Work: Today, my bosses were boasting about their work-funded retreat,... - FML

By Wolfrunner87 - 13/07/2015 05:06 - Australia - Broadmeadows

Today, my bosses were boasting about their work-funded retreat, including the $1,800 bottle of wine the company paid for. This would be fine if they hadn't just told me there are no funds to pay me for the work they've got me doing. We are also the biggest company in our industry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 302

You deserved it 1 938

Mother of the year

Sorry…

BO Central

By Anonymous - 09/11/2013 05:17 - United States - Lake Forest

Today, I went on what I thought was a date. After a wonderful night with a perfect gentleman, he told me how excited he is that he's moving in with his girlfriend next week, and thanked me for reassuring him that he doesn't want anyone but her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 245

You deserved it 3 904

By keenan - 19/09/2010 23:55 - United States

Today, I had to use my driver's license to convince the security guard at a game room that I was a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 962

You deserved it 5 179

By Anonymous - 21/02/2016 10:55 - United Kingdom - Farnborough

Today, my brother accused me of faking my bipolar disorder for attention, all because I don't act the same as the bipolar girl in some TV show he watches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 921

You deserved it 1 657

By Rawf - 18/07/2009 05:45 - United States

Today, at work, a customer called in and asked me to read off every item on our menu, along with their ingredients. I work at Jamba Juice so that's a lot of reading. After about 10 minutes of this, I found out it was actually my stupid co-worker calling from the back phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 103

You deserved it 9 927

By louise. - 18/10/2010 09:06 - Australia

Today, I asked my boyfriend why he chose me out of all the hotter girls out there. He told me it's because I have great birthing hips. Apparently I'm having six children. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 548

You deserved it 5 697

By daughter of a gullible cunt - 13/01/2013 21:02 - Australia

Today, as per usual, my mother went to see her psychic, who told her that one of her children is harbouring a "dark secret". Now we're all grounded until one of us confesses our obviously non-existent secret. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 678

You deserved it 2 663

By anonymous - 14/05/2012 10:31 - United States - Havelock

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend started laughing during sex because my boobs are slightly different. He then broke up with me after I pointed out that his nuts aren't exactly even either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 489

You deserved it 6 394

By joshualover - 23/09/2010 02:29 - United States

Today, I was driving through my neighborhood when I heard a siren. I looked into my rear view mirror and saw a motorcycle, so I pulled over. The motorcycle drove by, and it turned out to be an old lady with a leather jacket. The siren was in a song on the radio. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 490

You deserved it 28 262

By Anonymous - 30/07/2019 22:00

Today, I got to a patient having a seizure and was approached by a bystander who said to me, "I have pharmaceutical grade essential oils, and they recommend Frankincense for seizures." Thank you? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 704

You deserved it 113

By N - 08/02/2009 08:04 - United States

Today, my best friend told me she wanted to rape my throat. I did not know that was possible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 308

You deserved it 5 229

By Anonymous - 25/06/2016 13:51 - New Zealand - Christchurch

Today, my mom and I staged an intervention for my alcoholic dad. Within minutes he'd turned everything around on us, claiming we're in no position to judge him for drinking since we use "too much water" when we shower. Apparently that's on the same level as being an abusive alcoholic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 658

You deserved it 806

By Chelsea - 02/04/2012 17:31 - United States

Spicy

Today, I met a really attractive guy outside of a club. We came back to my apartment and had sex. Afterward, we both fell asleep. I woke up and found 20 dollars on my nightstand that wasn't there before. He thought I was a prostitute, and apparently a cheap one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 270

You deserved it 38 812

The Voice

By NotChadKrouger - 11/05/2011 15:19

Today, I was auditioning for a talent show. I asked my girlfriend if I could sing to her before I went. She said sure. Thirty seconds in, she got up and mumbled, "You're only going to embarrass yourself." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 363

You deserved it 14 923

By Anonymous - 12/01/2011 05:09 - United States

Today, at the job I've had for eight years, I finally got the raise I was supposed to get a year ago. One hour later I found out the store was closing and we were all out of a job in two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 398

You deserved it 2 230

By dishwasherforlife - 04/11/2009 05:26 - United States

Today, I filled out a 'perfect job placement' test, where you put down your skills, experience and education level and then it finds you jobs based on your abilities and areas of knowledge. No lie, the most compatible job they found for me was 'Dishwasher'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 411

You deserved it 6 138

By Anonymous - 30/03/2011 23:53 - United States

Today, on my 21st birthday, a relative asked me if I was still engaged to the love of my life. The man I spent several years with, gave my virginity to, moved across the country for, who promised to marry me before my 21st, and who swore he was over his ex for good. No, but thanks for asking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 445

