA oh I just pooped and peed.
emilyk123 0
ok hes a loser
Trollz4daLULZ 2
******* copycats. Pay attention and do this right next time! Ready? Here goes.... YDI for attempting to fornicate. YDI for watching movies. Only child molesters watch movies of any sort. YDI for eating pizza. Pizza is for deformed, sewer-dwelling, mutant reptiles who are proficient in martial arts. YDI for trying to exercise less than 30 minutes after eating (and really, you want to go at least an hour, depending on the intensity of the exercise). YDI for taking off your clothes. YDI for even wearing clothes in the first place. YDI for buying pizza instead of cooking for him.
roflinyourwaffle 0
also, YDI for having a bottomless stomach to eat his face and attempting to devour his cockmeat sandwich after a full-on pizza meal. YDI for not suggesting that YOU'LL do the exercise. YDI for not paying attention to the movie and trying to fornicate while the actors are doing their job.
PhillyFox 0
YDI for existing.
5t3ff1k4h 47
All three of you DI because of your numerous attempts to find failures.