Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex. I was a virgin and he wasn't. About 30 seconds in he collapsed on me. I thought he was joking around and I started laughing. He wasn't joking. He was done. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I decided it was time to lose my virginity to my boyfriend. After about ten minutes he started going faster and his stomach was slapping against mine. It was making a weird sound so I started laughing. Apparently that wasn't sexy and he went soft. My first time and we didn't even finish. FML
Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. Afterwards, I got up to get some water. When I stood up, I fell straight to the ground, my legs were so weak. As I fell, I hit my head on the end table and knocked myself unconscious. My boyfriend laughed at me. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex. He tried to put it in unerected. He was serious. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and he finished before me. I thought that he was going to try and get hard again so we could continue. Unfortunately, he turned to me and said to me, "Don't worry, I'll re-spawn in a few minutes." I lost it completely. FML
Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. After he'd repeatedly told me not to worry about bleeding, and reassuring me that he'd take care of me, he passed out halfway through. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. He picked me up and threw me over his shoulder to take me to his room. He wasn't careful enough, and dropped me right on my head, on the hardwood floor. I ended up vomiting and came down with a headache. He still wanted to have sex. FML
Today, in the midst of having sex, my boyfriend decided that, as a joke, he would pretend to be a zombie whilst going down on me. Sadly, the thought turned me so much that I came. This was the first orgasm he's ever given me in over a year of dating. FML
Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. Not only did he last just 2 minutes, he also sat there for a while afterwards, smacking his semi-erect penis in awe and saying, "Look, it's still hard! How crazy is that?!" FML
Today, my boyfriend and I decided it was time to lose our virginity. After our clothes were removed, we spent 30 minutes trying to figure out how to actually have sex, and eventually gave up. FML
Today, I was having phone sex with my boyfriend. About halfway through he went really quiet and started breathing heavily. I thought he was about to climax until I discovered he had fallen asleep. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
jam26 0
are you sure he wasn't a virgin? I know most guys finish in like 2 seconds their first time. maybe he lied to you and he was a virgin too
amirn86 0
Hey, at least you know you turn him on A LOT This really never happens you can take my word I want to apologize that's just absurd Mainly you're at fault for the way that you dance and now I **** IN MY PANTS Don't tell your friends or I'll say you're a **** Plus it's your fault, you were rubbing my butt I'm very sensitive, some would say that's a plus Now I'll go home and change I **** right in my pants every time you're next to me And when we're holding hands it's like having sex to me You say I'm premature, I just call it ecstasy I wear a rubber at all times cause it's a necessity Cause I **** in my pants
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (248)
nightmaregolem1 0
not really an FML its more like he just sucks in the sack
carpe_cotidie 0
At #70: "i agree with #69 position. It is a good one." That's hilarious. I hope you commented with that double meaning by accident. Also, more related: go for round two, be supportive, etc. His pride is probably hurting. Don't let it be only about him though. Try the second meaning #70 had. 69ing is a great way to make sure you are both happy. Good luck! And don't give up on sex. Shit happens.
nomo_fml 0
Pretty sure he's a virgin, if he fails that fast.
AliSama 17
#84 i do agree with #69 plus i thought it would make people laugh a little. lol. considering the poster is named firstimer69. i have no experience with the 69 position or any position, so i cannot say one way or the other if it is good or not. But like you said, it will probably work better for her. lol
jara9801 0
for the record sex is NOT supposed to be like that, lol
Paulspacefdot 0
GIve the guy a break... it was a 'warning shot'... just give him some recovery time and tell him he's not leaving until after the third inning. Oh, and I should mention that it DOES get better with practice :-)
shauna_fml 0
Yeah that happens sometimes. Don't take it personally, sometimes guys are just so horny that they can't hold it in much longer. If you want it to last longer next time, you should go on top. Guys are able to control themselves more on the bottom.
threegp 0
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH 30 SECONDS!?!?!?!?!?!?!? HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH
shauna_fml 0
And all the people calling this guy pathetic - you obviously don't have sex much because the more you do the more you'll realize that this is normal for most guys. Just like it's normal for most girls not to get an ****** just from sex alone.
allstarplayer324 0
#9- is my hero...i was actually just thinking about that song when i read this! haha, but at least your guy didn't **** in his pants...thats happened to me before..... And he probably wasn't lying about being a virgin, i mean if he doesn't improve it is kinda pathetic cause you probably barely got excited after 30 seconds..give it a few more tries.