You deserved it 8 080

By sadsexer23 - 16/02/2010 03:10 - United States

Spicy

Today, I took my girlfriends virginity and had given it my all. When I had finished, sweating and tired, I looked down at her and smiled, obviously pleased with myself. She looked up at me and said, "Wait, was that it?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 600

You deserved it 6 622

By jibberish - 22/11/2009 00:15 - United States

Today, I woke up after drunkenly hooking up with a girl who was really into Twilight. I felt bruises on the lower end of my neck and so I went to the mirror and checked it out. She bit me, 5 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 667

You deserved it 38 911

By Romantic - 15/01/2010 08:33 - United States

Today, I came home from a long day at work to find a path of rose pedals from the front door. Gasping with surprise, I followed it past the living room... past the bedroom... into the kitchen, where there was a note that said "Friends coming over tonight, we need food, love you!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 114

You deserved it 4 132

By angry asthmatic - 22/12/2018 14:00 - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, we had an emergency lockdown in my gym class. As a result, we had to go into the boys' locker room, so naturally, it smelled like a fart in there. Some dumbass had a "brilliant" idea to spray a WHOLE FUCKING CAN OF AXE SPRAY in the locker room. I have asthma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 437

You deserved it 213

Not gonna happen

By how bout no! - 09/10/2020 17:01 - United States - Hesperia

Today, my boyfriend of 5 years said that he wants to marry and spend his life with me. But first he wants to go be wild and single for a few years before settling down. Not only does he not see a problem with this, he expects me to wait and be faithful to him while he “gets it out of his system”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 613

You deserved it 106

By Anonymous - 01/05/2013 15:55 - United States

Today, my mom asked me what a MILF is. Apparently that's her nickname at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 833

You deserved it 4 527

By Username - 21/03/2012 17:10 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my boss recognized my shoes under the stall wall and had a conversation with me while we were both taking a dump. I had severe diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 327

You deserved it 2 336

By boss_daughter - 20/05/2015 12:03 - United States

Today, while we were at a work party, I noticed a drunk lady in the mix. I pointed out to my boss how dumb she looked. It was his daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 522

You deserved it 14 179

By Anonymous - 25/09/2014 15:52 - United States - Red Oak

Today, as I was opening the door for my boyfriend, I pressed my boobs against the glass to make him laugh. I didn't see his dad standing just behind him at first, but he certainly saw me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 317

You deserved it 10 869

By Stupendous_ - 03/12/2012 07:17 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, while visiting my widowed great aunt, she took out her wedding rings and talked about the love she and my uncle had. Smiling, I told her that one day I hope to have as happy a marriage as theirs. Her response? "Knowing you, I wouldn't count on it." My mother sat there agreeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 372

You deserved it 2 532

By ThatGirl - 19/07/2012 15:30 - United States

Today, an idiot decided it would be fun to light up a firecracker in front of our house. It ended with firetrucks, a black yard, and yet somehow the weeds survived. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 472

You deserved it 2 187

By andi0804 - 05/08/2009 01:33 - United States

Today, it was my birthday. The only call I received was from my stalker, who sang happy birthday with a japanese accent and asked if he could be my "special present". FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 790

You deserved it 3 571

By Anonymous - 01/11/2014 05:47 - United States - Queen Creek

Today, I dressed up as my friend for Halloween. He has a very distinct style and I thought my costume was pretty clever. When he saw me, he said he had never been so offended in his entire life, and now I feel like a complete asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 485

You deserved it 16 497

Mixed messages

By mook - 15/07/2009 19:33 - United States

Today, my neighbor confessed to me that he was homophobic and regrets that his family doesn't know it. He spent fifteen minutes explaining how much he would hate to have a gay child. I spent two hours last night convincing his son that it was the right thing to tell his family he was gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 136

You deserved it 5 661

By my gran is a cuntwaffle - 26/09/2013 20:36 - United Kingdom

Today, my gran came over for dinner, for which I had to go grab some supplies from the supermarket. I guess I should have locked my laptop, because when I came back, I found my gran had used my Facebook account to propose to my now-ecstatic girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 457

You deserved it 6 392

By Anony Mous - 20/06/2010 23:37 - United States

Today, my boyfriend moved. I found out when I went over to surprise him with take-out food and he was pulling out of the driveway. He flipped me off as he drove past. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 689

You deserved it 4 820

By marsbar - 15/03/2009 05:07 - United States

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend and he was moving his hand from his thigh to my chest but on the way he sort of squeezed my stomach. When I asked him why he did that, he told me that "his fingers got stuck under my roll." FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 666

You deserved it 20 052

Liar, liar

By skanula414 - 31/12/2014 19:00 - Sweden - Malm?

Today, I found out my 7-year-old daughter really did lie about my husband's "other girlfriend" as revenge for being grounded, and that he never cheated on me at all. We're well into our divorce proceedings and he won't forgive me for not believing him when he denied it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 354

You deserved it 49 445

Sounds reasonable

By Anonymous - 08/08/2020 23:01

Spicy

Today, my husband refuses to have sex with me, ever since I told him I wanted to try for a baby. When I asked him why, he said it was because he likes lack of responsibility and money in the bank more than the thought of a screaming baby, no sleep and strong suicidal urges. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 131

You deserved it 1 695

By Anonymous - 28/10/2013 04:51 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I failed hard at a color test. I thought it was a joke because most of the colors looked the same to me. Now I know why people laugh at my clothes color choices. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 579

You deserved it 3 584

By Tang - 27/02/2017 08:00 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I asked my boyfriend why he wasn't on Facebook for the last two days. It turned out his father found out we were talking, and banned him from logging on. He's 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 798

You deserved it 549

Had any calls lately?

By Anonymous - 17/10/2019 06:00

Today, I noticed that all 200 remaining business cards out of the 500 that I had made have the wrong phone number on them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 776

You deserved it 1 299

By humanalarmclock - 21/05/2010 04:40 - United States

Today, I realized my boyfriend only asks me to come spend the night when he needs me to wake him up in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 341

You deserved it 3 980

Don't bring your lovelife into the workplace

By Anonymous - 28/06/2021 04:01

Spicy

Today, and for a while, we've known our coworker was cheating on her husband. The issue is it's affecting everyone at work, even my boss doesn't know what to do. Can't fire her, because we have no one to replace her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 942

You deserved it 186

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Monday 13 July 2015 18:46

Report to HR?

SammieIsabella 15

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Monday 13 July 2015 18:48

If the company can afford to send them on a retreat and an expensive bottle of wine, then they can afford to pay you for your work there. Go to HR and explain the situation. If they don't do anything, go above their head.

Comments

Send a private message

Monday 13 July 2015 18:46

Report to HR?

Send a private message

Tuesday 14 July 2015 5:27

In an ideal world, that would be an effective and appropriate response. But in the real world, publicly shaming the company on Facebook would probably get better results. Even if you get fired, the publicity is another jewel in your resume to attract an employer who actually has a moral compass.

Send a private message

Tuesday 14 July 2015 5:30

...or, at the very least, it would be much more entertaining for the rest of us.

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Monday 13 July 2015 18:48

Corporate scumbags. I'm sorry OP

SammieIsabella 15

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Monday 13 July 2015 18:48

If the company can afford to send them on a retreat and an expensive bottle of wine, then they can afford to pay you for your work there. Go to HR and explain the situation. If they don't do anything, go above their head.

_Heisenberg__ 15

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Monday 13 July 2015 18:48

Find the bottle of wine and dump it on those assholes

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Monday 13 July 2015 23:39

... or just drink it.

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Tuesday 14 July 2015 4:24

Why not both?

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Tuesday 14 July 2015 5:38

Wasting an $1,800 bottle of wine on an asshole? Heresy!

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Tuesday 14 July 2015 10:12

some people just wanna watch the world burn

XBurytheCastleX 25

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Monday 13 July 2015 18:48

Well, give their offices a makeover while they are gone. Wink wink

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Monday 13 July 2015 18:48

What a bunch of assholes

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Monday 13 July 2015 18:49

Take the wine and quit.

teapotrevolt 27

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Monday 13 July 2015 19:06

I don't think you quite understand. There is no wine at this point.

LoverWordsFood 27

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Monday 13 July 2015 18:53

I would suggest to go to HR and talk to them about it. If that doesn't work, I would go through pros and cons for working at this company and if you can afford to be without them. That's just a really shitty situation to go through and figure out how to approach HR about this. This sounds similar to a friend of mine and they just ended up quitting and going somewhere else since no one cared.

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Monday 13 July 2015 18:57

American Capitalism at its best and brightest.

LuckBeNimble 19

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Monday 13 July 2015 19:00

Capitalism in general. especially considering OP is from Australia.

MyNameIsLaughter 18

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Monday 13 July 2015 19:01

I wasn't aware that Australia was in America

DaRito 25

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Monday 13 July 2015 19:33

Hmm, a few bad bosses, let's blame capitalism. You know they're still required by law to pay him, even in a capitalist society, right?

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Monday 13 July 2015 20:12

Yea cuz that socialism is working great - right Greece?

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Monday 13 July 2015 21:21

Oh, fuck, I'm stupid ._.

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Monday 13 July 2015 22:37

happens to everyone haha

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Tuesday 14 July 2015 5:39

At least you know it! Ha ha! XD

MyNameIsLaughter 18

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Monday 13 July 2015 19:00

Well, now you know where the money they "can't afford" to give you is going

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Tuesday 14 July 2015 1:47

I was gonna say that. They certainly have their priorities straight.

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29

You deserved it 3

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27

You deserved it 1

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 958

You deserved it 128

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 232

You deserved it 298